The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

This is another great podcast, and our first one around sexuality, especially as it pertains to men (women’s sexuality coming in the next episode). David and I explore my own challenges and triumphs and what’s going on in the male mind when it comes to getting stuck around “performing” in the bedroom. You’ll dig it. SHOWNOTES: Intro to David Cates [1:16] Start of the interview [4:00] How Jayson reached out to David when he was struggling sexually [5:25] Men stuck in the “performance game” [8:05] Your Cock is a Barometer. Learn to trust it [9:04] What performance-based sex looks like  [14:45] A hallmark of fully mature sex [16:00] Where to start developing a mature sex life [18:58] Sexual pain is just a signal for attention [21:00] When porn becomes a problem [24:00] What to do when given the advice “just have sex” [27:55] Partner Intimacy Practice 31:30] How to do your deep breathing in the practice [38:33] How to touch each other in the practice [40:00] What about performance anxiety for women? [42:56] Finding the right pace – and getting unstuck from your habits [46:34] Rediscovering your heart in your sex life [49:00] Giving yourself permission to be who you are in the bedroom [54:00] The one thing a listener could take from David Cates [56:20]

Can plant medicine such as Ayahuasca help our marriages? In this episode I interview two very experienced guests who have both done over 500 ceremonies with this sacred medicine. We dive deep into this question, highlighting Ayahuasca’s strengths as a healing modality and where this medicine may fall short when it comes to interpersonal relationships. SHOWNOTES: Jayson’s early Ayahuasca experiences [2:30] Intro to Geoff Hanzlik [4:50] Intro to Richard Furr [5:45] Beginning of interview [6:50] Geoff shares how early depression lead him to Ayahuasca [8:40] Richard shares how he entered the Ayahuasca path [11:35] What exactly is Ayahuasca? [14:20] Potential dangers and downsides of Ayahuasca [17:35] Can this medicine “make you more sensitive”? [22:45] Is group processing needed before and after ceremonies?  [25:00] Bringing therapy into the conversation [26:00] The greatest thing the medicine taught Jayson [28:50] Does Ayahuasca help with our intimate relationships? [30:55] How would one use Ayahuasca to help their relationship life? [39:30] Richard helps those struggling to integrate their Ayahuasca experience [44:15] Inner depth healing vs. developing relational skills – [48:00] Ayahuasca is not a ‘quick fix’ [51:10] “This isn’t a ‘dabblers’ path” [54:50] Richard shares the dangers of pushing Ayahuasca on others [1:00:00] How are relational dynamics addressed in spiritual communities? [1:05:00]

In this episode Jayson fields a bunch of great questions from listeners like you. Here are a few of the edited questions: Do you work with people who are actively having an affair and want to continue it? How do I deal with a partner who refuses to do the work? What do I do when I fall out of love with my partner? How can I feel sexually empowered in a relationship when my partner lacks both the desire to have sex and the desire to talk about it? How do I deal with the loss of my partner? How do I tell someone what I need in a way that doesn’t shame them or make them wrong? How do I work through conflict when my partner is stuck in denial?

Can MDMA help our relationships if we do this in a legit way? I explore this question with Dr Vanderveer and we zero in on some key factors if you want to improve your marriage or relationship life using medicine such as MDMA. SHOWNOTES  Jayson shares his own experiences with MDMA – [1:50] The Low-Down on MDMA trials [4:55] Who is MDMA for? [6:20] What a MDMA-assisted psychotherapy session looks like [8:28] “There’s something really warm and cozy about that” [10:50] Why use MDMA? -Tapping into shared humanity. [13:22] Why does traditional therapy often fall short? [14:45] The importance of integration and structured therapy with MDMA [18:55] Jayson’s MDMA use in college [20:40] Learning to use MDMA safely [24:00] The “Quality”Problems that MDMA-assisted-therapy brings [35:55] Jayson’s experience of a facilitated MDMA session [38:05] Integrating these experiences into your relationships [40:30] “The context is everything” [44:15] State-Changes vs Trait-Changes [45:30] The future of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy [53:10]

Man is this guy a force! I dive into a vibrant conversation with integral-psychotherapist and writer Dr. Keith Witt.  Topics range from growth, depression, working with shadow, evolutionary drivers, marriage, parenting and much more.  Bring a notepad for this one! And, get the rewind button ready… SHOWNOTES: Everything is relationships [2:33] Rediscovering monogamy [4:20] How to “make it” in long term relationship [5:05] Getting aligned in your growth [6:15] Causes and cures of depression [8:40] Different kinds of shadow [9:55] The two characteristics of humans in relationships [12:43] Understanding our kids’ motivations [16:45] The  Three Evolutionary  ‘drivers’ in relationship (and pitfalls) [18;09] Integral Mindfulness in relationships. [22:54] Relationships and Kids – and tackling the challenges of it [26:13] The transition to middle age [28:37] What Keith Witt does in his relationships – “Romantic Fridays”  [30:24] The ‘evolution’ of our empathy [36:30] The necessity of shame [39:30] Secure attachment explained [47:15] Developing mindfulness – learn to self observe [53:37] Final Advice from Keith Witt [01:01:30]

People don’t trust you when you are misaligned. You say you’re “fine” but really you feel angry. Or you say “I love you” but your body language is saying something different. This causes people to pull back from you. The more congruent someone is the more trustworthy they are. We get really pissed when our partner is out of alignment. In fact, we even resent them over time. But that is often a reflection of our own misalignment. In This episode you will learn: Dealing with the ‘I’m Fine’ moment – Unlearning incongruency [1:33] Alignment in your marriage and work [6:00] Being ‘on the path’ to alignment [9:10] Tool: Sharing the Impact of non-alignment [10:07]  

This episode is key for millennials who are about to get married. Too many people skip this conversation prior to marriage. IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn: How to tell the difference between honesty and reckless honesty. The three criteria of honest communication How to offer honesty without being critical. One question to ask before saying anything ‘honest’  How honest communication without shaming can move your relationship forward Learning to receive feedback well The 4 conversations every unmarried couple needs to have (16:45) How to create space for honest feedback Dealing with arguments and conflict in an effective way Knowing when and when not to seek professional help How to have the ‘money’ conversation, especially for young people Keeping things fresh and alive for the long-term The importance of being friends with other couples

Affairs are so intense. When I was 20 or so I cheated on my girlfriend. When I was 32 or so I had an emotional affair. In this episode I share more about what I learned about myself during those and then I discuss why so many affairs happen and what you can do about it. IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn: how to deal with tears and anger in the fire of an affair how to move past an affair with the learning and insight how to move from an affair onto a path of personal development and growth how to see yourself differently in what may lead to an affair how to recognize the “victim” mentality and re-empower yourself how fear plays a crucial role in causing an affair why coming back into your heart is essential to preventing an affair about effective methods for dealing with affairs

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn: To see your partner as a sacred mirror and sanctuary for the growing your greatest actualized self The true characteristics of a long-term partnership How your partnership is the optimal container for complete transformation of yourself into the highest possible version imaginable How to fall in love and why this is more important than being married How to take radical responsibility for being loved in every moment of your life How to actually get your needs/wants met in a partnership How to know if conflict in your relationship is driving you toward or away from more magnificence There’s a ton in this episode so dive in and go slow. You will also want to check out Annie’s blog post “Should I stay or Should I Go?” And, Here’s a great question from Annie to ask yourself if you are trying to decide to stay or leave: Is the person I’m being called to become by what my partner’s asking me to become (if you take on the growth-development framework), will you become a more extraordinary version of yourself? If who they are asking you to become is a constricted, small, tight version of you, then this is probably not the person you want to be with. However, if you identify as the smaller version of you, then, you are going to hear your partner’s feedback as criticism and blame and might make them wrong in the process. So, pay attention to these finer points.    

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn: The importance of recognizing conditioning and seeing its role in shaping a more mature relationship Why knowing your past experiences and stories can re-empower your relationships How to differentiate between healthy shame and unhealthy shame and how they play a crucial role in functional marriages How recognizing stages of an evolving relationship can help you better connect with your partner How to get to being centered and truly connected with your partner without sacrificing independence About the key importance of vulnerability in a marriage About the heart of really deep and truly fulfilling sex And check out these four stages of relationship. We explore these in the episode. 1. Me-centered 2. We-centered codependent 3. We-centered co-independent 4. Being-centered I had a lot of fun with this one. These two “get” long term relationship and what’s required to go the distance. They also know a great deal about shame, blame, and how to get over it by going to the next stage in your relationship. Robert also supports the power of men facing their own BS and his new book “To Be A Man” is going to be worth the read for the men out there. Note, our call got “dropped” by skype at one point so you’ll notice the sound quality change a bit. Just a heads up.