You Hate Movies

Today our 7 part series comes to a climactic close with Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens. Can a movie staggering beneath the pressure of fan expectations possibly live up the hype? Where does it rank amongst the complete saga? Did going Star Wars Pure enhance our viewing experience? Was Bethany a knucklehead at the theater? It’s time to let the truth be known. Featuring: Abi Porter, Alex Rettmann, Bethany Allen, Josh Porter, Patrick Porter, Sarah Hanns, and Tyler Hanns. Spoilers: Massive and complete spoilers for The Force Awakens loom throughout this entire episode. If you haven’t seen the movie yet and you listen to this episode, you hate movies. You’ll also get spoilers for the other six Star Wars films as well as Godzilla 2014, You’ve Got Mail, Frozen, Frank, Prometheus, While We’re Still Young, the TV show Girls, the Disney direct-to-video Tinker Bell films, Pride and Prejudice, About Time, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Bewitched, the Hunger Games series, Home Alone, It Follows, and Jurassic World.

Our journey through all six films in the Star Wars saga comes to a close with episode 6, Return of the Jedi. Are there too many puppets? Do the Ewoks meet Bethany’s very high expectations? Does R2 bebop, or beat-box? Only we have the answers! Featuring: Bethany Allen, Liam Gonnason, Matt Hughes, Josh Porter, Patrick Porter, Tyler Hanns.  Spoilers: Star Wars 1 - 6, The Lord of the Rings, The Godfather, Rocky, Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, Gremlins, Swiss Family Robinson, Watchmen, Elf, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Alice in Wonderland, The Human Centipede, Inspector Gadget, Godzilla, Junior, Teddy Ruxpin, Season 3 Episode 1 of Friends, and the hit Shania Twain song, “Man! I Feel Like a Woman.”

Journey to the Dagobah System as we experience the beloved sequel to the original Star Wars film, The Empire Strikes Back  with some familiar fans and folks experiencing Episode V for the first time! Featuring: Abi Porter, Bethany Allen, Matt Comer, Josh Porter, and Tyler Hanns.    Spoilers: The entire Star Wars saga, Rocky IV, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Indiana Jones, Jurassic World, Harry Potter, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, and the Willow Smith song “Whip My Hair.”

Return to 1977 as we debrief the original theatrical release of the first film in the Star Wars saga with a few guests seeing it for the first time. Featuring: Abi Porter, Bethany Allen, Derrick Cisneros, Josh Porter, Matt Hughes, Patrick Porter, Tyler Hanns.  Spoilers: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Men in Black, Legend, Love Actually, Ant-Man, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, Despicable Me, Dr. Strangelove, and the Johnny Cash song “One Piece at a Time.”

Today we leave the dark side of the force by completing the final installment in the Star Wars prequel saga, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. The best the prequel trilogy has to offer, but how much is that saying, really? Featuring: Bethany Allen, Josh Porter, Matthew Comer, Patrick Porter, and Tyler Hanns. Spoilers: Star Wars 1-6, Lord of the Rings, and Children of Men.

As we continue our journey to Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, we have to trudge our way through two more prequels. This week’s unappetizing dish is Episode II, Attack of the Clones.   Featuring: Bethany Allen, Josh Porter, Patrick Porter, Peter Nikiforov, and Tyler Hanns. Spoilers: Star Wars, episodes 1 - 6, Gladiator, Alien, E.T., The Fifth Element, Rush Hour, The Dark Knight, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Men in Black, and Project Runway.

A long time ago, on a podcast far, far away…. Today we begin our journey to Star Wars, Episode VII: The Force Awakens. The journey will be long, but adventure? Excitement? A Jedi craves not these things. This week, we must somehow endure episode I: The Phantom Menace without succumbing to the dark side of the force. Featuring: Abi Porter, Alex Rettmann, Josh Porter, Patrick Porter, Tyler Hanns, and Vanessa Porter. Spoilers: The Star Wars Saga, Clerks, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Jurassic Park, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Mad Max Fury Road, and the Full House character Stephanie Tanner.

This halloween we’re discussing David Robert Mitchell’s 2015 indie horror hit, It Follows. The film in questions deals with a group of young friends facing the consequences of loose sex. Consequently, some of the conversation on today’s episode is better suited for a grown-up audience. Featuring: Josh Porter, Liam Gonnason, Patrick Porter, Peter Nikiforov, and Tyler Hanns. Spoilers: It Follows, The Fly, The Human Centipede, House of Wax, Jeepers Creepers, Darkness Falls, Saw, The Hangover, The Babadook, The Strangers, The Shining, Hollow Man, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Joy Ride, Shutter Island, Black Swan, Seven, George Romero’s Living Dead series, Alien, Halloween, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Inception, Munich, The Ring, The Prophecy, and Drive.

Today we conclude our celebration of the Back to the Future trilogy with the third and final installment in the beloved time-travel franchise. Featuring: Matt Hughes, Josh Porter, Josiah DePaoli, Liam Gonnason, Patrick Porter, and Tyler Hanns. Spoilers: The entire Back to the Future trilogy, The Prestige, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Home Alone 1 & 2, The Parent Trap, Return of the Jedi, Coming to America, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey, Looper, Rocky Balboa, The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror IV, and Stuart Little.

This week we continue our celebration of Back to the Future by welcoming Marty McFly to October, 2015 with Back to the Future 2. Featuring: Josh Porter, Josiah DePaoli, Patrick Porter, Peter Nikiforov, Tyler Hanns, and Whitney DePaoli.  Spoilers: The Back to the Future Trilogy, Super Mario Brothers, Children of Men, Home Alone 1 & 2, The Nutty Professor, Jack and Jill, Rocky II, Friday the 13th IV: The Final Chapter, Willard, Charlie’s Angels, Aliens, Alien 3, Gremlins 1 & 2, Bruce Almighty, and Jaws 19.