The Art of Charm

In today’s episode, we cover healthy relationships and finding the right partner with Dr Yael. Dr Yael is a licensed clinical psychologist, assistant professor at Brown University, and writer about parenting, work, and relationships. A healthy relationship takes work, but how do you know what relationships are worth the work, is moving in together a good test for the relationship, and how do you reignite passion in a relationship? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 Why did Dr Yael Schonbrun take the Art of Charm Unstoppable program? What is the trap many of us fall into in the modern dating world and why are we making it harder to find healthy relationships? Value based dating and moving in together – 13:00 What questions can you ask to figure out what you want to get out of dating? What mindset do you need to avoid if you’re thinking about moving in with someone you’re dating? What signs should you look out for when thinking about moving in with someone? Looking beyond lust for red flags – 30:40 How should you think about lust when you’re actively dating? Reigniting passion in a relationship – 44:40 What is the foundation for passion in romantic relationships and what can you do to reintroduce it? What is the evolutionary need for novelty in romantic relationships? How do you know when a relationship is worth ending? Your relationships require the same work we put into everything else in life. If we go about life acting as if those relationships will always be there, we are bound to lose them. Why should they invest time in us if we’re not willing to invest in them? The first step in developing healthy relationships is making that commitment to invest and following through. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode Dr. Yael Schonbrun’s website Unstoppable Coaching Program Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover what we learned in 2021. 2021 was a wild ride for everyone, so let’s take a moment to reflect on what we’ve learned, overcome, and how far we’ve come. What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What was the most powerful takeaway for negotiating we heard from our guests? What simple and effective strategy can you use to make healthy habits much easier to adopt? Asking for help doesn’t need to be hard – 20:00 What simple mental switch can you flip to make asking for help a positive experience for both people? What proven strategies can you use to better manage your anxiety on a daily basis? Why is the pursuit of balance the wrong goal to chase if you want to be successful? How do AJ and Johnny decide how to interview each guest – 37:01 What can you do to prepare a solid interview experience for anyone you have on a podcast? What have AJ, Johnny, and coach Michael done and learned over the last year and what can you take away from their lessons? The podcast has had some amazing guests over the last year. Let’s take a minute to highlight all the game changing tips, tricks, and strategies we’ve learned in 2021. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode Victoria Medvec | Master Negotiation By Avoiding These 3 Traps Katy Milkman | Eliminate Unhealthy Habits Today with 3 Scientifically Proven Strategies Dr. Caroline Leaf | The Secret to Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess & 5 Steps to Healing Grief Joe Navarro | Become an Exceptional Communicator by Mastering These 5 Traits Tim Grover | Achieve Superhuman Focus by Annihilating Distractions Erica Dhawan | Communicate Powerfully by Mastering Digital Body Language Carey Nieuwhof | Incredible Productivity and Never Burn Out Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover the art of gift giving with John Ruhlin. John Ruhlin is the founder and CEO of Ruhlin Group, the master of building businesses by giving gifts, and the author of Giftology: The Art and Science of Using Gifts to Cut Through the Noise, Increase Referrals, and Strengthen Retention. Giving the right gift can radically strengthen any personal or business relationship, but what questions should you ask when thinking about the right gift for someone, what gifts should you avoid at all cost, and when is the right time to give a gift? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 Who do people often overlook when it comes to building and maintaining relationships? What can you do to make gift giving feel less like a transaction and more like a natural part of relationship building? How can you make gift giving a game changer for all of your personal and professional relationships? The secret to giving gifts that change your life – 13:17 How much money should you set aside for giving gifts every year and why do you need to plan for it? What is the ultimate recipe for gift giving and what should you think about when giving gifts? Examples of business changing gifts – 26:23 What crucial questions should you think about when personalizing a gift for someone? How should you start giving gifts if it’s not something you’re used to doing? What types of gifts should you never send? Tips for personal gift giving – 45:36 What gifts can you give to deepen your personal relationships? The right gift can change someone’s life and create a memory that will last forever. But how can you figure out what that gift might be? For one, it must be meaningful to the receiver, and what things in a person’s life are likely to be the most meaningful? In many cases, it’s our values and our families, so think about how you might personalize an item that person uses or sees everyday and incorporate something related to their values or family. An example? How about a knife set in which each knife is engraved with a different favorite quote of theirs. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode The Top 10 Gifts You Should NEVER Give John Ruhlin’s website Giftology website Giftology: The Art and Science of Using Gifts to Cut Through the Noise, Increase Referrals, and Strengthen Retention by Josh Ruhlin Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover moving to a new city with AJ, Johnny, and Michael. Moving to a new city can often feel like a scary or intimidating life event, but it doesn’t have to—so why does moving feel like a bad thing, what can you do to look at moving as an exciting opportunity, and what can you do to make sure you live a fulfilling life no matter where you go? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What should you NOT do if you want to create a new life when moving to a new city? What can you do to meet new people in a city before you move there? Third Place: what is it and why do we need it? – 11:41 What is the “third place” and why is it important for the health and strength of every community and its residents? What is the most important factor in a communal meeting place within your community? How to find (or create) your third place – 21:56 What easy exercise can you do today to find a great place to meet new people who share your interests and are open to meeting new people? Where can you look to experience your city from a different perspective that makes it easy to meet new people? Meeting people made easy – 36:40 Why is it important to have missions in life and what missions can you give yourself with to make it easy to build a social circle anywhere in the world? Moving to a new city can be scary when you don’t know anyone there, but it doesn’t have to be. There are several things you can do to make the process of building a social circle or professional network from scratch easy. Start by making a list of hobbies or interests you enjoy and look for opportunities to engage in those activities in the city you’re moving to. Be sure to grab a copy of our Move To A New City Checklist: https://theartofcharm.com/newcity A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode The Great Good Place: Cafes, Coffee Shops, Bookstores, Bars, Hair Salons, and Other Hangouts at the Heart of a Community by Ray Oldenburg Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover self-compassion with Dr Kristin Neff. Kristin received her doctorate from the University of California at Berkeley, is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, and is releasing her new book Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive. Self-compassion is the key to stop your inner critic in its tracks, but what is self-compassion, why is it important to be happy, and what can you do to develop a strong sense of self-compassion? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What are the three elements of self-compassion and how can you use self-compassion to improve your daily life? What are the warning signs you need self-compassion and what ways can you apply self-compassion? Why is it easier to show compassion toward others and not ourselves? Exercises to Strengthen Self-Compassion – 18:22 What simple exercises can you use right now to show yourself more compassion and stop being so hard on yourself? What can you do to work on mindfulness? Setting and Maintaining Boundaries – 27:10 Why are boundaries important in developing your self-compassion? How can you set boundaries and learn how to say no while showing compassion and self-compassion? Perfectionism and Self-Compassion – 39:00 What can you do to manage your perfectionism with self-compassion so you can stop beating yourself up over mistakes and failures? If you struggle with accepting your mistakes and failures, self-compassion is your key to developing a healthy relationship with your imperfect self. We all make mistakes, but for some reason we are much better at showing compassion to the people we care about than ourselves. Cultivating a practice of self-compassion can change that and allow you to be kind to yourself while still pushing yourself to keep improving. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode Dr Kristin Neff’s website Fierce Self-Compassion by Dr Kristin Neff Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover the pursuit of meaning with Paul Bloom. Paul is Professor of Psychology at the University of Toronto, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at Yale University, is the author of six books including his newest book, The Sweet Spot: The Pleasures of Suffering and the Search for Meaning. The pursuit of meaning is often overshadowed by the pursuit of happiness, but which one is more important to living a fulfilling life, how are suffering, meaning, and happiness related, and what steps can you take to pursue meaning in your life? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 How does science define suffering and why is some good while some is bad? Why do we seek out sorrow, suffering, and pain in experiences like spicy food, roller coasters, scary movies, etc? Pursuit of Happiness vs Pursuit of Meaning – 11:40 How does pain lead to an increased sense of meaning in life? How does money influence our suffering and happiness? Why are people in rich countries generally happy while people in poor countries have more meaning in life? What can you do to help your children understand the difference between happiness and meaning in life? A fulfilling existence is not just about positive feelings – 31:56 Why is it important to embrace painful experiences on a regular basis? How can you find meaning in life without thinking about it or intentionally seeking it out? Is there a link between chasing prestige, status, and meaning? What is the difference between pursuing pleasure and pursuing meaning? How can anxiety prevent you from finding meaning in life and what can you do to overcome it? It is unfortunate that we put so much effort into avoiding pain, discomfort, and suffering. It is understandable from a short term perspective because it is natural for anything that feels pain to avoid things that cause pain. But it is the pain, discomfort, and suffering in our lives that leads to us learning and becoming stronger, wiser, more competent humans. This is not to say you should go outside and break your arm, but that pain is inevitable, and if we can learn to embrace it and work through it, those efforts will pay off much more in the long run than simply trying to be comfortable and safe as much as possible. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode The Sweet Spot: The Pleasures of Suffering and the Search for Meaning Paul Bloom’s website Paul Bloom on Twitter Master Your Mindset with David Goggings | AoC Podcast Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover how to change with Katy Milkman. Katy is a professor at The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, host of Charles Schwab’s popular behavioral economics podcast Choiceology, and the former president of the international Society for Judgment and Decision Making. Making long lasting changes in our behavior can be difficult, so what mindsets help us to make changes, what can you do to overcome low confidence when making big changes, and how do you overcome procrastination so you don’t keep putting off the life you want? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What mindsets are best suited to achieving long lasting results when attempting to change something about yourself? Overcoming low confidence when making big changes – 14:00 What can you do if you don’t feel confident in your ability to improve yourself or make a big change in your life? What can you do to create accountability in you and your friends’ lives? What simple and powerful tip can you implement to make hard habits easier to form? Strategies for overcoming procrastination – 25:00 What strategies can you implement to overcome procrastination? How can you set up your life so it makes it easier for you to make better decisions for yourself? It’s not easy to make long-lasting improvements in our lives. Fortunately, there is plenty of science to show us different ways to make those improvements easier, whether it’s relying on friends for accountability, associating the behavior change with a positive activity you enjoy, or even different ways of punishing yourself for not following through with your commitments. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode Katy Milkman’s website How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Katy Milkman Stickk website Beeminder website Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover social media’s impact on mental health with Dr Brian Primack. Brian is the dean of the College of Education and Health Professions at the University of Arkansas, the professor of public health and medicine, and is the author of You Are What You Click: How Being Selective, Positive, and Creative Can Transform Your Social Media Experience. Science is showing us that social media use in any dose can have detrimental effects on our mental health, so what can we do to ensure we have a positive experience on social media and protect ourselves and those we care about its effects? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What amount of social media use won’t increase the risk for mental health issues? Social Media vs Traditional Media – 11:37 What does “You are what you click” mean? How are social media algorithms working against your mental health and what can you do about it? What are the two things we can control while using social media that limit the harm it does to us? Do different platforms have different impacts? – 21:47 Does the number of social media platforms you use impact your risk for mental health issues? What can you do to have a positive experience on social media so you’re not negatively impacting your mental health every time you log in? How much impact does social media use have on your quality of sleep and what can you do about it? The damage of constantly comparing yourself to others – 31:00 Why is it bad for you to constantly be looking at the highlight reels of other people's lives and what strategies can you use to overcome the harm? What effect do parasocial relationships have on your mental health? Social media, misinformation, and disinformation – 42:17 How do the algorithms used by social media lead to drastically different perceptions of who you know and the world around you? What can we do to guard our own mental health as well as the people we care about who aren’t aware of the dangers of social media use? The simplest way to prevent the harm done to us by social media use is to stop using social media altogether. But that’s easier said than done for many people, so what can you do if eliminating social media from your life isn’t feasible? A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode You Are What You Click by Brian Primack Brian Primack’s website You Are What You Click Personality Quiz Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover changing ourselves and others with Peter Bregman. Peter blends his deep expertise in business, leadership, and people to deliver quantifiable results in business, professional, and personal development, and is the bestselling author and contributor of over 18 books, including his newest book, You CAN Change Other People: The Four Steps to Help Your Colleagues, Employees—Even Family—Up Their Game. Changing other people is not easy, but there are steps we can take to make positive changes in other peoples’ lives and do so in a high value cooperative way, so why do people resist change so much, what are the four things anyone needs before they will change, and how do approach people about making a change without coming across as the critic or the bad guy? What to Listen For Why do we struggle so much trying to change people – 1:53 Why do we readily accept changes we make for ourselves but strongly resist changes that other people try to make for us? What is the most important skill you can develop as a leader in your organization? What are the misconceptions we have about changing ourselves and people around us? The 4 things people need before they’ll change – 8:30 What gets in the way of people making changes in their lives and how can we help them make the changes they want? What emotion do we experience that makes it so much harder for us to change? Strategies to manage emotions in high pressure situations – 30:31 How do you approach helping people improve themselves so you are viewed as a friend or ally rather than the enemy? Indicators of a thorough plan for implementing change – 46:13 What can you do to implement change in your organization if you are not yet in an official leadership position? Changing other people is not easy, and that’s a good thing. If it were easy to change other people, that would make it easy for other people to change you. As individuals, we cherish our autonomy. We value our ability to be ourselves and resist the changes other people want us to make. With that said, none of us is perfect and we all have areas in our lives that could be improved and make our lives better. But in order for us to be open to allowing other people to help change us, there are four things we need. Once we have all four, we can come up with a plan and be held accountable by someone other than ourselves. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode You Can Change Other People by Peter Bregman Bregman Partners website Peter Bregman on LinkedIn Peter Bregman on Twitter Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover toxic relationships with AJ, Johnny, and Michael. Toxic relationships can suck the joy and satisfaction out of our lives, so what can you do to recognize the toxic relationships in your life, what can you do to remove them, and what traits should you look for when bringing new people into your life? What to Listen For What makes a toxic person toxic – 0:00 What one question can you ask yourself to determine if someone in your life is toxic? What situations draw out toxic people in our lives and how can we recognize them when they show themselves? Identifying toxic people in your life – 11:49 What simple methods can you use to identify toxic relationships in your life? How can your own self-awareness help you recognize why you are surrounding yourself with certain people? What can you do to support friends and family who have different values than you? The 7 signs of toxic people – 22:44 What are the 3 ways toxic people will try to control you and stop you from pursuing your goals? What are 4 ways your generosity can be taken advantage of by toxic individuals? The 3 high value traits of non-toxic people – 51:03 What traits should you look for in potential friends and professional connections? Removing toxic people from your life – 54:54 What are 5 ways to remove toxic people from your life? Loneliness and toxic relationships have been on the rise over the last couple of decades. But what does it mean for a relationship to be toxic? The easiest way is to ask yourself, “Is this person taking away happiness or purpose from my life?” Now, no one is perfect so there might be moments when you feel that way about a person, but if you feel that way consistently about someone, it’s time to see if their behavior is on our list of 7 traits of toxic people and then determine how you want to handle it. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode The 7 Signs of Toxic People (Cheat Sheet) Michael Herold’s TEDx Talk Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices