Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

As a practitioner, Varvara originally trained in psychotherapy and spiritual development. Because of her personal journey, she later found out that our fear of relating doesn't necessarily come from our brain, but from our body and the lack of safety we experienced as an infant. This is where her passion for somatic teaching comes from. Varvara joins us in today's episode to explain how developmental trauma can limit intimacy and connection in adult partnership, how our implicit memories can create conflict in our relationships, and how healing can help us take responsibility for our experience and reach out to our partner for support. Varvara Erochina is a somatic teacher and coach dedicated to personal and collective healing. She offers a multi-disciplinary approach to healing, informed by trauma resolution, Gestalt psychotherapy, spirituality, and life coaching. Her popular course 'How to Feel' offers practical education and embodied practice for feeling your feelings. She is the creator of Cards for Self-Care and offers 1-1 and group coaching, workshops, retreats, classes, and more. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 04:35 The lived experience of each individual comes from the very first relationships we form with ourselves and our caregivers when we were born. It also goes back to how that relationship is built upon memories that form in the body as we grow. 13:51 Talking about trauma can scare and put so many of us into defense. However, it's essential to recognize trauma as a chronic experience of not having our needs met as an infant. 15:44 The habits of blaming our partners or shutting ourselves off emotionally are the wise survival mechanisms we unconsciously developed as infants. Reclaiming those habits as such will help us move into greater self-connectedness. 21:03 Implicit memories, which is a formal term for feeling memories, are the thought patterns developed in response to a feeling we couldn't process as an infant. 23:18 Corrective experience happens when a new neural pathway gets created. This neural pathway gets deepened when we're being honest about how we feel, and when we experience appropriate co-regulation and safe attachment. 27:02 Corrective experience is also one of the best ways to experience a newfound safety, freedom, and possibility in our relationships. In order to access this, we must start by acknowledging our feeling of shame, understanding why it has developed in our younger years, and naming its impact by knowing whether it works in our relational life. 33:20 Whether or not our partner is ready to work with the process, we should always start with ourselves; then we go on and take that as far as we want in our relationship. 37:26 Babies experience chronic stress responses when parents appear frightened or frightening to them. If we have this kind of parenting, our infant implicit memory gets activated when we experience ourselves or our partners being frightened or frightening. Therefore, it's incredibly important to use our sensation and non-verbal clues at that moment to notice and differentiate between our adult selves and that very young response. 42:31 How to get in touch with Varvara Mentioned Be With website Varvara Erochina Instagram Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

A narcissistic personality operates in a way that drains its partner's emotional, mental, or financial health. During the course of this toxic and abusive relationship, the victim would voluntarily give up their sense of self and boundaries. They would've even gone into the state of cognitive dissonance by not actively recognizing their own values in the hopes of pleasing somebody else. After 16 years of living as a victim of narcissistic abuse, Triptta realized only she could change her situation. She went on doing recovery work to regain that sense of self and rediscover her personal boundaries. Although it's difficult to go through the healing process, she believes that doing so opens opportunities for a better, healthier partnership and parenthood. Triptta Neb Butkovich is the founder of DesignYou, a company that helps you discover how to take back your power and learn to love yourself again. Her mission is to provide a safe and open environment for victims of narcissistic and emotional abuse, to help them learn to value themselves and begin to enjoy healthy relationships again. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 08:32 Unlike those with narcissistic personality disorder, people with narcissistic tendencies can connect with others emotionally. 11:56 A narcissist's survival lies in their way of being. They use their relationships as "supplies" to feel better about themselves. 16:49 Narcissists typically don't change. While it's possible to empathize and sympathize with them, the partner should look into building their own sense of self and setting boundaries in their relationship. 21:14 How Triptta goes about building her sense of self after being abused for so long 24:59 The need to dissolve the relationship depends on whether or not someone has the disorder. Although this doesn't apply to those with narcissistic tendencies, their partner has yet to do some inner processing by reflecting on the following questions: Who am I today? What are my values today? What are the boundaries that I've given up for myself? 29:54 The healing journey using a multi-layered, three-pronged approach on the body, mind, and soul 33:33 How practicing your personal boundaries and decision making aligns with your values and legacy statement 36:24 How to get in touch with Triptta 39:15 Self-healing or doing the recovery work gives an ability to co-create healing with a partner and creates a ripple effect by being an inspiration to children or the community Mentioned DesignYou website ERP 226: How To Understand and Deal With a Narcissist – An Interview With Wendy Behary ERP 180: What If I Think My Partner Has a Personality Disorder? An Interview With Gabrielle Usatynski ERP 162: How To Know If You Are With a Narcissist and What To Do About It – Dr. Lisa Firestone Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Contrary to the other five, the love language of personal space isn't expressed in an active manner, but rather it's being intentional, supportive, and respectful with one another. It gives someone permission to spend time reflecting, contemplating, and doing other inner processes. While it's romantic to have connection and engagement in a relationship, it's also true that couples who are deeply committed in their relationship need space and time apart. However, putting this idea into practice brings up fear and insecurity sometimes. Today's episode is the continuation of How to Use the 6th Love Language in Your Relationship, discussing what hinders a couple's ability to give and/or receive space and solitude, what expectations to consider in order to devise a compromise acceptable to both sides, how to assess our need for space, and finally, how to practice the 6th love language in your relationship in conscious and proactive ways. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 07:40 The gift of personal space and solitude is presumed by many as the 6th love language. This act of love and care is particularly helpful to introverts, highly-sensitive, and artistic people. 09:48 Practicing this love language helps empaths achieve clarity on things they've been contemplating about. This is supported by a research study on liminal space where some of the best inventions, equations, and ideas are said to be coming from. 13:55 Modern living as well as changes in our relationship norms and stereotypical roles make it difficult for us to get a true sense of space. This could especially be true for people who are living in close quarters, people sheltered in place during the time of the pandemic, and individuals who can hardly differentiate time for self-care, romance, work, and domestic responsibility. 18:26 Inquiring about your partner's expectations is a helpful starting place to begin the conversation. From here, you can start to work together to achieve a win-win solution. One method is to take into account our family background, what we're used to, and how our sense of culture was negotiating time and space. 20:06 Reflecting on the following areas can also help inform your expectations in partnership: Do you depend on your partner to fulfill many of your needs? How are you with self-care? Are you honest about your needs? Do you take comfort in being alone? 24:22 When inquiring about your partner's expectations, you may also want to consider the levels of attention, engagement, and communication that each of you is willing to give and/or receive. 28:28 A guide to knowing our need for space 32:10 The gift of space and distance are shown in various forms, for example: being supportive of your partner's endeavor, allowing your partner to enjoy their moments with friends, encouraging them to pursue their commitments, and being respectful with their hobbies 38:20 How to honor the 6th love language in your relationship Mentioned Life on Purpose: How Living for What Matters Most Changes Everything by Victor J Strecher (*Amazon Link) A Guide to Speaking the 6th Love Language article by Pedram Shojai ERP 281: How To Use The 6th Love Language In Your Relationship – Part 1 ERP 110: How To Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs In Relationship ERP 238: How To Find Your Emotional Balance In Relationship Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Knowing your partner's love language can offer positive outcomes in your relationship. The five love languages describe the different ways that romantic partners express and experience love. Oftentimes, the act of love that we're willing to give is connected with our dominant language. Although it's strenuous to match your partner's especially in the early stages of your relationship, it can be achieved with practice and commitment to the process. The practice of the 6th love language in your relationship is also pivotal to you and your partner's optimal living and real functioning. Taking time for one's self or self-care should not be viewed as a partial or total absence of engagement in the relationship. Here's why. Today's episode discusses how you can apply and cultivate the benefits of the 6th love language in your relationship to be more present, more available, and have more opportunities to engage in an authentic relationship with your partner. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 04:19 Gary Chapman's five love languages — words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gifts — neatly package an individual's preferred care style. Everyone has a primary love language that's related to what they hope to receive from their partner. 11:03 The 6th love language — space — is an act of deep love and care where you give/ask your partner for space. This sense of space or solitude may come in the forms of physical or relational distance where a person takes time to contemplate, process, and feel one's own truth. 12:47 Introverts and highly sensitive people value this love language more than others due to their absorbing nature. This allows them time to reflect, process, and be comfortable in their own company. 18:18 Emotional disconnect in relationships occurs when someone has mistakenly picked up on their partner's non-verbal cues. To counteract this, revealing conversations that aim to articulate or educate both sides' wants are necessary. 23:41 In times of conflict, men may benefit more from the 6th love language as they need a moment to breathe and process things before actively engaging with their partner. However, the difference in gender lies in the ability to name and articulate the concern. 28:53 On Jessica's personal relationship: How the practice of revealing conversations and the 6th love language have sustained their healthy marriage Mentioned The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (*Amazon Link) The "Are You A Highly Sensitive Person" Test by Elaine Aron 17 Traits of Highly Sensitivity People Article ERP 134: Sensitivity and Intimacy with Candy Crawford ERP 273: How to Handle the Concern of Vulnerability Not Working in Relationship Grief Refuge app Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

The natural fear we feel when showing vulnerability is tied to our survival instinct. However, this fear can affect intimacy in our relationships. Working through the specific moments in our past which triggered this fear is a painful but rewarding process, and can allow us to grow and foster more intimate relationships. The causes of our fears account for many factors including cultural and intergenerational trauma. Therefore, the most important elements to foster healing are open communication and creating a safe space to be vulnerable. Mitchell Smolkin is a certified emotionally-focused couples therapist (EFT), Jungian psychoanalyst, published author, experienced public speaker, and the host of "The Dignity of Suffering Podcast." He explains what we should expect around vulnerability in relationships & why it matters. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 03:56 Introduction to Mitchell and EFT 07:24 Vulnerability in relationship is a particular skill that is practiced over a lifetime. 11:11 Cultural and intergenerational history are important contexts in the process of healing. 18:42 Vulnerability as a relational phenomena. Notice your first reactions to disconnection, name them, to track where the upset originates. 25:28 Hiding what you are feeling can't overwrite the nervous system. We have mirror neurons that actually anticipate partner's responses. 29:07 Just allowing another person can establish safety. However, being anti-social is tied to survival but this is terrible for intimacy. 35:26 How to discern between vulnerability and being afraid. Just talking about it with a professional creates the safety to get out of your cycles of fear. 44:01 Meaningful conversations need to happen in the right environments, as well as the right frames of mind. Partners are continuously learning how to make each other safe. 48:12 Connect with Mitchell Mentioned Mitchell Smolkin Website Mitchell Smolkin Instagram The Dignity of Suffering Podcast Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Every single person needs secure relationships. While this is true for everyone, finding it is not always the simplest process—and here is where extended family comes in. Tracy McMillan, a television writer, relationship expert, and author joins the show to discuss how relationship problems almost always have roots in the family. Tracy's own show called "Family or Fiance" fosters the healing of relationships by addressing generational trauma. She finds that partners in relationship come out of the show feeling liberated when they experience breakthroughs with their families. Tracy is an accomplished author whose works include Mad Men, Good Girls Revolt, Marvel's Runaways, and United States of Tara. She has written three books including a relationship book called Why You're Not Married… Yet and a memoir called I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 03:47 Introduction to Tracy and her unique voice as a relationship expert 12:33 Spirituality helps create secure attachment. This is a human need regardless of sex or gender. 14:07 Relationships as needs: Now less about survival and more about self-actualization. 19:25 Healing a relationship is healing generational trauma. Breakthroughs can happen in an instant and all it takes is honesty to oneself. 25:15 Creating visibility and normalizing therapy is the main goal of Family or Fiance. It helps change the narrative in communities that do not believe in therapy. 29:10 Families find unity and common ground with their experience on Family or Fiance. 32:49 How to connect with Tracy Mentioned I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway: A Memoir Why You're Not Married . . . Yet: The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve Tracy McMillan Facebook Tracy McMillan Twitter Tracy McMillan Instagram Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

It is common for codependent people to be people pleasers. While this strategy is effective at avoiding conflict, it also builds up anger and resentment that your partner may not even know about. Michelle Farris is a licensed psychotherapist, anger management specialist, and course creator. She discusses how letting go of codependence is not an easy task as the anger that so often accompanies codependence feels too familiar. Toxic codependence does not have to be a permanent reality. Michelle explains that therapy provides a safe space to work out the root cause of your pain and allows you to go through the complex process of recovery. Michelle's work helps codependent people trust themselves and create mutually satisfying relationships. She has been featured on Psych Central, Bustle, Your Tango, The Good Men Project, and The Daily Positive to name a few. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 07:18 Codependency is a relationship pattern that focuses on others at the expense of yourself. It relies on external validation. Recovery helps people discover their personal identities. 08:58 Identifying the traits of codependence that are hurting you is the first step of recovery. It may take years to become ready to let go as there is a painful withdrawal process that must be undertaken. 15:50 Saying no takes practice. Start with the safest people who are okay with you saying no and start with the "baby nos." 18:26 Codependent people may not relate with the word anger, as it may be too scary, but can typically relate with resentment. 21:14 Voicing what hurt you is a liberating experience. It has the potential of changing the dynamics of your relationship because it creates awareness of what you're feeling, something which may not have been apparent before. 24:49 Codependents don't go to anger immediately. It is, in many ways, a secondary emotion that comes after hurt. But festering anger and feelings of being a victim begin with hurt not being handled in the first place. 29:04 When anger leads to rage it is critical to be mindful. It is probably not the best time to talk and you may need to take some time off and walk away before returning. 32:10 Anger at oneself is tricky territory. It's important to have a safe community, perhaps in therapy, where you are validated that you did the best you can given your circumstances and you can make a different choice when you are ready. 34:15 Recovery involves fixing your relationship with yourself, improving your relationship skills, and doing the childhood work. This is not linear and the issues with each aspect happen at the same time, making recovery a complex endeavor. 37:03 An addiction to relationship is additionally complex as having it is a biological necessity. However, what therapy does is lessen the dependence on other people. 42:17 Receiving a favor is a practice that not only helps you take care of yourself but also allows others to be present in your life. 44:46 How to get in touch with Michelle and learn more about Counseling Recovery Mentioned Counseling Recovery Website Counseling Recovery Checklist ERP 260: How to Break Free from Codependency in a Relationship – an Interview with Sherry Gaba Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Authentic relating refers to how you express your own authentic self, the way you seek the same from your partner, and the dynamic created in between. Sara Ness, an internationally acclaimed facilitator, teacher, and community-builder popularized the field of Authentic Relating through the use of authentic relating games. The values of authentic relating include awareness, empathy, honesty, and the importance of creating space. Not only does this help romantic relationships blossom into their most authentic forms, but it also helps multinational organizations like Google, Mindvalley, and Burning Man grow in authentic leadership and communication. Sara Ness wrote the source text for Authentic Relating and has worked with tens of thousands of students in more than 100 communities on every continent except Antarctica. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 04:12 Authentic relating involves 3 perspectives: ourselves (authenticity), the other person and how we relate, and the space in between. There is a constant feeling out of how much of our authentic truth we bring and seek, and the synergy between. 08:39 Authentic relating games like Withholds and Appreciations allow you to look at your relationship instead of simply being in it. These exercises reveal, through honest communication, relationship patterns that may act as barriers in relationship. 13:11 The Noticing game puts to words the feelings, sensations, and lines of thoughts you have with your partner. It reveals the idea of presence in connection with someone else. 18:04 Authenticity has layers and is congruent to the values we are committed to. Your values will dictate the level and kind of authenticity you respond from. 22:00 Authentic relating exercises are also effective within multinational companies like Google, as well as the addiction recovery space and diversity discussions. 25:08 It is even possible to use authentic relating games to actually meet your romantic partner because it teaches how to set boundaries, make requests, and discover your values within a relationship. 30:54 Knowing what helps you recover from a trigger before it even happens is one of the most powerful things you can do in relationship. 33:36 Making a request is about changing behavior. This must be navigated caringly as different people and social cultures may have different ways of communication. Space must be created for these behaviors to change. 39:40 The act of making request is complex and involves vulnerability. Sometimes there is a need to go through conflict to figure out what your request truly is. 43:37 How to get in touch with Sara and learn more about Authentic Relating Mentioned ERP 215: How to Deal with Being "Alone Together" ERP 216: What to Know about Loneliness and Relationship ERP 273: How to Handle The Concern Of Vulnerability Not Working In Relationship The Authentic Revolution website The Authentic Revolution Instagram page Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Self and co-regulation is an essential human need that couples need to understand to know that their relationship is somewhere they can feel safe and come home to. Deb Dana, LCSW, clinician and consultant specializing in Polyvagal theory, joins the podcast to discuss what regulation is, its role in the nervous system, and how couples can apply it to their relationships. Deb trains therapists worldwide on the Polyvagal approach. She is co-founder of The Polyvagal Institute and author of The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation and Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices. Deb is also the co-editor with Stephen Porges of Clinical Application of the Polyvagal Theory: The Emergence of Polyvagal Informed Therapies and developer of the Rythm of Regulation clinical training series among many other pioneering works into this space. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 06:21 Co-regulation is the first organizing principle of polyvagal theory. It is a biological need to survive and to experience well-being. For people living with trauma, this did not happen in a safe environment and led to self-regulation instead. 08:40 Neuroception is the second organizing principle. It refers to the nervous system's way of getting information. The nervous system is constantly listening to three pathways: inside the body, the environment, and other nervous systems. 09:57 Hierarchy is the third organizing principle. There are three states that we visit all the time: ventral (safety and connection), sympathetic (fight and flight), and dorsal (disconnect and shutdown). 13:25 Co-dysregulation in relationship is common and when this happens the prefrontal cortex doesn't work the way it should. For couple therapy to be effective, one system must be anchored in ventral. 17:52 Protective strategies keep partners sympathetically charged. Since biology keeps nervous systems in this state, timing is important so that connection happens. Reaching by one partner while the other is in this state will result in pushback. 27:28 Tips for couples in dysregulated phases and using language other nervous systems can understand. 35:01 Asking who, what, where, when is an exercise to anchor to ventral and feel safe. 43:07 Contact Deb and learn more about the Polyvagal approach. Mentioned The Polyvagal Institute Website Rhythm of Regulation Website The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation (*Amazon book link) Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices (*Amazon book link) Polyvagal Flip Chart: Understanding the Science of Safety (*Amazon book link) Clinical Application of the Polyvagal Theory: The Emergence of Polyvagal Informed Therapies (*Amazon book link) Befriending Your Nervous System: Looking Through the Lens of Polyvagal Theory (*Amazon audiobook link) Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory (*Amazon book link) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

Substance abuse disorder wreaks havoc on a relationship with trust being one of the first to erode. Chantal Jauvin, an attorney and book author, joins the podcast to talk on the ASCENT approach which couples in recovery can practice to make their recovery journey successful and reignite the love that may have been lost due to addiction. Chantal, for all her expertise which made her General Counsel of a Fortune 500 company, did not know how to save her husband from the grips of addiction or building a relationship while in recovery. It took years of soul work and interactions with other couples to produce her second book, Love Without Martinis, to share the lessons she learned along the way. Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode: 03:59 Chantal learns about substance use disorder and collects couples' stories to share to others as a learning tool. 06:12 Recovery covers three aspects: The one suffering, the one who loves them, and the relationship itself. 13:50 Couples can recover successfully from substance abuse with the ASCENT approach. 18:09 A: Assess readiness to change. Shift focus from what cannot be done to what can be done. The Stoplight Method makes it smoother to move areas that are red to yellow and eventually green. 28:07 S: Structure your time. This creates accountability, a key aspect in building trust, and conveys what matters to you and what you truly value. 31:33 C: Create your community. Addiction creates trauma and emotional baggage, so meeting new people, it provides a fresh start without the guilt associated with past behaviors. It also teaches you on how to set healthy boundaries. 34:43 E: Engage in your life. To feel the joy of living, to get fired up, you need to assume responsibility for your own life. Engaging in what makes you happy helps your own individual growth, as well as the growth of the couple itself. 38:47 N: Nurture your spirituality. This allows each partner to pause and become self-aware to break the chain reaction of action and reaction which is so prevalent in substance abuse disorder. 41:24 T: Treasure your partnership. A touch, smile, or compliment says, "I see you" and creates meaning. Mentioned Chantal's website Chantal's Facebook Chantal's Instagram Chantal's LinkedIn Love Without Martinis Amazon page (*Amazon Link) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the "Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins" button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.