Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

Episodes

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Nov 9, 2021 • 53min

17. “I think he should pay for everything because he’s the man”

Monique is very open with what she wants in a relationship. “I always expected that fairytale love, the guy pays for everything, the guy opens the door, the guy waits to kiss me at the end of the night...”But her boyfriend, Pablo, disagrees. He feels taken advantage of. He shares the story of Monique ordering a $10 soup in a restaurant when he wasn’t even eating, then both of them staring at the bill to see who would pay for it.Their beliefs come from their upbringing and very specific personal experiences. For Monique, she believes Pablo should pay because of how she was raised. At one point, she says it’s his job to pursue her. Pablo wants to split things “fairly” down the middle, saying he wants a “partner.”Their opposing money lenses lead to awkward exchanges at restaurants when the check arrives. For Monique, him paying for a $10 soup is symbolic of being “taken care of.” Pablo doesn’t think it’s fair. He says he would prefer she did the “fake check dance” before he steps up to “be the gentleman.”How many invisible scripts can you spot? What does your reaction to the situation say about your relationship with money?  I walked into this episode pretty confident about what would happen. I was wrong.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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Nov 2, 2021 • 53min

16. “We’re worth $8 million but I comparison shop for strawberries”

When Chris shops for food online, he compares the cost of almond milk and strawberries to save a few dollars. He spends hours agonizing over the most economical flight routes. He even stopped and picked up a used stroller from someone’s driveway.Chris and his wife Amy have a net worth of $8 million.Their friends call them cheap. They prefer to identify as "money hackers” and have lots of reasons why they behave the way they do. But even with their explanations, they’re not happy with how they’re using money to live a Rich Life.Chris and Amy are optimizers. They optimize points and options, a normal part of the tech culture in which they work. There’s just one problem: It’s making them unhappy!Imagine a world where Chris and Amy didn't have to put price first. Imagine a scenario where they could start with the kind of magical experience they wanted to create -- and use money to make it happen.As you listen, it’s easy to roll your eyes at the amounts of money being discussed. Resist that temptation. Amy and Chris have given us a gift by being so open with their finances and their challenges. I love today's episode because it shows you that if you have money issues today, It's very likely you're going to have the exact same money issues later at a million dollars or 5 million or yes, $8 million.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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Oct 26, 2021 • 50min

15. “I have a $1 million trust fund and I’m scared to spend money on food”

Andy and Kate bring in $200,000 a year and live rent free. Andy feels bad about money every day. His partner, Kate, says she wants to work as a financial team, but she walks on eggshells. Andy wants to make her happy, but he has a poor relationship with money.And that’s not all. Andy has $1.1 million dollars in a trust fund, managed by a financial advisor, and he still has holes in his shoes. I asked them, “Do you want to turn 65, have $10 million, and still worry about getting dessert?”Andy will have to decide if he’s going to let his old money stories determine the next 50 years of his life. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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Oct 19, 2021 • 44min

14. “I hide my spending from my husband”

Meet Chuck and Mary. With a household income of $450,000 a year, they’re wealthy, but they’re not living A Rich Life. Mary spends money--in secret -- and feels judged when she makes “frivolous” designer bag purchases. Meanwhile, Chuck feels he can’t invest in a personal trainer. Their backstory is revealing.Mary grew up in a large family in Argentina where a bottle of Coca-Cola was an indulgence. When she made it to the States, she never wanted to feel deprived again. Suddenly, her spending takes on a new dimension. To her, a Chanel bag is more than just a bag.They have the money, yet they lack a shared plan. To create a Rich Life, they’ll have to dig into each other’s money clues.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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Oct 12, 2021 • 51min

13. “I’m dumb with money and he’s making me feel worse”

A few years ago, Adam spent nine months aggressively paying off $75,000 in debt. He loved it. It gave him a purpose and he was happy to work seven days a week to pay it off quickly.His girlfriend, Elizabeth, has debt, but she isn’t excited by paying it off. Instead, she feels trapped, describing herself as “dumb” with money. (Notice the words she uses to describe herself and her debt: “disgusting,” “bad,” and “stupid.”)Adam’s aggressive approach of constantly talking about money isn’t working. Even though he wants to help, she craves emotional security and support. At one point, as Adam is about to go into yet another long monologue, I cut him off. Sometimes, what worked for you doesn’t work for your partner. Listen in to hear how Adam and Elizabeth navigate their Rich Life.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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4 snips
Oct 5, 2021 • 52min

12. "My husband won't talk about money with me"

Laura came to me frustrated about their bathroom. She wants to renovate it, but Greg isn’t interested. In fact, he doesn’t really want to talk about money at all.For Laura and Greg, life is “fine.” They’re running on cruise control, earning a good income, saving a little, and not investing in anything other than a house. But Laura wants more than a “fine” life.When Laura says this out loud, Greg’s response is: “Well, it depends, right?”Greg is resistant to change. He’s skeptical about investing, about renovating, about travel. When I ask him what he really wants to do, he has no idea. He won’t engage. How would you handle money in your relationship if your partner didn’t want to talk about it? What if your partner had lost the ability to dream and simply wanted to “play small?”Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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Sep 28, 2021 • 40min

11. “My wife wants to quit her job but I’m worried about money”

Nicole and John have already won the money game. Combined, they bring in $650,000 a year. But it's not an even split. Nicole currently earns $150,000 and would like to leave her stable job to create a startup. John feels this gamble has not been discussed at length. They keep talking about “having the conversation,” but they never do.Both complain that they’re not feeling appreciated. John yearns for acts of service from Nicole. Nicole feels like her contribution is never enough. (You will frequently hear the lower earner talk repeatedly about “contributing” to the relationship.) Listen as this anxiety slowly bubbles to the surface. On John's side, the growing pile of money in his bank account is making him more paranoid than ever before. He worries he could lose it all -- like what happened when he was younger. The fear runs so deep, he doesn't even believe me when I use math to demonstrate they will be more than fine for the rest of their lives.On paper, Nicole and John have a rich life, but they're not fleshing it out together because of their fears, insecurities, and lack of communication. Listen in as I nudge them towards a Rich Life.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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Sep 21, 2021 • 46min

10. “Money is overwhelming so we find instant gratification elsewhere”

Jacques and Jennifer are stuck in a money rut. They are trapped by their $40,000 debt. Jennifer feels overwhelmed with money talk, and Jaques doesn't want to say no to his wife. When he comes home from work, they’re both tired, so they order takeout, overspend...and repeat the cycle.This isn't a math problem. It runs way deeper into their money identity and sense of self. Jacques grew up in a poor household and was always told no, so he'll do anything not to feel that way again. As a stay-at-home mom, Jennifer feels the money is "his," so she finds control and comfort in food. Suddenly, all of these restaurant trips and takeout receipts are starting to make more sense. The relationship between food and finance is a tricky one to navigate. Then I ask about their Rich Life. Listen to how vague they are about their future financial goals. When you've got a large debt that seems insurmountable, it’s hard to look ahead.But I think there’s a way to get them to take ownership of their money.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.Produced by Crate Media.
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Sep 14, 2021 • 43min

9. “I hid thousands of dollars of credit card debt from my husband”

Jordan wasn't raised to talk about money. She constantly saw her mom withhold money matters from her dad, and now, history is repeating itself. Jordan has hidden her debt from her husband, Dan, twice. He feels violated. This is not the kind of thing you do when you're saving for a down payment on a house and building a family. He needs the problem not to happen again.Before talking this out with me, neither realized they were on the verge of a relationship breakdown. Most people don't truly appreciate the consequences of their actions. They run away from their problems and shove important issues under the rug. Jordan thought she could fix this alone, but her mom wiped out her debt the first time around (it takes her a while to drop that bombshell), and she's still learning how to talk about finances openly after growing up with a money code of shame and secrets.Listen to their initial money visions. They're as imaginative as a cardboard box. There are lofty visions of "travel" and "a kid," but no specifics. Nothing to get excited about. No wonder why they aren't investing or saving together.Tune in to hear how I coax out the clues from them -- and offer them a vision of where to go next.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.
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8 snips
Sep 7, 2021 • 45min

8. “My wife is spending too much money”

Natalia prioritizes experiences over finances. She doesn’t want to miss out on life, so if she wants to visit her family, she doesn’t wait to check their budget -- she gets on a plane. Andres, on the other hand, worries about money. He remembers growing up without money and doesn't want to go back there again. He's pushing to save, invest, and anticipate what's coming around the corner – especially now that they have a son. They’ve both become used to only talking about money in the heat of the moment. Because of their different perspectives on money, they’ve adopted roles in their relationship: Natalia says she’s the overspender, while Andres is the worrier who tries to tamp down on spending.This is a classic push and pull role you see in so many couples. But as I dig in, you’ll discover some fascinating reasons behind the roles they’ve given themselves.Listen as I flip the switch on Andres's approach to the conversation he's having with Natalia. What if "we can't afford to go away" turned to "what trips would you like to plan for the future?" What if money planning was part of a planned conversation instead of a heated clash? What if talking about money was based on possibility instead of scarcity? Listen in to this conversation with Natalia and Andres.Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

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