The AuDHD Boss: Neurodiversity at Work with Brett Whitmarsh

In this episode, I’m talking about emotional flooding at work and what it feels like for me as someone with ADHD and autism. I share how misunderstanding, conflict, masking, and nervous system overload can affect my processing, my body, and the rest of my day. I also talk about what helps me move through it and why context and thoughtful communication matter so much at work.Chapter:00:00 What emotional flooding is for me01:46 What happens in my body03:32 Masking while overwhelmed05:08 Why I need verbal processing06:46 Spiraling and trying not to react08:10 The crash afterward08:58 When more context changes everything10:43 Why this matters at workResources mentioned:Substack: [link]Coaching: [link]Workbook: [link]Caroline Maguire: [link]Bridget’s post: [link]

Purity culture. High control religion. Autistic masking. In this episode, Brett (The AuDHD Boss) gets vulnerable about growing up in a fundamentalist evangelical environment—and how rigid rules and shame can stay in your body long after you’ve “left.”Brett is late-diagnosed Autistic + ADHD, and in this conversation with author and educator Erica Smith, they explore why purity culture can feel especially “sticky” when you’re used to rule-following, people-pleasing, and masking for safety. Erica is the author of The Purity Culture Recovery Guide: The Shame-Free Sex Education You Deserve and founder of the Purity Culture Dropout Program—inclusive, trauma-informed education many of us never received.In this episode we talk about:What purity culture is (and how it became a movement)How shame and fear shape relationships and identityWhy rigid rules can feel “safe”—and how to replace them with your valuesWhat “deconstruction” means and how it can support healing“Is it too late?” (No. Ever.)Late coming-out, “second adolescence,” and reclaiming your timelineHow to talk to partners about your background without apologizing for itLinks & resources:Erica Smith’s book (affiliate): https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9798881801304Purity Culture Dropout Program: https://www.ericasmitheac.com/the-purity-culture-dropout-programMore from AuDHD Boss: AuDHDboss.com(For education and lived experience—not medical advice.)00:00 Purity culture, high control religion & autistic masking00:56 Leaving the church, carrying shame + rigid rules01:47 Meet Erica Smith + The Purity Culture Recovery Guide02:47 What purity culture is (broad + specific)04:15 Why it took hold in the 90s (True Love Waits)05:46 Reading recovery work when it feels activating07:42 Skip to the chapters you need (how Erica designed the book)10:10 Myths and misinformation purity culture taught12:59 Long-term impacts: fear, paralysis, pain, disconnection14:53 Autistic masking + rigid rule-following overlap16:04 Replacing rules with your values18:02 What “deconstruction” means18:47 “Is it too late?”21:27 Late coming-out + “second adolescence”24:49 Why “waiting for marriage” still has a hold28:02 Talking to partners without apologizing30:18 Final thoughts + where to find Erica

What was that moment you thought, “Oh… I think I have ADHD”?In this episode, I’m joined by Cate Osborn (Catieosaurus) and Erik Gude (Hey Gude)—the authors of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults—for a practical, honest conversation about what it actually looks like to live with ADHD as an adult.We talk about why so much “helpful” advice doesn’t work for ADHD brains, how to build systems you can restart without shame, and what support can look like when you’re late-diagnosed (including when ADHD overlaps with autism/AuDHD).And yes—we also go into the adult stuff: relationships, intimacy, sex, communication, and the parts of ADHD life people don’t always say out loud.In this episode, we cover:How Cate and Erik approached writing a book as two people with ADHDExecutive dysfunction, motivation, and why “simple” solutions often failADHD-friendly systems, accommodations, and sustainable routinesADHD and relationships: intimacy, communication, and repairSelf-compassion and personal responsibility—holding both at once The ADHD Field Guide for AdultsIf you enjoyed this episode, please follow/subscribe and leave a review—it helps more neurodivergent adults find the show.

Self-esteem has been a complicated one for me as an AuDHD adult (autism + ADHD). I can be confident and capable in certain areas—and then hit a wall in others and immediately start wondering, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do the thing?”In this episode, I’m sharing what I’ve learned about how AuDHD can impact self-esteem for me—especially on the other side of diagnosis—along with what I try when I feel a spiral coming on. I talk about internalized ableism and masking, imposter syndrome at work, what it looks like when my body knows I’m overwhelmed before I do (alexithymia), and how I anchor back to what I know is true.This isn’t a “you should” episode. It’s me being honest about what it feels like in my brain—and what I’m experimenting with to build self-trust.Resources mentionedNeurodivergent Insights glossary (alexithymia): https://neurodivergentinsights.com/neurodivergent-insights-glossary/Self-Care Activities for Autistic People card deck (Dr. Megan Anna Neff): https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9781507225066Show notes bullets (for apps that surface these):AuDHD and why it can feel “not quite ADHD, not quite autism”Strengths vs. struggles and the imposter syndrome gap“A different way in” — reframing walls without self-blameSupport without shame (reducing steps, ordering takeout when needed)Alexithymia + body cues + spiraling thoughtsAnchoring to what I know is true + a 20–22 minute resetPracticing pride: “take the win”

