The Psychology of Relationships

How do you actually know if someone is a good match for you—not just on paper or in the early spark, but in a way that lasts over time? So much of modern dating emphasizes chemistry, shared interests, and surface-level alignment, yet research shows those factors aren’t the strongest predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction. In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by Eli Finkel, social psychologist and Director of the Relationships & Motivation Lab at Northwestern University, to challenge what we think compatibility means. Drawing from decades of research, Eli explains why compatibility isn’t something you discover—it’s something you actively build through growth, responsiveness, and shared meaning.In this episode, you’ll learn:• Why chemistry and similarity are often overrated in partner selection• How compatibility evolves once you’re in a relationship• What the Michelangelo Effect reveals about healthy long-term love• Why emotional support and responsiveness matter more than shared hobbies• How to evaluate potential partners with a growth-oriented mindsetTo learn more about Eli Finkel, visit https://www.elifinkel.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ever notice how wanting closeness can suddenly make you feel trapped or how independence can quietly turn into emotional distance? To continue the conversation from last week, Julie & Yue chat with Mark's now-wife Kylie McBeath, relationship educator, co-author of Liberated Love, and someone who didn’t just study avoidant patterns, but lived them. Kylie opens up about why she ended a relationship she deeply cared about and chose a “no man diet” to confront what was really driving her push–pull dynamic. This episode explores the psychology of avoidance, how self-protection can disguise itself as strength, and why stepping back from dating can sometimes be the most powerful move toward secure love.In this episode, you’ll learn:• How avoidant patterns form and why they’re often misunderstood• Why independence can mask emotional self-protection• What intentional pauses reveal about attachment and safety• How internal security is built without relying on a partner• Why slowing down can lead to more grounded, lasting connectionTo learn more about Kylie McBeath, follow her @beingisbeautiful and visit https://www.kyliemcbeath.com/Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When one person pulls away and the other leans in harder, the result is often frustration, confusion, and emotional exhaustion. In this episode, Julie & Yue talk with Mark Groves—human connection specialist, author, and founder of Create the Love—about what it takes to step out of the anxious–avoidant cycle and into a more secure form of partnership. Drawing from both research and lived experience, Mark shares how taking responsibility for his own triggers and emotional responses transformed his relationship. This conversation reframes healing not as fixing your partner, but as changing the patterns you bring into connection.In this episode, you’ll learn:• Why runner–chaser dynamics feel so hard to escape• How anxious and avoidant patterns reinforce each other• What self-responsibility actually looks like in relationships• Why awareness and repair matter more than blame• How secure relationships are built through choice, not chemistryTo learn more about Mark Groves, follow him @itsmarkgroves and visit https://www.createthelove.com/Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

There’s a quiet pressure many people carry: the feeling that they’re running out of time. Time to find love. Time to settle down. Time to make it all happen before the clock says otherwise. In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by therapist and advocate Beth Gulotta to explore how societal timelines—especially around love, fertility, and partnership—shape our anxiety and decision-making. Through the lens of psychology, Beth breaks down how social comparison and time pressure can distort our choices, and why meeting love later in life often comes with more clarity, emotional maturity, and intention. This conversation invites a redefinition of what it means to be “on time,” while still honoring real biological and emotional realities.In this episode, you’ll learn:• Why societal timelines create stress and rushed relationship decisions• How social comparison fuels anxiety around love and fertility• What psychology says about partnering later in life• How to balance biological realties with value-aligned choices• Ways to reclaim agency over your relationship and life timelineTo learn more about Beth Gulotta, follow her @bethgulotta and visit https://www.bethgulotta.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You’ve probably heard of IQ and EQ—but what if the missing piece in your relationships is PQ? In this episode, Julie and Yue are joined by Shirzad Chamine, bestselling author and creator of Positive Intelligence, to unpack how our inner saboteurs quietly undermine relationships. Drawing from neuroscience and cognitive psychology, Shirzad explains why we’re wired to judge ourselves and our partners, how the nine saboteurs show up in dating and long-term relationships, and what happens when we let them run the show. Together, they explore how building positive intelligence helps interrupt reactivity, reduce self-sabotage, and create more fulfilling, emotionally resilient relationships.In this episode, you’ll learn:• What Positive Intelligence (PQ) Is—and Why It Matters in Relationships• The 9 Saboteurs That Appear in Every Relationship• Why Judgment Is Hardwired Into the Brain (and How to Interrupt It)• How Saboteurs Create Conflict, Distance, and Self-Sabotage in Love• Practical Ways to Strengthen Your PQ Muscles• How to Respond to Triggers With Curiosity Instead of Reactivity• How Higher PQ Leads to Healthier, More Fulfilling RelationshipsTo learn more about Shirzad Chamine: follow @shirzadchamine and visit https://www.positiveintelligence.comWant to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Relationships don’t fall apart overnight—they erode through unresolved