Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

I am THRILLED to have my friend, mentor and CO-CONSPIRATOR on the show today to talk about being women, mamas, and our middle school girl's workshop, GLAM CAMP 2016! Krista Petty Raimer is the founder of Boldly Embody Life and a beacon of lite and transformation to all who have the pleasure of crossing paths with her.Take a little time to listen in and hear what we are up to and consider what it means to be a caretaker of the daughter you have... :)Check out GLAM CAMP here!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome! My guest today is Sarah MacLaughlin, a compassion coach, child behavior decoder, parent educator, author, speaker, and warrior for kindness. Sounds like a busy woman, doesn’t she? There is more! She is also the mother of an eight-year-old and is a licensed social worker in Maine. Sarah was a guest for Episode 30, when she discussed Setting Limits. I’m so excited to have her back to help us make sense out of some of the troubling current events in our country. How do we raise our kids to treat ALL people with dignity and respect in the midst of a predominantly white culture? How are we raising our kids to make a better world? Join us for this important and timely conversation.What you’ll hear in this episode: The responsibility of parents today Stop talking and LISTEN! Making it all make sense to kids Implicit bias: What is it? Being rich vs. being wealthy Why we fear discomfort Our hierarchal society (it exists) Finding opportunities for diversity What’s NORMAL? The anti-bias classroom Why we can’t ignore US history Why being “colorblind” is NOT the answer Kids—they are ALWAYS watching! How to confront others and express your discomfort Is your home “whitewashed”? Resources:www.sarahmaclaughlin.comUse Sarah’s name to find her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.Love First: Parenting to Reduce Racism, Sexism, Homophobia and Other Forms of Hate, by Sarah MacLaughlinLaying the Groundwork for Acceptance and Inclusion, by Sarah MacLaughlinTalking to my White Child About Race, by Sarah MacLaughlin 40 Ways to Raise a Nonracist Child, by Barbara Mathias EDITORIAL: What I Said When My White Friend Asked For My black Opinion on White Privilege, by Lori Lakin Hutcherson Thoughts From A Middle Class White Mama, by Casey O'Roarty White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh Another Round podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome! My guest for today’s show is Tracy Cutchlow, the author of Zero to Five: 70 Essential Parenting Tips Based on Science (and What I’ve Learned So Far). The book fulfills Tracy’s passion to help new parents with information and support as they embark on the parenthood journey. Tracy also writes a blog and articles for the Washington Post and Huffington Post. Tracy and her husband, Luke, live in Seattle, where they enjoy life with their four-year- old daughter, Geneva. Unbelievably, Tracy wrote her book during the first 18 months of Geneva’s life! We’ll talk about the tools and wisdom in her book and the topic of helping our youngest children develop a growth mindset. Join us!What you’ll hear in this episode: The unusual format in her book that makes it helpful for busy, new parents Development challenges of very young children “How many times do I have to tell you?” Why children follow their desires (even when they don’t follow OUR desires) Our expectations vs. normal development Why parenting education should be included in well-child visits to the pediatrician Behaviors: Why they meet the child’s innate needs of experience, power, and connection Why children seek connection, but will settle for attention Look at their behavior through the lens of their needs. Growth mindset: What is it? Acknowledgement vs. praise: What’s the difference? How empathy fits naturally into the growth mindset What it takes is small tweaks in our language Why our kids NEED to make mistakes The power of teaching kids about their brains What does Joyful Courage mean to you? “It means taking action, but having a lightness and a playfulness—looking for the good instead of the bad.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Excited to dig into sibling rivalry today on the Ask Casey episode!!A listener wrote in:My kids - particularly my 8 and 9 yo - feel like they have to compete with each other all the time. Every time one does something/gets something different from the other, they tend to mention to the other almost like a taunt. I think on one hand they want their sibling to be happy for them (like mom or dad would be), and on the other hand, I think they want to show how much more special they are. Even if it is innocent, the other kid will still take it as a put down as if it's expected and react with shock, become grudgingly upset, and whining. It is so annoying and constant. It even goes so far as every question I ask has to be directed at one individual bc they will get upset over who answers first. They will even just smile in a nonverbal taunting sort of way to get the other one upset. This happens anytime of day from when they first get up to evening. It happens at home, in the car, in the store. They don't usually do it if there are other kids their age or a little older around - I think bc they get embarrassed. I've seen them snap out of it instantly. It seems to happen less at bedtime maybe because of routine and parent led family time? When it happens my physical response is to get tense in my face and jaw, my breath gets short, and then I feel tension in my shoulders. Emotionally, I start to feel exasperated.  Yes, this is all probably normal on some level and we are working deliberately to include special/individual child led time with each kid. Bugs and wishes has helped bc they feel like others hear them and respect them more. Just looking for the next step to take it to the next level.  