For the first time in my life, I’m starting a job as my full AuDHD self—fully diagnosed, fully open, and not trying to pretend I’m neurotypical. And it made me ask a question I think every AuDHD person deserves to ask:What kind of employee do you want to be when masking isn’t the price of admission?In this episode, I reflect on masking in new roles, what changed after my late autism + ADHD diagnosis, and how I’m learning to build a job around my needs instead of retrofitting myself into “corporate rules.”We talk about AuDHD needs at work (novelty, collaboration, structure, recovery), the push/pull of ADHD chaos and autism routines, meetings I miss vs meetings I don’t—and the grief of losing built-in workplace community.Question for you: What’s one accommodation, routine, or boundary that helps you thrive at work?Substack: https://brettwhitmarsh.substack.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AuDHDBossWebsite: AuDHDBoss.com

Explore the concept that there's no one-size-fits-all job for neurodivergent individuals. Discover how to leverage your special interests to find career paths that resonate with you. Learn the importance of designing a work environment that nurtures your strengths. Gain insights on effectively communicating your needs during interviews to ensure a good fit. Understand how to spot red flags and recognize what success looks like in a role. This conversation uncovers the keys to thriving in a workplace that aligns with your unique neurodivergent style.

Finding a neurodivergent-affirming provider shouldn’t feel impossible — but for many autistic and ADHD adults, the healthcare system can be invalidating, confusing, or even overwhelming. In this episode, I’m sharing five questions that will help you determine whether a doctor, therapist, or assessor is truly affirming, respectful, and informed.In this episode you’ll learn:What “neurodivergent-affirming care” actually meansHow to screen a provider during an intake callGreen flags and red flags to listen forHow to avoid being pathologized or dismissedWhy these questions reveal so much about a provider’s mindsetYou deserve care that sees you, respects you, and works with your neurotype — not against it.Follow me on Substack, YouTube, and everywhere @AuDHDBoss for more support and strategies for autistic and ADHD adults.

Annual review season can feel overwhelming — especially if you’re ADHD, autistic, or otherwise neurodivergent. Memory gaps, freeze responses, stalled processing, panic, and the pressure to recall a whole year of work can make self-evaluations feel impossible.In this episode, I walk you through a neurodivergent-friendly, step-by-step process for writing your annual self-review — even if you didn’t track anything all year. This is the exact method I used during my 12+ years in leadership, and it’s the same process I taught my teams to help reduce overwhelm, increase clarity, and build confidence during annual review season.ou’ll learn how to do a brain dump that supports ND memory, how to use your calendar and colleagues to fill gaps, how to align your accomplishments with company OKRs and KPIs, and how to advocate for a raise, promotion, or new responsibilities using real evidence — all without masking or losing your authentic voice.Whether you’re aiming for growth, stability, or simply want to get through this process without melting down, this episode will help you approach your review with clarity and self-trust.Why annual reviews trigger freeze mode for ND brainsHow to start your self-review (even from zero)Using your calendar to rebuild the yearGetting memory support from trusted colleaguesHow to align your accomplishments to goals you forgot you setHow OKRs and KPIs actually matter in your reviewUsing AI tools without losing your authentic voiceHow to make the case for raises, promotions, or new titlesWhat managers look for and how to prepare effectivelyHow to set realistic expectations to avoid RSD spiralsWhy ongoing alignment with your manager is the secret to long-term growth https://www.audhdboss.com or https://substack.com/home/post/p-180356961

Career coach Alex Lahmeyer, a queer, non-binary, and neurodivergent talent consultant, shares invaluable insights on finding a workplace that feels like home. They discuss identifying psychological safety during interviews and provide smart questions to gauge company culture. Alex emphasizes the importance of starting and sustaining Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) and suggests it’s all about community-building for neurodivergent professionals. Their advice opens doors to empower LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent individuals in their career journeys.

After being laid off, I learned that you can’t skip the grieving process — especially when your work was tied to your identity.In this episode, I share what it’s been like to process grief, burnout, and identity loss as an autistic and ADHD (AuDHD) leader after job loss. From losing community and structure to rediscovering creativity and unmasking, this is an honest look at what recovery really feels like.🔹 Why layoffs hit differently for neurodivergent professionals🔹 How burnout recovery overlaps with grief and self-worth🔹 What happens when leadership identity disappears overnight🔹 Finding rest, creativity, and new purpose after burnout🎧 This episode pairs with a YouTube video and a written reflection on Substack — complete with a bonus “beach story” that didn’t go as planned!➕ Watch on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@audhdboss📝 Read the companion essay + bonus video: https://brettwhitmarsh.substack.com