Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Today’s guest is Marcilie Smith Boyle, a certified positive discipline trainer and certified life and leadership coach who teaches positive discipline courses live and online, coaches individuals and groups on transitions and parenting, as well as life coaching and executive leadership coaching. We are discussing the science and research of positive discipline. Join us!“ The tip of the iceberg is what you can see – that’s your child’s behavior, but underneath the surface so much more is going on.”What you’ll hear in this episode: Emerging neuroscientific research about social psychology informed by function MRIs and PET scans. Principles of positive discipline – looking underneath behavior to build skills for long term better behavior. •   Adlerian theory, the foundation of positive discipline  The connection between behavior and a sense of belonging  How mutual respect informs better behavior The right to dignity and the value of solutions relative to rewards and punishments  Intrinsic motivation, what it is and why it matters long term. The social nature of humans and how that relates to theories of the hierarchy of needs The link between physical and social pain and the connection between learning and belonging The impact of fight or flight on empathy, learning and problem solving skills Relatedness, competence and autonomy and the way they influence behavior and feed intrinsic motivation The positive outcomes of met psychological needs in relation to health, creativity, persistence, flexibility, adjustment, well-being, enjoyment, cooperation, engagement and interest. Why rewards and praise sometimes backfire: the relationship between contingent rewards, autonomy and behavior Baby steps to deepen your positive parenting practice The difference made when we get eye to eye with our kids For more show notes, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Thank you to everyone who chimed in for this month's Ask Casey episode! I chose this particular submission because I believe it is something that MANY of us are challenged by. Enjoy!From Mama Kay:Defiance. My six year old has recently started saying straight out No's to anything I ask. ANYTHING! I've tried explaining why I ask her to do things and even explain how it benefits her. But it's just no. It's many times in a disrespectful and rude way. I think she is just finding her boundaries and her self confidence but I do not know how to interact with her. I don't want to bulldoze over her feelings or bully her into obedience. But I also don't want her to be disrespectful or be an example of disrespect to her younger siblings. Along with the no is an ability to find something negative about everything. I've had to ask her to go to another room many times because she was affecting her siblings attitude too. I am praying this is a stage but I don't want to break or break her through the process.Tune in to hear my response! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Melissa Brown, a blended family podcaster who works with stepfamilies. We are going to talk about blended families and the challenges they face. Join us! “Raising children is the biggest rollercoaster ride of your life.”What you’ll hear in this episode:  The biggest challenge facing blended families today Dealing with drama while protecting kids from triangulation The value of a child-centered approach when navigating difficult relationships with exes The importance of self-awareness, love and patience in creating a positive environment for kids. How to use problem solving tools you use with your kids with your exes to improve relationships Learning to identify what you can’t control and how to deal with that The mixed blessing and additional pressure of sibling rivalry on blended families and how to handle it How to empower your kids for conflict resolution in blended families and learning to stay out of it, resisting the temptation to “fix” things Protecting your relationship from blended family drama Bonding with step kids – particularly teenagers – keeping an open mind. Finding an entry point for building connection Flexibility and scheduling in blended families Routines and rituals – creating a sense of belonging Consistency between houses, managing energy and big feelings. Leveraging patterns in your blended family – approaching problems with curiosity Dealing with (and expecting) setbacks and recovering when things don’t go as planned  What does Joyful Courage mean to you? It takes a lot of courage to blend a family – it’s not always an easy journey. Joyful courage to me means understanding the importance of finding joy even through the pain in life. Our biggest growth and our biggest lessons always come from hard times. Where to find Melissa:Blended family podcast l Facebook l Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Ross Greene, an acclaimed author and parenting educator who works with kids with behavioral challenges. We are discussing how collaborative, proactive problem solving can reduce parenting challenges. Join us!“Kids have information we badly need. If we don’t get that information we are at risk of plunging forward with uninformed solutions based on what we think is going on. Our theories and assumptions are often wrong. If you get what’s the matter wrong, your solution won’t work. The least fallible source of information is the kid.”What you’ll hear in this episode: The role of problem solving in managing challenging behaviors  Why sticker charts and rationing of privileges doesn’t work for this demographic Making collaborative and proactive solutions work for your family Changing your mission: finding out what is getting in your kid’s way The benefit of a skills based approach – coaching skills improvement through problem solving The difference between control and influence Parenting and education as partnering and helping Collaborative vs unilateral problem solving Prioritizing unmet expectations to plan proactive problem solving Getting out of the heat of the moment in your parenting  Three steps to proactive problem solving The need for realistic, mutually satisfying solutions The danger of too many solutions Differentiating between a failure and a solution that wasn’t mutually beneficial, realistic or incomplete The messy but crucial nature of problem solving Perfection vs improvement over time – being realistic about goals Focusing on the right thing: learning to focus on the root cause of behavior vs the behavior itself.  What does Joyful Courage mean to you? There is courage that comes along with being a parent, a teacher and a staff member and doing something different because what you are finding is that what you are doing now isn’t working. I’m delighted to say that there are many many parents, educators and facilities who have had that courage and they have been remarkably helpful to their children, their students and the children in their care and that should bring them a great deal of joy as well. It takes courage to take a look at what you are doing, think about it, and try to do something differently.Resources:The explosive child Lost at School Lost and Found Raising Human Beings The Drilling Cheat Sheet The B Team – Facebook Group Elevate Your Parenting – Facebook Group Lost & Found – Facebook Group for Educators Lives in the Balance – Facebook Group for Clinicians Where to find Dr. Greene:Lives In the Balance Facebook Twitter Centre for Collaborative Problem Solving Dr. Ross Greene Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Lauren Gamble of Bibs for Kids. She helps kids struggling with illness, impoverishment and prematurity by selling bibs and donating 10% of proceeds to causes. Her son was born premature and she was inspired to help others after spending time in the NICU with her new baby. Join us in learning about how to give back to kids in need this holiday season (and every day)!What you’ll hear in this episode:•   Life in the NICU – the challenges of prematurity with even a healthy baby, infant health challenges, bonding with other parents facing the same circumstances and 12 long days where time seemed to stand still•   Causes Bibs For Kids supports: premature birth, pediatric HIV, pediatric cerebral palsy, childhood hunger, childhood cancer, and autism•   Prematurity awareness – the selection of this cause was influenced by her own experiences with her son (who is now 4 months old) and the ongoing relationships she’s had with fellow NICU families from their stay•   Pediatric cerebral palsy – the family connection to this challenging disease and how her relationship with her cousin and aunt led her to want to give back in this way•   Pediatric HIV – the family Lauren knows who adopted an HIV positive child and how their life experiences impacted her decision to support this important cause•   Autism – Awareness of early detection and the need for education and intervention are so key to positive outcomes for children living with Autism•   Childhood cancer – 720 kids diagnosed every day in America – why research and awareness is so important•   Childhood hunger – a cause that’s closer to home than we think and not just an overseas problem•   Customer response to Bibs for Kids, donations and partnerships•   The holiday season: thankfulness for good health and a reason to give•   Ways to help when you don’t have kids who wear bibs or don’t have babies in your life– donate $5 and have a bib sent to a child in needWhere to find Lauren:Facebook I Website I Instagram I Twitter I Pinterest ** Check out the Bibs for Kids KICKSTARTER campaign and make a DIRECT IMPACT on this important work!!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

DENISE LAROSA is the founder, host and CEO of Mom Talk with Denise LaRosa, LLC, a multimedia platform designed to motivate, inspire and inform mothers along their journey in motherhood. Denise utilizes her parenting experiences and background as an elementary educator to bring mothers invaluable information and resources on parenting through her podcast, blog and workshops. A devoted wife and mother of two precious girls, Denise is also an elementary school teacher. She earned her Bachelor of Arts degree in dance (Magna cum Laude) from Radford University in 2003 and graduated from Carlow University in 2008 with a Master of Education degree in elementary education. Empty Shoes is Denise's first children's book. She plans to write many more for you to enjoy. USE PROMO CODE JOYFULCOURAGE for 20% discount on Denise's book! http://www.momtalkdenise.com/book/Find Denise: http://www.momtalkdenise.com/ Facebook Twitter  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Rosalind Wiseman, a mom of boys and political scientist who works with teenagers in a professional capacity through an organization called Cultures of Dignity. We are going to talk about the social lives of teenagers. Join us!“Look for your champion moment and step in.”What you’ll hear in this episode:•   The struggle to balance maintaining friendships and handle power imbalances and how that flows into abusive romantic relationships later on•   Media depictions of relationships and how they impact teenage perceptions of acceptable and normal behaviors•   Impacts of the election cycle on teenage behavior and normalization of racism and bad behavior and the resulting need for parents to promote inclusion•   How to promote diversity and equal dignity for all by helping your children recognize the difference between healthy curiosity and put-downs•    The importance of coaching your child on how to participate in respectful dialogue and redirecting conversations without reinforcing stigma•   How to support teachers in a changing political climate while they deal with teens struggling with uncertainty•   The role of education in supporting problem solving and critical thinking•   Common roles in teen social groups and the associated challenges of raising: queen bees, side kicks, banker, mastermind, associate, bouncer, entertainer, conscience, champion, victim/target, pleaser, the messenger•   Helping your kids practice for their champion moment•   Backstabbing and the role of the messenger•   How to teach your kids that a disagreement isn’t the end of the relationship•   How to use and coach the SEAL formula – how to speak when you are angry•   The similarities between conflict in teen relationships and video games battles•   The difference between bullying and lack of relationship skills•   Giving space and listening to boys during puberty•   Relationship repair following insights acquired during parenting educationResourcesQueen Bees and Wannabes Masterminds and Wingmen Owning UpWhere to find Rosalind: Her Website Facebook Twitter Instagram LinkedIn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

“Your job as a mom is to build a protective hedge around your family and not let them get stressed out and over-stimulated by all the ten thousand things”•   Being the magic makers: doing all the things •   Creating happy memories not just of the holidays and of parents for your kids •   Christmas cards – do you really need to send them? •   Managing expectations – fantasy vs reality •   Avoiding resentment •   How to design the holiday you want to have – focus on the 3 Ms •   What is YOUR mission? Separating that from expectations of others •   Minutae –picking activities and details that support your mission •   Move it – assess which activities that you can enjoy at another time of the year to focus on your mission •   Elf on a Shelf – effectiveness as a behavior modification tool, another thing on your to do list •   Giving yourself permission not to do the same things as everyone else – peer pressure •   Focusing on the things that bring you joy •   Taking the “shoulds” out of the seasonWhat does Joyful Courage mean to you?“Courage to me is head down, get it done, life is going to be hard at times and you might doubt yourself or feel other people doubting you and you’re just going to have to go out and do it regardless. But joyful courage to me is a picture of having chin up, smile on your face, and for me, parenting. It takes a lot of courage to take on the responsibility of raising what needs to grow up to be responsible adults and those little lives are in your hands for such a young age. But you can do it scared, or you can do it with joy even in the arguments and even in the hard times, that there’s always joy to be found. If it’s just the sweet relationship you have with each of these people in your family that gives you what you need to go out and do the courageous job of parenting with your chin up, with a smile on your face.”Where to find Luna:Website FacebookPodcast: Confessions Behind the Minivan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Laurie Hatch, a “radical grandma” with strong ideas and opinions about how children who can be raised. She has eleven kids, 44 grandkids and has worked in education, now consulting and training. We are going to talk about kids...“If I could teach parents one thing it would be: never expect kids to share. Kids do not share until the ages of 4 and 5 when it becomes important to them to have a playmate who stays with them and collaborates”“Sharing is one of the most inappropriate expectations we have in childhood and a huge trigger. We were taught to be nice and share and that if you don’t share you aren’t nice.”“About the time we start to figure out parenting, we are done”What you’ll hear in this episode:•   Exploring the language we use to describe behaviors our kids engage in•   How separating ourselves from our children’s behavior changes how we describe and perceive it•   Sibling rivalry and how we help create it•   The role of supervision in mitigating sibling conflict•   What is scaffolding and how does it relate to correcting behavior?•   Setting reasonable expectations around kid’s ability to self-regulate: improvement vs. mastery•   Child development and how that impacts how sibling conflict plays out•   Resolving conflict through curiosity•   Naturalist observational report: talking to kids about what happened absent of judgment and assumption•   Sharing expectations: why and when developmentally kids share and how expecting it can create challenges•   Biting and tantrums in context: how language and maturity impact these phases•   Backtalk versus advocacy: reframing sassy behavior•   Repetitive behaviors: chances to try different approaches to resolve conflict•   Nurturing in the heat of conflict: why it helps and how to do it even when it’s hard.•   Solutions vs punishments. Focusing on the goal and expected behavior and being permissive aren’t the same thing, resolution doesn’t need to be punitive•   Relationship repair and how to recover fromparenting missteps•   Spanking – where does it come from and what else can you do in the moment•   Post-conflict recaps: encouraging perspective taking and problem solving•   The role of family meetings: connecting rather than blaming•   Parenting education helps learn about parenting process•   Triggers: why do we have them and what they can teach us about ourselves?•   Self-care and parenting – how journaling can help•   Problem solving without faultWhat does Joyful Courage mean to you?“Joy is the essence of being centered in truth. Courage is heart. I try to live so my life and heart are centered on the things I know are true. I have limited knowledge so I’m continually looking for that. I draw on my courage so that I can speak out in active ways that are in harmony with what I believe. Joy is not fleeting, it’s not like happiness. Joy is a constant and a choice in life. If you have joy in your heart, you’re able to endure challenges and adversity because you have this constant centered on truth." Where to find Laurie: Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Sara Yao, a leadership coach who transitioned to self-employment on the birth of her child. While her book doesn’t focus on parenting specifically, the principles are incredibly relevant to parenting. Join us! “It’s about how often you can be present, not how often you can be perfect.” What you’ll hear in this episode:  What is a leader and how does it relate to parenting? The value of presence, stability and connectedness relative to skills competency Impacts of going on autopilot on parenting and family relationships The practice of pausing to break autopilot Reactive tendencies (complying, detaching, and controlling) - what they are and how they develop The way presence and mindfulness create choice in parenting Modeling - how we pass on our reactive tendencies to our kids How to take a “presence first” approach to parenting to overcome our own reactive tendencies Cultivating presence – how to become more mindful “Survival fear,” sleep deprivation and hormones and the impact of an adrenalized state on our parenting How to start small to create more awareness more often to build a habit of mindfulness. Mindfulness, perfectionism and self-compassion: recognizing increased presence shouldn’t create an expectation of perfection Tuning into body sensation to be present and noticing Breathing techniques – “box breathing” to calm you down when your nervous system is riled up  What does Joyful Courage mean to you?“I have such deep respect for myself and for others when they are just willing to examine and question – when they do, the liberation that comes from moving out of a pattern or coming to and waking up, that to me is the epitome of joyful courage. Have the courage to look, feel free and at choice again.” Resources:Her book, “Drop in: Leading with deeper presence and courage”Her book, Get Present Where to find Sara:Facebook l Twitter l Her website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices