Art Creativity & Wellbeing

Today is the first of a two parter, because the subject of positive discipline – how we teach our kids right from wrong – is such a biggie.In this first part, we talk about the mindset of positive discipline… Three things are required for us parents to get into this mindset:1) a calm, quiet demeanor; yelling and screaming produces negativity, not to mention unhappy family members2) making the punishment fit the crime; every situation is different, we can't have a set list of infractions and punishments3) taking our children seriously; by this I mean let's start with the assumption that they are good kids, they want not to get in trouble, they're doing the best they possibly canAll we need for the positive discipline mindset. They sound simple, but they can be really difficult to implement! Today, I try to persuade you that the best thing you can do for your child – and you – is get into the positive discipline mindset.Thanks for listening! If you listen all the way to the end, I share a project I've just started: helping parents individually, when you feel like your challenges as a parent are more than listening to the podcast can fix. Go here to find out more!In the next Just You and Me episode, number 38, we will get into the ninja tactics of positive discipline! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Podcast Episode 034: Why Do Kids Need to Play? A Your Child Explained EpisodeThis past Tuesday, I had a great conversation with mom and licensed mental health counselor Janine Halloran of encourageplay.com. Janine specializes in facilitating play, and our conversation ranged from the benefits of play and how little is really required to encourage it, to how endangered open-ended play is in our society.Today, I want to extend on that conversation, and look at what's really going on inside a child's head during play, why it's so important, and how we can bring more of it into our crazy-busy lives.First off, kids process things completely differently from adults – and play is what helps them process the events going on around them. Play helps kids understand and make sense of their world, and it's up to us to remember that both to foster learning and to make our lives run more smoothly.Secondly, if you want to grab a kid's attention, start a game! Games help kids clean up, remember routines, and just add some fun into an otherwise humdrum task.Thirdly, kids learn with their whole bodies, and need all different kinds of play – alone and with others, indoors and out, self-directed and open-ended.Finally, play helps kids learn to navigate their world and negotiate and resolve conflicts (nonviolently). Studies are showing that kids aren't learning the kind of negotiation skills that we need to get along in this world, and I share about a study done a few years ago showing just how little playtime kindergarten children get in school. Called The Crisis In The Kindergarten, I hope you'll read this paper, learn about the study, and work extra hard to get your child more playtime. It's truly our hope for the future.I'd like to leave you with a question: how are you getting your child the kind of open-ended play time that every kid needs? Drop me a line and let me know, whether over at the contact page on weturnedoutokay.com or on instagram @weturnedoutokay. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

From the moment I first read her article on The Many Perks Of Play in the October 2015 issue of baystateparent, I knew I was going to have to talk to Janine Halloran. She explains everything there is to know about play and how it can benefit kids, in a really well-written and entertaining way.Janine graciously agreed to come on to the show, and our interview is really one of my favorites so far!Today, Janine shares that play is:1) critical to the well-being of every human, and even many animals – the skills learned through play are uncountable, our reasoning and thinking skills are honed through play, we even learn how to get along with other people through play2) endangered in our culture; the average kid's time is way too structured, which crowds out the potential for open-ended play; since open-ended play is where so much of the magic happens, it's downright dangerous to have so little of it in a child's life3) cheap, and/or free – think about how entertained your kids are just by the boxes that the stuff we buy comes in… we do not have to spend all kinds of crazy money to provide great playthings to our kidsIf you take just one thing from today's episode, I hope it is this: a thriving family needs play, and lots of it. How are you playing with your kids today?Connect with Janine at her website, encourageplay.com, where she has great advice about helping get more play into your child's life. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

