Beat Your Genes Podcast

1. I am a 40-something male on the online/swipey app dating scene. I have had rotten luck and I am interested in whether turning off "read receipts" on WhatsApp is putting women off. I like the freedom that turning off "read receipts" gives me. At the same time I worry I am giving into my fears of rejection, possibly ego-trapping myself. Why does it feel empowering to turn off "read receipts" on WhatsApp and is this potentially putting off women who may think I have a hidden agenda? 2. I have found that my desire for sex has significantly declined. So, my question is: am I a freak of nature? Or is something else potentially going on that could be corrected? 3. I've been fixated on losing 7-10 more pounds for the last 2 years but the weight just does not come off. Is there something I could do to actually lose this weight? Or how can I convince my mind that this is it and just be happy about it? 4. I remember in high school being taught the concept of critical thinking skills. The more I enhance my knowledge of evolutionary psychology and see certain personality types on social media promote conspiracy theories, I believe teaching these concepts are limited. It appears critical thinking skills and questioning authenticity can be finessed for those with the personality type, but I no longer think it's a skill set that can be universally taught. Am I viewing this incorrectly as I come up-to-speed on EP? What other American school system skill sets cannot be universally taught due to our differences in personality types? 5. Why is it funny to us when we see animals doing silly things? 6. Why do people love to solo dance so much? 7. Why in the world would someone literally only want to be listened to?

In today's show, the Dr's answer these Q's: 1. Why do we root for under-dogs ? How do we get status from a group that contains perennial losers ? 2. My husband and I are both 30 and have been married 2 years. My husband really wants kids, but I'm nervous about his lazy habits when that day comes. My question is: will having kids force my husband to be more active? I'm worried he will still be a couch potato 10 years from now and won't be an active and engaged parent. 3. I've got a comment about episode 232 in which DDL says there is no unconditional love...while I agree with his response, it made me wonder why I would have feelings of unconditional love toward my dog who does not share my genes... 4. . I am curious if these leanings politically are inherent at the genetic level and what is the mechanism behind it? Is it just where we all far along the bell curves of our personality characteristic that make us all come to such different conclusions in spite of all being in the same environment? 5. On personality tests, I come out as high disagreeable. However, I absolutely cannot stand confrontation and have my whole life been a bit of a people pleaser. I grew up with narcissistic parents in an emotionally-volatile household where I took it upon myself to be the child that diffused tension and provided some comic relief. Did my upbringing disturb my genetic disagreeable streak? I am a conundrum unto myself. Please unravel me.

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle updates us on his thinking about the COVID-19 pandemic and current events surrounding lockdowns, death rates, and the future. Two questions are answered and they are: 1. Question about war - I am fascinated about how humans can band together in tribes and kill eachother. They also will battle eachother while having hospitals right there to treat the wounded. I can understand fighting over resources but these days it seems to be more over ideologies than that. Do you have any evolutionary insight into this? Couldn't this potentially be detrimental to gene and species survival? 2. Why we are more inclined to have High Expectations even when they make us fall into Ego Trap while we don't like to have Lower Expectations even if they help us. Is this due to social-cultural messaging or upbringing? Or something else is the cause?

1. I feel like I am in the process of losing my best friend. She has been trying to leave an emotionally abusive/narcissistic relationship with a much older man for a while. Of her own admission she has "no future" with this guy. Whenever I try to have this conversation with her, she freezes up and goes silent on me for weeks until she messages again with a complete change of topic. What would you do, doctors, if you were in my position? 2. I have a question regarding alien abductions. If mental illness is not to account for the feeling of being abducted by aliens, what are the doctor's takes on this strange phenomenon? 3. I've been struggling with mood swings/PMS my whole life now, however, they've gotten worse over the past few months since I seem to let out my frustration on my partner now. I'd really appreciate some tips on how to get along with my significant other during this special time and get some advice on how to not obsess over one's emotions. 4. What is the deal with anger management? I guess I'm in a situation where I feel very angry (and confident that I'm right) but it feels awful. Is time the only way to get over it? 5. I was glad to see Jordan Peterson is doing so much better after recovering from his physical dependency on benzodiazapines. I think many people were surprised he turned to benzos, given his knowledge as an Evolutionary Psychologist. Would you be able to explain what makes people desperate enough to seek anti-anxiety drugs and what could be done from an Evolutionary Psychology point of view instead to reduce stress and anxiety and avoid resorting to medication?

1. My 19 year old daughter confided in me that she and her friend joined a sugar baby website and has met an older man. I am her birthmother. We are in an "open adoption arrangement" I am 38, so younger than her mom and someone she confides in. No other adults know about this. Is this normal developmentally and I should just let it play out, or is this out of bounds, and I may need to intervene more assertively? 2. Is there any way to spot people on extreme ends of the bell curve by their appearance? Perhaps it has to do with sensitivity and some people could have an intuitive way of recognizing red flag characteristics, whether in physical structure/form or expression? Is there any validity or basis to this? An evolutionary explanation? 3. I keep noticing current references to "unconditional love." Some in "spiritual circles, some in philosophy, some in the news. People supposedly suddenly want new pets for the unconditional love they are missing in isolation. Taking Ketamine or psilocybin supposedly gives the subject a reference experience of Unconditional Love, so then they can go on to cultivate that perception and achieve a new state of consciousness. Etc. I have looked for a long time, and I have not yet found any "loving" (bonding, service, caring, sharing, etc.) without some kind of conditions behind it. And wouldn't loving-looking behavior be determined by the big 5, and not be altered by a transcendent experience? What does EP say about it? 4.Anyways, my husband and family members joke that I have an irrational fear of homelessness and logically I know it's unlikely that I will ever be homeless, but that doesn't stop me from worrying about it on a weekly basis. How does someone become homeless? And if in some imaginary reality you were charged with decreasing or eliminating homelessness by any means necessary, what would you do?

Today's questions: 1. I'm interested in the post-Corona calibration process many of us are likely going through or about to go through. I'd be interested to hear how this unique level of isolation we've all experienced leads to decalibration and then the process of recalibrating again. I am just now starting to "get back out there" and I get the sense that my nervous system is desperate for calibration while at the same time guarded against any potential bad news. What do you think, doctors? 2. I'm curious why it seems so many of us are programmed to want to push our kids to achieve if the long-term influence falls flat. 3. I am struggling to realize the last chapter of How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, where the author describes freedom from wanting to control others. I have a 29 year old brother who still lives with my mother. He was working before the pandemic, but is currently unemployed. He has made thousands of dollars a month but pays her nothing. He says she doesn't care and he is wanted. She says she doesn't mind other. In the past I have argued about why this relationship is bad for them both. I'm having a hard time why this situation makes me so angry, when really it is none of my business. I would love to "be free" of my concern, but it feels deeply concerning that from what I see my brother is exploiting my mother to avoid life and she is enabling him because she doesn't want to live alone. 4. When women write "family-oriented" on a dating profile is this code for "looking for man who will invest all of his resources into me and our potential children" and also "I'm vetting your current relationship with your mother as proof!"

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk start with a dating question and branch off to discuss the Repeat Exposure Effect along with a song performed by one of our listeners, Warren Tews (https://youtu.be/T7_BjA_M74A), the discussion turns towards "All about the Eggs" as Dr. Lisle describes the male mating strategy of "trying to get to the female's eggs" and the confusion (from the female) that can result from that. Included in the discussion is online dating strategies for women for pair bond success. Question: Dear Beat Your Genes team, From what I am hearing, as a female 10, I have practically no chance of ever pair-bonding with an objective male 10 (my equal). The best I can do is settle for a 9 with more/better resources than me (subjective 10), which can only be achieved via repeat exposure, correct? Needless to say, online dating is a nightmare, but offline I have not met/seen a man, who would make me feel overrewarded (or even remotely attracted) in more than 5 years (latest divorce). To aggravate the problem, I am also a sapiosexual. Any insights into how I can overcome this challenge are welcome. P.S. Dr. Howk is a hoot and makes a fantastic addition to the team. Can't wait to hear her laugh at my question.

In today's show, the Dr's discuss these questions: 1. Ive been following Geoffory Millers twitter during the past couple months and noticed that his worldview is trending to become a little more conservative and traditionalist in light of the unprecedented level of social conflict we are experiencing. This is something that resonates with me. Once I began to understand the principles of Evolutionary Psychology, I began to see the hidden wisdom in tradition. I notice that Dr. Lisle does not seem to place much value on traditional behaviours and I always thought this was curious. Can you ask him to speak to this? 2. What is the best way to deal with sadness of grief? Are there some basic things to do? Specifically, my mother died. She was old. It was time. I am still very sad and it has hit me harder than I expected. 3. Why is everyone so divided in today's climate? All the protests. Upset over wearing a mask. Politics. Media hype. I'm having a hard time just being me, being pressured to choose sides.

1. I have come to some confusion reconciling the Selfish Gene's central ideas and Plomin's description of genetics. The confusion though comes from trying to understand how the notion of self selective pressures at the individual gene level would be possible when so many traits of the phenotype are the result of the interaction of several genes within the genome. How can individual genes "compete" when each individual gene is reliant on how it "correlates(?)" with the rest of the genome. 2. Whenever I don't orgasm during sex, I feel guilty. This may be because I fake the orgasm. I am not sure whether this is my internal audience censuring me or whether I am simply empathising for my guileless husband. Or, maybe, something else. Why can't I be honest about my inorgasmia? I don't always have a problem orgasming but around half the time I fake it. It's not fun. What say you? 3. What would you recommend for a stay at home Mom who has two small children and is constrained by time and energy to pursue her individual goals? I am experiencing low mood on a regular basis and don't want to turn to medication. Overall, I don't have a strong sense of self-efficacy and feel like my best way forward is accepting my situation and letting go of personal goals for the foreseeable future. My husband and I are not in a financial position to use money as a way to provide child care or outsource other tasks. I wonder if I am going through a recalibration process of lowering my goals and expectations, which is the source of my low mood. Am I constrained by time and energy to not feel good until my children are more autonomous? 4. Why of why do many of us seek entertainment over sleep even though we're really tired? How could our minds possibly be so convinced that this is a worthwhile thing?

In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. I know you propose that personality is 100% genetically driven. But Dr. McDougall has shown that genes can be turned on and off by diet, and that even the DNA of twins may diverge over time if each twin is raised separately on different diets. Might the same thing be true of the genes behind our personalities? That certain genes could be switched on or off by environmental impacts. And if so, wouldn't that mean that nurture (along with nature) does in fact affect personality? 2. Though parents don't shape their children's personalities, that time at home can leave all sorts of lasting outcomes including anything along the spectrum of wonderful to terrible memories, respectful relationships or bitterness and resentment toward one another, great financial inheritance or debt, and generally, the set of examples and information made available or limited for the child can heavily influence their life choices and performance. After can't a child and emerging adult only work with the ideas they have available to them, and can't they get set into certain ruts of ideologies and perspectives including their religious beliefs? 3. I am sold on your lucid explanations of how behavioral genetics shapes personality. So doesn't if naturally follow that by going back in time to study differences between the ecological/ political /religious influences in different areas of the world throughout our history, that we can use these differences to speculate as to how these differences have shaped personality in different areas of the world. The question is, can you identify or speculate on historical factors that may explain statistical differences in personality between different peoples.