Art Creativity & Wellbeing

About three weeks ago, my father required brain surgery to fix a subdural hematoma that he sustained while skiing two months previously. My husband Ben held the fort here at home while I flew out to be with my folks; today I'm sharing what I learned during the ten days I spent with them. (Dad is doing very well and on the mend.) This episode comes in three parts: first, I share about what I learned during the ten days I spent with Mom and Dad surrounding Dad's surgery. Next, we are rebroadcasting the father's day bonus episode from June 2015, my conversation with my Dad; finally, we are rebroadcasting the mother's day bonus episode from May 2015, my conversation with my Mom (my favorite part: when she describes her Stuffed Zucchini Theory of parenting young children :-) Today's episode is unusual, and not what I was planning at all – sometimes life intervenes, and that's just, well, life. I bring it to you in hopes you can learn something from my experience. I hope it resonates with you, dear listener, and helps you remember how important family bonds are. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today, I share possibly my all-time favorite ninja tactic for parents! This is the one to bring out when you are ready to go and have a meltdown of your own. Instead of doing that… Do this: use the First/Then ninja tactic to make transitioning your child from what he wants to do to what you need him to do easily understandable – and a lot smoother! Today's episode is the first of two chapter studies, where we focus on one chapter of Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child. I hope you get a lot out of this study of Chapter 5: Use First/Then, a tool I used all the time to keep sane when my boys were small. Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/080 to listen, and click here  or go to weturnedoutokay.com/episode-80-first-then to download your FREE guide, all about how to create a First/Then chart to bring out when you need a concrete tool to help you help your child! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

In this Your Child Explained episode, we consider what helping others looks like from inside our kid's head! This past Tuesday, I spoke with a mentor of mine, a man who shaped my thinking on how helping others makes us happier and builds a better world. Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/078 to listen to my conversation with No Impact Man Colin Beavan. Today, we riff on that conversation to discuss why it's important to teach our kids to help others. Plus I get to read from one of my favorite books, To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee! Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com for key links and to listen. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today's guest Colin Beavan appeared on The Colbert Report, The Today Show, and many other talk shows when he first started on a quest to live a good life while limiting the amount of Earth's resources he and his family used, a year-long journey documented in his No Impact Man blog, book, and later documentary. If you've ever felt unsure of how to approach finding happiness, if you've ever worried about the condition of the world we are leaving for our children, if you - like me - are unclear on the definition of the word agency and how it relates to your life, you are going to love today's's episode. Colin has a new book out, How to Be Alive, a guide to finding happiness while advocating for our world, our communities, and our families. My favorite section – dog-eared and with my written notes all over the place – is called Who to Parent, and we have a great conversation in today's episode about what those words really mean. We also talk about how Colin and his family do not have chickens; I learn the definition of the word "agency;" and Colin helps you figure out how to surmount the challenges you may be facing in your life as a parent. Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/078 to listen and for key links in this episode! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today's episode centers on a part of every human's innate personality: the trait of introversion or extroversion. (Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/074 to listen to part one, about parenting introverts – today is about parenting extroverts.) Where are you happiest – among people, in a noisy, large group, or quietly, in solitude or hanging with just a few people? Does one of the above situations drain you, while the other seems absolutely perfect? When you think about your young child – does she prefer noisy, loud fun, or is she more quiet and contemplative? Does he get his energy from the same place as you? Everyone falls somewhere on this introvert/extrovert scale, and figuring out where we fall – and, where our children fall – on the scale can mean coexisting more peacefully and enjoyably with our kids. Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/077 for key links from this episode! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

When I interviewed Erik Wagter for episode 75, Tuesday's guest episode, I'd just finished reading an article about a man named Matthias Buchinger, who despite having no hands or feet, despite missing parts of his legs, danced, performed magic in front of large audiences and heads of state, created amazing art, married four times and was the dad of fourteen children. My conversation with Erik, which centered on fostering a great relationship with our children, and largely on Erik and his family's relationship with their autistic son, seemed to me to relate an awful lot to this article about Matthias (click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/075 to listen). Author Beverly Beckham shares about her grandchild, born with Down's syndrome, and how the vast majority of their friends and family were "full of sorrow and sighs." Nearly everyone's expectations for this new life was that it would be compromised, not a full life – and Beverly eloquently writes about all that Matthias accomplished, relating it to our expectations for our children and how these expectations can shape their lives. Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/076 to listen, and for key links from today's episode! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

I knew my conversation with today's guest, a trainer of educators and social workers, would help you become skilled at resolving conflicts in your home. What I didn't expect – and was so joyfully surprised about – was how forthcoming this father of two would be in sharing his family's story of helping their oldest son, diagnosed with autism at a very young age, connect with his family in a meaningful way. Erik Wagter and his wife Sally took son Tim's education and well-being into their hands, choosing to homeschool starting from when Tim was in primary school. I had goosebumps as Erik share the rewards of all their hard work (and, the hard work itself.) Whether you have a child with a special need or not, you're going to love this episode. Erik shares his family's terrific story, and how you can resolve conflicts and have a better relationship with your young child. Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/075 to listen, and for the key links Erik shares in today's's episode! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today's episode centers on a part of every human's innate personality: the trait of introversion or extroversion. (Today, we focus on the parenting of introverts; coming up in episode 77 – the next Just You And Me episode – we dive into parenting extroverts.) Where are you happiest – among people, in a noisy, large group, or quietly, in solitude or hanging with just a few people? Does one of the above situations drain you, while the other seems absolutely perfect? When you think about your young child – does she prefer noisy, loud fun, or is she more quiet and contemplative? Does he get his energy from the same place as you? Everyone falls somewhere on this introvert/extrovert scale, and figuring out where we fall – and, where our children fall – on the scale can mean coexisting more peacefully and enjoyably with our kids. Click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/074 for key links from this episode! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

Today Robin Abrahams, author of the weekly Miss Conduct advice column in Boston Globe Magazine, returns for her second hangout on We Turned Out Okay! (Robin and I first spoke last fall, in episode 42, so click here or go to weturnedoutokay.com/042 to hear our first conversation together.) In honor of Mother's Day Robin has a special article coming out in this Sunday's Globe Magazine, "A letter to moms from a woman without children;" in it she makes some very kind and wonderful promises to her friends with kids, such as "I will take the lead in scheduling social events, because you're managing more social calendars than I am." We start today's conversation talking about Robin's article – and then move on to her delightful book, Miss Conduct's Mind over Manners: Master the Slippery Rules of Modern Ethics and Etiquette. In this guidebook for modern living – for getting along with other humans – is a tiny, wonderful few pages about breast-feeding in public; Robin and I talk about the perils of both breast-feeding and formula feeding in public, since both leave parents equally open to beratings from strangers! Robin shares great advice with us about how to deflect criticism, from strangers and friends and family. Next, Robin answers some listener questions: Anne asks "I'm considering homeschooling my preschooler next year, and I'm getting major pushback from my husband's family. (My husband is on board, just not his parents and siblings.) They live nearby and we do see his parents a lot, how can I keep family relations positive in the event that we homeschool their grandson in the fall?" MJ, who is planning a family trip involving traveling in the same car with her estranged mother-in-law for ten days, asks "please help me with easy situation diffusers and ways I may not have thought about to keep this trip as conflict free as possible…" I wonder "what happens if you're at the playground and a parent scolds your child – for doing something perfectly within his rights, in your opinion?", a situation which I found myself in a few years ago. Robin shares great advice for each of these situations, so you're sure of some great takeaways from our conversation! Today's show is sponsored by Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle Every Temper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your Young Child, the book I wrote for you if you are the parent of young children! It's getting some great reviews, including this one from Heidi de los Andes: "I really enjoyed this quick, clear and caring parenting book. Just like the author advocates in dealing with children, she couches her advice from a position of empathy. The book draws from the same general philosophy of instilling self-reliance as the Free Range Kids book by Lenore Skenazy… I also appreciated that it was a quick read (about an hour) and had lots of tricks and techniques you can start using right away." It's available as an E-book in Amazon right now… To check out Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics click here or go to Amazon.com and search the name. I hope it helps you in your everyday parenting! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe

"Wait a minute" – I hear you thinking – "aren't Your ChildExplained episodes a Thursday thing?"You are absolutely right, ordinarily the Your Child Explainedairs on the Thursday after a guest episode. But this is an unusualweek because I'm interviewing the guest tomorrow, Wednesday, May 4,so that you can get your questions to her and she can answer themfor Thursday's show…Which you'll want to do, because returning champion RobinAbrahams, whose weekly "Miss Conduct" column in the Boston GlobeMagazine answers etiquette questions with her own brand ofcaring-yet- Seinfeld-ish, humor, is an expert in the rules thatallow us to all get along together.Go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact to ask your toughestquestions about confusing social situations. Miss Conduct fieldsthorny questions all the time and is a wonderful resource for youif:while investigating homeschooling your young child, yourmother-in-law informs you: "no grandchild of mine will everhomeschool"a friend chooses your daughter's first birthday party as theperfect venue to persuade everyone attending that hercandidate in the upcoming national election is the bestcandidateyou think a coworker might be pregnant, and you want tocongratulate her, but you're not sure if she is or not; should youspeak up?In today's Your Child Explained episode – a precursor to myconversation with Miss Conduct – we consider manners and etiquettefrom the perspective of our young kids.I share an embarrassing situation in which, at age four, one ofmy boys "congratulated" an overweight pizza restaurant employee,enthusiastically telling her "wow – you're really fat!"Kids just don't have a filter, for better or for worse.Everyone who hears my four-year-old gasps in astonishment. Theemployee to whom my son directs his remark flushes; tears come toher eyes.What do I do at this moment?Click hereor go to weturnedoutokay.com/072 to find out – and if you haven'tgotten it yet, click here or go to Amazon.com to download my e-book,Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics: Key Tools to Handle EveryTemper Tantrum, Keep Your Cool, and Enjoy Life With Your YoungChild. It's finally launched and ready for you to startlearning the tools that will make every day as a parent calmer andhappier! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kaylockkolp.substack.com/subscribe