Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Today I’m welcoming back Dayna Abraham to the show to discuss her latest book, Calm the Chaos: A Fail-Proof Road Map for Parenting Even the Most Challenging Kids. I really resonate with Dayna’s work because we both are committed to empowering families, especially those who are deep in survival mode, and in her new book, she shares the framework for her signature “calm the chaos” framework which is designed to give parents a doable plan for navigating challenging situations and finding genuine calm in the midst of the storm. In our conversation today, Dayan gives us the highlights of this framework and gives us some strategies to start employing right away.I’m betting most of you are familiar with Dayna Abraham, but just in case, here’s a bit about her. Dayna is the bestselling author of The Superkids Activity Guide to Conquering Every Day and Sensory Processing 101. She is on a mission to create a more accepting world, one challenging kid at a time. As a National Board Certified educator, parent of three neurodivergent children, and an ADHD adult herself, Dayna brings a unique and out-of-the-box perspective to parents raising kids in the modern world. Through Calm the Chaos, she has helped millions of desperate parents around the world find peace and meet their children where they’re at when conventional parenting tools have failed them.About Dayna AbrahamDayna Abraham, bestselling author of The Superkids Activity Guide to Conquering Every Day and Sensory Processing 101, is on a mission to create a more accepting world, one challenging kid at a time.As a National Board Certified educator, parent of three neurodivergent children, and an ADHD adult herself, Dayna brings a unique and out-of-the-box perspective to parents raising kids in the modern world.Through her compassionate framework, Calm the Chaos, she has helped millions of desperate parents around the world, find peace and meet their children where they’re at when conventional parenting tools have failed them. Things you'll learn from this episode What the five stages of Dayna’s Calm the Chaos framework are and how they work together Why every stage of the framework includes these four elements: You, Connect, Understand and Empower What emotional anchors are and how they can help parents regulate themselves Why getting back to emotional safety and nervous system regulation is so important and what it looks like in action Ideas for finding calm in the midst of challenging situations  Resources mentioned for: Calm the Chaos: A Fail-Proof Road Map for Parenting Even the Most Challenging Kids by Dayna Abraham Calm the Chaos Podcast Lemon Lime Adventures Calm the Chaos on Facebook Calm the Chaos on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode of the TiLT Parenting Podcast, I’m bringing back a previous guest, executive functioning coach Seth Perler, for a two-part series in which Seth shares with us the exact approach he uses with students he works with when helping them foster their fledgling executive functioning skills. I first had Seth on the show last fall, where he gave us an introduction to executive functioning, but we didn’t get to the more practical strategies that I know so many of us are looking for. So I asked Seth to come back on, and that conversation turned into an hour-and-a-half long sharing by Seth of truly valuable tips and strategies and insights. Because Seth shares so very much over the course of these ninety or so minutes, I wanted to split our conversation into two parts. So this episode is part one of what I’m now referring to as a “Masterclass in Executive Functioning.” In this episode, Seth shares with us his protocol for setting up a child for success in their developing executive functioning skills. In part 2 next week, Seth will go in-depth into his specific strategies surrounding building these skills in school and in life. Seth Perler is a renegade teacher turned Executive Function Coach/Education Coach who is based in Santa Monica, CA and Boulder, CO. He helps struggling students navigate a crazy educational landscape and does his part to “disrupt” and improve education. Seth specializes in Executive Function and 2e. Find out more at sethperler.com.THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: Seth’s definition of executive functioning framed so it helps people apply the principles to help kids A step-by-step breakdown of exactly how Seth works with families Why our relationship with our child is the number one thing to be preserved when doing this work The importance of parents doing their own personal work / self-care during this process Why kids “can’t do what we’re asking them to do because they can’t, not because they won’t,” so we need to back up and scaffold from where they’re at The role of mindfulness, mindset, and motivation Why symptoms are more important than labels Why it’s critical to understand the role of emotional regulation in executive functioning How we as parents can co-regulate our emotions with our child Why we want to focus on 3 positives for every 1 negative  RESOURCES MENTIONED: Seth Perler’s website A Conversation with Executive Functioning Coach Seth Perler (original podcast episode) Seth’s Executive Functioning Assessment Dr. Gail Saltz Talks About the Power of Different (podcast episode) Carol Dweck and Mindset Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today I’m bringing you an episode that covers a new topic for this show — how to find the right program when you realize your child is in need of more substantial therapeutic support or intervention. I’ve wanted to cover this topic for a long time because I know how overwhelming it can be if this is a road your family is going down. Sue Scheff has decades of experience in this field, personal and professional, and I’m grateful she joined me to shed light on the ins and outs of navigating different therapeutic programs. With Sue’s fascinating background, we could have explored many different topics for this episode, but what I wanted to do in this conversation is to have Sue give us an overview of the options available to parents whose kids are struggling with challenging or dangerous behaviors and are in need of more intensive supports. Sue explains the difference between therapeutic boarding schools, residential treatment centers and wilderness programs, what the signals are that a child would benefit from these types of supports, how to identify the best fit program, the possibilities for having programs covered by insurance, and much more. About Sue ScheffFounder and President of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts Inc. (P.U.R.E.™), Sue Scheff has been leveraging her personal experiences to help others through her organization since 2001. After being stalked, harassed, bullied and slandered online – in 2006, Scheff won a landmark case for internet defamation with an $11.3M jury verdict. Since then, she’s been an advocate for cyberbullying prevention and promoting the importance of online reputation. She has three published books, Wit’s End (HCI 2007), Google Bomb (HCI 2009) with a foreword by Michael Fertik, and her latest, Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate (Sourcebooks 2017) with a foreword by Monica Lewinsky.Things you'll learn from this episode The differences between therapeutic boarding schools, residential treatment centers, and wilderness programs What the signs are that a child may be in need of more intensive intervention or a therapeutic program How to go about identifying and vetting programs that are an ideal fit for a child’s individual challenges The possibilities that exist for having the high cost of therapeutic programs be partially (or fully) covered by insurance Whether or not parents should be concerned about placing their teens in programs where their peer group may be dealing with more problematic behavior and negatively influence a teen Why any therapeutic program has to involve the whole family in order for it to be effective  Resources mentioned for  Sue Scheff’s website Parents’ Universal Resource Experts Inc. (P.U.R.E.™) Wit’s End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen by Sue Scheff Google Bomb: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate by Sue Scheff Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate by Sue Scheff Sue Scheff on Facebook Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, I talk with Jill Emmelhainz, the mother of a 14-year-old differently-wired daughter who struggles with severe anxiety. Over the years, Jill and her husband noticed their daughter Anna’s anxiety was greatly reduced when she spent time outdoors and in nature, so this past year, they decided to try something radical and fully immerse themselves in nature for extended periods of time to see what would happen. For six weeks in fall 2015 and five weeks in spring 2016, Jill and her daughter have hiked the Appalachian Trail in the eastern U.S. The result? During those weeks in nature, Anna’s anxiety all but disappeared, and she’s found ways to bring the learnings from those experiences back into her day-to-day life in a helpful way. JIll and her daughter’s story is fascinating…we have a sense you’ll think so, too! Jill Emmelhainz says: “I have had the privilege of raising and homeschooling our seven children. Travel and creativity have always been part of our family life. Now that we have only one child still at home, she and I enjoy outdoor adventures as a way to help her cope with significant life challenges.” THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: How trying something completely new and radical can sometimes have unexpected, positive consequences The power of having shared, powerful experiences with a child (especially one who’s a teenager) Suggestions for getting kids more excited about and engaged in outdoor time and nature  RESOURCES MENTIONED: Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv Jill’s blog, The Big Epic Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week I’m bringing back school counselor, therapist, and author Phyllis Fagell to talk about her new book Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times which she wrote as a response to what she is seeing in her work with children in the aftermath of COVID. During this interview, we talked about why this generation of tweens is more insecure, vulnerable, and eager to please perhaps than past generations, effective strategies for helping kids who might be rigid thinkers become more flexible, and how parents can coach their kids around navigating, forming and maintaining healthy friendships. Phyllis L. Fagell, LCPC is the school counselor at Sheridan School in Washington, DC, a therapist who works with children and teens in private practice, and an author and journalist. She is the author of Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond – and How Parents Can Help and her most recent book, Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times. Things you'll learn from this episode Why this generation of tweens is more insecure, vulnerable, and eager to please than past generations How to help kids who might be rigid thinkers to become more flexible What Phyllis is seeing in how kids are connecting and finding a sense of belonging in the post-pandemic era How parents can coach their kids around navigating, forming, and maintaining healthy friendships What the “magic question is” and how to use it to support our kids in developing empathy  How to navigate situations where our kids are seeking support from sources that may not be our first choice Why it’s important to respect how our kids want to present their neurodiversity and other parts of their identities to the world  Resources mentioned  Phyllis Fagell’s website Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times by Phylls Fagell Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond — and How