Where Do We Go From Here?

Or is there even an after? K.J. Ramsey writes in her book This Too Shall Last, that "this is not a before and after story," because maybe the secret to grief is that we carry it with us as we flow through life. Maybe the secret is not a secret. It is our bodies, gifted, endowed by God with tools to help us move from alarm to calm and panicked to peaceful. We continue the conversation about ambiguous loss today and talk about how we can move through grief in a way that can form and transform us with therapist, writer, and theologian K.J. Ramsey. Our full conversation is available only to our partners, and you can join us on the inside here. Full episode show notes here Our special thanks as well to Dr. Pauline Boss and Lou Kurtz of the Great Lakes Mental Health Technology Transfer Center Network for letting us use the audio of Dr. Boss speaking. K.J. Ramsey (BA, Covenant College, MA, Denver Seminary) is a licensed professional counselor and writer. She is the author of This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers , and her writing has been published in Christianity Today, RELEVANT, The Huffington Post, Fathom Magazine, Health Central, and more on the integration of theology, psychology, and spiritual formation. Follow her across social media at @kjramseywrites.

You know when you feel crazy and wonder, "Is it me?" Spoiler alert: IT'S NOT YOU. We invite you to examine these situations to find the unnamed grief that may lie beneath the crazy. Whether it is prolonged singleness, impending divorce, multiple childhood moves, or scheduling a wedding during a pandemic, we all experience losses that have no closure. We investigate Dr. Pauline Boss' groundbreaking research in ambiguous loss and discover what this has to do with us as we navigate our relationships and life during Covid-19. Full show notes Get episodes of The Jess & Devi Show Join the conversation on Twitter & Instagram

Ahhh the wild world of app dating! We're here to start untangling this way of dating by debunking some myths. Is it safe? How do you know if someone is who they say they are? Is app dating only about sex? And what does one do about the dreaded dick picks? Jess and Coach Leo Tabibzadegan talk about it all. And if you enjoyed this conversation, there's another 40 minutes of tips and stories on The Jess & Devi Show this week. Join the conversation on Twitter & Instagram Full show notes here

One in three women look at porn, but when it comes to the church, you would think it's only a "male problem." Today we talk about women and porn with our guide, Alice Taylor. We talk about the way porn is kept a shameful secret, what to do when you lapse, and how to find freedom. Share this episode with the women in your life and get those conversations started. Alice Taylor is a passionate advocate for women struggling with pornography. She is a professional writer and speaker, certified recovery coach and founder of The Grace Spot. She is the author of Restored: A Woman's Guide to Overcoming Pornography and has her own story of overcoming pornography. Connect with Alice on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube Full show notes here Get episodes of The Jess & Devi Show for $3/month Join our conversations on Instagram and Twitter

*Trigger warning: This episode contains references to sexual assault. Comedian John Crist made his return to public comedic work last week with an "apology" video. We talk about the allegations levelled against him by five women in November 2019 after which Netflix canceled his special and WaterBrook & Multnomah canceled his book. We discuss: How does Purity Culture influence the way we talk about sexual abuse? What is an abuse of power? What does a sincere apology look like and how can we make amends when we've done wrong? Full Show Notes Here Join the conversation on Twitter and Instagram To hear an unedited 1 hour and 20 minute long version of this conversation, become our partner for $3 USD/month

If you wonder what progressive sexual ethics can look like, Matthias Roberts is here to open up the conversation. He speaks to us as a therapist and an author, but he's also a gay man who grew up in the trenches of evangelical purity culture. This episode is also a great starting point if you want to better understand your LGBTQ+ friends and relatives. In Ask Us Anything, Jess & Devi talk about The "Purity" Hoax, and address the question: Was Jim and Elisabeth Elliot's love story real? Full show notes here Matthias Roberts is author of Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms (Fortress, 2020) and host of Queerology: A Podcast on Belief and Being which was named as one of the "12 Best LGBTQ+ Podcasts of 2020" by O: The Oprah Magazine and the #1 Podcast to Listen to on National Coming Out Day by Radio.com. He holds two master's degrees, one in theology and culture and one in counseling psychology from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. In his psychotherapy practice, Matthias specializes in helping LGBTQ+ teens and adults live confident and fulfilling lives. He writes and speaks often about the intersections between gender, sexuality, mental health, and theology. Connect with Matthias on Instagram & Twitter Get episodes of The Jess & Devi Show for $3USD/month Join our conversations on Instagram & Twitter

Are you tired of viewing the men and women in your life as potential mates or potential sexual temptations? In our sex-crazed world, is the church any different when it comes to male female relationships? Listen in to hear why men and women can be friends, supporters, and partners in building the world. Full Show Notes Here Bronwyn Lea has been active for twenty years in vocational ministry, encourage, teach, and mobilize Christians of all ages. A graduate of law school and seminary, she ministers in her local church and also heads up Propel Sophia, the Christian living wisdom resource for Propel Women. Bronwyn is the author of Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: Living as Christian Brothers and Sisters in a Sex-Crazed World. Connect with Bronwyn on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram Get episodes of The Jess & Devi Show for $3USD/month

Pastor Curtis Allen joined Covenant Life Church in Gaithersberg, Maryland as a young Black man and after he joined the majority white church, he discovered the dating culture to be...different. From the overuse of the "guard her heart" mantra to rooms divided in half with all men on one side and all women on the other side. It was a world saturated in the I Kissed Dating Goodbye courtship methodology. This conversation was recorded years before the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd and the fresh wave of #blacklivesmatter protests we've seen around the world in the past weeks. But Pastor Curtis Allen's words to us about his experience as a Black man in a majority white church will give us all something to think about. From the ushers who wouldn't give him a program to the weight of having to assimilate, Pastor Allen speaks honestly words that all of us need to hear. This interview is a departure from our usual format. The audio you hear in this episode is Josh Harris interviewing Pastor Curtis Allen for the documentary I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, a film made by our co-host Jessica Van Der Wyngaard. Full Show Notes Here Continue the conversation with us on Twitter & Instagram Get episodes of The Jess & Devi Show for $1 or $3USD/month

This conversation is for you if you've been single longer than you expected to be or know someone who wrestles with prolonged singelness. Katelyn Beaty gives us a candid glimpse into her journey from Wheaton to New York City, and the way her internal landscape changed from shame to freedom. Katelyn Beaty is author of A Woman's Place: A Christian Vision for Your Calling in the Office, the Home, and the World, and has written on issues of gender, politics, and the church for The New York Times, The Atlantic, The New Yorker, The Washington Post, and more. She previously served as the youngest and first female managing editor of Christianity Today magazine and currently serves as an acquisitions editor with Brazos Press. She lives in New York City and, in non-pandemic times, enjoys karaoke, birdwatching, and travel. Connect with Katelyn on Twitter and find out more at KatelynBeaty.com. Continue the conversation with us on Twitter & Instagram Get episodes of The Jess & Devi Show for $1 or $3USD/month Episode show notes here

Have you ever wanted to sit down with your mom or dad to talk about your life as a teenager? Jess went there. She and her mother, Caren, talk about what life in purity culture was like as a parent - what were the pressures on parents? What's it like to have your daughter publicly talking about your parenting? This is a warm but feisty mother daughter conversation that opens up the way parents and children can misunderstand and miscommunicate and why grace is the most relevant ingredient for family relationships. Get more of this conversation and others on The Jess & Devi Show for $3USD/month Full Show Notes Here Join the conversation on Instagram and Twitter