As a kid, I loved Halloween.… But as the mom of young children, it used to scare the heck out of me! There is so much to worry about: pressures to spend money on costumes and decorations, what to do about all the candy coming into the house, helping our kids deal with their emotional fears.I decided to do an episode that's actually an audio kit to help you stop being scared by Halloween – because I can't be the only one who feels like this! So, here goes:4 Ways to Stop Halloween from Scaring You1) create a spending plan… decide beforehand what you feel comfortable spending on everything Halloween including candy, costumes, decorations, and parties to feel more in control and thus less frightened2) get creative… lots of fun can be had when you decide to make something rather than buy it; I share about building a scarecrow from thrift-shop clothing and a carved pumpkin head, something the kids and I could do together that created great memories while limiting our spending – making the whole Halloween experience less parent-scary and more fun3) figure out your approach to candy… for the first part of 3 I suggest that you listen out of earshot of your children, as I describe the wonderful phenomenon known as the Halloween Witch; for the second part I ask you to consider something that might seem extremely insane: giving your kids free reign over how and when they consume their candy… however you handle candy, make sure you know what you'll do going in to the Halloween insanity, because having a game plan makes things less scary4) help your young children not be scared… I was caught completely by surprise at how nakedly frightened my boys were at ages three and four by Halloween; I share about a favorite book that saved our bacon every year for about six years, The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of AnythingAnd that's the four ways to keep Halloween from scaring you! If they help, please let me know – go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact, or shout out to me on twitter @StoneAgeTechie or on instagram (my favorite place in the social media universe) @weturnedoutokay. I can't wait to connect! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

In today's Your Child Explained episode – where we always take a subject and look at it from within the mind of our kids – we figure out how to incorporate time for daydreaming into our kids' daily life.If you remember, in episode 30 I spoke with dad and business owner Steve Mirando (give it a listen if you haven't yet, it's a great interview with lots of ideas for balancing work and life), and Steve told a really compelling story about his youngest attempting to "stop the wind." This four-year-old's idea for stopping the wind involved stopping a shrub from moving in the wind, and Steve recognized that moment as a really significant one… Because they're so curious and creative, children just naturally bring a lot of wonder into our lives.Today, I extend on this idea of daydreaming and big ideas and wonder – and how easily we can trample those things without even meaning to in the daily rush.Did you know that Einstein came up with the theory of relativity by daydreaming? He imagined sitting on a beam of light as it moves through space, and asked the question, what would that be like? Often, people feel their most creative when they're given the space and time to daydream. Adults really need that time – but kids need it even more, or at least more of it. The question is, how do we find the time for it in our daily lives?Three things are necessary to create an environment that fosters big ideas and wonder:1) an absence of screens2) material for kids to keep their hands busy – a tray of sand (on a table covered with newspaper), some warm water and soap in the sink, play dough, or just some open-ended outside time3) our willingness to engage in a conversation that is mostly us listening and observing our kidsWhat we're doing here is noticing our kids questions and thoughts… Even if they can't be lengthy, even if it's just for a little while a few times a week, something special happens in these moments. They help us know and appreciate our kids more, and helps them know themselves better in the long run. As they get into school, grow up and experience the pressures of daily life, knowing what gets them excited about learning is the key to happiness.So really, fostering the sense of wonder when they're young translates to engaged, creative adults later on – and that's really what we want for them, isn't it? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today's guest, along with his wife and children, have been special people in my family's life ever since we had the excellent luck of moving in across the street from them more than a decade ago.We've watched Steve Mirando and his wife Sue support each other through a lot – having children, figuring out work-life challenges, Steve's going to full-time school for acupuncture and then hanging out his shingle as a practicing acupuncturist… many of these all happening at the same time!Listen in to hear about:1) Steve's past as part of an improv theater troupe, and how that's helped him cope with the surprises that life brings as a parent and business owner (check out Steve's website, theacuworks.com, here.)2) how critical it is to surround yourself with people who want to help you achieve your dreams – and who you want to support as they achieve theirs3) Steve and Sue's awesome ideas about family time, what it is and what it means to truly "spend time together"If you take just one thing from this episode, I hope it is this: even in the really busy day-to-day that everyone with young children experiences, it is possible to connect with our spouses and children on a meaningful level every day. We can make a conscious choice to figure out how to make that happen! Steve and Sue Mirando, our across-the-street neighbors, are a great example of how to do that right. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Recently, I got to have an amazing conversation with a dear friend, granddad to a 1 1/2-year-old girl. Today's episode is a recounting of that conversation, because we can learn so much from it! Here are the three big ideas that my friend and I (who remains nameless, to protect the privacy of he and his family) spoke about:1) The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law dynamic is very different – and can be far more antagonizing – then the mother/daughter dynamic.2) What happens when we, this generation sandwiched in the middle who are raising young children while simultaneously engaging with our parents, want something different for our children than our parents want for them? I advise my friend, the caring and worried grandfather, to do all he can to help his son and daughter-in-law feel supported and competent… In a nutshell, this means backing off and waiting for his son and daughter-in-law to ask for help or advice.3) The paradox of stuff: we all want stuff, we spend way too much money on it, and yet the having of so much stuff can paralyze us. This is noticeable in adults, but especially noticeable in children. With too many toys to choose from at a time, with too much background noise or overstimulating screen time, with too many food choices – kids literally can't choose. They can't make a choice! My friend the Grandpa and I put this in the context of giving gifts to grandchildren, talking especially about what gifts to give in a world where we all have too much stuff.What is your relationship, dear listener, with your parents and your in-laws? I hope it's a good one, and if it needs some help, I hope that today's podcast starts you along the path to improving these relationships. Please drop me a line and let me know how it's going by commenting here or going to weturnedoutokay.com/contact! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

I love shows like today's, when a listener has written in and I get to respond on the air!Today, Melissa asks how to help give her young kids the support they need in the outside-of-school hours. Here's what I suggest: that Melissa and her husband give their children some control over what they do in their out-of-school time. Listen in for more details!The other reason I love today's episode is that it is a Your Child Explained! This is where I get to do something I'm pretty good at, which is understanding what's going on inside your child's head and giving you tools to use in your quest to be a less-worried, more-happy Old-School Parent.In this Your Child Explained we get into screen time; episode 27, which aired this past Tuesday in real time, featured the postmortem (finally!) with journalist and mom Heather Kempskie. Heather was on over the summer to share about her amazing family trip in an RV, and I went and blew it by accidentally deleting the second half of our interview about the trip… So this past Tuesday, Heather came back on – our first returning champion – to share about the ups and downs of RVing. A big part of our conversation centered on shutting off the Wi-Fi and how that felt for her kids during their trip, and it resonated so much with me that I wanted to talk more about what happens inside our kids' heads both during screen time, and after screen time. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

"My editor, once in my early career when I lost a big story in my computer, told me this: everything is better the second time." Heather Kempskie shares this story to comfort me as I'm apologizing for losing our original post-RV trip in my quest for the sound of cicadas… Click here to listen to that episode… And the cool thing is that I think she's right! In this interview we talk about:Heather's big takeaways from their RV trip, which are 1) RVing is super fun, and you can have alone time even in an RV surrounded by your family and 2) it's important to separate from Wi-Fi sometimes, if only to know who your true friends areliving for the moment, which really sounds quite hokey but is a great skill to haveHeather's new way of bonding with her daughter, combining exercise, nutrition and personal development through a program offered by their local YMCAthe October 2015 issue of baystateparent's cover model and Heather's interview with a Salem ghost tour guidebaystateparent's Extraordinary Extracurricular Guide, which you can sign up for right at their website, baystateparent.comAt least half this interview wasn't even in the original interview; for my part, I'm glad we got to do this redo. I hope you agree! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Did you know that, by the time we are five years old, we've heard "no" 40,000 times? And that in that same span of time, we've only heard "yes" 5000 times? (I learned that reading The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson, a great book by the way.)While it's true that "no" is important – for safety, if nothing else – this n-word can really bring us down… As Jeff puts it: "Eight times as many noes as yeses. Eight times the force holding you down, compared to the force lifting you up. Eight times the gravity against your desire to soar."Today, I share with you the primo ninja parenting tactic of them all… Make no sound like yes! Here's how:1) Actually say yes. When they ask "Mom, can I have an ice cream?" you respond "sure! Right after dinner." If it's "can we play play dough?" and if there isn't time at the moment, you respond "absolutely – as soon as we get home from the doctor." This works in so many situations, and have the added bonus of making us parents feel somehow lighter and happier… because no sucks and yes is nice.2) Keep your cautions to yourself. If your mouth says "yes" but your body language, facial expression, and tone communicate fear and worry, your child won't hear the yes. Worse, if you say yes and then come up with 10 reasons why your child shouldn't climb that tree, or go barefoot, or eat the Halloween candy you just told him he could eat, are you really saying yes? Not really… This is where we need to be angels, not balloon poppers.3) Use "yes, and…" A great turn-no-into-yes tactic for transitional times, try this one when your child wants to do one thing and you know that you need to do another… "Mom, can we play play dough?" "Yes, we can play now for a bit and will keep going with it when we get back from the doctor."If you take just one thing from this episode, I hope it is this: our words matter. The more yeses we can squeeze into a child's day – more noes we can eliminate – the lighter and happier we will all be.How are you changing "no" to "yes"? Please share! Either go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact or leave a comment right at the bottom of this post. I can't wait to hear your innovations! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe