Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

Are you too nice? That may seem like a strange question because most of us would think that being nice is a wonderful way to be. But sometimes we are too nice. Don't get me wrong, I am all for love, kindness and generosity. Yet I've noticed that although niceness is very p.c., it isn't always authentic. In today's coaches corner I discuss the danger of killing yourself with inauthentic kindness!

Why does our list of requirements for a lover, looks a lot like a job application? There are considerations for height, weight, and experience. Did we meet the person based on a reference from someone else? Do they fit into our mold of the "right one"? When we focus or obsess more on how the relationship is progressing than the quality of the experience, we miss out on why we are supposed to be in the relationship in the first place. What we are questioning is not actually a real dispute. We are creating doubts in order to use them as distractions so we do not have to address the real issue, which may be something from our past we need to let go of. Today's caller, Jennifer, wants to find a reason she should not be dating her younger boyfriend. She says he is supportive and loyal, which are both things she believes she wants from a relationship, but she can't seem to make herself trust that his feelings are real. As we drill down to the actual issue, Jennifer realizes she may be the one who is holding the relationship back and that it has nothing to do with age. A special note to the coaches who are listening - if I had formed an opinion about the age gap in Jennifer's relationship, we may have never gotten to the root issue, which is a core wound that needs healing. Coaches should be present and without judgment when working with clients. I invite all of you to join me in September for my retreat in Bali which will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the finest conversations with like-minded women. I will also be available for personal sessions. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join the festivities on September 16-22 and if you can't make it to Bali, you can get information for my upcoming "LA weekend" retreat. Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you been dating someone and would like to know if they are the right fit? Is there something external about your partner that bothers you? Is there a question unrelated to dating which is distracting you by keeping your mind busy? Do you desire a love but as it gets closer you find yourself wanting to run away? Jennifer's Question: Jennifer is in a relationship with someone 10 years younger than she is, and she wants to make sure she is not taking advantage of his youth. Jennifer's Key Insights and Aha's: Her boyfriend may be coming on too strong She attracts unavailable people She is holding anger towards her father She's continually trying to fix herself How to get over it and on with it: She should forgive her father Learn to release her emotions Find her own inner parent and give herself unconditional love Stop defining her relationship and open her heart to what she can learn Tools and Takeaways: Journal about underlying issues and use sentence starters like ○ I really need to know the answer to this because... ○ I'm really wondering about this because... ○ If I had the answer to this question I would… Ditch the requirements checklist when looking for or judging a partner; instead focus on how you want to feel with that person Set up practices to assist you to integrate new disciplines and habits Attend one of my retreats Sponsor: Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link (Including my favorite, Alpha Brain) Resources: Christine Hassler @christinhassler on twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@ChristineHassler.com for retreat information

Where's the line between preparation and obsession? Picture a time, maybe it is even now, when you have been preparing for something BIG like an interview, event, presentation, or the release of some creative endeavor. Now consider how much mental, physical, and emotional energy you put into it. Was it a lot -perhaps too much? Did you find yourself stressing out about it?

You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault. You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. These are powerful statements. What if you were told these things when you were young? Would you still be searching for your soulmate to complete you? When we are born we are complete. We have a sense of unconditional love and acceptance. As we go through our human existence, we are influenced by others around us and we tend to believe what they tell us as truths. Since those people have been apart from source love for a longer time, they say things which may not be encouraging for us. We then experience the illusion of separation. We feel a longing for the love and acceptance of others to fill the void and heal our core wound. If you have ever chased love, been deeply hurt by a breakup or felt addicted to another person, you are unconsciously longing to find your way back to source love. The hurt may be hard for your ego to accept but your soul needs internal love, not love from another person. It is time to reprogram yourself. It is time to move away from being a victim and time to release your anger instead of recycling it. Today, Deborah thinks her issue is about her indecisive new love but we find out it is not really about him but about her and her story, which is ripe for being revised. If anything in this episode resonates with you, get my book Expectation Hangover and come to one of my signature retreats. Together we will help you to release the feelings which no longer serve you. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you really hooked into someone in an unhealthy relationship? Are you still reeling from a break-up and you don't know how you will move on? Have you felt a sense of loneliness or not belonging? Is there a void you are attempting to fill? Do you believe once you meet your soulmate everything will be wonderful and you will feel complete? Deborah's Question: Deborah is having a difficult time understanding why her recent great "love" keeps distancing himself from her and why her heart feels lost. Deborah's Key Insights and Aha's: She brought the relationship to herself to heal a core wound She is stuck at the emotional level Loss is a core wound in her life She realizes she needs to release her old story It's not her fault How to get over it and on with it: She should release her emotions, not just recycle them Try an adult temper tantrum Make use of release writing until her energy shifts Understand that Little Deborah did the best she could with the tools she had at the time Try mothering herself as a younger child Be choosy about what and who you believe See past relationships for what they are, which is learning opportunities Tools and Takeaways: Read Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody Use the emotional section of Expectation Hangover and do the meditations Unfriend your ex on social media Start your spiritual practice Sponsor: Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link. Resources: Christine Hassler @christinhassler on twitter @christinehassler on Instagram christine@christinehassler.com Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody

When it comes to making a choice, is better to listen to our head or our heart? I explore this question in today's episode of Coach's Corner

Being "busy" seems to be a way we identify ourselves. We run ourselves ragged trying to meet the expectations of our bosses, our colleagues, and our families. We begin to put our needs aside in favor of what others want. To compensate for not practicing self-love, we wear our busyness as a badge of honor, which only seems to distract us from the lack of balance in our lives. We run the risk of having our children believe that stress equals success. The distracting device which is busyness cannot go on forever. We start to tear apart at the seams. Our inner self is crying out for attention and it becomes rebellious in order to get what it needs. While it looks for compensation, we are moving on to the next thing. Feeding this longing will serve us better than if we try to push right through. Fulfillment will not find us until we stop, refuel and rebalance as part of a daily practice. Until we stop doing and start being. Today's caller, Gulsen, is a very logical and analytical person. She feels motivated only when she is accountable to others. When she gets home she's finding it difficult to DO anything. Most intelligent people have a problem with just being so. I guide her through establishing behaviors that will get her where she wants to go. Get started on your 40-day commitment to yourself by putting one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly. Take deep breaths and bring all of your awareness to your breaths. Imagine you have a volume control in your head and that the volume control represents all of the chatter that is going through your head. Then while breathing, turn the volume down. Listen to this podcast to hear my entire guided meditation. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you addicted to busyness? Do you wear it like a badge of honor? Do you feel you should always be doing something? Are you pinpoint on some things but completely give up on other things due to lack of motivation? Is your self-worth measured by how much you are doing? Gulsen's Question: Gulsen wants to know why being at home drains her typically motivated and inspired nature. Gulsen's Key Insights and Aha's: She pushes herself to the edge She distracts herself with busyness Her worth and her value come from being, not doing How to get over it and on with it: She should make a sanctuary in her home to sit in stillness Trust herself when she is just being She should connect with love every day for 40 days Tools and Takeaways: Take an inventory of your life Forgive yourself for the misunderstanding that busyness makes you successful Commit to a 40-day practice of meditation or presencing Sponsor: Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link. Resources: Christine Hassler @christinhassler on twitter @christinehassler on Instagram christine@christinehassler.com

The feeling of being in love is the best. Not to mention the blissful feeling of certainty when we feel like you've met "the one" (finally!). You start fantasizing about the future and are convinced that the other person is on the same page you are. And then it ends. And you are not only heartbroken, but shocked because it seemed so right and you don't understand what went wrong. I know that is not comforting if you are in the pain of a break-up, but understanding why the one you thought was going to be forever ended may offer you some relief. This Coaches Corner will help!

