

NOBODY LIKES ONIONS
Patrick Melton
For over FIFTEEN YEARS, Nobody Likes Onions has been making audiences laugh at the absurd, the obvious, and the wrong. Comedian Patrick Melton, along with other entertainers from around the world, gather around microphones three times a week to present their unique observations and opinions about current events, pop culture, and real-world experiences in their personal lives.
Episodes
Mentioned books

Jan 8, 2026 • 5h 42min
January 8, 2026: Chad Zumock’s New (Used) Car! Karmic’s New (Used) Girlfriend! New Gadgets!
KarmicX reveals why he flip-flopped on Hackamania on Monday, despite not being offered anything – he’s back together with Felicia, the woman he complains controls his life and his show to his own detriment. Watch as this poor simpleton reckons with his own decisions in real time. Chad Zumock has been revealed as a fraud, with the recent revelations of his tiny apartment and imaginary girlfriend sending shockwaves through to Dabbleverse. To make himself feel better, the wet-brained buffoon has decided to buy himself a car, and has already been caught lying about it. Ray Devito made some money in November and now can’t stop taunting people about his wealth. Stuttering John is coming to Hackamania and has Rocco on the run!

Jan 5, 2026 • 34min
January 5, 2026: Scarlett & KarmicX Sitting In a Tree! Ashley Cummings is Insane! Kiki Crumbles!
It’s a new year, but the same old ghouls are running around arguing about nonsense! Ashley Cummings and Keanu have been clashing over their fallout, and it’s hard to tell which one of them is more redacted. Keanu spills a secret about Ashley and the passive-aggressive battle is one you won’t want to miss! Scarlett Hampton is getting close to Karmic and it appears he’s ready to throw Felicia away for a chance at love with the midwestern strumpet. Mersh is mad at Haley for making a hunchasaurus voice for some reason. Supertip is causing battles in these streets!

Dec 31, 2025 • 10h 58min
TOOKIE & THE HUNCH – New Years Eve Celebration w/ Scarlett Hampton, Moody, Matt Mead & Haley
Join Patrick and Tookie as they talk about the old, ring in the new, and celebrate with fans as we head in to the Dabbleverse in 2026! What will this insane world have in store for us in the coming year?

Dec 29, 2025 • 6h 33min
December 29, 2025: Chad Zumock Can’t Stop LOSING! Kevin Brennans STINKS! Pulperfest Recap Drama!
Kevin Brennan can’t stop terrorizing Patrick! First he calls the iRS to report the fearless Onion leader, and now he’s calling The Plaza hotel to waste employees time for no payoff. Pluperfest in Las Vegas was a tremendous success! As long as you don’t know what success is and you enjoy spin! Patrick wasn’t going to talk about it, but it seems Blade and Karl are fighting over what happened two weekends ago in Sin City. Chad Zumock has been drinking his way through the holiday season, and lots of juicy info is coming to light. Let’s explore Chad’s stolen credit card saga and find where the truth meets what’s going on in Wet Brain’s head. PLUS we finally know where Chad lives, and nothing will prepare you for this, but Chad has been lying to us!

Dec 27, 2025 • 4h 30min
December 27, 2025: Get Him a Body Bag!
Patrick has been sick for almost a week – full of aches, coughs, wheezes and sneezes. But it’s wearing off. Let’s see if he even still remembers how to do any of this. Come for a special late night hang out where the only thing on the menu is uncertainty. Enjoy!

Dec 19, 2025 • 3h 1min
THIS LITTLE PIGGY: A Steel Toe Morning Show Roundtable Discussion (December 19, 2025)
With the lowest numbers he’s ever had, and hypocrisy galore, things just keep getting better for Steel Toe! Join Patrick and Moody as they discuss the hilarity of the week from Aaron Imholte and his Steel Toe Morning Show. The man who refuses to get a job never ceases to captivate while ratcheting up his lies and sperg-sessions for our amusement.

Dec 16, 2025 • 5h 46min
December 16, 2025: Chad’s BIG Event Idea! Kevin Brennan’s FURY! Karmic’s CONTINUOUS Crashout!
Patrick has been busy with the launch of the new Supertip system, and now you and your favorite show can sign up to use the system! Kevin Brennan is losing his mind! Watch as a 65-year-old man tries to figure out how to bring his enemies down with his old dumb brain! Karmic can’t stop spiraling after the loss of his simpleton comedian girlfriend, and everyone is catching his anger. Chad Zumock, after losing his imaginary girlfriend, is bored and has brainstormed a new event for the Dabbleverse that could RUIN anything Melton and the puppet are trying to do in Atlantic City!

Dec 11, 2025 • 3h 36min
December 11, 2025: Bower Talks Smack! Keanu is an ABUSE ENABLER! Scarlett Needs Help!
Scarlett Hampton is mentally ill and as dumb as they come, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be happy. She is surrounded by people without her best interests in mind, including her friend Keanu who seems to be turning a blind eye to her living situation with an apparent chronic abuser named Matt Mead. What unfolded on a recent stream seems unhinged and building towards a nightmare scenario. Michael Ray Bower has thoughts on the Dabbleverse and seems to hint that Patrick may be the one who sent him highly illegal material.

Dec 9, 2025 • 5h 20min
December 9, 2025: All The DabbleNews That’s Fit To Play!
There’s been a lot of little things going on outside of just the Karmic and Felicia drama, so let’s do a show to catch up on what’s been happening. Keanu and Geno have been spinning gold while striking channels, apparently Dick Masterson and Vito are fighting about Hackamania again, , Chadboozemock kills it with another Wet-Brained follies, and Mersh is mad at boomers or something. Come join Patrick for a show that could be anything!

Dec 8, 2025 • 10h 1min
December 8, 2025: KarmicX & Felicia Gillespie FINALLY Break Up! Let’s Watch ALL OF IT!
All good things must come to an end, and the short-lived emotional love affair between KarmicX and pretend comedian Felicia Gillespie is no different. After months of back an forths from Minnesota to Ohio, countless chicken sandwiches, roller coasters, aquarium visits, orchestral escapades, and late night scream streams, what we all knew was coming has finally happened. Karmic flew home last week and immediately depression and anxiety overcame the poor boy, and now sparks are flying between the two white trash transients. Let’s explore the HOURS of footage from the weekend and try to make sense of what was and what is to come for these two awful humans who deserve whatever is coming their way.


