Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

What do you say to a child who’s lost multiple loved ones and now lies awake, terrified of death? In this deeply compassionate episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack why repeated loss can create overwhelming bedtime anxiety, why it peaks when the lights go out, and the simple, research-backed ways parents can help. You’ll learn how to create safety, connection, and rituals that bring comfort — without minimising their grief or making false promises. KEY POINTS Multiple losses and cumulative grief  Why bedtime can trigger fears Connection and presence over quick fixes or false assurances Following your child’s lead How to create closure for your child QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “What your child needs most isn’t for their fear to disappear — it’s to feel truly seen and understood in it.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES Understanding Grief in Children - Sage Journals Studies on the default mode network and bedtime anxiety Helping Kids Cope with Grief - a Conversation with Kristy Thomas Cumulative Grief - Dr Bill Webster The Journey of the Default Mode Network: Development, Function, and Impact on Mental Health ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Make bedtime a safe, calming ritual. Be present in the moment. Follow their emotional lead. Use comfort objects. Create closure rituals. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your child says, “I want to quit.” Soccer. Piano. Swimming. Art. Should you let them? There’s a magic confidence threshold in every skill - and most kids give up just before they reach it. In this episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack why kids quit, the role of motivation and relationships, and how to help them push through frustration without forcing them into misery. You’ll learn how to balance empathy with encouragement so your child develops grit, resilience, and the joy of mastery. KEY POINTS Every skill has a “confidence threshold” — the point where hard work starts to feel rewarding. Kids often want to quit in the “valley” before reaching this threshold. Motivation matters: autonomy and relationships increase persistence. Plateaus in progress are normal and often occur right before breakthroughs. Distress tolerance is a life skill - avoiding discomfort robs kids of resilience-building experiences. Angela Duckworth’s “Don’t quit on a hard day” rule helps kids make decisions in a calm emotional state. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “When we rescue kids from every struggle, we rob them of the chance to discover they’re more resilient than they think.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED Angela Duckworth’s research on grit The Dunedin Study  Dr Justin Coulson’s “Anti-Fragile” resilience keynotes ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Check the motivation – Was this activity your child’s choice or yours? Aim for the threshold – Encourage them to reach basic competence before deciding to quit. Build social connections – Support involvement where friendships are part of the activity. Talk about plateaus – Normalise slow progress and help them see it’s temporary. Adopt the “hard day” rule – No quitting right after a loss or tough session. Sit with discomfort – Model staying calm and present when challenges arise. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Screens often get a bad rap — and for good reason. But what if the problem isn’t the technology itself, but how we use it? In this heartwarming episode, Justin and Kylie share two powerful reminders: first, how intentional screen use (like FaceTiming with grandparents) can boost connection, vocabulary, and joy for kids; and second, why the “little moments” in family life are actually the big ones. KEY POINTS Why screens aren’t the enemy when used with purpose. Real-life example: FaceTime as a bridge between grandparents and grandkids. How small daily interactions (smiles, greetings, cuddles) create deep bonds. The research-backed link between physical touch and team success — and why it matters for families. The importance of slowing down to cherish moments, even in busy weeks. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "The little things actually are the big things." RESOURCES MENTIONED Happy Families resources: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Use technology like a toothbrush — as a tool for connection, not distraction. Encourage kids to FaceTime or video call grandparents regularly. Look for “small moments” of connection each day — greetings, cuddles, high-fives. Be intentional about physical touch to boost connection and wellbeing. Even when busy, pause to notice and enjoy the joy on your child’s face. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Half of Aussie kids say they’ve been bullied in the past year — and for some, it’s relentless. If your child is caught in the middle of it, you can feel powerless, worried, and desperate for answers. In this powerful conversation, Professor Donna Cross shares a simple but life-changing 4-step approach to help your child feel heard, supported, and in control — plus what to try when you’ve “done it all” and nothing changes. You’ll learn: The hidden signs your child is struggling (and what not to miss) Why face-to-face bullying is still more common than cyberbullying The LATE model — a simple framework to guide every conversation Why walking or sitting side-by-side helps kids open up How to help when the bullying won’t stop — even after trying everything When changing schools is worth considering (and how to make it work)   QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "Don’t take the wheel — take the ride. Let your child lead the conversation so they keep their sense of control."   RESOURCES MENTIONED Part 1 of our interview with Professor Donna Cross. Friendly Schools - An evidence-based whole-school approach to social & emotional wellbeing & bullying prevention. Bullying No Way - Professional learning resources. Professor Donna Cross’s research on bullying prevention and intervention Happy Families resources on bullying When Your Child is Bullied: A Calm, Practical Guide for Parents [HF Article] Rebecca Sparrow's friendship resources for parents and kids (Australia's "Friendship Whisperer") Rebecca Sparrow's friendship resources for schools and educators No Bullying Week: "Be Bold. Be Kind. Speak Up." Kid's Helpline for Bullying Spotlight on cyberbullying - a resource for schools The eSafety Commissioner's Guide to Cyberbullying Webinars for schools - designed for 3/4 and 5/6 students (Bullying No Way 2025)   ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Watch for warning signs — changes in mood, friendships, or routines. Use the LATE approach when your child opens up.  L – Listen without rushing to take over. A – Acknowledge the hurt (“That sounds really tough”). T – Talk about options, letting your child lead the ideas. E – End with encouragement and keep the door open for future talks. Role-play tricky situations to build your child’s confidence and coping skills. Engage the school early and keep them informed — especially during transitions. Encourage bystander support skills in your child’s friendship group. If necessary, consider a school change — but plan supports to prevent the bullying from following them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Bullying doesn’t just hurt feelings — it can rewire a child’s brain. In this powerful conversation for No Bullying Week, I speak with Professor Donna Cross, one of Australia’s leading bullying experts, about the profound short- and long-term impacts of bullying, why some children are targeted, and the surprising protective factors that can help shield kids from harm. You’ll learn what’s really going on in the minds of both bullies and their targets — and how parents can build a network of support that keeps kids safer at school and online. KEY POINTS Bullying can trigger long-term neurological and genetic changes through repeated stress responses. Effects can be similar to those seen in children experiencing abuse. High-risk factors for being bullied include loneliness, visible differences, lack of supportive bystanders, and not being well known or liked by teachers. Protective factors include multiple friendship groups, strong peer relationships, a culture of kindness, and supportive school environments. Social and physical environments — from seating arrangements to equipment availability — can influence bullying dynamics. Parents can play a key role by facilitating diverse friendship opportunities and monitoring online activity. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "Probably the most protective factor is your child’s relationships with other young people — especially having multiple friendship groups." – Professor Donna Cross RESOURCES Professor Donna Cross’s research and publications Happy Families resources on bullying prevention and response When Your Child is Bullied: A Calm, Practical Guide for Parents [HF Article] Rebecca Sparrow (Australia's "Friendship Whisperer") - resources for parents and kids to help build, repair, and strengthen friendships.  Friendship resources for schools and educators from Rebecca Sparrow. No Bullying Week: "Be Bold. Be Kind. Speak Up." Kid's Helpline for Bullying Spotlight on cyberbullying - a resource for schools The eSafety Commissioner's Guide to Cyberbullying ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Help your child build multiple, diverse friendship groups. Encourage empathy and kindness at home and in school conversations. Partner with your child’s school to promote a positive social environment. Teach your child how to respond calmly to provocation. Monitor and guide your child’s online interactions to reduce cyberbullying risk. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do you talk to your child about a terminal illness in the family? What if it’s not your family, but your best friend's—and you want to support both their kids and your own? In today’s heart-wrenching episode, Justin and Kylie tackle one of the toughest parenting challenges: helping children navigate the looming death of a loved one. With compassion, honesty, and practical wisdom, they share how to approach these conversations—and how to show up when words aren’t enough. KEY POINTS: Be honest with children in age-appropriate ways—truth helps, secrecy hurts. Children need predictability: keep routines and rituals where possible. Acknowledge emotions—yours and theirs. Say “I feel sad too.” When supporting a grieving friend, show up practically. Don’t ask, just do. Teach your child how to be a caring friend: “I don’t know what to say, but I care about you.” Offer your home as a safe place for affected children to rest and just be kids. Model empathy, presence, and consistency—not just for the family in crisis, but for your child watching. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "I don’t know what to say, but I care about you." — Teach this to your child, and say it yourself. It matters. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Happy Families Website (submit your question here) Has Screen Use Crossed the Line in Your Home? - With Brad Marshall ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Speak to your child about serious illness honestly and age-appropriately. Keep routines and rituals in place to provide stability. Validate and model emotional expression: let your child see that it’s okay to be sad, angry, or confused. Help your child support their friend with care, not pressure. Offer practical help to grieving families—meals, transport, child-minding—without needing to be asked. Let your home be a haven for kids who are carrying heavy emotional loads. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Most of us think we know what to do when our child is being bullied—stand up to the bully, teach resilience, demand punishment. But what if those responses are making things worse? In this No Bullying Week episode, Justin and Kylie bust the myths around bullying and offer counterintuitive, compassionate, and powerful alternatives. Discover what actually works to support kids being bullied—and how to raise kids who don’t become bullies in the first place. KEY POINTS: If Your Child Is Being Bullied: Stop telling kids to “stand up” to bullies. This victim-blaming advice ignores power dynamics and often escalates harm. Avoid framing bullying as “character-building” or a “resilience opportunity.” Bullying is trauma. It’s not a test of toughness. Don’t demand punishment. Zero-tolerance and “make them pay” approaches often backfire. The system needs repair—not retribution. To Prevent Your Child from Bullying: Watch for “dominance in disguise.” When we reward confidence or competitiveness without checking the impact on others, we may be reinforcing bullying. Reflect on your parenting style. Harsh, authoritarian parenting models the very power-over behaviour we’re trying to prevent. Go beyond “treat others how you want to be treated.” Help kids develop real empathy by guiding them to reflect on how others feel. Bonus: Get your kids involved in service. Nothing builds empathy like helping others in need. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Our job isn’t to make kids bounce back from abuse. Our job is to make sure the abuse doesn’t happen in the first place.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: When Your Child is Bullied: A Calm, Practical Guide for Parents [Article] National Centre Against Bullying Conference Wall Street Journal article on the parenting pendulum Bullying No Way: A National Week of Action ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Work with the school: Ask for systemic solutions, not quick punishments. Validate your child’s pain: Listen, believe, and support—without trying to “toughen them up.” Model empathy and connection at home: Choose collaboration over control. Encourage service and perspective-taking: Real-world connection builds character better than lectures ever could. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When your child is struggling, do you ever feel like you should know exactly what to say—but you don’t? In this episode, we explore the parenting pressure to fix our kids’ problems... and why sometimes, the best thing we can do is just pick up the phone and listen. Plus: the surprising milestone we celebrated this week and why your relationship deserves a party too. KEY POINTS Kids often expect parents to know what to do—but we don’t always have the answers.  A powerful reminder: our kids don’t need perfect words—they just need us to show up. Building community makes it easier to hold the line with tricky issues like phones. Why celebrating your marriage or partnership (even obscure milestones!) is crucial for a strong family. Love and presence matter more than parenting “perfection.” QUOTE OF THE EPISODE  "I didn’t say anything wise. I didn’t make anything better. I didn’t do emotion coaching or problem-solving. I just listened. And that was enough." RESOURCES MENTIONED Wednesday’s Episode with Dr Brad Marshall on the impact of phones Sunshine Coast Ballooning (hot air balloon anniversary celebration—not sponsored, just loved it) HappyFamilies.com.au for more resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Let go of needing the perfect words – Just be there. Listen. Build your community – Especially around tricky boundaries like phones and tech. Celebrate your partner – Mark the small and silly milestones. They matter. Reconnect with your kids – Even if you don’t have a fix, your presence is powerful. Remind yourself – You don’t have to have the answers. Just love them. Be there. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Feeling like your child is glued to their screen - and spiralling? You're not imagining it. A brand-new meta-analysis of nearly 300,000 kids reveals something alarming: screen time isn't just a symptom of emotional struggles… it’s making them worse. In this Doctor’s Desk deep dive, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down the research and shares three critical parenting strategies that can break the cycle. KEY POINTS A meta-analysis of 117 studies (292,739 kids!) shows screen use leads to increased emotional and behavioural problems—and kids who are already struggling are more likely to turn to screens. Gaming has the most harmful effects, especially when time limits are exceeded. There’s a reciprocal relationship between screen use and emotional struggles—each one fuels the other. The screen trap is real—even highly self-aware adults get caught. The key isn’t blame or punishment—it’s collaboration, connection, and compassion. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We need to question the gaming industry’s design, not our children’s character." RESOURCES MENTIONED Meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin (2025) Yesterday’s episode with Dr Brad Marshall on gaming disorder and smartphone overuse ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Question the system, not the child: Open conversations with kids about how games and social media are engineered to capture attention and exploit vulnerabilities. Collaborate on screen use limits: Use the 3 E’s: Explore, Explain, Empower. Involve kids in setting family screen guidelines focused on what they gain, not what they lose. Replace screens with real connection: Prioritise family time, hobbies, nature, and friendships. The more involved you are, the less likely screens will dominate. Get curious about unmet needs: Ask: What is my child seeking from this screen? How can I help them meet that need in real life? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Nine hours a day. That’s how long Aussie teens are spending on recreational screens. But what does this mean for their development—and should parents panic? In this confronting but practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Dr Brad Marshall, clinical psychologist and researcher, to unpack Australia’s biggest study to date on screen overuse and gaming disorder in kids. Together, they explore what the data shows, what it means for families, and what you should (and shouldn’t!) do if screen use has taken over your home. KEY POINTS New research shows 9 hours/day of screen time for high schoolers and 6 for primary kids—just for fun, not school. Around 5% of kids show signs of clinical or subclinical gaming disorder. 10% show signs of smartphone addiction. Significant developmental impacts were found across emotional, behavioural, educational, and physical domains. These issues start in primary school, not just during adolescence. It's not about banning screens but about helping parents set and enforce realistic, healthy limits. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "If your child is in a sleep deficit because they’re on screens at night, that snowballs into everything else." – Dr Brad Marshall RESOURCES MENTIONED The new Macquarie University study on screen overuse Brad’s Developmental Impact Questionnaire Happy Families podcast archive Brad Marshall’s organisation: Control Shift ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Don’t attack the tech. Avoid saying things like “that game is rotting your brain.” It shuts down connection. Don’t allow screens in bedrooms at night. Sleep loss is a key trigger for wider issues. Don’t argue in the heat of the moment. Have the “screen talk” when everyone’s calm. Get curious about impacts. Use tools like the Developmental Impact Questionnaire to understand your child’s experience. Pick your battles. Focus on habits and boundaries, not just hours. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.