If you have pattern of being in relationships or going after unavailable people (either emotionally unavailable or still in relationship with others), then this episode is a must listen!! You'll also lean about what I call "Journey Mate" relationships. When we are first starting a relationship we often try to be the person we think we need to be, rather than our most authentic selves. We believe we need to be a certain way in order to keep the other person attracted to us. What we think is love for the other person is actually a projection of the qualities within ourselves we would like to develop. When the relationship ends before we think it should, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time, the relationship served us in some way. The other person was a journey mate. Journey mate relationships are a projection of what we need to see in ourselves. If the relationship doesn't end and we continue sourcing our love from the other person we end up codependent. If this happens we may never fully express ourselves or stand in our power. I define authenticity as the freedom to be fully expressed. If we are not authentic in our relationships we cannot expect to find the most aligned person for us. More than likely we end up attracting unavailable people who are not ready for commitment. Steph believes perfection is required of her in her relationships. And since perfection doesn't exist she experiences Expectation Hangovers, especially in relationships where she feels unable to be her authentic self. Aspiring for perfection has blocked her ability to be emotionally vulnerable. If you have a pattern of attracting unavailable people or have just lost someone you thought was the one, listen to this call and Saturday's Coaches Corner. My book Expectation Hangover is now released in paperback and has a new subtitle - Free yourself from your past, change your present and get what you really want. If you don't have a copy of it yet order it on amazon, audible or enjoy the company of others in a bookstore. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel you are living an authentically, self-expressed life? Do you have a pattern of attracting unavailable people? Are you in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person? Are you an emotionally unavailable person? Do you think you have to be perfect (or a certain way) to get the love you want? Steph's Question: Steph finds herself attracted to emotionally unavailable people and it's hard for her to show her vulnerable side in relationships. She wants to know how to shift to become emotionally available. Steph's Key Insights and Aha's: She has a hard time showing her vulnerable side She doesn't trust love and can't get it until she fixes herself She sourced loved through someone else She doesn't feel good enough She is capable of being her authentic self How to get over it and on with it: She should come back to what love really is She could accept herself fully and completely Her awareness is the first step of change Write out what perfect and authentic means to her Take a hiatus from dating for a while Tools and Takeaways: Write down all the things you learned from your journey mate relationship and then turn that on yourself Define authenticity and understand how your most authentic self feels, behaves, communicates and loves Understand where you have walls up around your heart and how you can let people in more Sponsor: Onnit Wellness - Alpha Brain Resources: Christine Hassler @christinhassler on twitter @christinehassler on instagram christine@christinehassler.com

I answer this question in this week's Coaches Corner. This is an incredibly important episode to listen to so you can figure step into the Truth of Who You REALLY are.

Criticism seems to have the stickiness factor of super glue and compliments seem to be coated in oil. We allow hurtful things to play over and over in our heads like a broken record, especially when the recording came from a parent or an authority figure. We create patterns out of the programming we receive when we are very young. These patterns stay with us throughout our lives until we reprogram ourselves. We can default to these patterns when dealing with situations and we tend to sabotage ourselves with fear instead of motivating ourselves with affirmations. We treat ourselves as others have treated us, instead of how we want to be treated. If you have a vision to impact other people's lives, make sure you have saved yourself and let down your own walls first. In order to be transparent, authentic and true, you should become your own best client. How you do anything is how you do everything. Today's conversation with Rich is a lesson in how not to be a victim. Rich has wanted to create a deep emotional impact in people's lives for some time. He started his own coaching practice over a year ago, and is finding it difficult to deal with the pressure, from his family, to provide for his soon-to-be bride. For a refresher on this topic, listen to my How to Drop Your Story Coaches Corner. I release my new Coaches Corner episodes every Saturday. Online business owners: if you are looking to execute at your highest level, I am a believer and affiliate of Marie Forleo's B-School. B-School is an 8-week video course, which teaches smart, effective online marketing strategies. If you sign up for the program through my personal link, CH B-School, in addition to the B-School program, I will assist you in the ability to remove your inner blocks with: Four 90-minute live group coaching calls for business and personal aspects Access to a private Facebook group Four custom meditations and visualizations Access to my online programs and courses Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you suffering because you cannot identify your purpose? Is there a person in your life who is struggling to find their purpose? Do you push them to find their purpose or try to find it for them? Do you feel worthy and deserving inside? Does your self-confidence or lack thereof, impact your results? Is someone else's voice inside your head? Do you need to banish it? Rich's Question: Rich would like to know how to get over his fear and anxiety to follow through with his goal of becoming a coach. He wants to overcome his limiting beliefs from his past, which may be blocking his future success. Rich's Key Insights and Aha's: He doesn't feel worthy or deserving He has fear-based influences His anger and sadness have never been fully released His biggest blocks are his beliefs and unresolved hurts How to get over it and on with it: Rich should forgive himself and his stepfather He needs to find his fire and his passion He should work past his fear of rejection He can coach himself through this issue Tools and Takeaways: Write down your limiting beliefs and figure out who owns the voice Move into compassion for anyone who programmed your thoughts Write a letter to give an unwelcome belief back to the person who gave it to you Be honest about the emotional walls you have put up and be committed to taking them down Set two chairs up and carry out your own therapy session Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on twitter @christinehassler on Instagram christine@christinehassler.com