conflict, unmet needs, and missed opportunities for repair. In this episode, Julie & Yue are joined by Casey and Meygan Caston from Marriage365, marriage coaches and authors of The Marriage Habit and 365 Connecting Questions for Couples, to explore how their own marriage nearly collapsed and what it took to rebuild it. Drawing from both their personal journey and their work with hundreds of thousands of couples, they break down the patterns, expectations, and myths about marriage that often go unnoticed, and show how lasting love is possible when couples have the tools, awareness, and intentional practices to repair, reconnect, and thrive together.In this episode, you’ll learn:• Why conflict isn’t the problem, but avoidance and defensiveness often are• Key green and red flags to notice early in a relationship• Cultural and modern myths about marriage that can sabotage relationships• How to rebuild emotional safety, trust, and intimacy after disconnection• Tools for maintaining a thriving, resilient relationship over the long termTo learn more about Casey and Meygan, follow them @marriage365 and visit https://marriage365.com/Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We often assume that love, marriage, or having children is the key to happiness—but research tells a more complicated story. In this episode, Julie & Yue are talking with Dr. Laurie Santos, Yale professor, psychologist, and host of The Happiness Lab, to explore the science of well-being and how that relates to our relationships with others. Drawing on decades of research, Dr. Santos explains how to feel fulfilled in love without relying on someone else to make you happy, ways to shift your focus from external achievements to internal well-being, and why relationships, while important, are only part of what creates lasting joy. In this episode, you’ll learn:• What The Arrival Fallacy Is And Why Achieving Goals Often Fails To Boost Happiness• How The U-Shaped Happiness Curve Explains Satisfaction Across Life Stages• Why Social Connection Alone Isn't Enough For Fulfillment• Research-backed Habits To Increase Personal Happiness And Emotional Resilience• How Prioritizing Your Own Well-Being Improves Dating, Relationships, and ConnectionTo learn more about Dr. Laurie Santos, follow her @lauriesantos and visit https://www.thehappinesslab.comWant to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Love is supposed to feel good—so why does it so often feel confusing, activating, and emotionally exhausting? Even in the healthiest relationships, we can feel anxious, irritated, or like we’re “losing our mind,” which often leads to the quiet panic of wondering whether something is wrong with us or the relationship itself. Julie and Yue sit down with Todd Baratz, therapist and author of ‘How To Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind’ for a raw, unfiltered look at why love brings out our deepest insecurities, needs, and patterns. Todd breaks down why losing your mind in relationships is normal, how cognitive biases distort the way we evaluate partners, and why frustration doesn’t automatically mean you’re with the wrong person. In this episode, you’ll learn:• Why Even Healthy Relationships Activate Anxiety, Doubt, and Emotional Intensity• How Cognitive Biases Shape The Way You Judge Your Partner And Your Relationships• What Frustration in Love Is Really Signaling (And What It's Not)• Why 'Should I Stay or Should I Go?' Keeps People Stuck• The Question That Actually Leads to Clarity, Self-Trust, and Relational GrowthTo learn more about Todd, visit toddbaratz.com and follow him on Instagram @yourdiagnonsenseWant to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What if it’s not too late for love and your timeline isn’t behind but rather right on time? In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with former CNN journalist, and newly engaged May Lee to flip the cultural myth that love has an expiration date. At 57, May got engaged for the first time, proving that societal timelines are often more limiting than reality. Drawing from her own journey and the psychology of chrono-normativity—the idea that society imposes “proper timelines” for adulthood milestones—May shows how letting go of the artificial countdown clock can open space for clarity, agency, and authentic connection.In this episode, you’ll learn:• Why “It’s Too Late for Love” Is a Cultural Myth• How Chrono-Normativity Shapes Pressure and Dating Decisions• How Letting Go of Timelines Boosts Confidence and Self-Worth• Why Future-Positive Thinking Increases Attraction and Relational Satisfaction• How Past Detours Can Create Conditions for the Right Relationship• How to Choose Partners Based on Fit, Not Deadlines• Why Age Doesn’t Limit Love—but Outdated Timelines DoTo learn more about May Lee: follow @mayleeshow and visit https://www.lotusmediahouse.comWant to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Money has a way of sneaking into every corner of a relationship—date nights, living arrangements, future plans, even how we argue or apologize. And yet, it’s one of the conversations couples avoid the most. In this episode, Julie and Yue chat with Netflix host, bestselling author, and creator of Money For Couples, Ramit Sethi, to unpack the psychology behind financial tension that inevitably creeps into relationships. Ramit explains why money arguments aren’t really about money—they’re about values, fears, power dynamics, and the stories we carry about security, freedom, and worth.In this episode, you’ll learn: • The Four Money Types and How They Influence Relationships • How Different Earning Styles and Financial Habits Shape Dynamics • Why Money Fights Are Often About Emotion, Not Numbers • How to Communicate About Money Without Triggering Conflict • How to Build a Shared Financial Vision That Supports Your Relationship • Why Understanding Each Other’s Money Psychology Creates Trust and Intimacy • How to Build a “Rich Life” Rooted in Choice, Alignment, and SafetyTo learn more about Ramit Sethi: follow @ramit and visit https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOWAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy