Enneagram and Marriage

Sara Billups (type 4, 4-5 pairing), author of "Nervous Systems: Spiritual Practices to Calm Anxiety in Your Body, the Church, and Politics," joins us for a conversation about anxiety that's especially needed as we head into Christmas. Sara explores how anxiety manifests in three interconnected ways, and how couples who are in the sandwich generation (Millennial, Gen X especially) navigate personal anxiety, church disillusionment, and political division all at once as their nervous systems rise up in anxiety. Drawing from her experience caregiving for aging ill parents while parenting teens with their own anxiety along with her own anxiety, Sara offers wisdom for couples in the sandwich generation stretched thin caring for multiple generations while trying to protect their marriage. She also unpacks scrupulosity and how being trained to pursue "being good" is often far from healthy holiness, especially for those raised evangelical, and how this performance anxiety shows up in marriage. Sara's prescription for anxiety is holy indifference, the Ignatian concept of open-handedness toward both blessings and trials, not as giving up but as giving into the Spirit, and what this looks like practically when anxious about outcomes or when life isn't going as hoped. Rather than offering prescriptive how-to lists, Sara offered a soothing balm for anxious hearts heading into holiday chaos. Find "Nervous Systems" wherever books are sold. Watch on YouTube, too! Get Sara's book, Nervous Systems, here! https://a.co/d/ieVOMum Deeper Dive Guides on sale here! Use code DEEPERDIVE for $10 off! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/deeper-dives Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The third episode in our Advent series explores why most couples don't feel joyful during the holidays and how to protect joy when everything feels like obligation and chaos. Joy becomes elusive when we expect it to be natural, when we prioritize mere survival over connection, when we forget to dig deep to remember God's love for us is the deepest reason for joy, when we lose ourselves in others' never-ending needs, when we escape instead of engaging, and when we don't pause during the chaos that puts your nervous system in survival mode where delight is impossible. There is so much to learn and we can take it step by step together! Listen here as you find centering and re-embrace delight this holiday or anytime of year!! Watch on YouTube! Use the code "GLOW" for $10 Couple Pairing Guides here! Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠⁠⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Anna Rollins, author of "Famished," joins us for an honest conversation about the intersection of purity culture, eating, body image, and sexual intimacy in marriage in general and especially Christian marriage. We explore what happened in the Christian movement around weight and body image that went beyond general cultural dysfunction and became particularly harmful in church spaces, such as Anna's church creating an eating based programs as she talks about here in and in her book. Drawing on research from Sheila Wray Gregoire's survey of 20,000 women (one of our favorite past guests), Anna unpacks the connection between body shame and sexual intimacy, including the often-hidden correlation between body shame and painful sex that many women don't realize exists. She shares her personal journey of moving from controlling her body through over-exercising to actually caring for and stewarding it well, how she's parenting with intention, and how her relationship with her body has drawn her at first farther but ultimately closer, ultimately, back to God. This conversation is essential for anyone navigating body image in marriage or raising children in the intersection of faith and culture. Find "Famished" wherever books are sold and connect with Anna's work. Watch here on YouTube! Get Anna's book Famished: On Food, Sex, and Growing up a Good Girl here! https://a.co/d/eO5BbMa Follow Anna Rollins'Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/annajrollins/?hl=en Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Get on our Advent adventure together too where we'll discuss hope, love, and joy starting December 1st at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Mark your calendars for Dec 9 as we meet over Zoom 1PM EST to discuss how to keep you from fighting all season long, too! Sign up for emails to get your link. Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Get Christa's Best-Selling Book, The Enneagram in Marriage, here! ⁠https://a.co/d/df8SxVx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In a heartfelt conversation, Eric MacDougall, a men's marriage coach, explores the emotional disconnect many men face in relationships. He shares his own turning point when his wife expressed feeling loved but not in love, prompting him to confront his patterns of overworking and using sex as a substitute for intimacy. Eric discusses the importance of emotional leadership, nonsexual touch, and vulnerability in nurturing deeper connections. He offers practical tools like the reveal-and-request method to help couples cultivate lasting intimacy and passion.