We don't want to foster competition in our family we value working together and supporting one another. I want them to be able to be happy for their sibling without feeling less. I feel like just writing this out is helping form some ideas to try, but I would love to hear yours as I'm sure mine are not the only kids who tend to do this. (I was fiercely and painfully competitive with my sister growing up). Resources for parenting siblings: Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish Peaceful Parent, Happy Sibling by Dr. Laura Markham Eps 37: Dr. Laura Markham on holding space for siblings to get along::::::::::Listeners!!! Chime in!! What are your tips/thoughts/experiences around sibling rivalry??Join the conversation on the live and love with joyful courage pageIf you have questions for an Ask Casey episode, fill out the form and send it my way!!::::::::::THANK YOU!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Kate Orson is on the podcast today, and I absolutely love where our conversation went!!Kate's bio from her website:KAte is a Hand in Hand parenting instructor, and author of Tears Heal: How To Listen To Children. Originally from the UK she now live in Basel, Switzerland, with her husband, author Toni Davidson, and our four year old daughter Ruby.Kate has written articles for a number of different parenting magazines including The Green Parent, Juno and Smallish.Kate offer parenting workshops, consultations, both online via skype or in person.I reached out to Kate to talk about getting children's cooperation around chores. In talking to her, and learning more about the Hand In Hand parenting approach, our conversation lead us down the road to understanding how intentional listening and presence with children can invite the very cooperation we are looking for.Kate wrote an article titled 25 Tips for Having Fun While Cleaning UpHere is the Montessori list of age appropriate chores ((super helpful!))Things to remember when we are hoping for cooperation: set limits lightness play show faith and trust your child's ability listen practice special time More about "stay listening"::::::::::Where to find Kate:website i facebook i twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome! Today’s episode features TWO guests, Amy Lang and Dr. Jen O’Ryan. Amy is a sexuality educator who helps parents have conversations with kids about healthy sexuality; she previously joined us for Episodes 8 and 33. Jen holds a PhD in human behavior and specifically works with children and adolescents in gender minorities, especially LGBTQ kids. She joined us for Episode 35. These conversations were prompted by the important talking points which emerged from two recent news stories: the Stanford rape case and the Orlando nightclub shooting. Join us for these important conversations!What you’ll hear in this episode:From Amy: The Stanford case boils down to consent: How do we help our kids be smarter than that? Bad decisions and entitlement: a dangerous mix Teach kids about consent: Use the words permission, asking and giving, and agreement. When everyone is “out of their heads,” there is NO CONSENT! Yes means YES. No means NO. Stop means STOP! With young kids, respect their right to say no to unwanted hugs/kisses; as adults, ASK for a hug/kiss. How to use transition phrases to awkward moments “Tricky people” Be explicit with kids about family rules. Plant seeds about sexuality conversations. Teach them NOT to expect entitlement. Amy’s book about dating, to help kids figure out their dating values (See Resources below) Why we need to model conflict resolution for our kids “Yes” girls and red flags in dating—Are you ready for sex? Be open, available, and neutral for your kids. From Jen: With news of any tragedy, it’s better to give kids small pieces of information that they can process rather than overwhelm them with ALL the details. How to “check in” with your LGBTQ kids Jen’s experience in London this week with a drag queen show paying tribute to the Orlando victims Adults have communities and support systems in place, but most kids don’t. The human element of these victims: brother, sisters, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, etc. Social change is a product of humanization. The verbage to use? LGBTQ, queer, etc. Remember that kids process information at different speeds than adults. Have conversations with kids about safety, dangers, reassurance, and empowerment. The best response is always unity and solidarity. With 5-7 year olds: listen and watch how they play, and make space for them to express feelings. With older kids: create safe spaces for them to talk, and check for signs of depression or social withdrawal. It’s OK to talk about it! Resources:Dating Smarts: What Every Teen Needs to Know to Date, Relate, or Wait by Amy Langwww.birdsandbeesandkids.comwww.birdsandbeescourse.com (Amy’s new online course for parents!)www.savvyparentssafekids.comTea Consent video (on youtube!)www.mykidcameout.com (Jen’s website with resources, blog, and email info. Find her on Facebook, too!)Healthy Sex Talk: Teaching Kids Consent, ages 1-21 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So happy to welcome Maria Dismondy to the show for my June BONUS episode!! Maria is an award winning author and has written many books for children that engage and inspire them to consider the skills needed to be a good friend and problem solver. She spent time in the classroom before having her own children, and uses her time in schools to inform what she writes about in her books.::::::::::Maria's books:The Littlest Linebacker - A Story of Determination Chocolate Milk Por Favor - Celebrating Diversity with Empathy Spoonful of Sweetness - and Other Delicious Manners Pink Tiara Cookies for ThreeSpaghetti in a Hot Dog Bun - Having the Courage to be Who You Are The Juice Box Bully - Empowering Kids to Stand Up for Others The Potato Chip Champ - Discovering Why Kindness Counts::::::::::Find Maria on You TubeFollow her on InstagramCheck out her websiteConversation starters from Pinterest Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome! My guest today is a dear friend, Julietta Skoog, who is a positive discipline trainer. She joined us as a guest on Episode 4 about Family Meetings. It’s hard to believe that we’re here at Episode 48 now! I’m so thrilled to have Julietta back again so that we can all benefit from her wealth of parenting knowledge. She teaches many classes and workshops for parents, in addition to being a school counselor and psychologist in Seattle, where she works with hundreds of students. Her most important parenting work, however, is