Above the Law - Thinking Like a Lawyer

And they're running out of a bunch of lawyers.A surprising level of jerk content this week as we discuss the value of real Jamaican jerk seasoning, Clarence Thomas getting his RV financed by a health care executive, Alan Dershowitz complaining about his neighbors, and Judge Aileen Cannon botching straightforward criminal law (more than once).

Elena Kagan and Samuel Alito have... very different takes on judicial ethics and what Congress's role is in all of it. Plus, Lindsey Graham has a change of heart about a federal judge because it's politically expeditious. And a deep dive into starting salaries for attorneys.

Alabama is just straight up defying the Supreme Court on election law... but when liberals propose the same thing all of a sudden it's a crisis for the rule of law. I see how that goes.Also a hard-working Biglaw staffer gets caught up in a political backlash to what seems like an honest misunderstanding. And law students have no freaking idea what they're in for.

For real though, don't mention your law school rank in your wedding vows. You may think it cute but literally no one else does. Clarence Thomas has been workin that lifetime tenure racket from the very beginning. And ,careful what you post on social media, unless, of course you just enjoy having to go through the same trial multiple times.

Also more mandatory office policies and a brief primer on the Federal Circuit controversy.The Supreme Court's ethical lapses reached such heights that a fellow federal judge had to step in to publicly ask what's wrong with these people. And it's not just the big ticket scandals anymore, with the Court's reputation so tarnished that folks freak out over non-scandals (or at the most minor ones) like Venmogate and Sonia's Book Club. Meanwhile, more Biglaw firms opt for a 4-day mandatory office policy, though there's still not a lot of momentum behind the move. And Judge Pauline Newman of the Federal Circuit continues to fight against her colleagues for her right to continue to hear cases.

Between threatening Facebook and suing Wachtell, the Chief Twit is pretty active. We also talk about the end of the Supreme Court Term and the struggles in bar prep.------Elon Musk is desperately seeking a win and if he can't get it in a cage match against Mark Zuckerberg, he'll try his hand in court. Spoiler: it's going to go just about as badly. He's sent a legal threat to Facebook that fails to articulate much in the way of a legal issue and now he's suing Wachtell for being the lawyers that forced him to buy the company in the first place. Meanwhile the Supreme Court Term ended in a blaze of gaslighting and a hail of disingenuous spin. And now law schools are facing legal threats if their student body looks diverse. Finally, bar prep is just a little bit more stressful for students prepping with Themis, which continues to suffer website problems in the critical weeks before the exam.

More Supreme Court scandal news as Justice Samuel Alito tried to run out ahead of a ProPublica report with his own Wall Street Journal pre-rebuttal. We're all for confronting your problems head on, but Alito only managed to make himself look worse. A judge in D.C. sides against a man with a marijuana prescription because his neighbor didn't like it. So much for property rights. And we discuss the new Above the Law Top Law Schools ranking for the year!

Because someday you might face massive espionage charges... or something.Donald Trump is struggling to find representation in his multi-count federal criminal case and it shows because he just can't stop saying incredibly damaging stuff about his case. Like how he will plead guilty for money. This is what happens after decades developing a reputation for stiffing attorneys. We also have more layoffs from Orrick and Reed Smith -- what can we glean from these moves? And a Massachusetts court expanded the standard for ineffective assistance of counsel to include instances where the lawyer is clearly bigoted.

When you think about it, is a deputized bear really weirder than keeping classified documents in a bathroom with two chandeliers?Donald Trump got indicted since we last convened. And then the case got assigned to the same judge who got professionally scorched for trying to bail Trump out in the first place. Apparently he thinks the government pays people to plead guilty? It's all very weird. Davis Polk plays follow-the-leader with Skadden and announces a 4-day in-office work week -- is this the start of a trend or not? Barber Ranen is no longer Barber Ranen after racist, sexist, and antisemitic emails between the founders at their last firm came to light. There's a lot to be said about baked in structures of discrimination and casual bigotry, but also... how did labor and employment attorneys think it was a good idea to put this in writing?And we talk about a bear cop.

Maybe the woman who called the cops on a Black birdwatcher should try using ChatGPT to make up some fake caselaw for her appeal because the real ones aren't helping.After a year of sword rattling that higher education is "hostile to free speech" because students don't appropriately sit quiet and absorb what speakers on stage are laying down, the media grandstanding came to a halt -- and in the case of the NY Post went into reverse -- amid calls to defund CUNY Law School over a speaker. Apparently it's only a "free speech crisis" in one direction. Meanwhile, the Second Circuit seems highly skeptical of Central Park Karen's claim that her former employer defamed her for citing its zero tolerance for racism in firing her. And by "highly skeptical" we mean the panel appears to have granted oral argument simply to dunk on her lawyer. Speaking of lawyers getting dunked on, the hapless attorneys who filed a response filled with fake caselaw they got off of ChatGPT are in serious trouble. But don't mistake this for "the perils of technology" because this was a failure of good old-fashioned lawyering.