Parents Can Help by Phyllis Fagell Phyllis Fagell on Twitter Phyllis Fagell on Instagram Phyllis Fagell on Facebook Phyllis Fagell on LinkedIn Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Angela Santomero is also an author, and one I had the chance to work with very closely over the past two years, as she asked me to be her co-author for her new book Preschool Clues: Raising Smart, Inspired, and Engaged Kids in a Screen-Filled World, which comes out one week from today! Preschool Clues shares the secret sauce behind Angela’s shows’ powerful, transformative results in the form of eleven research-based, foundational “clues” to ensure that preschoolers flourish academically, socially, and emotionally during this critical time.In this episode, Angela and I talk about the book—what it’s about, who it’s for, and how it supports parents in parenting their preschoolers and beyond. Though the book isn’t written specifically for an audience of parents raising differently wired kids, the “clues” we share are relevant for any parent of any child. And the bonus? I was able to bring my unique lens as the mother of an atypical kid to the project, and so we took special care to ensure the book is inclusive of every type of child. Angela Santomero is the creator of many preschool TV shows including Blue’s Clues, Super Why, Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, Creative Galaxy, and Wishenpoof, and was the host of The Parent Show with Angela Santomero on PBS. She has a Master’s degree in Child Developmental Psychology from Teachers College, Columbia University with a sub-concentration in Instructional Technology and Media. Find out more at Angela’s website, Angela’s Clues. THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: The story behind the book Preschool Clues The importance of a healthy media diet and choosing high-quality programs for our kids How Angela defines the ingredients of a high-quality program for preschoolers: educational, interaction, and engagement How parents can use the “power of the Pause” in their every day life The importance of celebrating the small things How parents can embrace media as part of their parenting toolkit How programs like Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood help kids learn through social stories  RESOURCES MENTIONED: Angela’s Clues (Angela’s website) Preschool Clues: Raising Smart, Inspired, and Engaged Kids in a Screen-Filled World by Angela Santomero and Deborah Reber Blue’s Clues (Nick Jr.) Super Why (PBS Kids) Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood (PBS Kids) Daniel Tiger Becomes a Boy with Autism’s Guide to Social Life (article from New York Times’ Motherload) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Megan Anna Neff, is a clinical psychologist specializing in the support and empowerment of neurodivergent adults through her expertise in neurodivergent affirming care and assessments. She comes on the show to talk about the complexity of diagnosis and the why’s behind the misdiagnoses. We dive deep into the assessment process and why so many people slip through the cracks when seeking a diagnosis, why it’s important to get clarity around a child’s wiring in order to provide them with support that will be meaningful and affirming, why identifying one’s neurodivergence (either through self-identification or a medical diagnosis) matters, and the kind of trauma a person can experience when they go through life without a diagnosis. Dr. Megan Anna Neff is a clinical psychologist based in Oregon, specializing in the support and empowerment of neurodivergent adults through her expertise in neurodivergent affirming care and assessments. Megan Anna has co-authored two books and published in several peer-reviewed psychological journals. Her forthcoming book, Self Care for Autistic People, exemplifies her dedication to providing accessible resources for the neurodivergent community. Things you'll learn from this episode The difference between a self-diagnosis and a medical diagnosis How the COVID pandemic influenced the influx of adults discovering their neurodivergence What Misdiagnosis Mondays is and how and why Megan Anna created it Why it’s important to tease out the core or underlying issues when a child is struggling with multiple neurodivergences and/or mental health challenges The kind of trauma a child can experience when they go through life without a diagnosis How we can support our kids in getting back to a baseline if they have built up trauma in their systems How to identify and vet neuropsych evaluators who take a neurodivergent affirming approach to the assessment process Resources mentioned  Megan Neff’s website Megan Neff on Instagram at @neurodivergent_insights Megan Neff’s membership community Megan’s infographics, workbooks, and resources Self-care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask! by Dr. Megan Neff Dr. Jonathan Dalton, Center for Anxiety & Behavioral Change Dr. Devon Price and Unmasking Autism (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A few months ago, Asher and I recorded an episode about the upcoming summer camps he was getting ready for, especially Space Camp. In that episode, Asher shared how he worked with his therapist over the spring to prep for tricky situations he predicted might come up while there. If you haven’t listened to that episode yet, I highly recommend you go back and check it out … you can find it here. At the end of that episode, we promised to do a post-camp follow up so Asher could share how things went, whether or not his strategies worked, and more. So that’s what today’s episode is about… Summer Camp, Part 2. I will say that Space Camp ended up being a bit of a disappointment for Asher, and in addition to dealing with his own emotions surrounding his expectations not being met, he also felt bad because he knew so many people were rooting for him. So I’m really proud of Asher for sharing his experience for this podcast. I hope you enjoy it.  Debbie Reber is the founder of Tilt and the host of the Tilt Parenting Podcast. 12-year-old Asher is Debbie’s child and is regularly featured on the podcast. Find out more by visiting the About Page. THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE: How Space Camp went for Asher The unforeseen challenges for Asher at camp and how he dealt with them How Asher would prepare differently for camp if he could do it all over again The tricky balance between setting too high and too low expectations What it was like for Asher to be at a camp with peers who had ADHD (Eye to Eye Camp) How Asher coped with pre-camp anxiety and jitters  RESOURCES MENTIONED: 12-year-old Asher Talks About How He’s Prepping for a Successful Time at Sleep Away Camp (podcast) Space Camp Eye to Eye National David Flink 12-year-old Asher Talks to David Flink, a Social Movement Leader on the Front Lines of the Learning Rights Movement (podcast) Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’ve gotten to know today’s guest, Amanda Diekman, over the past year after I participated in her Low Demand Parenting Summit, which I know many of you attended, and more recently, read her new book, Low-demand Parenting: Dropping Demands, Restoring Calm, and Finding Connection With Your Uniquely Wired Child. Because low-demand parenting can be such an effective approach to supporting differently wired kids, especially kids who fall under the PDA profile of autism, I invited Amanda to join the show for a conversation about what this parenting approach looks like. An autistic adult, parent coach, and author in the neurodiversity space, Amanda has become a leading voice in the movement for low demand parenting practice. She runs a successful coaching practice for parents of neurodivergent children including online courses and a vibrant membership community. During this episode, we talk about what low demand parenting is, why it’s different than what might be referred to as “permissive” parenting, why it’s so effective for kids with PDA, and how she helps parents loosen up the mindset around non-negotiables. About Amanda DiekmanAmanda Diekman is an autistic adult, parent coach, and author in the neurodiversity space. Amanda has become a leading voice in the movement for low demand parenting practices, with her book Low Demand Parenting to be published July 2023. Amanda runs a successful coaching practice for parents of neurodivergent children including online courses and a vibrant membership community. Things you'll learn from this episode What led Amanda to implement low-demand parenting in her family What low demand parenting is, and why it’s often misconstrued as permissive The relationship between PDA and low-demand parenting Examples of big demands and tiny demands, and how shifting the focus can reduce stress for kids How Amanda helps parents in loosening their mindset about what they define as non-negotiables Ideas for practicing low-demand parenting in regard to our kids’ relationship with technology and screens How Amanda and her co-parenting partner came to work together using low-demand parenting Resources mentioned: Amanda Diekman’s website Low-demand Parenting: Dropping Demands, Restoring Calm, and Finding Connection With Your Uniquely Wired Child by Amanda Diekman Amanda Diekman on Instagram The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Dr. Ross Greene Akilah Richards on Raising Free People (Tilt Parenting Podcast) Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing Work by Akilah Richards Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A special kid's POV episode where Asher and I talk all about that rite of passage for millions of children around the world—sleep away camp. This summer, Asher is going to a sleep away camp for the second time in his life. The first time was two years ago, when he went to a very traditional outdoorsy camp with his best friend in the Pacific Northwest. All things considered, that experience went pretty well, and we learned a few things about what can be hard about camp and what kind of situations might be challenging for Asher (and for many differently-wired kids).This year, we’re going to give it another try, this time at Space Camp in Huntsville, Alabama, something Asher is, shall we say, INCREDIBLY excited about. And at the same time, when we first signed him up, Asher recognized there would be situations at Space Camp that could potentially be especially tough for him. As you’ll hear, Asher came to me and asked to work with a therapist / coach to help him figure out strategies for navigating tricky situations that might come up.So, that’s what we’re going to talk about today…the different strategies we’ve used to help Asher get prepared for sleep away camp, as well as Asher’s own revelations about what he thinks will help him have a positive experience, even if and when things come up that push him mentally and emotionally.Debbie Reber is the founder of Tilt and the host of the Tilt Parenting Podcast. Asher is Debbie’s son and is regularly featured on the podcast. Things you'll learn from this episode: How Debbie and Asher prepped for the kinds of situations that might come up at sleep away camp Asher’s new strategy for getting “un-angry” How Maslov’s Hierachy of Needs has helped Asher learn more about his own emotional responses  Resources Mentioned: Camp Orkila  Space Camp Kate Berger on What Mindfulness Can Do for Kids and How to Get Started (podcast) Asher Talks with David Flink, a Social Movement Leader on the Front Lines of the Learning Differences Movement (podcast) Julie George on the Role of Executive Functioning in Differently-Wired Kids (podcast) Eye to Eye National Kerbal Space Program The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster Support the showConnect with Tilt Parenting Visit Tilt Parenting Take the free 7-Day Challenge Read a chapter of Differently Wired Follow Tilt on Twitter & Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices