Ask Christopher West

Can experiences of sexual desire be an invitation to intercession? My wife and I recently had a miscarriage and I feel that I lost my purpose as a father. Do you know of something that I could do to help with this struggle? Am I wrong to believe that anyone with same-sex attraction can reorder their eros if they truly want to? Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. Free Word Made Flesh Lenten Sunday Mass Companion! Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute and receive ongoing formation? Join our Patron Community! Q1: In one episode, you mentioned that spouses sometimes physically feel what one another is struggling with that day as a type of intercession or signal that they should pray for their spouse in a certain area. I am an unmarried woman, but I have recently experienced intense feelings of increased sexual desire for no reason, before seeing a friend of mine who I believe struggles with lust. Could this be an invitation to pray for him? How can I cope with these desires that I never had to deal with before? Q2: My wife and I have recently experienced a miscarriage of our second child at 12 weeks after conception. We named her Amelia. We had a funeral and burial service for her and believe she is with the Lord. Even knowing this I struggle with her loss. I feel as though I lost my purpose as a father as I was not able to take care of her the way that I take care of my son and my wife. I was not able to sacrifice myself f or her. Do you know of something that I could do to help me with my struggle? Q3: Am I wrong to believe that anyone with same-sex attraction can reorder their eros if they truly want to? Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com. Resources mentioned this week: Snowflake close up TOBI Course Schedule Theology of the Body for Beginners Good News about Sex & Marriage The Third Way: Homosexuality and the Catholic Church If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram. Discover the Theology of the Body Institute. If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening! Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals. Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Can you give some encouragement and advice for men like me trying their best to practice chastity to not fall into self disgust and feelings of uselessness? Are women inherently more integrated than men? What advice can you give to those of us trying to have holy marriages but are really struggling with our own spouse Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute and receive ongoing formation? Join our Patron Community! Q1: I have really felt God speaking to me through this podcast and it has been such a wealth of knowledge and wisdom. I am 24 years old and am currently in a serious relationship. My girlfriend is amazing. We’ve been making our way through Love and Responsibility together and I’ve been struggling not to fall into self disgust for myself as a man. I have been growing in chastity over this past year and it has been such a journey that I can only thank God for the Grace He has given me. But I’ve found myself doubting the purpose of the male body. Women seem to have an easier time controlling their thoughts and bodies when it comes to physical desire and sensuality. As a man, it has always been hard. I still get thoughts which I try not to entertain. Is there a purpose to these? Can you give some encouragement and advice for men like me trying their best to practice chastity to not fall into self disgust and feelings of uselessness? How can my sensual desires be a gift rather than just a hindrance? Q2: Could you explain this quote from Saint Edith Stein? "The relationship of soul and body is not completely similar in man and woman; with woman, the soul's union with the body is naturally more intimately emphasized... woman's soul is present and lives more intensely in all parts of the body, and it is inwardly affected by that which happens to the body." Q3: I love your marriage and the way the two of you interact and look at each other. What steps have you both taken to have the marriage you have today? What did you do when you were really struggling (individually and/or together)? What advice can you give to those of us trying to have holy marriages but are really struggling with our own spouse - maybe deep wounds from the past they don't address (and possibly don't want to address with you)? Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com. Resources mentioned this week: Heaven's Song: Sexual Love as It Was Meant to Be Discovering the Human Person: In Conversation with John Paul II The Cry of The Heart - YouTube Video Theology of the Body Virtual Conference 2020 If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram. Discover the Theology of the Body Institute. If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening! Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals. Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

How do I tell the difference between the experience of love and lust? Is there such a thing as "soul mates"? I've discerned that my girlfriend and I are not called to marriage. How do I have a healthy breakup? Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron! Q1: People in Christian circles talk a lot about chastity but I feel like it all stays at the surface. I still don’t understand the real difference between love and lust at the experiential level! How can I know which I’m feeling? Q2: Do you believe in the idea of “soul mates” or finding “the one”? What does the Church say? How does that work with free will? Q3: I am realizing that I may need to breakup with my girlfriend as I’m discerning that we are not called to marry each other. We both truly love each other but I’m realizing we are going separate ways. Do you have any advice? Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com. If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram. Discover the Theology of the Body Institute. If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening! Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals. Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Do all good people go to heaven? How do I know God's will for my life? Why do Catholics pray to saints? Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron! Q1: I understand that salvation comes through the Church but I cannot accept the idea that there are so many good people being damned because they are not a part of the body of Christ. How does this work with God’s mercy? Shouldn’t all good people go to heaven? Please explain if there’s theology I don’t understand. Q2: I’m really struggling to discern God’s will for my life. Vocational decisions feel so complicated and there are so many conflicting desires and voices. . . I don’t know how to know the right path. I feel like there should be a simple answer but life is messy. How do you discern God’s will in your life? Q3: Okay, so my question is about why Catholics pray to saints. It seems to me that this could be a violation of the first commandment: “I Am the Lord your God, you shall have no gods before Me.” Can you please explain why Catholics do this? Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com. If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram. Discover the Theology of the Body Institute. If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening! Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals. Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

What is the reason for confession if Jesus has already forgiven our sins? What misconceptions about St. Joseph would you like to see cleared up during this year? What is the relevance of Our Lady of Guadalupe to the modern world? Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron! Q1: What is the benefit or reason of confessing sins to a priest when Jesus has already forgiven our sins “once and for all”?? Is this based in scripture? There must be something I’m missing. . . Q2: Pope Francis just announced the Year of St. Joseph. What misconceptions about this amazing saint would you like to see cleared up during this year? Q3: Hello Wests! Christopher, I’ve heard you speak about the mysteries of Our Lady of Guadalupe in talks but I am curious if you could give a recap of this miracle and it’s relevance to TOB and to our current world? Thanks! Resources mentioned this week: Theology of the Body I: Head & Heart Immersion Course (Online) January 18-29, 2021 [Theology of the Body I: Head and Heart Immersion (Winter Park, Florida) February 7-12, 2021 REDEMPTORIS CUSTOS - St. John Paul II PATRIS CORDE - Pope Francis Our Lady of Guadalupe: Mother of the Civilization of Love If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org Quotes on Joseph: Although Christ “is born from her like every man ... still Mary’s motherhood was virginal; and to this virginal motherhood corresponded the virginal mystery of Joseph” (TOB 75:2). “In this family, Joseph is the father: his fatherhood is not one that derives from begetting offspring; but neither is it an ‘apparent’ or merely ‘substitute’ fatherhood. Rather, it is one that fully shares in authentic human fatherhood” (John Paul II, Redemptoris Custos 21). “In taking Mary to his home … Joseph participated in the maternity of his spouse in the measure in which he was vowed to her virginity.… Jesus was truly the issue of their marriage; their virginity was fruitful, their flesh exultant and at peace, in the super-eminent realization of the life-bearing impulse” (Fr. Maurice Zundel, Our Lady of Wisdom). “The difficulty of accepting the sublime mystery of their spousal communion has led some, since the second century, to think of Joseph as advanced in age and to consider him Mary’s guardian more than her husband. It is instead a case of supposing that he was not an elderly man at the time, but that his interior perfection, the fruit of grace, led him to live his spousal relationship with Mary with virginal affection” (John Paul II, Theotokos, p. 128). “When one searches for the reasons why Christian art should have pictured Joseph as aged, we discover that it was in order to better safeguard the virginity of Mary. Somehow, the assumption had crept in that senility was a better protector of virginity than adolescence. Art thus unconsciously made Joseph a spouse chaste and pure by age rather than virtue.... To make Joseph appear pure only because his flesh had aged is like glorifying a mountain stream that has dried. The Church will not ordain a man to the priesthood who has not his vital powers. She wants men who have something to tame, rather than those who are tame because they have no energy to be wild. It should be no different with God.... Instead of being a man incapable of love, he must have been on fire with love…. Instead, then, of being dried fruit to be served on the table of the king, he was rather a blossom filled with promise and power. He was not in the evening of life, but in its morning, bubbling over with energy, strength, and controlled passion” (Sheen, The World’s First Love, p. 92). “Joseph had no suspicion of adultery because he knew the modesty and chastity of Mary. Moreover, he had read in Scripture that the virgin would conceive…. Thus it was easier for him to believe that Isaiah’s prophecy had been accomplished in her than to think that she could have let herself descend into debauchery” (St. Thomas, Commentary on Matthew, I, 117). “Joseph wanted to leave her for the same reason Peter begged the Lord to leave him, when he said: ‘Depart from me, O Lord, for I am a sinful man.’ …He saw with fear and trembling that she bore the surest signs of the divine presence, and, … as a human being, was afraid of … the profundity of the mystery, and so he decided to leave her quietly” (St. Bernard, In Laudibus Virginis Matris, Sermo II). Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram. Discover the Theology of the Body Institute. If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening! Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals. Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

How did you know they were "the one"? What is a normal age to start dating? Why do Catholics place such an emphasis on Mary? Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron! Q1: Hi there! I have a personal question for you. Can you each tell the story of how you knew each other was “the one”? You have a beautiful marriage and I love listening to your podcast!! Q2: Hi Wendy and Christopher! In your opinion, what is a normal age to start dating? I am wondering because I think many people rush into relationships when they’re too immature to be discerning marriage but sometimes it is important to have learning experiences and allow feelings to be expressed, especially when you’re young. I don’t want to be set up for heartbreak but I also don’t want to live in fear! What are your thoughts on this? Q3: Hello Christopher and Wendy. I was raised with a very negative view of Catholics, but your podcast has opened my mind. Can you explain to me, a Protestant, why Catholics place such an emphasis on Mary? Why do you pray to her and not just Jesus? - it seems very odd (and somewhat pagan). Resources mentioned this week: Theology of the Body I: Head & Heart Immersion Course (Online) January 18-29, 2021 [Theology of the Body I: Head and Heart Immersion (Winter Park, Florida) February 7-12, 2021 Fill These Hearts Love is Patient but I'm Not If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram. Discover the Theology of the Body Institute. If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening! Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals. Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Why do Catholics have images in church? Can you give a non-religious argument for waiting until marriage for sexual intimacy? How should I pray for my future spouse? Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron! Q1: Hi Christopher and Wendy! Thank you so much for your work on the podcast. I’ve heard you talk about our bodies as icons of God’s love and you’ve also discussed terms like idolatry and iconoclasm. . . It seems Protestants tend to strip imagery from churches while some Catholics go above and beyond images. Could you give an overview of the proper understanding of sacred imagery in churches as it relates to Theology of the Body and a broader Catholic understanding? Q2: Hello, I have a question about waiting for marriage. I’ve been blessed by TOB as it has given me a deep understanding of our dignity and why sexual acts communicate lifelong commitment and should be saved for marriage. I never had this growing up and it has changed my life! I am wondering though, could you give a non-religious explanation of this? Perhaps an appeal to natural law or reasoning that is accessible to secular people? I have many friends who are not receptive to the idea because of what our culture teaches and I want to share with them. Q3: Hello! I am a young, single woman longing to be married and have children someday! I have been praying for a future spouse since I was little but am afraid I’m going about it all wrong. I want to be open to who God has for me without getting carried away in a fantasy. . . do you have any advice on how to pray for my future spouse and keep my desire open to the Lord and trusting in Him? I’d love to hear both of your thoughts. Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com. Resources mentioned this week: TOB1 Online: January 18-29, 2021 At the Heart of the Gospel Jesus and the Jewish Roots of Mary: Unveiling the Mother of the Messiah Discerning Marriage Hosted by Elizabeth Busby If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram. Discover the Theology of the Body Institute. If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening! Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals. Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Do you have any advice for coping with the idea of of friends having a baby outside of marriage? I want to show my love and fidelity to my wife and children but I keep falling into the sin of pornography use after struggling for 10 years. What do I do? Is the pleasure of the climax more in God's plan for men than for women? Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron! Q1: I have Protestant friends who have been cohabitating during their engagement and recently announced they are pregnant. I have felt myself falling into the sin of judging them without kindness ever since. I hate feeling this judgement in myself, especially in reaction to the news of a new and Good life! Do you have any advice for coping with the idea of a new and good baby who is born outside of marriage? Q2: I live in Scotland UK, I’ve been following your podcast for sometime now and I am always amazed at how gentle and respectful you are to each other. It is inspiring and something which is missing in my marriage. I have been addicted to pornography from my teens. The only time I realized the seriousness of my sin was when I met my wife and the desire God put on my heart to be a good husband and good father to my children. I wanted to stop but 10 years later and I still fall back into this sin. I want to love my wife the way God has called me to, to be the hero in her life. I feel the heavy burden to make her feel loved and I know I can’t make her feel loved while I am choosing other women or images. Where do I start? Q3: Can you tell me why the pleasure of the climax seems more in God's plan for men than for women? It is necessary for procreation for men to have orgasm, but not for women. It is wonderful of men to be virtuous like JP2 said, and give pleasure to their wife, but why would God leave the pleasure of women to the virtue of men, and not vice versa? Resources mentioned this week: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing Matt Fradd's Program: Strive 21 If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram. Discover the Theology of the Body Institute. If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening! Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals. Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Can you talk about the quote from St. Augustine: "You have made us for yourself oh Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you"? I can't get it out of my head that pictures from pornography that my husband has looked at can arouse him more than I can. Why does lust feel so much more powerful than the desire to be in communion and make the gift of self? My 3-year-old is in a habit of self-stimulation – what should we say or do, in your opinion? Could you describe the role of "main intercessor" that you mentioned in a podcast? Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron! Q1: Hello Christopher and Wendy, thank you so much for all the work that you two do with TOB and this podcast. It has brought me closer to God, just listening to you two talk about all these topics! I'm going to start reading TOB for Beginners this week, and I am pretty excited! In one of your podcasts Christopher had a quote from St. Augustine I believe, "You have made us for yourself oh Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you." That is a super awesome quote and made my heart happy! Where does that quote come from, so I can maybe look more into St. Augustine and his writings? Q2: I have been hurt by pornography recently. Sometimes, when my husband and I want to be intimate, but are very tired, it is harder for him to get ready. I really understand all the physical factors that cause this, including age, and I respect it totally, but I can't get out of my head the thought that pictures from pornography that he looked at would be able to arouse him and I, despite my efforts, have great difficulty arousing him. I would like to heal this issue in my heart that leads to this hurtful certitude. Lust feels so much more powerful than the desire to be in communion and make the gift of self. Q3: My 3-year-old is in a habit of self-stimulation. I understand this is not necessarily a moral issue at his age, but I did the same in childhood and have had to work through some negative effects because no one helped walk me through it when I was young. Then, when I was older, I was told that masturbation is completely normal, even expected. His pediatrician has told me to just tell him to do it in private. I want to know how to protect him, how to talk with him in an age-appropriate way about his body, and how to set him up for a beautiful understanding of the fullness of God's creation later on in life. My husband and I typically just gently redirect him by saying, "Your body is good! You need to respect your body." What should we say/do in your opinion? Q4: Could you describe the role of "main intercessor" that you mentioned in a podcast? What does it mean and how to be a the main intercessor for our spouse? Any help would be super great! I will keep you two in my prayers. Stay healthy and God bless! Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com. Resources mentioned this week: Register for The Way of Beauty with Bill Donaghy, January 3 - 8, 2021 Register for Theology of the Body I: Head and Heart Immersion (Florida), February 7-12, 2021 Beyond the Birds and the Bees: Raising Sexually Whole and Holy Kids If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram. Discover the Theology of the Body Institute. If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening! Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals. Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

What's a good strategy in the moment of temptation? Why did both Divine Mercy and Theology of the Body come into the world through Saint John Paul II? What is the secret of a good marriage? What's the biblical connection between sexual immorality and idolatry? If you could be the lead singer of any band, which would it be? What is one truth that God has been speaking to your heart recently that you would be excited to share with people? How is Theology of the Body particularly effective in communicating the heart of the kerygma? If you were to have any of Jesus's diciples at one of your courses, which one would you want it to be? Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body. Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron! Jason Evert: What is your favorite ever story in the life of Saint John Paul II? What's a good strategy in the moment of temptation when you experience an attraction or a desire that you can't move forward on, whether that's a young person tempted on the internet, someone experiencing same-sex attraction, or even temptations within marriage? Father Patrick Schultz: Why did both Divine Mercy and Theology of the Body come into the world, in many ways, through Saint John Paul II? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Sr. Helena Burns: What is the secret of a good marriage? What is the secret of your marriage? Matt Fradd: Why is it – at least it seems to me as I read Scripture – that after people commit an act of idolatry it usually follows that they're having an orgy, or they're falling into sexual immorality? I have my theories. I'm sure yours are a lot more interesting and accurate so, what do you think? Mike Mangione: If you could have any musician throughout history at one of your courses for the five-day course, just sitting there and taking it in – any musician – who would it be? If you could be the front man in a current band and it's not weird, it all makes sense in the world, and the music's the same but you're able to infuse TOB into the music to reach the masses, what band would that be? But it cannot be U2 or Springsteen and the E Street Band. Stacy Mangione: What is one truth that God has been speaking to your heart recently that you would be excited to share with people? Chris Stefanick: Your passion and mine is sharing the core Gospel message with people, and you do that primarily through Theology of the Body – what's the overlap? How is Theology of the Body particularly effective in communicating the heart of the kerygma? Jeannie Gaffigan: If you were to have any of Jesus's disciples at one of your courses, which one would you want it to be? Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com. Resources mentioned this week: Access the 2020 Theology of the Body Virtual Conference with a Premium Pass! 2020 TOB Congress If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram. Discover the Theology of the Body Institute. If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening! Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals. Featuring music by Mike Mangione.