The Better Sex Podcast ~ Unfiltered Conversations

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with trauma-informed somatic educator, practitioner, and speaker Darshana Avila. We explore why receiving pleasure can feel so hard—and what begins to shift when you learn how to come back into your body and your truth. Along the way, we spoke about how her early experiences in marriage, spirituality, and sexuality led her to question the disconnect so many of us feel. Through her journey into tantra, trauma work, and somatic practice, we explore how identity, conditioning, and lived experience shape our capacity to receive, not just give, in intimacy. We also get into how people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and a lack of felt safety in the body make it difficult to stay present with pleasure. Darshana shares what it actually takes to build that internal sense of safety, and we talk about how receiving is a skill you can learn—not something reserved for a lucky few. If you've ever found yourself over-giving, disconnecting during intimacy, or unsure how to let yourself fully receive, this conversation offers a grounded and practical way back—to your body, your pleasure, and your power. Connect with Darshana Website: https://darshanaavila.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@darshana-avila Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com Book a breakthrough session with Deborah https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935 Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with men's work leader and founder of the Integral Man Institute Mark Platten. Mark shares how his decades of work guiding men through rites of passage—and his lived experience walking alongside his wife through menopause—led him to focus on the often-overlooked transition midlife couples face when bodies, identities, and sexual dynamics begin to shift. Throughout the conversation, Mark and I explore how menopause and andropause reshape intimacy in long-term relationships, why so many couples feel blindsided by these changes, and how unspoken expectations about sex can quietly erode connection. Along the way, we talk about the archetypal transitions men move through in midlife, the emotional impact of hormonal changes for both partners, and why so many couples find themselves struggling to navigate this phase without guidance. Mark shares insights from his work with men about upgrading the "tools" we bring into relationship as we age—moving from youthful patterns of fixing, performing, or proving ourselves into deeper connection, communication, and vulnerability. We also discuss how honest conversations about desire, aging bodies, and shifting needs can open the door to a richer and more intimate phase of relationship after menopause. This conversation offers a grounded and compassionate look at a stage of life that many couples experience but rarely talk about—and how facing it together can deepen intimacy rather than end it. Connect with Mark Website: https://integral-man-institute Gift: 5 Conversations All Midlife Couples Need to have -https://integral-man-institute.mykajabi.com/Conversations-for-Midlife-Couples Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com Book a breakthrough session with Deborah https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935 Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

Dr. Emma Smith about how trauma, shame, and cultural conditioning can distort intimacy — and what it actually takes to reclaim pleasure, desire, and connection in an embodied, sustainable way. Throughout the conversation, Dr. Emma shares her journey from trauma therapy into sex therapy, and explains why healing doesn't end when symptoms disappear. Along the way, we explore how the nervous system prioritizes survival over pleasure, why many people lose touch with desire after trauma or chronic stress, and how cultural messages about "good" and "bad" sexuality create deep layers of shame that can disconnect us from our bodies and our relationships. Dr. Emma also offers powerful insights into what healing really looks like in practice: learning to recognize bodily signals of yes and no, cultivating curiosity instead of judgment, and rebuilding intimacy through small, accessible moments of pleasure. She explains how compassion toward ourselves opens the door to reclaiming desire, and how couples can shift from criticism and defensiveness into deeper connection by reconnecting with their own internal turn-on first. At its core, this conversation is a reminder that no matter where you're starting from, possibility exists — and reclaiming pleasure is not about fixing what's broken, but about returning to your humanity, your curiosity, and your capacity to experience aliveness. Better sex is a practice — and you can begin again anytime. Connect with Dr. Emma Smith Website: https://soliloquie.co/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/emmasmithphd Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JerseyEJ Connect with Deborah Skool: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com Book a breakthrough session with Deborah https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935 Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with Open Nesters co-hosts, speaker and consciousness facilitator Tessa and entrepreneur and DJ Amir. Together, they explore what it means to stay open — to each other, to pleasure, and to possibility — through decades of partnership, parenting, and evolving sexual expression. They share the story of their 37-year relationship, including how they kept their connection alive while raising three children, how their "open nest" mindset emerged, and how their journey into non-monogamy unfolded over time. Along the way, they reflect on the role of playfulness, intentional date time, communication, and honest conversations about desire, as well as the challenges and growth that come with redefining relationship agreements. Throughout the conversation, they offer a grounded perspective on long-term intimacy: that sexuality is fluid across the lifespan, that knowing your own pleasure is essential, and that thriving relationships require ongoing intention, curiosity, and a willingness to stay engaged even when things feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. This episode is an invitation to see long-term love not as something that fades, but as a living practice that can deepen, expand, and remain vibrant well into later chapters of life. Connect with The Open-Nesters Website: https://theopennesters.com Podcast: https://theopennesters.com/episodes/ Email: tessa@theopennesters.com Connect with Deborah Skool Community: https://www.skool.com/better-sex-9290/about Substack: https://substack.com/@deborahkat YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com Book a breakthrough session with Deborah https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935 Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

If intimacy feels harder than it should, this conversation offers a different way of looking at it. This episode is about staying connected through real emotions, real differences, and the very human messiness of long-term relationships. In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with men's and relationship coach Bryan Reeves. Bryan shares the winding path that led him here—from Air Force captain and corporate executive to relationship coach—after realizing in his late 30s that, despite being successful and well-intentioned, he had never actually learned how to create emotional safety or intimacy. That reckoning, and the heartbreak that came with it, shaped the work he now does with men and couples. From that lived experience, our conversation explores what helps relationships work in real life: why rigid masculine/feminine roles often fall apart in practice how emotional disconnection shows up for men, often without them realizing it a simple way of bringing awareness into the body instead of shutting down We talk about shared leadership in relationships, the difference between tolerating and appreciating one another, and why so many long-term conflicts aren't meant to be resolved—but met with more presence, humor, and care. This episode is an invitation to let go of the idea that good relationships are neat or conflict-free, and to approach intimacy with curiosity, compassion, and a willingness to stay on each other's side—even when it's uncomfortable. Connect with Bryan Reeves Website: www.bryanreeves.com Book: Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her) Connect with Deborah Substack: https://substack.com/@deborahkat YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com Book a breakthrough session with Deborah https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935 Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with pleasure advocate and sex educator Melissa Louise. We explore the connection between sexual confidence, creativity, and self-trust, and how owning your sexual energy can change the way you show up in your relationships and your life. Along the way, Melissa shares her personal journey of growing up in a conservative, patriarchal culture in South Australia and navigating cultural shame, sexual trauma, and rigid gender roles. Together, we unpack how both men and women are constrained by societal expectations, how mistrust between genders is reinforced, and what becomes possible when those narratives begin to loosen. Melissa also offers practical teachings and frameworks for expanding pleasure and confidence, including her grounded approach to helping men "masturbate well" as a foundation for sexual mastery and relational presence. This episode offers clear insights and actionable tools to help you reconnect with your desire and show up more fully in your sex life and relationships. Connect with Melissa Website: https://melissalouise.world Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissa_louise_intimacy/ Substack: https://melissalouise.substack.com/ Man in control: https://melissalouise.world/man-6739?am_id=deborah5221 Connect with Deborah Substack: https://substack.com/@deborahkat YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com Book a breakthrough session with Deborah https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935 Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with psychologist and author Dr. Eric Fitz Medrude about what it really means to be "a better man." Together, we explore how cultural conditioning, shame, and lack of real education have left so many men confused about sex, masculinity, and intimacy. Eric shares how his Catholic upbringing and family's unusually frank conversations about sex shaped his perspective, and how those early experiences inspired his book, The Better Man. We dive into common myths about porn, testosterone, and what men are "supposed" to want—and how those beliefs often block real connection and pleasure. Along the way, Eric opens up about the importance of platonic touch, the emotional cost of living inside "the man box," and what it takes to build relationships rooted in honesty and consent. We also talk about resentment, boundaries, and the hard truth that being a better lover starts with being a better human. Connect with Eric Website: https://www.drericfitz.com/ Book: The Better Man https://www.drericfitz.com/the-better-man/ Connect with Deborah Substack: https://substack.com/@deborahkat YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com Book a breakthrough session with Deborah https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935 Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with elder, teacher, author, and longtime men's work facilitator Dene Maria Sebastiana, author of Fierce & Tender: Healing the Deep Masculine. We explore what really happens inside men's circles—and why emotional maturity, vulnerability, and deep male connection are essential for better sex and healthier relationships. Dene shares his journey from growing up in a hyper-masculine world to leading transformational circles across the U.S. and Mexico. He talks about the power of integrating both the fierce and the tender—the masculine and feminine energies within all of us—and how that integration shapes intimacy, partnership, and personal growth. This conversation is grounded, heart-centered, and full of insight—a reminder that healing the masculine isn't abstract. It's embodied, relational, and deeply human. Connect with Dene Website: https://www.denemariasebastiana.com/ Book Fierce & Tender: Healing The Deep Masculine https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09XSSBGXP Connect with Deborah Substack: https://substack.com/@deborahkat YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com Book a breakthrough session with Deborah https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935 Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with board-certified sexologist Dr. Diane Mueller. She holds doctorates in naturopathy and acupuncture, is the founder of MyLibidoDoc.com, and hosts The Libido Lounge podcast. Together we explore how science, spirituality, and sensuality come together to shape desire—what awakens it, and what quietly turns it off. Throughout our conversation, Dr. Diane shares her journey from a strict Catholic upbringing to reclaiming pleasure as a source of healing and power. Along the way, we talk about what's missing in traditional medical training around sexuality, how arousal cycles differ between men and women, and why libido isn't just hormonal—it's a reflection of vitality, safety, and connection to self. Dr. Diane offers deep insight into why passion fades in long-term relationships and how novelty can reawaken erotic energy. She reminds us that pleasure isn't indulgence—it's nourishment. And she shares grounded, practical tools from her upcoming book, Want to Want It, for reconnecting with your body, expanding curiosity, and creating more joy and intimacy in your sexual lif Connect with Diane Website: MyLibidoDoc.com Preorder the Book Want to Want it https://mylibidodoc.com/want-to-want-it/#a_aid=bettersex&a_bid=b520ee83 Connect with Deborah Substack: https://substack.com/@deborahkat YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com Book a breakthrough session with Deborah https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935 Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94 Resources & Links: HoneyMoon Extravaganze https://mylibidodoc.com/eternal#a_aid=bettersex&a_bid=9e389f09

Pelvic Health, Pleasure & the Cooch Ball with Jana Danielson In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, I talk with pelvic health expert and creator of the Cooch Ball, Jana Danielson. We explore the connection between pelvic floor health and sexual well-being, and how caring for this overlooked part of the body can unlock more intimacy, pleasure, and vitality. Along the way, Jana shares her journey of pain, incontinence, and dismissal by the medical system—and how discovering Pilates led to her healing and ultimately the creation of the Cooch Ball. We talk about the emotional impact of pelvic floor dysfunction, the difference between hypo- and hypertonic muscles, and surprising links between the jaw, feet, and pelvis. Jana reframes pleasure as a birthright and guides us through a simple breathing practice to release tension and reconnect with the body. You'll walk away from this conversation with inspiration, practical tools, and a fresh perspective on how small daily practices can transform not only pelvic health but also the quality of connection and pleasure in relationships. Connect with Jana Website: https://bloombetter.life/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thecoochball Youtube https://www.youtube.com/@Jana.Danielson Free Gift: Healthy Pelvic Floor eBook https://info.bloombetter.life/healthy-pelvic-floor-ebook585347 Connect with Deborah Questions and Answers Substack: https://substack.com/@deborahkat YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ Podcast Feedback DeborahTantraKat@Gmail.com Book a breakthrough session with Deborah https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=11737312&appointmentType=60692935 Sex and Relationship tips direct to you Inbox https://deborahkat.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=428b26a12a8810bb5012792c3&id=ff89fb0d94 Resources & Links: Join us at Coochella Women's Wellness events: Santa Cruz – Sept 25 https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1608715715009?aff=oddtdtcreator Emeryville – Sept 27 https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1636824980579?aff=oddtdtcreator