Beat Your Genes Podcast

In today's show, the Dr's discuss the following questions: 1. For the past 20 years I have been bewildered and somewhat dissappointed in how my ex-husband and two adult sons have been difficult to get along with and very dismissive of me, despite my huge efforts to forge a warm and close feeling among the 4 of us. No matter how hard I try, I keep getting rejection and sometimes even ridicule from these guys,even though none of us live together anymore. Now, finally, I realize that the problem maybe isn't me (ie. not a "good enough" mother or wife.) Perhaps it is in their personalities -- they would all score pretty high on the disagreeable bell curve while I am in the high 80's for agreeableness. So now what? Is there a different strategy I should take with these family members. Or should I just give up and head for the hills? I would appreciate any help. I love these people, but I don't enjoy being with them anymore. 2. You've talked about how people enjoy landscapes that indicate that safety, food, and water needs will be met. But why do people feel a sense of wonder and awe at the night sky, a newborn' s hand, or the Grand Canyon? Are these feelings related to religious experiences? Are there personality traits that would be more likely in people who have frequent experiences of awe and wonder?

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss some economics, politics, and this question from a listener: (Paraphrased due to original q length) Dear Dr's, I was recently laid off from my job and even though I'm collecting unemployment, I still want to get another job. I've applied for and received opportunities for jobs. One offer is to work for the police as an analyst but do I really want to work for an establishment that hauls people to jail for not wearing a mask? Another is a high tech job implementing 5G technology - I have strong opinions against 5G and think it needs more testing. I know 5G is coming whether I work on it or not, but I feel guilty putting my efforts toward it. I have the same sort of personal objections on the other offer. What the hell is wrong with me? I need the money and I need companionship. It is hard to get a job in this economy and I have worked so hard to get these. Why am I so confused about which job to take? Maybe I should just forget it and sit around on unemployment.

In today's replay of episode 205, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk answer the following questions: 1. My brother never does anything in moderation, for example if he starts working out, he'll organize his life around it, stop all social drinking and the like. Then he will eventually feel empty and complain he's burnt out. My question is, is he destined to live in this open-unstable roller-coaster ride, or can I give him some advice (perhaps Harry Browne style) that will help him find his place? 2. I've heard Dr. Howk talk about social media as a potential pleasure trap, and I was wondering if she could go into more depth on that. What are the circuits being hijacked? What advice would you give to a low-key social media addict?

In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss some current events including vaccine passports, an impending social credit system, and some libertarian principles.

In this episode, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk briefly discuss a recent article titled, "Harvard researchers help explain link between emotion and addictive substance use". https://www.hks.harvard.edu/faculty-research/policy-topics/health/report-sadness-triggers-addictive-behavior They discuss addiction, relapsing, channel factors, Dr. Howk shares a personal story, and we answer the following listener question: Most of the people I know use chemicals to manage their lives as least in some aspects: coffee to wake up, alcohol for social lubrication, SSRIs when feeling down, and beta blockers for anxiety, even Adderall or cocaine for productivity and charisma and so on. Even knowing what I know, it's hard to resist the feeling that I'm leaving some competitive advantage on the table by not partaking. I assume you would discourage the use of most if not all of these substances. It it because you think they are all net negative in the long run, or do you find the whole concept puts the cart before the horse by trying to mold emotions to fit the environment instead of working on the environment? Are there any exceptions?

In today's show, the Dr's discuss: 1. Is it possible to have a personality that is not a good fit for a long-term committed relationship? 2. I have this one specific girlfriend who seems to be different because she ONLY attracts pair bonds. She has never gotten a casual mating approach, not that I can ever remember. She gets approached by all fine, decent, good looking, intelligent guys who all really love her. She's average looking, yet thin, long haired and very intelligent too. She gets in a stable monogamous relationship with one, stays with him for 2/3/4 years saying she really, really loves him and then abruptly dumps him, moving to the next one.. I'm more curious about how she can be so lucky to always find good pair bonds as to why she acts like this. 3. A friend has become a life and wellness coach primarily through social media. She enjoys what she does, makes a livable living, and creates value in her clients' lives. Yet, when our friend group occasionally mentions this friend everyone seems to disapprove of what she's doing business-wise. In fact, all of us have unfollowed her on social media because we can't stand to watch her content. She gives advice on nutrition, makes motivational videos, and sells coaching sessions to women—and for some reason, it all comes off as disingenuous, scammy, and distorted. I have no intention of changing her or her business. What I'm curious about is why we feel disgust whenever she comes up in conversation. There's no issue whenever she and I hang out in person. We always have a good time. But, why am I so turned off by her Internet presence and the way she makes money? Could it be that I think she's claiming unearned status? Or could it be that I see the online coach version of her as deceiving and therefore a threat to the village? Please help me understand.

In today's replay of episode 212, the Dr's discuss the following questions: 1. Would you still recommend psychology as a career? I am interested in becoming a therapist, and your podcast has turned what I thought I knew on it's head and has completely changed the way I would want to go about my theoretical orientation. But now that it's so different, I feel like I am doubting everything. Could you talk a little about what it's like to be in the position of the therapist? I am looking for information to direct my behavioral output. 2. How do I overcome fear? I have a friend who is brave and courageous! I would so like to accomplish those qualities, but whether it comes to sky diving, public speaking, or taking other risks im super scared and it takes so much for me to make the leap? How can I make the leap easier and become more courageous when I know that's what I really want? any tricks/shortcuts/technique or game changing information regarding this? 3. I am a female in my 50s now, and all of my life when someone is mad or upset with me, for any reason and no matter who has the 'right' to be upset, I cannot live with it. I perseverate on it and I cannot shake things until things are resolved and even after sometimes I do not find a release. I am surprised that at this point in my life I cannot shake this. For example, at work I made a mistake and I am working to fix the error, but I am ashamed and even though I am moving forward with efforts to fix the problem and grow from it, I cannot rest for weeks. What is this heavy and stressful feeling trying to tell me?

In this episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss this situation: I am a 26 year old female and in a two year relationship with a guy named Luke. He is an MD and works at the hospital, he is rather smart, lookwise pretty average but neighter overweight nor has a funky smell. He is a nice guy, will provide for me and the family as soon as we have kids, which is already on our agenda. He respects my wishes to a large extent and eats only plant based at home though he used to eat meat. He is caring and always there for me even when I am going a bit crazy. Sounds perfect right? Well. When I was 20 I met a guy (Dave) and we became best friends, after a year or so we had a short phase where we had sex, which led to quite some trouble and our friendship wasn't the same ever since. We did see each other every couple of months but we never got that close again, he also moved to another country closeby. I really fell for him though and all throughout the years I was never able to let go of him, he appeared in my dreams and so on. He is the same age as me and my partner, but restarted college again in the new country he is in now, he is in no position to provide while I want to be a stay at home mum. Also he is not into me. He never was and I don't think he ever will be. I dont't know why I can't get this guy out of my head, he still makes me shaky after five years and a lot of misbehaviour on his side. Luke on the other side is nice. But I never crushed on him once, it was all a rational choice. So tell me. How can I let go of this feeling for Dave? I just don't get it, my mind is totally on board with planing my future with Luke and having a familiy and kids soon, still there is always this nagging voice/ feeling reminding me of Dave. I also thought about him while I was having sex with Luke and I feel really bad about it. How do I move on? I really want to be happy and feel like I am standing in my ow way.

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. How much do you owe your parents as they age? My father is very disagreeable and I hate being around him. As my father ages, he will need me to care for him more but I would like to move out of state. He does not have any savings to afford quality nursing home care. Do I need to take him with me because there would be no one else here to care for him? 2. I'm having environment issues and I'm really stuck as to what to do about it. I have a 36 year old special needs daughter. Every chance I get, I sneak into her room and grab some cookies, or candy or whatever else she has stashed in there away from Mom. It's really hindering my progress. 3. I am easily thrown off by simple things at work or in my personal life- and I'm a crier. My mom and I had a disagreement recently and I didn't get over it for over an hour and kept involuntarily crying because I was so upset that I disappointed her. I don't re-calibrate quickly from negative feedback and I'd like to learn how to get better at it. Maybe I'm too darn sensitive. 4. I am very happy with my life, have a dream job, good performance reviews, good pay and I so I should be happy. But I know that I'm not fully applying myself at work and I that I'm cruising at 50% effort. As as result I feel constant guilt for slacking off at work, and yet I cannot seem to force myself to work harder. The boss is happy, and unless there is an immediate and heavy deadline I don't feel motivated. Can you talk about this phenomenon please?

In today's replay of episode 211, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss: 1. How does neuroticism interact with IQ? We've all been in situations where a reasonable point of view is met by a barrage of irritable insults. Are people whose emotions play such a major role able to reason in an abstract and measured way, or does high neuroticism knock off the equivalent of 10 or 20 IQ points? Has this ever been studied? 2. What are the uses and limits of trying to create habits? For example, I often try to establish patterns of doing the dishes before bed, going to bed early, showering early during the day, cleaning regularly and the like, but it inevitably falls apart like someone coming off a diet. In what areas are/situations is it worth bothering, and how do I keep of track? How do I alter the CB amd make my conscious priorities into my nervous system's priorities too? 3. My husband had an affair last year, but we are slowly working through things ourselves and taking steps to save our marriage for our children. 1. How can I get over the feelings of inadequacy I have in my marriage post-affair? It's been almost a year since I found out and I still bring it up in arguments. At times I use it as my trump card and win our arguments as he feels bad every time I bring it up. Yet I can't bring myself to stop doing it. 2. How can I let go of the jealousy and resentment towards his affair partner? They are still in contact and remain friends. I find myself checking her social media accounts and obsessing over her, and I want to stop.