at home with her children, ages 4 and 7. Today’s topic is all about Toddlers—raising them and dealing with those around us who might not agree with our parenting methods. Join us!What you’ll hear in this episode: Toddlers are biologically driven to explore the world through visual learning and touch. We need to find a way to bridge between our world and their world. They need to know that you hear them and understand them. Connect with them, see them, and hear them. With 2-3 year olds, redirection and distraction can be effective tools to move them on to what they need to do next. What it means to “get them to the second location” With older toddlers, use curiosity questions and give them a wait time. With younger toddlers, limit their choices to ones that you’re ok with. Mutual respect is essential—even with toddlers! Help them get excited about the next step with PLAY. Use deep firmness and structure. How should we handle destructive behaviors? Speak consistently Model connection and firmness Supervise! Model and help them learn empathy Transitions cause anxiety for kids, so do your prevention work! In dealing with others’ opinions, remember that we’re all challenged as parents; we’re all doing the best we can with the tools we have.Resources:www.besproutable.com (Julietta has video examples and other parenting resources.)Julietta's website l Facebook Join the Joyful Courage Facebook group: Live and Love with Courage. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome! My guest today is Kris Prochaska, a former therapist who uses her intuition, diagnostic skills, and ability to read people’s energy. Her desire is to coach women in how to embody sacred leadership at home and at work to listen and live according to their inner voice. Kris was a 2015 TEDxBend speaker and is the author of Life Well Spoken: Free Your Inner Voice and Prosper. She is a busy mom to Anja, 7, and Eli, 11, and is happily married to—and still in love with—her hubby, Mike.What you’ll hear in this episode: Kris began her career journey as a therapist, but tired of focusing on what’s “wrong.” She wanted to discover what’s “right”! Kris approaches her coaching sessions under the premise that the client really does know best. Kris discusses her TED talk experience and the responses she received to her topic: Why don’t we see our kids as equals? Kris shares the irony in her TED talk in that she was not in alignment with her natural energy and truth. The goal in parenting is NOT to control our kids, but to teach them to use their tools to become their very best. Our kids are equally deserving of dignity and respect, but that doesn’t mean there are no limits or boundaries. The parenting attitude should be, “What’s in the highest and best good for our family in the long term?” We should listen to the voice of our kids and let them be a part of decision-making. We’re afraid if we teach them to listen to themselves that they will run rampant. The “little voices,”—do YOU hear them? They seek to make you look good, stay safe, and fit in-- -no matter what. How do you tell the difference between your “little voices” and your intuition? The “little voices” will make you feel small, constricted, and pressured. Your true inner voice is expansive, calm, and peaceful. Your energy shift can affect those around you. What does Joyful Courage mean to you? “When we have the courage to step into that inner voice place and what we know, it takes courage to do that over and over again. The returns are infinite. That’s the blessing we give to the world.”Resources:www.krisprochaska.comFind her on Facebook and Instagram: MessyMysticMama. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Here is what I got from a listener:Hey lady!As I said in my post, Sheane (my teacher ;)) is really volatile right now, and so much of what she's saying is full of disrespect and sass. Oh, and often high volume. It's driving me nuts. I suspect it's because summer is upon us, and she is worried about the transition, having to say goodbye to her teacher, etc., as she's so sensitive so it's freaking her out. If I say, "Please sit down and finish your breakfast" (she gets up several times during mealtimes, mostly to cartwheel), she'll yell, "MOM! Stop telling me that! I was going to!!!" Or, she's started to respond, "I don't care!" or "I don't have to!" Shaun and I have really been working on our tone with each other and the kids, so I feel like we're really modeling ways to disagree, ask questions, etc., without being disrespectful. And, we've been working on our connection with her, each of us committing to ensuring that she is feeling that sense of belonging and significance. So, I'm somewhat stumped now as to where to go with this. Often she's outright saying, "NO!" or is moaning and groaning about every situation, even when choice and inviting language is used. I did just take the "is your child sensitive" quiz that was posted on the FB page, and she scores off the charts. Thoughts? This child is teaching the hell out of me.So grateful for parents who reach out for support!! Enjoy this episode of Ask Casey as I do my best to share advice and feedback on this behavior that drives us ALL mad!! Back talk video  Article on consent – good man project “Our kids are doing the best they can with the skills they have.” What/How questions Connect before correct Get curious about your child’s experience too Offer the opportunity for a redo They need to have the space for you to say “that wasn’t the best way to handle this situation, let’s try it again.” Practice being non-attached (don’t take it personally) “Tell me about that…” and then LISTEN DEEPLY The goal is to help our kids build skills to navigate disappointment in a way that isn’t hurtful to others, themselves or the environment around them. Soothing basket PDF Hold space for them to be uncomfortable and trust them to get to the other side :::::::::: Listeners!!! Chime in with your thoughts!! What are your tips/thoughts/experiences around setting limits for screen time?? Join the conversation on the live and love with joyful courage page If you have questions for an Ask Casey episode, fill out the form and send it my way!! :::::::::: THANK YOU!!     Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices