Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

The heart of this coaching session is about self-compassion. Steve has been in his masculine and repressing his pain for much of his life. Another level of his pain is surfacing and that's because his unconscious knows he is ready to deal with it. If you are at a point in your life where you feel like you have done a lot of personal growth work but pain is resurfacing in your life you do not want to miss this episode. It takes a lot of energy to repress pain. And, that's why it feels hard to move forward in our lives, it feels hard to get a career off the ground, or to connect in relationships because we are unconsciously suppressing a lot of pain. Pain wants to come up and out. Our bodies don't want to hold terrible memories or trauma inside. Our unconscious mind wants to let it go. So, it continues to make us feel uncomfortable until we deal with it. Not just mentally, but emotionally as well. It may be difficult to go back and to feel the pain of your childhood but you are feeling it anyway, 24/7 — it is just repressed. It is healthier to go into it and feel it fully with self-compassion so it can come up and out. When pain doesn't have a way to express with compassion, it sits inside you dormant and continues to drive your choices and behaviors. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel like you have hit a point where things were going well but old stuff started to come up? If you are a man, do you have difficulty feeling vulnerable? Do you judge it as weakness? Is vulnerability awkward for you? Maybe, it's OK for others to be vulnerable but it's hard for you? Do you trust yourself? Do you trust your decisions? Do you feel safe with your pain? Do you find yourself jumping to forgiveness too quickly? Are you able to mentally understand and justify things that have happened in your life but you notice the pain is still there? Steve's Question: Steve is struggling with worrying about what other people think of him for what he believes to be the first time in his life. Steve's Key Insights and Ahas: He's always had to prove himself. He has tried to be different his entire life. He joined a gang as a teenager. He hasn't forgiven himself for betraying himself. His experience built loyalty. He is able to relate to many different types of people. He has a warrior spirit. His girlfriend was murdered. He didn't have a relationship with his father. He is in the process of up-leveling. He wants to eliminate his pain completely. How to Get Over It and On With It: He needs to quit judging himself and create a space to be vulnerable. He needs to trust himself more. He needs to spend time feeling his feelings. He needs to do the emotional section of Expectation Hangover. He should write down what being a loving father to himself looks like. Sponsors: Express — No time for an outfit change after work? Express rewrites the rules of dressing for a job, with style by delivering fashion-forward essentials to your door. Express has pants, work tops, dresses, and more. Listeners to Over It and On With It will receive $25 off when you spend $100 by using the code 'Christine' at checkout. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Watch Christine Hassler on YouTube — Hit Subscribe! Christine's Personal Mastery Course Expectation Hangover Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Christine's Books @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — If you want to be a guest on this show.

This episode is about understanding why we have uncertainty when making decisions. Today's caller, Kathy, wants to know how to make a decision about something important to her. She is hesitating and feels that it has been a pattern throughout her life. We discuss what in her past may have caused her hesitancy and how to clear the blocks she has around making decisions. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode353] When we feel we don't know what to do, or we don't feel like making a decision at the moment, it actually is a decision. Oftentimes, we beat ourselves up when we feel we should decide something and we become frustrated that we can't decide. Our pause, and the not knowing, is the window of time we need to get clarity. Many of us agonize over making a decision about whether it will be right or wrong. We may feel panic when a certain subject comes up. And, when panic comes up, it is often because of that unspoken fear. But, whenever we have trouble making decisions it usually means we don't trust our inner wisdom. If we trusted ourselves fully, we wouldn't agonize over the decision-making process. Everyone to some degree agonizes over decisions from time to time, especially big decisions. It may be that we resist making a decision about marriage and/or children because our family of origin wounds are still raw. Our inner child may not be ready to get into that trauma again. We may think it is our present-day self that is feeling the resistance or lack of excitement, but it is our inner child that is feeling it. If your head is making your decisions, you will make decisions from a place of fear. If you make decisions from the heart, it is the heart's job to make decisions from love. The head keeps us safe. But when we play it too safe, we block love and we don't get to see what is possible. Consider/Ask Yourself: Is there a conversation, question, or thought that brings up panic or anxiety for you? Do you want something in your life but are scared of it? As a child, did you have a lot of opportunities to make decisions, or were your decisions made for you? Were you sheltered or protected? Do you trust yourself to make a choice and to deal with the consequences? Kathy's Question: Kathy feels she may be making some decisions out of fear and would like guidance about how to trust in her decision-making process. Kathy's Key Insights and Ahas: When conversations concerning marriage and children come about she is resisting talking about them. She doesn't trust her decision-making process. She was sheltered as a child. She didn't have to work through big issues. She may have a rigid personality pattern. She has made decisions on a whim. She has a fierce inner critic. She is worried about making the wrong decision. Her parents respected and loved each other. She is clear that she wants a family. She and her partner come from different backgrounds. She worries about the compromises she may have to make in the future. She fears her partner is not being honest about where he wants to live. She may be withholding information from her partner about how she feels. How to Get Over It and On With It: Listen to the Coaches Corner with Steven Kessler about the Five Personality Patterns. Turn her concerns into curiosity. Be okay with not knowing what to do. Speak with her partner about her true feelings. Don't focus on what may go wrong when she makes a decision. Let her head and heart work together. Open your heart to possibilities. