Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about how to get your needs met in an intimate relationship. Today's caller, Shaun, is looking for guidance on how to re-open his heart and rekindle the warmth for his partner whom he loves. We discuss strategies for getting beyond the hurts and moving toward understanding and compassion. We often love the way we need to be loved instead of loving a person the way they need to be loved. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode298] As much as we want love and connection in a relationship, the thing we want even more is not to get hurt or lose our power. Often, we put more energy into avoiding what we don't want than creating the relationship we do want because that's what we need to do to survive. Our intimate relationships are often the very fertile ground where we work out any issues from childhood we haven't quite resolved. If we were criticized a lot in childhood, it can come up in a relationship. If we were anxious or didn't feel safe, that is going to come up. If there was cheating within our parent's relationship, that is going to come up. Jealousy, abandonment, all the things we felt as children tend to come up in romantic relationships because romantic relationships are our adult family. Remember, our relationship with our primary family is the intimate relationship that forms the foundation for all future intimate relationships. Whenever we are in an argument, or rut, or tension with our partner, the most important thing that we can do is get to a level of understanding and compassion with ourselves and our partner to understand what the need is that is not being met inside of ourselves. We discover the unmet need that is triggering us and making the situation hard. Then, we look at our needs and then at our partner's needs and take responsibility for communicating the needs in a clear, specific, non-blaming way. It is important to be clear with our partners about how we need to be loved. Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can't make it live. But if you make it live you have an opportunity for live coaching. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss aligning values, getting better at fulfilling each other's needs, and communication tools. Couples and singles are welcome. I've partnered with Hiitide, which is an online book club and micro-course to help you apply principles from my book, Expectation Hangover, to your daily life. Turn the book into action. Get 28-days of easily digestible prompts and exercises delivered to your phone. A live Q&A session with me is included. The project launches July 1, 2021. Go to ChristineHassler.com/bookclub to learn more. Podcast listeners get 25% off by using the code 'Hangover25' at checkout. Consider/Ask Yourself Do you feel like your heart is not open to your partner? Do you feel like there are things that happen in your relationship you can't forgive, can't shift, or can't get over? Are there issues from your childhood that may be playing out in your relationship? Are you in a dynamic of being avoidant and it produces anxiety in your partner, or vice-a-versa? Shaun's Question: Shaun would like guidance on how to re-open his heart to his partner. Shaun's Key Insights and Ahas: He has been in his relationship for nearly five years. He doesn't feel the closeness he once felt. He loves his partner. Both partners get triggered during arguments. He was bullied as a child and felt attacked. His dad wasn't around as much as he would have liked. His parent's marriage was passionless. The dynamic in his partner's family was competitive. He tends to dissociate during arguments. How to Get Over It and On With It: Ask his partner what she needs. Set his partner up to win. Attend our upcoming relationship retreat. Have a 'needs' conversation with his partner. Get specific about how he wants his needs met. Make his relationship his top priority. Takeaways: When triggered in a relationship, consider what needs are not being met. Make your current or future relationship a priority. Join us for our relationship retreat June 11-13, 2021. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Today Asterian Astrologer Jade Luna joins me again to discuss how the stars predicted this time we are in, what we can learn from it and how we can move forward. Jade and I speak about what life is really about and what the most important things that each and every one of us can do right now to live our most aligned and true lives. Jade S. Luna is the first Westerner ever to reconstruct Jyotish (Hindu Astrology) into a Greco-Roman format. Jade has traveled extensively around the planet, lecturing and conducting workshops on Astrology and Ancient Roman-Greco mysticism. He has traveled to India more than 30 times and spent a great deal of time with various teachers, Saints and Sadhu's in Asia. Jade also consults with people privately. He usually presents a few seminars each year at various locations world wide. He is the author of Asterian Astrology and has been one of the most successful Astrologers in the world and has maintained a high level practice for over 18 years. You can learn more or book a session with him here: http://www.asterianastrology.com

This episode is about regulating the nervous system and dealing with past pains. Today's caller, Lara, is looking for guidance on how to cultivate a sense of safety and security. We work through a body practice to regulate her nervous system and bring her into calm. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode297] Feeling safety and security isn't a mental thing. They have to be felt in the body. When we feel safe and secure, the nervous system relaxes, the body gets out of our survival brain and it comes into a rest-and-digest stage where the nervous system can regulate. With a dysregulated nervous system you cannot shift it by talking, analyzing, or awareness. It becomes frustrating because you can see your anxiety and you understand why it is there and explain your reasons for having anxiety. But, just being able to explain something doesn't change it. The healing or the fixing of it becomes another obsession. What it comes down to is the creation of safety and security. We are always trying to get back to feeling safe and secure. The human body and the nervous system are very resilient, as is the human spirit, but we cannot shift and change when we think we are broken. We need to have compassion for ourselves and one of our most valuable inner resources is our ability to ask for help. Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can't make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome. Tuesday, June 1 at 5 pm (PT) I will host another group coaching call for only $20. To sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/group. Check out my new audio course on the Himalaya Learning App. Himalaya is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses from great minds such as Malcolm Gladwell, Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, and me. In my program, "Your Heart, Your Life," I teach about love and relationships. Go to himalaya.com/heart and use the promo code "heart" for a 14-day free trial. Consider/Ask Yourself Do you constantly feel anxious or deal with obsessive thoughts? Have you outsourced your worth or your sense of safety? Are you looking for it in your achievements, a relationship, or even your appearance? Do you crave to be in a relationship, then when you get in them, they're not healthy? Do you have trouble regulating your nervous system and bringing yourself into a calm? Lara's Question: Lara would like to know how she can cultivate a sense of trust and safety and guidance on how to stop filling her void with external things or men. Lara's Key Insights and Ahas: She does not feel worthy or good enough. She struggles with binge eating. She tries to outsource her worth through her appearance, men, or achievements. She has had manic episodes. She craves being in relationships and wants to be saved. She over-analyzes everything she does. She feels stuck. She has a sharp mind and a lot of self-awareness. She grew up with inconsistency and chaos in her childhood. Her mother was not there for her as a child. How to Get Over It and On With It: Recognize when her nervous system is dysregulated and greet it with compassion. Put her hands on her belly and chest and then breathe deep and make a "VUUU" sound. Hold a stuffed animal and rock back and forth to soothe herself. Give herself the parenting and the developmental stages she didn't get. Go to the people and sources that give her motherly love. Takeaways: Consider the indicators when you go into survival mode then recognize and accept them. Have compassion for yourself. Move into a source of regulation such as breathing, holding a stuffed animal, rocking, etc. Stop trying to shift a dysregulated nervous system with your mind. Remember, nothing is broken or wrong about you. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about having difficult conversations with our parents. Today's caller, Max, is trying to avoid being triggered when he speaks to his father. We discuss how Max can ease the impact on his inner child and not experience an expectation hangover. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode296] If a parent or someone we love opens the door to have a conversation we want to run right through and share everything we have been wanting to say for the last 20 years. The other person may feel bombarded and not be ready to hear everything we have to say in one conversation. If you are offered an open door with someone who has been closed for a very long time, do not rush through it thinking it is a green light to speak about everything you have been holding in for decades. Sometimes we need triggering events to create momentum and shifts in a relationship. It is better to approach the situation slowly. *Coaches — this is where you want to be mindful with your clients. For someone who has a triggering relationship, if they have an opportunity like that you want to support them and guide them through walking through the door slowly. Coach them toward taking baby steps so they don't end up with a massive expectation hangover. Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can't make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome. Consider/Ask Yourself Do you have patterns of escapism? Is there a parent whose love you are seeking? Do you seek out their love in unhealthy ways? Have you always felt like one or both of your parents don't understand you? Do you feel so different from your family you don't know if you will ever fit in? Max's Question: Max would like advice on how to keep himself grounded when he speaks with his father. Max's Key Insights and Ahas: He was disloyal in his relationship. He knew avoidance issues were a pattern throughout his life. Love and sex are separate for him. He is the oldest of six children. His childhood family was emotionally suppressive. His father struggled with alcohol abuse and infidelity. His biological mother abandoned him. He then escaped to Mother's house later in life. He does a lot of personal growth work. He has opposing views from his family about current events. He wants a compassionate embrace from his father. He wants to escape when he feels overwhelmed. He is learning to set boundaries. How to Get Over It and On With It: Set an intention of having his father get to know him better. Figure out what little Max needs. Approach his relationships slowly, in a way that does not shock his inner child. Takeaways: If you are going to have a conversation with someone who has opened a door, write out some questions or comments. Go into those kinds of conversations prepared so your nervous system doesn't go into overdrive. When making a big decision, check in with your inner child and do not push yourself. Taking baby steps can be powerful. Sponsor: THIRDLOVE — Ladies, when was the last time you treated yourself to a perfectly fitted new bra or loungewear? Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your favorite bra. They have a 100% fit guarantee. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you are someone who prides themselves on "being strong" and not great at asking for support, this episode is for you!. Elayne Fluker is the author of the new book, Get Over "I Got It" (HarperCollins Leadership) -- is the host of the Support is Sexy podcast featuring interviews with more than 500 diverse women entrepreneurs, and founder of SiS.Academy -- an online learning platform for Black Women entrepreneurs.

This episode is about healing trauma. Today's caller, Anne, is a musician who wants to expand her creative expression but feels blocked due to the sexual abuse she experienced. She has done a lot of personal development work but still has difficulty fully expressing herself. She wants guidance on how to navigate through her trauma to heal it. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode295] Trauma impacts and/or injures the nervous system. When a person experiences extreme trauma the brain goes into survival, which means fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The brain is always on the lookout for danger and it is exhausting. That is why we experience fear and anxiety. I can't label what "extreme" is because two people can have the same situation happen to them and one person may register in their nervous system as not that big of a deal, but another person with the same circumstances can register it as a really big deal. When we are healing trauma it is not about reliving it. It is about providing space for somatic emotional release and working with a person to regulate their nervous system. It is about coming out of the survival brain and moving back into the "rest and digest" part of the nervous system, moving from the sympathetic nervous system which is on alert, and into the parasympathetic nervous system. The personal development/self-help world can be misleading, perhaps even damaging, for people that have experienced extensive trauma like rape, sexual abuse, physical abuse, racial trauma, etc. Often, there's an expectation or ethos in the personal development industry that you just need to shift your mindset about something and find the lesson of it. Or, that challenging experiences make you stronger or you can meditate your way through anything. It leaves a lot of people feeling like they are failing at personal development. Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can't make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome. Check out my new audio course on the Himalaya Learning App. Himalaya is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses from great minds such as Malcolm Gladwell, Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, and me. In my program, "Your Heart, Your Life" I teach about love and relationships. Go to himalaya.com/heart and use promo code "heart" for a 14-day free trial. Anne's Question: Anne has been trying to heal trauma from sexual abuse and rape and would like guidance on how to navigate through it to shift it. Anne's Key Insights and Ahas: She experienced sexual abuse. She is a musician. She has depression and feels blocked. She feels she cannot fully express herself. She has done energy work and spoken to counselors. She has done the temper tantrum technique. She is having a biologically correct response to what is happening. She has had bad experiences with the medical system. She trusts her intuition but not her decision-making process. How to Get Over It and On With It: Give herself grace and understanding. Trust that she still has her innocence, expression, femininity, and sexuality. Acknowledge the progress she has made. Work with a trauma-trained therapist to help her regulate her nervous system. Nurture her creativeness and passion. Do not push through her fear. Have faith and trust her intuition to align with the right person to help. Realize she has been through a high level of trauma and she deserves a high level of support. Takeaways: Look at the things you have bought into in the personal development world. Are there things that feel more motivational? Could they be hurting more than helping? Is it time to normalize the biologically correct behavior you're experiencing to find the right specialist to help you with it? Consider where you have trust issues. Find something to put your trust into even if it is your intuition. Be open to receiving support. Put it out there verbally and energetically. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Julie Bjelland is a Psychotherapist specializing in high sensitivity, host of The HSP Podcast, and Founder of the Sensitive Empowerment Community, whose mission is to create a paradigm shift where sensitivity is embraced, valued, and honored. Julie offers essential resources for educating, inspiring, and empowering HSPs. Register for her free Masterclasses, take the Sensitivity Quiz and profoundly transform your life in her courses and community. Her HSPs in Business Group is designed to support and empower sensitive people to grow heart-centered businesses, share their voices, and be part of the change the world needs.JulieBjelland.com

This episode is about holding space for our partners. Today's caller, Brandon, would like guidance on how to be in the healthy space of masculine and feminine presence. It is a lovely conversation about integration and holding space when you get to a place where you feel wonderful, but your partner isn't quite there. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode294] When someone comes to us and vents, there is a desire to want to fix whatever it is. The masculine tends to want to fix. The feminine tends to want to take it on and over-empathize into sympathy or go into a caretaker role. We all have masculine and feminine energetics inside of us. Underneath any upset is an unmet need. When we can find the need in an argument or a trigger inside ourselves, we can begin to deal with the true trigger. When we are trying to ease the trigger with talk or action, it usually doesn't work because we are not reaching the unmet need. Remember, everyone is on their own path. When one person gets to a place of feeling evolved like they've "got it" in some ways they want the other person to join them. And, wanting someone you care about to grow and evolve is great. However, judgment can creep in. When we grow and we have awareness we can get on a spiritual or personal growth soapbox. It can be unconscious, or subtle, but the other person can feel judged. The other person can feel pressure. When you get triggered, ask yourself if your masculine comes out or your feminine. Or, can you be in the healthy space of masculine and feminine presence, where the masculine part of you welcomes it, holds space, and asks it what it needs and the feminine part has massive compassion and nurtures you? Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can't make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you in a phase of your relationship where it's time to integrate some of the things you've learned? Do you feel like you or your partner may be a little "ahead" in your personal development and integration? Does one partner get frustrated because the other is not as far along? Do you feel polarity in your relationship? As in, one of you holds a strong feminine pull and one of you holds a strong masculine pull. Are you possibly in your unhealthy masculine or feminine expressions? Brandon's Question: Brandon would like assistance with integrating some learnings into his relationship. Brandon's Key Insights and Ahas: He has been married for five years. He has a daughter. His relationship has been through some "speedbumps." He was abandoned at 13. He has done personal development work. He feels supported, loved, and compassion from his wife. He is learning more about the feminine dynamic. He is new to setting boundaries. They tried having a polyamorous relationship. He feels oneness with God. He is growing into feminine, within his masculine role. He is in a beautiful place emotionally and spiritually. How to Get Over It and On With It: Focus on how to make his wife feel safe. Be a masculine container without attachment to a shift or change. Don't judge his wife for being at a different vibration. Ask his wife what she needs when she vents. He needs to be consistent in his actions. Do the Sacred Union process together with his wife. Takeaways: Look at the masculine/feminine relationship inside of yourself. Pay attention to whether you want to fix others or yourself and see if you can back off the fixing and be in a place of unconditional love and acceptance. Join us for our powerful virtual Relationship Retreat, June 11‒13, 2021. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

What are boundaries? How do we set them and keep them? How do we know if our boundaries have been crossed? These are just some of the juicy questions that Terri Cole, author of the book, Boundary Boss, answers. You will get so much value out of this conversation and it will improve all of your relationships! Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global relationship and empowerment expert. For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs. She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. To get your copy of the book and the free gifts from Terri, go to https://boundarybossbook.com/

This episode is about loving your big feelings and emotions. Today's caller, Beth, wants to feel comfortable in her skin. In her childhood home, her gift of being an empath became a liability. Whoever is the most open, the most sensitive one in a family often absorbs everyone else's feelings. Beth would like guidance on how to keep her heart open but not feel overwhelmed by her feelings. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode293] In today's world, it's often hard to keep our hearts open. So many people are numb, or shut down from feeling, or are scared to feel the "negative" feelings like sadness and anger, or have built walls and around their hearts and wear masks every day. When we are empathic and live among people who suppress, we feel it all. Oftentimes, what makes an empath's heart hurt is feeling sympathy or sorry. It is feeling someone else's pain and suffering so much so that we feel bad for them. It is a judgment. When we are in sympathy we are judging. The truth is none of us want to be blissfully ignorant. Ignorance really isn't bliss. We may think it is and think back to a time when maybe we weren't so awake and aware and romanticize it, thinking maybe it was better, but it really isn't. We are here to evolve. We are here to awaken. And although it comes with many challenges, going back into being asleep is not an option. Feelings are part of our life force and tears are not bad. Celebrate yourself. Join us for our Love and Relationship Group Coaching Call on April 22 at 5 pm Central. It will be recorded if you can't make it. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group. It's $20. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you a soft-hearted person or do you tend to cry about a lot of things? Have you ever been told you're "too sensitive"? Do you downplay challenges or trauma from childhood and think your childhood wasn't that bad? Beth's Question: Beth would like guidance on how to be more self-aware. Beth's Key Insights and Ahas: She's become more aware from doing personal development work. She thinks peace might be unattainable for her. She is not comfortable in her skin and feels like a sham. She is a single mom. She is very emotional and sometimes wishes she was not. She carries shame about being soft-hearted. She cries easily. She was a middle child who felt alone. People tell her she is too emotional. She has the gift of being an empath. She attended the Inner Child Workshop. No one encouraged her emotional intelligence. She was teased as a kid. She had temper tantrums at home. How to Get Over It and On With It: Stop judging herself for how she feels. Welcome her feelings when they arise. Do not hold other people's feelings. Do not feel sympathy for others. Meditate and ask for spiritual assistance. Takeaways: Release, rather than recycle your feelings. Parent your sensitive, beautiful inner child. Get the anger out. Download the anger release process at ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease. Join in on this week's Group Coaching Call. Sponsor: Organifi — is an organic superfood powdered tea that makes quality, trusted nutrition convenient and delicious. Shift your nutritional intake in a simple way. For 20% off your order, go to Organifi.com/overit and use the code "OVERIT" at checkout to receive 20% off all products. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.