Parenting Without Power Struggles

Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist and cofounder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center, outlines five R's for parenting. She highlights relationships as the bedrock. She talks about reflection on triggers, regulation and co-regulation tools, compassionate rules for safety, and the power of repair after mistakes.

Resilience isn't a trait kids either have or don't — it's something they build through repeated experiences of feeling hard emotions and getting through them, with a present and steady parent by their side. In this episode, Susan Stiffelman, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, and Dr. Laura Markham explore why our instinct to fix our children's disappointment can actually work against us — and what to do instead. What "brain reps" are and why your child's meltdowns are actually opportunities in disguise Why the urge to fix your child's distress can communicate the opposite of what you intend Why emotion coaching — not problem solving — is the essential first step toward resilience Show notes and transcript available here

*]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:6fa87474-d341-4003-a0fb-1650b17d4c75-2" data-testid= "conversation-turn-6" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> *]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:6fa87474-d341-4003-a0fb-1650b17d4c75-3" data-testid= "conversation-turn-8" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> In this episode, Susan explores why we sometimes react in ways that don't match our intentions. Through the lens of Internal Family Systems, she encourages parents to view those moments as protective parts taking over—and reminds us that our steady, wise Self is never far away. How understanding your own parts helps you respond more calmly to your child's activated parts. Why intellectual understanding (attachment, neuroscience, regulation) isn't always enough in charged moments. A simple in-the-moment reframe that creates space for your steadier "captain" self to return. Visit this page for transcript

In this episode, Susan is joined by Lisa Spiegel, author of Internal Family Systems Therapy with Children, for a conversation about how understanding our "parts" can transform our parenting life. They explore what it means to be Self-led, why you're not your anger (and your child isn't either), and how helping kids understand their parts builds confidence, compassion, and emotional resilience.

*]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:cac8a71c-422a-41be-b8ba-c4f290f0abe6-2" data-testid= "conversation-turn-6" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> In this episode, Susan explores how children are increasingly turning to AI chatbots not just for information, but for emotional reassurance — a shift that can quietly replace human connection. Drawing on insights from psychologist Dr. Zak Stein, she explains why real relationships, with their pauses, limits, and repair, are essential for healthy development, and how endlessly affirming bots can interfere with emotional growth. At its core, this conversation is about attachment — helping parents remain their child's safest place in a rapidly changing digital world.

In this podcast, Susan explores the quiet, everyday joy that often gets lost in the stress, demands, and constant pressures of parenting—and why these small moments of happiness are essential for both parents and children. Drawing on attachment theory, neuroscience, and Internal Family Systems, she explains how play, laughter, and lightness help regulate nervous systems, strengthen connection, and offers simple ways to bring more joy into daily life. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/JoyPodcast

In this episode, Susan and Dr. Hallowell share tips for talking with children about ADHD that emphasizes its benefits rather than using a "just try harder!" approach. ADHD is a trait both Susan and Dr. Hallowell share, and both see it as an asset that has made their lives better---with effective strategies and support. Why ADHD is better understood as a trait, not a deficit The real dangers to watch out for: shame and fear Why "try harder" backfires for kids with ADHD

Explore the nature of power struggles in parenting and discover how they erupt instinctively. Learn how calm, confident leadership fosters cooperation and emotional growth. Susan shares the costs of ongoing conflicts, highlighting the benefits of reduced struggles: deeper connections and joy within the family. Emphasizing authenticity over memorization, she encourages parents to engage from a genuine place. Finally, gain insights on healing past triggers to respond with compassion and clarity, transforming family dynamics for the better.

In this engaging conversation, Kelsey Blahnik, a clinician and author renowned for her work with trauma survivors, discusses her book, The AND Way. Kelsey highlights how parents can cultivate open-mindedness and empathy in their children. She shares insights on separating behavior from identity to nurture understanding and emphasizes the importance of a 'clay mindset'—the belief that people can change. With practical tips for navigating challenging conversations, she encourages parents to model curiosity and compassion in today's polarized world.

*]:pointer-events-auto [content-visibility:auto] supports-[content-visibility:auto]:[contain-intrinsic-size:auto_100lvh] scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:336c262d-c1b6-47de-af59-2447e6cbb2e0-3" data-testid= "conversation-turn-8" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> In this episode, Susan explores what resilience truly looks like in children and why it's essential for parents to allow kids to experience manageable frustration instead of rushing in to fix or smooth things over. She explains how a parent's instinct to rescue often comes from their own discomfort, and why doing our inner work is key to helping children develop the flexibility, confidence, and coping skills they'll need as adults. Susan highlights how staying present, loving, and supportive—without taking over—allows children to build the emotional "muscles" that prepare them for life's inevitable ups and downs. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/parenting-without-rescue-podcast