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about being your authentic self and speaking your truth. I coach today's caller, Judy, through her feelings of isolation, and empower her to have an honest conversation with her husband, and herself, about her needs. Loneliness is an epidemic, especially in this day and age when so many of us live alone. We are not close to our family geographically, or we don't have a soul family or community to be a part of. We need a healing connection. We need to feel part of something, part of a tribe. We need to feel connected to ourselves. What often perpetuates a feeling of loneliness is a disconnection to ourselves that comes from judging ourselves and being hard on ourselves. If you suffer from loneliness or a lack of self-esteem you are not alone. Let the fact that you are not alone motivate you to gain confidence and to connect with a community. Speaking your truth is when you say what's true for you, and you are able to communicate your needs. When are you not speaking your truth? Many of us think people pleasing is a way to get love and find validation. We think if people see the real us, they may not like us. The more you show the real you, and the more authentic you are, your relationship with yourself will improve, your self-esteem will improve, and the intimacy and connection you have with other people will also improve. It's great to make other people happy but it's more important to please ourselves first, by making self-honoring choices. People pleasing could be the reason you are feeling isolated. On some level, people pleasing is draining. Drop the people pleasing, up your self-esteem by making self-honoring choices and get out there and find your tribe! Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel isolated? Are you craving more connection? Are you in a marriage or relationship where you feel isolated? Do you feel like you are dependent on your partner or you are living according to their dreams and desires more than your own? Are you a people pleaser? Do you have a hard time making your needs a priority? Do you find it challenging to speak your truth? Judy's Question: Judy wants to know how to find herself and how to raise her self-esteem. Judy's Key Insights and Ahas: She has been continuously moving for a year. Her husband tries to support her but he doesn't really get it. Her husband has a stronger personality than she does. She's dependent on her husband and doesn't go places on her own. She always puts other people first. She has a hard time saying no. She takes care of people, hoping it will help to build intimacy. How to Get Over It and On With It: She should be honest and vulnerable with her husband about her feelings. She should speak up when she feels she wants to say something. She should lean more into authenticity and less into people pleasing. She should spend some time on her own engaging with other people. Takeaways: If you are in a relationship with the opposite sex, and would like to improve your masculine/feminine communication dynamics, consider studying the subject more. If you are feeling isolated, start with a goal of talking to five new people every day, and then build on that number. Start getting yourself out there and finding your tribe. Speak your truth authentically. If you have trouble doing it, join the Inner Circle community. Authenticity is this month's area of focus. Communicate your needs to the most important people in your life. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Inner Circle Membership Community @ChristinHassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@ChristineHassler.com Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life, by Christine Hassler The Queen's Code, by Alison A. Armstrong Understand Men PAX Program by Alison Armstrong David Deida

This episode is about embodying the personal development work we do. Today's caller, Dominique, would like to have a relationship with her sister. There is a lot of family history and many things have happened between them. She wants a closer relationship but her sister is not doing the work. We discuss ways she can not take things personally and how she can be the change she wants to see. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode352] When we are learning about ourselves and digging up old wounds, going back to the source is intense. Everything can feel amplified and we tend to be more sensitive to triggers, especially around our family. Personal development is not an overnight process and we need to look at triggers as opportunities for growth. When we constantly want people to be different, we are constantly disappointed and triggered. We waste time and energy that we could be spending doing our own work. We create the possibility of people being different when we are different. When we are the change we want to see. It is the best advertisement for anyone to want a different relationship with us. When we say yes to being any kind of facilitator, coach, or therapist any time we work with people's emotions and their past, all of our stuff comes forward. We have to show up in a way that is embodied to help others. You can read all the books and read all the theories but until you do the work and embody it, how are you going to help people? Mark October 7‒9, 2022 on your calendar as I am called to facilitate another Women's Signature Retreat! It will be in Austin, Texas. More details to follow. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you in a dynamic where you want a more vulnerable, deeper connection but the other person isn't? Do you continue to be triggered in certain family situations or a relationship dynamic? Does someone make you feel rejected, judged, or dismissed? Are you doing the work and feel as if you had made progress but then, when with your family, you get triggered? Dominique's Question: Dominique gets triggered by her sister. She would like to share a deeper connection with her but is not sure how to get there. Dominique's Key Insights and Ahas: She is in grad school to become a therapist. She has faced her childhood trauma and the toxic dynamic within her family. She has been a people-pleaser. She had a psychological and spiritual awakening. She is the middle child in an immigrant family. Her younger sister patronizes her and disrespects her. She craves attention and love from her sister. She has more awareness than her sister. Her inner child gets defensive and she retreats inside herself. How to Get Over It and On With It: Accept that her sister's soul may not be ready to do the deep work. Do not take her sister's actions personally and honor her boundaries. Ask her sister for clarity about the things she says while maintaining a high vibration. Set an intention to find her soul sisters. Let her sister see her be loving and embodying the change she would like to see. Be gentle with herself during this process. Perform a ritual to ground herself before meeting with her family. Remove expectations of herself and others and accept where everyone is. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Guest on The Optimal Body Podcast: Calling in the One with Christine Hassler

This episode is about taking the pressure off of a decision. Today's callers, Demi and James, have different religions but both value faith. They have both drawn in someone who challenges their rigidity in their belief systems. They would like guidance on whether or not their differences can be overcome. We work through that it is possible to understand another person's belief system without making it wrong and that we can believe different things and still love each other. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode351] The purpose of a relationship isn't to get married at a certain time or to have a certain number of kids. Remember, everything in life is for our growth and evolution and to move us out of judgment and fear and more into love. In relationships, we are not always going to agree. It's important that we have differences in relationships because we don't want to marry ourselves. But, our differences can't be extreme. We can differ in personality and preferences. For example, we don't have to be compatible in terms of liking the same music but we do need to have the same values. We can believe different things but we can still love each other. If you zoom out of all the guidelines and beliefs of all religions, what it all comes down to is love. Whatever God or religion you believe in, it is about love. Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you ever been or are you in a situation where you may have to compromise about a value that is important to you? Have you ever broken up or not dated someone because they don't subscribe to the same political ideology or they are not of the same religion? Or, have you written someone off because you consider those things a dealbreaker? Are you in a relationship where you had potential deal breakers but you've found your way through or are you in a relationship now where you wonder if something is a dealbreaker? Demi and James's Question: Demi and James have different religious beliefs and would like to know if it will become an issue that cannot be overcome. Demi and James's Key Insights and Ahas: They are taking a break from their relationship. They are willing to do whatever it takes to overcome the differences. James questions his beliefs. James is finding it difficult to overcome the religious differences. They get stuck when it comes to how to raise their children. Demi believes being Jewish is not something you can walk away from. There are some aspects of Christianity that seem unhealthy to Demi. Demi admires James for his faith. James is hurt because he feels as if his Christian identity is the enemy. This is the best relationship Demi has ever been in. They have a hard time defining boundaries. They have mutual respect. Demi is afraid to wait for a year because of her age. How to Get Over It and On With It: Look at the relationship through the eyes of love. Date for a year to figure out how they work as a couple without deciding whether or not the relationship is long-term. If they do work after a year, seek out a counselor who specializes in blended faiths. Talk about their values and dreams they can get excited about together. Takeaway: If you are trying to make a big decision about something, where are you putting too much pressure on yourself? Maybe it's not time to make a decision. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you ever struggle with anxiety, worry or even depression, do NOT miss this episode. One of the leading voices in personal development and transformation and an international bestselling author Mel Robbins joins Christine and gives a TON of soothing and practical advice for creating more calm in your life. Mel's work includes the global phenomenon The 5 Second Rule, the upcoming The High 5 Habit, four #1 bestselling audiobooks, the #1 podcast on Audible, as well as signature online courses that have changed the lives of more than half a million students worldwide. Her groundbreaking work on behavior change has been translated into 36 languages and is used by healthcare professionals, veterans' organizations, and the world's leading brands to inspire people to be more confident, effective, and fulfilled. As one of the most widely booked and followed public speakers in the world, Mel coaches more than 60 million people online every month and videos featuring her work have more than a billion views online, including her TEDx talk, which is one of the most popular of all time. There's nothing Mel loves more than making a real difference in people's lives by teaching them to believe in themselves and inspiring them to take the actions that will change their lives. Mel lives in New England with her husband of 25 years and their three kids, but she is and will always be a Midwesterner at heart.

This episode is about step-parenting from a healed place. Today's caller, Kendra, has two step-children who are triggering her anxiety. She then feels guilt and shame about being angry. We work through her past issues that are coming up to be healed and how she can navigate the situation in a way that is beneficial to her and her step-children. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode350] Anxiety is not bad. It is an alarm system that is alerting us to something we are not paying attention to. There is something we are repressing or that needs our awareness. The energy of anxiety is frenetic energy. It is when the nervous system is hyper-aroused due to a trauma, a past memory is being activated or, we are repressing such big emotions our nervous system is overloaded. When that happens we likely go into fight, flight, or freeze. When we are in survival brain, all the personal development tools we've learned aren't accessible. So, don't beat yourself up if you have done a lot of work but still get triggered in the moment or your nervous system is dysregulated; you are in a part of your brain that doesn't have access to those tools. And, just like our children choose us or we have soul contracts with certain people when we are a step-parent, those children choose us on some level as well. There are so many challenges that can come with blended families. In a divorce, there is often so much guilt that a parent may collapse some of their parental boundaries and let the kids get away with more than they would normally. Would you like to work to heal your inner child? Our Inner Child workshop was taught live but now you can get access to the recording. It includes coaching and experiential meditations. Go through it at your own pace, at any time. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchild at checkout and use the promo code 'OVERIT' for $50 off. Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you notice yourself being triggered by your children or step-children and then feel guilt or shame about it? Do you have anxiety that has gotten worse due to a situation? When you were growing up, what were your tween and early teenage years like? Was it a difficult time? Do you think you have dealt with it? Do you often have anger or frustration at your spouse because of the way they are parenting? Kendra's Question: Kendra would like guidance on how to have connection and a relationship with her step-children while paying attention to the anxiety that triggers her. Kendra's Key Insights and Ahas: Her partner has two children from a previous marriage. They have 50% custody of the children. The situation affects her life and has always caused her anxiety. She has struggled with anxiety in other areas of her life. Her step-children bring high energy into their house. Her adolescence was confusing for her. She was raised in a traditional Christian home. She was made to feel as a female she should dim her light. She realizes the universe brought male step-children into her life for a reason. She lost her example of unconditional love when she was starting puberty. During adolescence, she didn't have the same freedoms that boys in her life had. She feels anger and resentment toward her step-children and then feels guilty for it. She is angry at her husband for letting his kids treat him like they do. She has trust issues around men. How to Get Over It and On With It: Express her thoughts and feelings. Regulate her breath and bring herself into the present moment. Call her husband forward to enforce parental boundaries. Teach the kids to release their emotions and to have an anger burn. Know it is OK to get away from the house, or situation if she needs to. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Let's talk about finding the "one". You know the magical person who is your soulmate, your other half, the one who completes you. I say these things with a tinge of sarcasm but I don't inject the sarcasm because I am jaded or don't believe in love, it's there because of the misunderstandings regarding soulmates and the pain many of us go through when it comes to romantic relationships. I believe there are lots of "ones" out there for us. My definition of a soulmate is someone who helps our soul to grow. Sometimes it's through a gut-wrenching break-up, sometimes it's through dating someone who triggers us and sometimes it's through someone who just comes in, loves us and holds up a beautiful mirror to remind us of who we truly are. Soulmates can be romantic partners, friends, colleagues and even someone you share a plane ride with once and never see again. So, why are many romantic relationships so painful? 1. The relationships are mirrors which can trigger unresolved issues from our childhood. 2. We often look to a romantic partner to fill our needs that our parents did not meet. This doesn't attract the best people to us. 3. We may want a relationship so badly to fill our voids or make us feel less alone that we move into a fantasy-based relationship. Today's call with Michael is a beautiful example of masculine vulnerability and strength. He finds himself dating from a place of pain rather than from love. He wants to move past the feeling that he needs to prove himself to women. Michael's mother wasn't really there for him and so he ends up with women who don't treat him well and who are not really there for him. This is the problem with trying to fill a void left by a parent through dating. We long so badly for the love of a parent that we attract someone just like them, which re-opens our unhealed wounds. We have to bring love and forgiveness to those places inside and fill ourselves with our own loving acceptance. It's time to let go of our fears about rejection, abandonment and getting hurt. I have a free gift for all of my podcast listeners. Here is how to receive my free ebook and meditation downloads. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you longing for a soulmate so much that it is causing you to suffer? Do you keep dating the same person but they have a different face? Could issues from your childhood influence who and how you are dating? Are you in a fantasy based relationship? Could it be time to remove your rose-colored glasses? Michael's Question: Michael wants to know how to move past the pain of a previous relationship and how to know when the person he is dating is the right one. Michael's Key Insights and Aha's: He is trying to heal a core wound from his childhood through a romantic relationship He is putting a lot of pressure on the women he dates He realizes he keeps running back to fix past relationships He carries fear and his unanswered questions around with him He feels unworthy and feels he needs to prove himself to women His strength is in his vulnerability, his honesty and his courage How to get over it and on with it: He should forgive the misunderstanding that he is unlovable or anything in his past was his fault He needs to re-parent his younger self in a way he always longed for He needs to take a dating hiatus Assignments and Takeaways: Is there a little boy or girl inside of you that has some misunderstandings which really need to be healed? Could it be time to end or transform your fantasy-based or issue-based relationship? Perhaps it's time for a dating hiatus and taking some time to date yourself. Fall back in love with yourself and realize just how lovable you are. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com

This emotional episode is a great example of getting stuck in our story. Today's caller, Aurora, has had to overcome an incredible past. She has been through many challenges, and feels enough is enough. She wants her life to change. But as you will hear, she is still committed to the story. We discuss ways she can take her power back and shift out of victim. [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode349] Our minds have a way of not allowing new information or tools in so we can integrate them. There is resistance to change because we all have a comfort zone with our suffering. As much as we think we want to change, do we truly want to? Holding on to trauma comforts us because it is familiar. And, if we try to tackle all of our trauma at once or solve everything that ails us at once, it will feel overwhelming. When we sit up in an open body position it tells our subconscious mind and our nervous system we are safe. Anytime we are hunched over, crossed-legged, or protecting our heart, solar plexus, or root chakra, it communicates to our subconscious mind that we may not be safe. Sitting up straight is how we step into our power. Because when we say step into our power, we are really saying step into our truth. Taking responsibility is huge when it comes to healing. Responsibility is not the same as blaming ourselves. Take responsibility for things you wish you would have done differently without blaming yourself. Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you had a toxic, or unhealthy relationship with your past that you have trouble breaking free from? Do you get stuck in the same story over and over again? Do you feel not enough? Do you have trouble stepping into your power? Aurora's Question: Aurora would like guidance on how to free herself from feeling not enough, to be able to express herself freely, and to get her power back. Aurora's Key Insights and Ahas: She told her ex-husband she needed some space. She got violent with her ex even though she didn't want to. She doesn't condone violence. Her ex believes that once she got what she wanted from the relationship she ended it. She has been judged and traumatized by her older sister. A teacher body-shamed her and created toxic competitiveness. Her parents exhibit narcissistic attributes. She goes through a cycle of making progress and then starting over. She recently went through an intensive therapy treatment. She feels more at peace. She is proud of herself for doing the generational trauma healing work. She has suppressed herself for a long time. She has a habit of being emotionally collapsed. She is not so great at meeting her own needs. How to Get Over It and On With It: Sit in an open body position to let her subconscious mind know she is safe. Think about what her needs are and then give that thing to herself. Love and accept where she is, have compassion for herself, and work with what she has. Take her power back by forgiving herself for buying into any misunderstandings. Listen to this podcast, take responsibility, move out of victim, and believe she is able to shift out of this. Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.