Ask Christopher West

Questions answered this episode:I admire my Catholic family, but I struggle to receive advice from my parents. I’m academically gifted and study philosophy, theology, and psychology of relationships, while they don’t share my passion for ideas. When they give advice, I often think, “I’ve already considered that,” or, “There’s a deeper understanding.” I know their long marriage brings wisdom, but I don’t always appreciate it. What insight can you offer from your own experience about respecting and learning from parental wisdom in relationships?Can male climax occur outside the womb if the couple intends to climax in the womb immediately afterward? I’m curious about how this aligns with Theology of the Body and marital intimacy.I’m writing about Christ as bridegroom in every Christian’s life. I understand it in religious or consecrated life, but how does it apply to married people? Are there resources, including John Paul II, that discuss this? How should non-consecrated Christians live out this reality in prayer and daily life?Resources:Course ScheduleMulieris Dignitatem Document---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:I’ve been married for almost 25 years. My husband has been verbally abusive and sexually misused me, though we’re now on a path of healing and reconciliation. Because of the deep wounds, I haven’t been able to have sex with him since our separation a year and a half ago. I’m slowly learning forgiveness, but his anger over the lack of sex makes it hard. He says things like, “No loving Christian woman would make a guy wait this long.” How can I find genuine desire again after so much damage to my heart?My friend, who identifies as non-binary, had masculinizing chest surgery. I knew about her plans but never dissuaded her or shared my faith. I even drove her to her first post-op appointment. Now I feel I failed to answer God’s call to speak truth. She may think I support her decision and doesn’t know I’m Catholic. I pray for her and want to reflect on what happened—how to seek God’s grace for us both and how to be a better friend in Christ moving forward.Coming from a Protestant background, I’m now more open to icons and statues but still struggle with the physical gestures of veneration. I understand the honor is for the person represented, not the image, yet verses like Revelation 19:10 trouble me. I love sacred art but hesitate with bowing or kissing images. How does Theology of the Body help explain this kind of devotion?Resources:Word Made Fresh PodcastGood News About Sex & MarriageLove & Responsibility YouTube Series---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ Pilgrimages🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:I don't think I have numbed myself or shut down my desires, but I think I may have never learned how to be in touch with them. I don't ever feel aroused or even really desirous of anything. I thought it was because I was blessed with purity, chastity, and temperance, but I'm wondering if I'm actually lacking something or disordered because I don't feel like there's anything that I'm channeling or putting into right order. I'm just existing in what seems like a non-problematic way, but I'm not sure.My girlfriend and I are involved in Catholic ministry work, and we've been friends for over 7 years. We've been dating for just over a month, but we know each other very well. I feel like we could move forward faster than a typical timeline, but I'm not sure if I can trust that instinct. Do you have any suggestions about how we can prudently move forward?I am a Catholic wife in my late twenties with one toddler son and one on the way. We've been married for 3.5 years, and sex has never been easy for me. I've tried seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, but every embrace remained painful, even more so after I was diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis. I'm wondering how I can reframe my thinking so I don't try to avoid marital relations or resent God for giving me this cross and making it difficult to connect with my husband physically. We do have great intimacy via communication and conversation, but sometimes it's not enough. We crave the physical connection, yet I always end up sad after the embrace because it is so painful.Resources:Love & Responsibility CourseSexual Integration & Redemption CourseAre you ready for marriage? Check out Next Step: A Course for Discerning MarriageRestorative Reproductive MedicineAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode:As I understand it, sacraments need the correct form and matter to be valid. What about marriage? I wonder if true marital sex is part of that form and matter, and if using contraception or not being open to life disrupts the grace that flows through the sacrament. In our marriage, we’ve experienced deep grace through healthy sexual intimacy and NFP, and I sense this grace comes not just from avoiding sin, but directly from the physical marital union that’s healed and unified us after years of brokenness.My husband of 25 years is battling aggressive cancer and undergoing chemo, which will lead to erectile dysfunction. His doctors say we must use condoms if we want to be intimate during treatment because the chemicals could harm me. We’ve never used contraception and don’t want to commit mortal sin. We’re in our late 40s and still practicing NFP. Given our situation, can we morally use condoms during chemo for safety, or would that violate Church teaching?I’m a man in my early twenties who’s long experienced strong same-sex attraction, though I also feel a more romantic, non-sexual attraction toward women. I’ve tried to see the beauty of men as a reflection of God’s design, yet I feel shame and confusion, wondering if this admiration is wrong. I want to be a true man, love women rightly, and one day marry and have a family. What should I do with these feelings and desires? Resources:Love & Responsibility CourseSexual Integration & Redemption CourseSetting Love in Order Book⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode:1. I’m growing close to a woman from my parish, and our relationship may become romantic. I need to disclose my long history of solitary sin and pornography use, which I no longer struggle with, but I’ve recently remembered past acts and fantasies. I’ve taken these to prayer and confession, but I worry she will reject me if I share. What level of detail is prudent to disclose? I struggle with scrupulosity, making it hard to know whether withholding details would be dishonest or manipulative.2. I’ve struggled to love my body for years. Pole fitness classes have built my strength and confidence, healing some self-hatred. I avoid erotic dance, focusing on strength-based moves. My question is: is it wrong to continue these pole fitness classes? They’ve brought much good to my life, and I want to ensure my hobbies are pleasing to God.3. I’m newly married and expecting our first child. We’re excited but nervous, hearing how hard parenting can strain marriages. I worry the struggle will create distance and conflict between us. How can we maintain our love and focus while keeping our sanity during pregnancy and early child-rearing? Resources:College of St. Joseph the WorkerCourse ScheduleJPII Legacy Foundation Website---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode:Could you explain the purpose of cloistered monks and nuns in light of theology of the body? We’re made for relationships through our bodies, yet they live in isolation and silence. Is their life like priestly celibacy—foregoing something of this world for the sake of the kingdom?My wife and I had our first child 11 months ago, and I’ve been trying to honor her body and timeline. But I feel like I have little agency in our discernment since she insists we never have sex during fertile windows. How can I ask good, gentle questions to see if she’s truly open to the Lord with her body and heart?I’ve been married seven years and long to love my husband well, but it’s so hard. I fall often and feel helpless, aware of my weakness and need for grace. I also struggle with self-hatred and wonder if my difficulty loving him comes from not loving myself. What are your thoughts?Resources:TOB Survey---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode:Before my reversion, my husband and I conceived both our children through IVF. Now I feel deep shame, even worrying my sin might harm them eternally. A friend once told me IVF babies don’t have souls, which horrified me. Do I need to tell my children how they were conceived, and if so, how do I do it without passing on my shame? What truth can I hold on to about their dignity and worth as beloved children of God?As a spiritual director, I know a young couple, married two years, who are struggling with sexual intimacy. The wife says this part of their marriage is nearly nonexistent. I fear this could damage their relationship and I’m unsure how to guide them. Do you have any recommendations?I’m an evangelical Christian, and my girlfriend and I hope to marry and have kids. She has type 1 diabetes, which makes pregnancy more complicated and risky. I’m drawn to the Catholic view of openness to life and natural family planning, but she doesn’t have strong theological views about birth control. How can we talk about family planning in a loving way that respects our faith, her medical needs, and the challenges of pregnancy?Resources:TOB1 On DemandOur Bodies Tells God's Story Book---Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode: I’m struggling to find a spiritual director who can really speak to my heart. The priests I’ve met at the Institute understand integration deeply, but I can’t find anyone like that locally. My current director stays in the intellectual and rational, but I long to share my heart—its joys, sorrows, and complexities. How can I do that if I can’t find a priest who can truly receive it?My girlfriend and I want to get engaged soon. I’ve battled a masturbation addiction for 15 years, and while I’m free from porn, I’m not fully healed. In Next Step we were warned not to expect marriage to fix this. Should I wait until I’m chaste to propose, or move forward in trust? I don’t want sin to hold us back, but I also don’t know if I can fully be a gift.I’m 82, and Jesus revealed himself to me as bridegroom nearly 60 years ago. I thought I was alone in this until your ministry confirmed what I’ve long believed. After two abusive marriages and decades of celibacy, I live in longing for the marriage supper of the Lamb. At times, I’ve ached so deeply for Jesus it felt like being separated from a beloved husband before consummation—sweet but painful. Is this longing normal, or am I treading on ground too sacred?Resources:Søgen SpotifyEvent ScheduleFreedom CoachingEcstasy of Saint TeresaOur Bodies Tells God's Story BookEating the SunriseAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode:You said heaven is more real than this world, and Mary already lives there in her redeemed body. In prayer, I sometimes feel Jesus and Mary present, but not like it will be in heaven. How can the mystical dimension be more real than what I see daily? Can you give me concrete ways to live this spiritual reality now, not just in holy moments or in the future?I’ve struggled for years with an eating disorder, along with lust and masturbation. I’m a woman who feels deep shame, self-hatred, and hopelessness. I wonder if these struggles are connected, and I feel like I lack self-control and keep failing God. The more I fall, the more I hate myself and my body. Can God really love me in this?At a party, a woman mentioned being given the book Holy Sex. The group reacted dismissively, joking about hiding it. I felt confused, hurt, and angry, because for me learning the holiness of marital intimacy was liberating. I tried to engage her, but the conversation went nowhere, and I left upset. What do you think was going on with these women?Resources:JPII Legacy Foundation WebsiteTHEOLOGY OF THE BODY FOR BEGINNERS - UPDATED, REVISED & EXPANDED 2018 (PAPERBACK)Holy Sex!: A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible LovingAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

Questions answered this episode:1. I was addicted to pornography until my mid-twenties but have lived chastely for 12 years. Still, I struggle with scars: working as a physician, I get tempted by seeing women’s bodies. I pray in those moments, but I still desire to look, searching for a “moral excuse.” I’ve been dating someone who knows in general, but I can’t tell her every time. Why hasn’t this stopped, even though she fills my heart? Is this from pornography, or something deeper?2. I’m dating a man who loves TOB, and we’ve built a childlike friendship where we can be ourselves. We both think God may be calling us to marriage, but how do I know for sure? My past dating has often ended in disappointment, but this relationship feels different—we strive for virtue together. I want to balance my desire to be a gift in marriage with God’s plan, but I’m afraid of the future and struggle to surrender completely.3. I understand Mariology is deeply tied to TOB, but what about Saint Joseph? I rarely see his role explained. How is his mission interwoven with TOB?Resources:Are you ready for marriage? Check out Next Step: A Course for Discerning MarriageCONSECRATION TO JESUS THROUGH ST. JOSEPH: AN INTEGRATED LOOK AT THE HOLY FAMILYREDEMPTORIS CUSTOS by JPIIPATRIS CORDE by Pope FrancisSymposium | The Josephology SocietyAsk Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.---🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠📕 ⁠⁠⁠Get a copy of Christopher's Eating the Sunrise: Meditations on the Liturgy & Our Hunger for Beauty⁠⁠⁠⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠---Submit you question here!---🎟️ Event Schedule📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule🏔️ PilgrimagesIf you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