What are you really waiting for this December? Not the polished answer—the honest one. What's keeping you up at night? What's making your spouse anxious? In this first episode of our 4-part seasonal series, we explore the three types of hope that show up in marriages during the holidays: Security (Will we be okay? Will we have enough?), Connection (Will everyone get along? Will anyone feel left out?), and Intimacy (Will we stay close intimately or sexually)? Will we lose each other in the chaos?). You'll discover why you and your spouse are often "waiting" for completely different things this season, and why that difference creates so much tension. More importantly, you'll learn how to honor both longings without making either one wrong, so you can actually experience renewal together instead of just surviving until January. Whether you're the one watching the budget, managing family dynamics, or protecting your marriage connection, this episode will help you name what you need and understand what your spouse needs too. Watch on YouTube, tooz1 Get your "Me-Time Coaching Session" package here!⁠ https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/coachingpackages-2 Use code BLACKFRIDAY for 55% off here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Get on our Advent adventure together too where we'll discuss hope, love, and joy starting December 1st at ⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠. Mark your calendars for Dec 9 as we meet over Zoom 1PM EST to discuss how to keep you from fighting all season long, too! Sign up for emails to get your link. Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Leave Christa a podcast question anonymously by sending an MP4 recording to enneagramandmarriage@gmail.com. Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The third episode in our family systems series explores triangulation, the pattern where a two-person relationship becomes unstable so you pull in a third person to stabilize it. Instead of dealing with issues directly with your spouse, you complain to your mom, get your best friend to tell them they're wrong, focus all your energy on the kids, or text your sister about your marriage. Triangulation feels safer than direct conflict because it gives you validation and emotional support without vulnerability, but it doesn't actually solve anything. Christa breaks down how each Enneagram type triangulates and also gives general tips in this quick, must-listen holiday prep episode! But here's the nuance: sometimes you need to triangulate for a moment. Listen for how to do both! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com if you're not on the email list yet. Watch on YouTube! Get your "Me-Time Coaching Session" package here! https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/coachingpackages-2 Use code BLACKFRIDAY for 50% off here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Get on our Advent adventure together too where we'll discuss hope, love, and joy starting December 1st at ⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠. Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Leave Christa a podcast question anonymously by sending an MP4 recording to enneagramandmarriage@gmail.com. Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As we head into Thanksgiving week, fears are high and tensions are real and you and your family need both wisdom and peace for the wild cultural times and questions of faith in dark moments. Alexandra Hudson, leading world leader and founder of Civic Renaissance (with 50,000 subscribers and the praise of the Wall Street Journal) is timely on the pod, both in our convo here with Christa in also what she has written "The Soul of Civility" as she revived what the ancient Greeks called "the Great Conversation" about politics, beauty, goodness, and truth. On the must-listen pod here, Alexandra (Lexie) makes a crucial distinction: true civility is deeper than politeness, understanding the substance behind people's words and practicing robust discourse with love while respecting personhood. This conversation explores the "libido dominandi," the desire to dominate that shows up in marriages, families, and our cultural discourse, as human group effect takes us farther away from what we really need - each other. Whether you're navigating a tense marriage, a divided family gathering, or just trying to stay sane in our current moment, this listener-requested episode is a gem as you prep for differing voices over the holiday. Remember, respectful discourse doesn't mean avoiding disagreement, it means engaging it well and with love and grace so good is done in the world - we are all learning this together. Watch on YouTube! Get the book: "The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves" by Alexandra Hudson https://a.co/d/dzJN8Zs Get on her website to get her beautiful newsletter: https://alexandraohudson.com/ Get on our Advent adventure together too where we'll discuss hope, love, and joy starting December 1st at ⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠. Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Leave Christa a podcast question anonymously by sending an MP4 recording to enneagramandmarriage@gmail.com. Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The second episode in our family systems series explores the overfunctioning and underfunctioning dynamic, the exhausting pattern where one partner takes on too much responsibility while the other does less than their share. The more one overfunctions (making decisions, remembering everything, managing household and parenting), the more the other underfunctions (waiting to be told, checking out, not initiating). This isn't about laziness or control, it's a reciprocal dance where you're creating each other's behavior. Christa breaks down how certain Enneagram types are more prone to overfunctioning (2s, 1s, 3s, 6s) or underfunctioning (9s, 5s, 7s, 4s), though any type can fall into either role. The way out? Overfunctioners must stop doing so much and create space. Underfunctioners must start doing without being asked. Both must recognize they're creating the pattern together. We talk about all of that right here! This episode is part of the ongoing family systems series also running on Instagram. For a deeper dive, tune in to Apple or join our E+M Collective here! You'll get insider info, be part of an encouraging community, and get video trainings and access at https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/membership. Get on our Advent adventure together too where we'll discuss hope, love, and joy starting December 1st at www.EnneagramandMarriage.com. Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Leave Christa a podcast question anonymously by sending an MP4 recording to enneagramandmarriage@gmail.com. Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As the days get shorter and the holidays approach, many of us feel that familiar darkness creeping in, doubt about our gifts, questions about our worth, uncertainty about whether we're enough. Pastor Ed Newton, Lead Pastor of the 27,000 member Community Bible Church in San Antonio and author of Why Not You?: Believing What God Believes About You, sits down with Christa for a conversation about finding faith, truth, and doing the deep personal work required to believe you're worthy, even in your weakest moments. Ed shares his own journey of therapy and spiritual work, unpacking how he learned he was loved despite his weaknesses (not because of his strengths). Drawing from Moses' story, Eminem's famous rap battle where he humbled himself by exposing his own flaws first, and his own experience with imposter syndrome and almost total darkness, Ed explores how we prove, please, and pacify others when we don't believe we're enough. Whether you're a person of faith or just someone searching for truth about your own worthiness, this conversation meets you where you are. Ed and Christa discuss how this shows up in marriage (one spouse overperforming to earn love, the other hiding their true self), how to break these exhausting patterns even for men who often want to display competency or machismo, and why ordinary people are exactly who get chosen for extraordinary things. As we head into the holidays, a season that can bring both light and strain, this episode offers the spiritual and emotional replenishment we all need to shore ourselves up for what's coming. Watch on YouTube! Follow Ed here at his church: https://www.communitybible.com/ Get the new book here: https://a.co/d/5RJTLGm Find the personality test here: www.5voices.com Find more about your type, the pod, freebies, and SO much more at our website right here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.EnneagramandMarriage.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Leave Christa a podcast question anonymously by sending an MP4 recording to enneagramandmarriage@gmail.com. Love what you're learning on E + M? Make sure you leave us a podcast review so others can find us, too⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices