Social Skills Coaching

• There are many ways to assert your own boundaries and limits without encroaching on others’. Try the stuck record technique (calmly repeating your limit without budging), the “positive no” (reiterate what you are saying yes to) negative assertion or negative enquiry (accepting and enquiring about criticism). • The DESC model can help you stand up for yourself. Describe the facts of the situation, Express how you are being affected, suggest a specific Solution, then finish with a Conclusion/consequences, i.e. what will happen if the behavior is changed and what will happen if it isn’t. • Humor is useful, but it needs to be the right kind. Positive humor styles (especially affiliative humor) are better for relationships. Avoid self-enhancing, aggressive or self-defeating humor styles. • Use the platinum rule: Do unto others as they would want done to them. Listen, be empathetic and stay curious about other people’s perspectives, even and especially if they differ from yours. Ask what they want and need, and how they conceptualize of you, themselves, and the situation. • A good apology needs a few necessary elements: expression of regret, explanation of what went wrong, taking responsibility, repentance, offer for reparations, and a request for forgiveness. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/readpeoplekingShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#AssertiveCommunication #AssertivenessSkill #ConorFriedershof #Communication #DaveKerpen #DESCModel #EverydayConversations #FoggingTechnique #GordonBower #JenniferAaker #Kerpen #Lewicki #ManuelJSmith #NaomiBagdonas #NonverbalCommunication #PersonalRelationships #PlatinumRule #StuckRecordTechnique #UnderstandingBasicAssertivenessTechniques #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• Your voice is a powerful nonverbal communicator. Be aware of your pitch, volume, articulation and pace, and practice to ensure you’re having the effect you want.• Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio found that people make decisions not from logic but from emotion – which is what you should speak to when trying to connect meaningfully with others.• You can use open loops to create conversations that feel rich, full, and “complete.” Simply start a story and don’t finish it, so you can return later if the conversation stalls.• When speaking, you will be more engaging and captivating if your language is fresh, novel and vivid. Use metaphors to explain complex topics in simple, relatable ways. To connect to people emotionally, use compelling language and colorful imagery, and allow your enthusiasm to shine through.• Change the focus of the conversation from yourself to the other person. The goal is to connect and flow, not to compete or perform. Using the words “yes, and” borrowed from improv comedy, you keep things open-ended and dynamic. Be ready to abandon any fixed ideas of the conversation’s goal and follow what is emerging in the moment – your conversation will feel more natural, more joyful, and more connected.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Conversation #AntonioDamasio #SocialInteractions #SuccessfulConversations #WatchWhatYouSay… #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• We can condense the four theories of charisma into 5 distinct charismatic traits: likeability and warmth; power and influence; emotional intelligence; presence, awareness and self-control; and social intelligence and leadership. If we can consistently hit these five notes in our social interactions, we cannot help but boost our “charisma quotient.”• To be impactful, charisma has to be genuine to us. We need to take responsibility for honestly appraising our skills and taking concrete action to improve in real life. Whether we are extroverted or introverted, there is a unique charisma style that will work for us.• Real life celebrities and historical figures can serve as examples and inspiration. Both Will Smith and Marilyn Monroe show how you can tick all 5 charisma boxes, but in completely different ways.• Will Smith teaches us to be prepared, stay humble and work hard, and lead with positivity, humor, and good-naturedness. Though his social mask makes him appear easygoing and lighthearted, it conceals the effort, deliberation and hard work required to build the life and image you want.• Marilyn Monroe teaches us that charisma can also be about magnetically drawing people towards you, rather than being loud and over the top to demand attention. Marilyn shows us the power of appearance, and how to craft a performing person down to the finest detail. She also shows us indirectly that perfection is not required, and that if you can lean honestly into your own vulnerability and fragility, people may love you all the more for it.• You can design your own unique charisma formula by honestly rating how you perform in each of these five areas, and committing to taking action today to improve.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Charisma #Charismatic #CharismaticTraits #EmotionalIntelligence #IdealPersona #IrresistiblePersona #Likeability #SocialIntelligence #5CharismaticTraits #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• One useful conversational skill is chunking, where you vary the level of information you get coming back to you. This way, you can reach an agreement, acquire more and correct detail, or even persuade people to move from one plane of thought to another. Chunk up to gain a broader view everyone can agree on, and chunk down to find detail. Move from general to specific, keeping the other person’s reactions in mind. • Use clean language to discover, explore and work with people’s metaphors without “contaminating” them. Listen for metaphors used, ask questions about them and continue the conversation using the same language and imagery to show your understanding.• Use the HPM technique to always have something to say in conversations. Talk about history (a past experience) philosophy (your feelings on it) and a metaphor (describe both with a vivid metaphor). Keep is short, sweet and natural.• Use signposting and transitional words to tell your listeners where your story is going. Signal what is coming and link your ideas logically using words that guide your listener’s understanding. • Use conversational threading. Listen out for emotional hooks and pursue the conversation in that direction. Follow the most exciting or interesting leads and return to old, unexplored ones when conversation flags or ideas run out. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/readpeoplekingShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#AwkwardConversations #CharlyBliss #Chunking #CleanQuestions #Conversation #DavidGrove #EffectiveConversationSkill #GeorgeAMiller #HPM #NonverbalExpression #NumberSevenPlus #SocialSkills #BetterConversationSkills #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• Conversational charm is about connecting genuinely to others. First, get your ego out of the way by suspending judgment and forgetting about agreement or disagreement. Listen actively, pay full attention and avoid the temptation to connect everything they say to yourself!• Move slowly and sequentially through the three stages of rapport by making appropriate disclosures to signal trust and willingness to connect. Light disclosure can be an embarrassing tale. Medium disclosure shares your beliefs and deeper feelings. Finally, heavy disclosure is about your more serious vulnerabilities. Don’t be a closed book, but be selective about who you open up to.• Use connection stories to tell people about who you are – instead of dry facts, share anecdotes that sincerely convey your values as a person.• You can come across as more charismatic if you show you’re paying attention by labeling the other person’s experience or emotions. Use “it seems like” or “it sounds like” to paraphrase and demonstrate your empathic understanding.• Finally, don’t be boring! Boring traits are those that downplay fun. In conversations, be relaxed, playful, open and warm, and forego needing to be right or appear smart.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#AnnetteSimmons #Conversations #Dreeke #EffectiveConversations #HowardGardner #PositiveEmotion #Rapport #RobertCialdini #RobinDreeke #Tilburg #ToxicRelationship #ConnectingBeneathTheSurface #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• Olivia Fox Cabane explains how there are four charisma types according to the proportion of power, presence and warmth. The focused charismatic (who pays deep attention to others), the visionary charismatic (who communicates their infectious passion), the kind charismatic (who inspires with warmth and compassion) and the authoritative charismatic (who leads others with expertise and power). • Depending on your goals, you can play up your natural charisma strengths or seek to balance out your weaknesses. • To be socially and emotionally comfortable, plan ahead and make sure you’re physically comfortable, which will remove barriers to charismatic connection. • Use ritual and visualization as a “social warm up.” Music, meditation, and affirmations can help you prepare. • Build presence with mindfulness. Slow down, breathe and anchor in the senses. Pause before you respond, and take conscious care of every detail of the interaction, including your verbal and nonverbal expression, appearance, and behavior. • Howard Friedman emphasized the affective, nonverbal expressiveness component of charisma. • Communicate with all your body and laugh openly. Speak with a dynamic, varied voice that changes in pitch, tone and expression. Use touch to bridge distance and create warmth, aware that the rules differ for men and women. • Speak less and emote more via facial expression. If you find yourself the center of attention, relax and don’t draw attention to awkwardness, using humor to defuse tension. Use exaggerated, pantomime-like gestures and initiate contact with strangers. Finally, practice the art of “platonic flirting.” • Introverts can be charismatic, but they must do so on their own terms.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#AbstractVisualization #ActiveVisualization #AffectiveCommunicationTest #AuthoritativeCharismatic #Cabane #Charisma #ContrastCharismatic #FoxCabane #Friedman #GretaThunberg #HowardFriedman #KindnessMeditation #MindfulAwareness #Mindfulness #MindfulnessPractice #OliviaFoxCabane #Riggio #BuildingReal-WorldCharisma #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• Empathy is a nonnegotiable ingredient in genuine, connected interactions, and one easy way to create it is to give compliments. Make it authentic, meaningful to the person receiving it and specific, Avoid insincere exaggeration or vague niceties that don’t speak to a person’s values. • Learn to recognize “bids for attention” because when you “turn toward” these unspoken requests for connection and validation, you deepen and strengthen relationships of all kinds, and respond with empathy. Turning against or away from these requests does the opposite. • Practice the art of nonviolent communication by using four simple steps: first, observe without judgment or interpretation. Second, express how you feel without blame or making anyone responsible. Third, express your needs plainly and assertively, without implicating the other person. Finally, calmly express a specific request that stems from the previous three steps, without entitlement or force. This will make any difficult or emotional conversation infinitely easier.• Use language softeners. Softer language can help foster trust, empathy, and likeability in all social situations. Use modal verbs and qualifiers, focus on the positive, be mindful of your word choice and use a gentler, more respectful and unhurried style to communicate a friendly willingness to cooperate. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/readpeoplekingShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#CarrereGottman #ComplimentTips #DefuseConflict #Empathy #EverydayConversations #GenuineCompliments #Gottman #GottmanInstitute #HealthyRelationships #InsincereExaggeration #JulieGottman #LindsayLiben #MarshalRosenberg #ModalVerbs #NonviolentCommunication #NVC #PassiveAggression #RomanticRelationship #Rosenberg #LanguageSofteners #ThePowerOfEmpathy #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

• Most people fail to be charming in conversations because they misunderstand what it really means to be charming. But anyone can build their charisma by practicing a few concrete skills.• Firstly, use mirroring to signal connection and understanding. Whether it’s verbally, nonverbally, or even emotionally, mirroring can build rapport between you and the other person.• Use Albrecht’s “rule of three” to help you have more balanced conversations, i.e. ones where you do enough listening. What you say can either be a Declarative (facts or opinion being stated as facts), Questions, or Qualifiers (or "softeners"). The rule is not to have more than three declaratives in a row – instead, use a question or softener to keep things balanced.• Similarly, the ARE method is a helpful tool to help you nail small talk easily. It stands for Anchor, Reveal, and Encourage. First, identify a shared experience, then reveal something about yourself connected to that anchor, then finally encourage the other person to share, too.• With small talk topics, remember the acronym FORM: Family, Occupation, Recreation (hobbies and interests), and Motivation (goals).• You can avoid overly long-winded responses by remembering the 1 minute traffic light rule. The first 30 seconds or so is a green light to speak as you will, the next 30 seconds is an orange light – watch out for waning interest – and beyond a minute is a red light, where you will likely lose your listener’s attention. Keep it short!Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#AuthenticConversations #ConversationFlow #DrCarolFleming #FacialExpression #GoodConversation #KarlAlbrecht #MartyNemko #NonverbalCommunication #WilliamJames #HowToNeverHaveABadInteraction #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoTalktoAnyone

• Charming people may seem to possess a mysterious quality nobody else does, but charisma is a knowable set of social and emotional behaviors that anyone can learn. • Charisma can be defined as a blend of likeability and influence. Charismatics have presence in a room, can impact and persuade others, can lead, but also know how to put people at ease, are warm, smile often, and get along with anyone. • Practice taking up more space in a room, and examine any core beliefs that may negatively impact your posture and expression. Believe deep down that other people are not a threat and that you have something worthwhile to communicate. • Speak openly about your passions, and when you address others, speak to their highest selves. Smile often and remember the details of what people tell you. • Don’t interrupt, judge, complain, gossip or express negativity. Instead, express gratitude and optimism. • Ronald Riggio broke charisma into 3 social and emotional functions: expressiveness, sensitivity to other people’s expressiveness, and self-control. • To be more charismatic, express yourself emotionally with colorful language and dynamic facial expressions. Pay attention to people’s nonverbal expression, but don’t be afraid to ask directly about how others feel. • To improve emotional control, slow down, breathe and become present, rather than reacting mindlessly. • Acting and improv can help you improve social skills, and the ability to consciously wear a social mask. Pay attention to how you’re physically presenting yourself and dress with care and deliberation. • Finally, learn to “people watch” and get into the habit of asking more questions instead of talking about yourself in conversations.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Charisma #EmpathySkills #HenryRKravisProfessor #NaturalLeader #Riggio #RonaldERiggio #So #WhatIsCharismaAnyway? #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MassiveCharisma

• No matter who you are, it’s always possible to improve your people skills and become a more charming and more likable conversationalist. • Start by building more social awareness. If eye contact is often awkward or uncomfortable, try the triangle technique: Draw an imaginary inverted triangle on the other person’s face around their eyes and mouth. During the conversation, change your gaze every five to ten seconds. • Be aware of proxemics as a nonverbal mode of communication. Intimate, social, personal or public space are used in different contexts and can signal intentions, with people regulating their social closeness by changing their physical proximity. • “Perceptual positions” can help you build empathy and switch perspectives. First position is seeing the world through our eyes, second position is seeing the world through someone else’s eyes, and third position is seeing the world through a neutral observer’s eyes. You can gain insight into a situation by adopting each position in turn. • To be a better and more active listener, paraphrase, clarify and summarize. Avoid judging, interpreting through your own perspective or interrupting, and simply listen. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/readpeoplekingShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#ActiveListener #ConversationalArts #EdwardHall #GoodListener #HarmoniousRelationships #JoeNavarro #KaraRonin #NLP #Paraphrasing #Proxemics #TriangleEyeContactTechnique #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills