Parenting Teens Untangled - Realistic, science-backed teen & tween parenting advice
Rachel Richards
I'm Rachel Richards, Teen Parenting Specialist, former BBC Correspondent, CNBC Europe World News Anchor and mum, on a mission to make parenting teens much less stressful, and even enjoyable. Do you ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing? I've experienced that too, so have a big hug from me.Here's the truth. You’re doing better than you think you are. No, really, you are. There’s too much talk about what a parent should be, and how we can optimise and perfect ourselves, and not enough about how well you’re coping in this complicated world as you hold your shizzle together.I mean it, the most important message is that you CANNOT be perfect. You’re going to lose your rag, you’re going to get upset and say stupid things and make mistakes and hate your kids and your partner and your life from time to time.Take it from me, if you’re going to worry about anything make it: ‘Am I being curious enough?’Asking questions will get you everywhere as a parent of teenagers, and the place to do most of your practice is… yourself and your own thoughts and beliefs.So, welcome, pull up a chair, drop your baggage, and make yourself comfortable. Let’s learn together.The Podcast:A fellow mum begged me to start my podcast because she wanted someone she trusted to help her through the teen years, and I’ll be forever grateful to her because the journey has transformed my own parenting and benefited my family beyond imagination.Here’s the good news, this podcast is free and you can learn everything I learned just by starting at the beginning and going through every episode.If you want to go a bit faster then scroll through and pick subjects that cover what you need right now. If you can’t find what you want then message me and I’ll tell you which one will help you most. If it’s not something I’ve covered then I’m like a dog chasing a stick, so you’ll soon get your answers.My main aim is to help you stop trying to be perfect, or comparing yourself and your kids with others. Your only real job is to focus on getting to know the amazing people you have in your life, loving them unconditionally, and showing them you believe they can do hard things.JOIN ME ON SUBSTACK:For those of you who want more, or who just want to help me feel like the pebbles I have dropped in the ocean of life are making a difference, why not join my paid community? You’ll get one-to-one support and printable PDF’s that give you the top tips from each podcast episode so you have your own little, bespoke manual.ASK ME ANYTHING: I’m very busy behind the scenes reading everything so you don’t have to, and when you subscribe you have the chance to ask me anything. If I don’t know the answer I’ll head out like an eager truffle pig, ready to snuffle out the best for you.COMMUNITY: I’ll be offering regular extras, including tips and thoughts, that help you tune into what matters.All of the community notes, and tips, will remain available to paid subscribers. I want to make this more about fun and less about fear.PDF NOTES: So many listeners say they have rewound the episodes to write down notes, well now there’s no need. Paid subscribers will have a weekly, downloadable, summary of the top tips from each episode, so you don’t have to take notes.Please let me know if there are any old episodes for which you’d like the notes. I’m very happy to supply them.POINTERS: Ask me if there’s something you’re struggling with, I can tell you which episode is most suitable for you, because there are a lot to trawl through.
Episodes
Mentioned books
Jul 10, 2023 • 33min
Bigorexia: Teens eating everything in the house, muscle building, and Bigorexia. 48
Ask Rachel anythingBoys and men who display a muscular physique that's 'ripped', or 'cut' get more likes and shares than other accounts on social media, so the algorithms behind the platforms are feeding a strong trend in muscle building amongst teen boys. But who ends up feeding the ravenously hungry, and is it all healthy? Louise has asked us for help with how to manage feeding her growing lad. Her son – who’s 17 - goes to the gym to muscle-build five days a week and then expects her to provide him with the foods that go with his lifestyle. With the current financial climate, she says can’t afford to provide him with all the food to match his gym needs. She expects him to ask if he wants to take food because some of it is earmarked for an evening meal or baking. Sometimes he asks, sometimes he just helps himself. She says they’re continually falling out over this and she'd like some tips on how to deal with it. The term Bigorexia was raised during my interview with Mike Nicholson from Progressive Masculinity. It's used to describe a particular form of body dysmorphia and controlled eating that's hard to spot, because the people suffering look outwardly super-healthy. It's a growing issue, and little understood, so we decided to use this episode to talk about both problems and give you some ideas for how to tackle them. RESOURCES: Do you have body dysmorphic disorder? Check here: https://bddfoundation.org/information/do-i-have-bdd-test/ HELP LINES· https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/· https://bdd.iocdf.org/· https://www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/eating-disorder-helplines· www.suicidepreventionlifeline.orgRESEARCH USED:· https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a41133394/bigorexia-muscle-dysmorphia-special-report/· https://medicalxpress.com/news/2023-02-social-media-linked-symptoms-muscle.html‘The day you start lifting is the day you become forever small’: Bodybuilders explain muscle dysmorphia https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/13634593221093494More Muscles, More “Likes”: The Rise of Bigorexia and How Social Media is Fueling Unhealthy Body Image Among Young Men in Behavioral Health, Clinical, Mental Health EHR, OutpatiSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jul 3, 2023 • 32min
Anger issues: Parenting tips for dealing with an explosive, angry teen.
Ask Rachel anythingWe all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them. One listener contacted us for help with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in teens, and discuss top tips for how she can support him in managing his emotions. www.teenagersuntangled.com EXCELLENT WORKSHEET:https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/coping-skills-angerRESOURCES USED:Yale Medicine. (n.d.). Anger, Irritability and Aggression in Kids. [online] Available at: https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/anger-issues-in-children-and-teens#:~:text=For%20children%2C%20anger%20issues%20often.Myler, C. (2020). Understanding teen boys’ anger. [online] Maggie Dent. Available at: https://www.maggiedent.com/blog/understanding-teen-boys-anger/.Russell, D.L. (2023). Anger Management Techniques for Teenagers: A Parent Guide. [online] They Are The Future. Available at: https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/anger-management-techniques-for-teenagers/ [Accessed 12 Jun. 2023]Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jun 26, 2023 • 32min
Masculinity, and positive ways of supporting our teenage boys
Ask Rachel anythingThe term toxic masculinity has been gaining traction, and is often used to talk about the type of masculinity where men use dominance, violence and control to gain power and superiority over others. There's also been an increase in efforts to educate boys in how to talk more about their feelings. But with the rise of Incels, Andrew Tate, free porn, and pick up artists, you could be forgiven for wondering whether we're really making progress at all. So I contacted Mike Nicholson, Director of a programme called Progressive Masculinity. He goes into schools to talk to boys about masculinity. My key aim was to ask him more about how we as parents can better support our boys to develop a healthy style of masculinity. Mike Nicholson: www.progressivemasculinity.co.ukOther useful episodes on this topic:Andrew Tate and the mansophere: 33Pornography: 13Teen male friendships and the 'man box': 16Great role model: LeBron James - American basketball player, father and philanthropist. Mark Lewis: https://www.marklewis.co.uk/Novak Djokovic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=867mtHTsaDoRole models suggested by Mike:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/progressive-masculinity-and-great-models-for-our-boys/Boys in education:https://www.ted.com/talks/richard_reeves_how_to_solve_the_education_crisis_for_boys_and_men/c?user_email_address=261da4b3403e372197fe941147a78e48Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jun 19, 2023 • 34min
New relationships: Introducing your new partner to your teen
Ask Rachel anythingWhat's better than falling in love again, particularly after a divorce or breakdown of a previous relationship? If you've managed to find someone special in the messy tangle of life as a parent it can feel like a miracle, but your teen may not be anywhere near as enthusiastic about you moving on. When Jamie asked us for help with how she can introduce her new partner to her teen we knew it was a great one for us to discuss. In this episode we talk about when to do it, how, and suggest ways to ensure your teenager sees it as a positive, rather than something that might ruin their life. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jun 12, 2023 • 35min
Risk-taking teens; the good news about bad behaviour.
Ask Rachel anythingWe all know that teenagers need their friends, and spending time with others protects against anxiety and all sorts of other mental health problems. At the same time, groups of teens are far more likely to take risks and behave in a delinquent manner, which is what one of our listeners has discovered. Aged 13, her son has already started doing things with his friends that have got him into trouble with the police, so she's come to us for help.In this episode we talk about long-term trends in teenage delinquency, what we know about the teenage brain, and the one key thing she can do to keep him from messing up badly whilst he's at this vulnerable age.BEHAVIOUR CONTRACT:https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/teenage-behaviour-contracts/RESEARCH STUDIES:The great decline in adolescent risk behaviours: Unitary trend, separate trends, or cascade https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953622009224#bib80 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2396566/#:~:text=Changes%20in%20Neural%20Oxytocin%20at,takes%20place%20early%20in%20adolescence. https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/troubled-teen-boy/ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.744794/full https://www.understandingboys.com.au/how-to-handle-your-sons-unhealthy-risk-taking/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/talking-apes/202003/why-do-young-men-engage-in-risky-behaviors#:~:text=Risk%2Dtaking%20in%20males%20is,genes%20into%20the%20next%20generation. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/is-your-child-engaging-in-delinquent-behavior-4-ways-to-ma [Accessed 30 May 2023]. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jun 7, 2023 • 1min
Teenagers Untangled: Who we are and how you can use the podcast.
Ask Rachel anythingSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jun 5, 2023 • 34min
Social media: help your teens be their best selves online.
Ask Rachel anythingAn interview with Natasha Devon MBE: We parents often struggle with our fears about how to protect our teens when they're online. So when I received Natasha’s book written for teenagers, 'Clicks; How to be Your Best Self Online', I read it cover to cover.It's a great book to give your teens to help them navigate their online world in a way that's genuinely positive, because it covers things like avoiding tech addiction, swerving fake news, who to follow, online safety, and how to put your best self forward online.What I thought might be particularly useful for us parents was the Tips and Tricks section at the back. I'm going to use each heading to bring up discussions at the dinner table so that we can have informed conversations about the issues involved.Book: Clicks: How to be Your Best Self Online by Natasha Devon MBEwww.natashadevon.comRachel’s blog post on handing your teen a device:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Jun 1, 2023 • 35min
Sleep; the free performance enhancer for our teens with no side effects.
Ask Rachel anythingEverything seems better when we've had enough sleep; our mood is more stable, our response times are faster, we can control our impulses more easily, and perform tasks more effectively. For teenagers, who are growing rapidly and whose brains are going through a massive rewiring, that need for sleep is arguably even greater. But how many of us are certain that our teens are getting enough sleep? Can we be sure that their moodiness, lack of attention, impulsiveness or poor grades are really a result of teenage hormones? Could they be caused by a chronic sleep deficit? In this episode we look at how much sleep our teens should be getting, how we can support them in reaching that goal, and the one tip for helping them to shift their sleep window. ONLINE RESOURCES FOR PARENTS: https://thesleepcharity.org.uk/information-support/adults/adult-sleep-ebook/ https://teensleephub.org.uk/teens-young-people/RESEARCH REFERENCES:Sleep in adolescents and young adultsEllen S Bruce, consultant rheumatologist,A Laura Lunt, adolescent and young adult rheumatology research assistant,B and Janet E McDonagh, consultant in paediatric and adolescent rheumatologyC https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6301929/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6143346/ https://neurosciencenews.com/chronotype-shifts-23279/ https://thesleepcharity.org.uk/understanding-your-sleep-new-free-ebook-as-part-of-our-letstalksleep-campaign/https://www.sleepfoundation.org/teens-and-sleep https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/news/20220914/lack-of-sleep-teens-may-lead-to-obesity https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6301929/ Mindell JA & Owens JA (2003). A Clinical Guide to Pediatric Sleep: Diagnosis and Management of Sleep Problems. Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
May 10, 2023 • 33min
Conflict resolution skills to deepen your relationship with your teen
Ask Rachel anythingConflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it. As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements. In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for being assertive - and listening until everyone feels understood - we can turn conflict into a positive that deepens our relationships and creates lifelong bonds of understanding.Blog:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Conflict-management-skills/RESOURCES:An excellent book: Making Great Relationships by Rick Hanson Websites used:https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/communicating-relationships/communicating/conflict-management-with-teenshttps://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.1994.9923015 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0891524502883249Other sources of help:https://www.family-action.org.uk/what-we-do/children-families/familyline/https://www.keycharity.org.uk/help-and-support/resolve-family-issues/http://www.familylives.org.uk/https://www.relate.org.uk/get-helphttps://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
Apr 28, 2023 • 38min
Exam revision - Parenting through the pressure.
Ask Rachel anythingIt's pre-exam time of year again, and oh boy it's tough for our teens.Does yours have a colour-coded revision schedule, carefully-timed breaks, and a confident spring in their step? Maybe they don't seem to be doing enough revision, and you're the one panicking? Or are they losing their sh## with everyone in the house and struggling to stay on top of it?Both of us have teens currently revising for important exams, so we thought it might be helpful to chat about how we support them. We talk about the top tips from Jade Bowler, who went from a U in Chemistry to an A*, and how important it is for us to help our teens keep their perspective.Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/revision-getting-to-why-1/JUDGEMENT-FREE EXERCISECLASS:www.boostfit.comRESOURCES MY TEENS LOVE:The Only Revision Guide You’ll Ever Need by Jade BowlerDrFrostAmoebasistersKhan Academywww.khanAcademy.orghttps://flora.appfinca.com/en/FLASHCARDS@quizlet @quizizz @getknowt Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comFind me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk
