Sex and Psychology Podcast

Our dating lives are a mess. Nationally representative US surveys conducted prior to the COVID-19 pandemic found that about two-thirds of single Americans said their dating lives weren’t going well. Today, a majority of them say that the pandemic has only made things worse. So why is modern dating so hard? And how can we make things better? That’s what today’s episode is all about. My guest is Dr. Tara, an associate professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She is also a sex and relationship coach and host of podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara. Some of the topics we discuss include: Why the rapid transition to online dating has made dating more challenging. How to get “dating clarity” and figure out what it is that you’re really looking for. Tips for creating a successful online dating profile. Low-stress conversations starters for both online and offline connections. How to deal with dating rejection. General tips for better dating outcomes. Check it out! To learn more about Dr. Tara and listen to her Luvbites show, visit luvbites.co Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

If you have a penis, then you probably already know that it doesn’t always do what you want it to do. Sometimes you’ll get an erection when you don’t want one–and sometimes you won’t be able to get an erection when you do want one. Relax. That’s normal. But when does it start to cross the line into a sexual difficulty in need of treatment? And what are the best ways to manage erectile difficulties? That’s what today’s show is all about. I am joined by Dr. Amy Pearlman, a men’s sexual health specialist and board-certified urologist. Dr. Pearlman’s primary mission is to educate men on the basics of their bodies and to encourage healthy behaviors in order to optimize performance in and out of the bedroom. Some of the topics we discuss include: What is the clinical definition of erectile dysfunction? How do you pinpoint the cause of erectile problems? How can modern technology help you to monitor your erectile health? Do penis rings (“cock rings”) work, and how do you use them safely? If you’re thinking about taking medication for ED, what do you need to know? How do penile implants work, and who should consider one? Check it out! To learn more about Dr. Pearlman, visit pearlmanmds.com and follow @amypearlmanmd on Instagram. Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Let’s get kinky! Today’s episode is a compilation of some of my favorite clips about the psychology of kink, BDSM, and fetishes. We’re going to revisit my interviews with Dr. Richard Sprott (Episode 44), Dr. Jim Pfaus (Episode 56), filmmaker and former professional dominatrix Stavroula Toska (Episode 72), and sex therapist Shamyra Howard (Episode 8). Some of the topics we explore in this show include: What does the term kink really mean anyway? And what’s the difference between kink, fetish, and BDSM? Where do kinky interests come from in the first place? Is kink always about sex? What are some other reasons people are drawn to kink? What are the most common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy with kinky folks? How do you navigate consent and kink to ensure everyone’s boundaries are respected? Check it out! Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com)  for sponsoring this episode! The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

We keep a lot of things about our lives secret–but especially sexual things. People may hide their sexual thoughts, behaviors, and even feelings. And, sometimes, these secrets interfere with our pursuit of sexual and relationship happiness. So why do we hide so much about our sex lives in the first place? And if you want to let your partner in on a sexual secret, what do you need to know? Today’s episode is a deep dive into sexual and relationship secrets. Michael Slepian returns to the show to help us lift the curtain. Michael is an Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University and author of the book The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are. He previously appeared on Episode 117 to talk about the broader psychology of secrets, so be sure to check that out if you haven’t already. Some of the topics we discuss include: Why our secrets focus disproportionately on sex. The most common things we hide about our sex lives. How technology is making it harder to keep sex secrets. Whether we should confess infidelity. The effects of keeping a romantic relationship secret. How to share intimate secrets with a partner. Check it out! To learn more about Michael, check out his website at michaelslepian.com, take the secrets survey at keepingsecrets.org, and check out The Secret Life of Secrets. Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order. The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Think about a secret you’re keeping right now. Odds are, it shouldn’t take long for something to come to mind. We all keep secrets. In fact, the average person is keeping roughly 13 secrets at any given point in time! So what exactly are we hiding, and why are we hiding so much? Today’s episode offers a deep dive into the psychology of secrets. We’ll explore why secrecy is such a pervasive part of our lives, the psychological effects of secrecy, how to deal with the burdens of secrecy, and much more. My guest today is Michael Slepian, an Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University. His latest book is titled The Secret Life of Secrets: How Our Inner Worlds Shape Well-Being, Relationships, and Who We Are. Some of the topics we discuss include: The difference between secrecy and privacy. The difference between secrecy and lying. The most common things people keep secret (hint: sex and relationships are pretty high on the list!). How your personality affects the number of secrets you keep–and how good you are at keeping them. The potential positive and negative effects of secrecy on our mental health. How keeping other people’s secrets is different from keeping your own secrets. What to do when secrecy becomes really burdensome. Check it out! To learn more about Michael, check out his website at michaelslepian.com, take the secrets survey at keepingsecrets.org, and check out The Secret Life of Secrets. Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com)  for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

All too often, political debates about abortion are full of myths and misconceptions. For this reason, a better understanding of abortion is crucial. So that’s what today’s episode is all about. We’re going to discuss common things that people get wrong about abortion, why abortion bans don’t work as intended, and why comprehensive sex education and improved access to contraceptives are the keys to reducing abortion rates. I am joined by Dr. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. She is the founder of the Whole Health Psychological Center, the Advanced Mental Health Training Institute, and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. Some of the topics we discuss include: The most common reasons women seek abortion. The difference between emergency contraception and abortion. The stage of pregnancy at which most abortions occur. The effects of pregnancy and abortion on women’s health. The psychological impact of abortion. How abortion bans, comprehensive sex education, and contraceptive access affect abortion rates. The future of sex and relationships in a post-Roe v Wade world. Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Have you ever noticed yourself feeling hornier than usual when you travel? If so, you’re not alone. Being away from home seems to put a lot of people in the mood for sex. So why is that? The answer is actually surprisingly complex. A whole host of factors change when we go on vacation or take a trip and–together–they have the potential to create far more opportunities for sexual desire and arousal to set in than we typically experience at home. So let’s talk about travel horniness! In this episode, I discuss the biological, psychological, and social factors that underlie this phenomenon, including: How many people fantasize about sex and travel, such as having sex on the beach, in an airplane, or in a hotel room. How engaging in novel, non-sexual activities on vacation can amplify sexual arousal. How our mindset changes when we escape our home environment. How substance use changes when we’re on vacation. How the people we travel with influences our sexual behavior. Why exposure to more sunlight on vacation can make us hornier. In addition to exploring the psychology behind travel horniness, I discuss my recent visit to the Icelandic penis museum, which is a fascinating place. If you thought human penises were diverse in size and shape, you haven’t seen anything yet! Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and The Handy (thehandy.com)  for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

One of the keys to having truly great sex is approaching it with the right mindset. However, this isn’t something that we’re usually taught in sex education, which tends to focus more on the physiology of sex rather than the psychology behind it. So that’s what today’s episode is all about. It’s a compilation (or “cumpilation”) of some of my favorite tips discussed on the show for changing your sexual mindset. Specifically, we’re going to revisit my interviews with Joan Price (Episode 86), Dr. Jessica O’Reilly (Episode 67), Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus (Episode 83) and Dr. Emily Jamea (Episode 93). Some of the topics we explore in this show include: The importance of expanding your idea of what sex is. Why it’s important to make sex a multi-sensory experience. How to feel more comfortable and confident in your own skin. How be in the moment during sex. Why we should stop looking at sex as a goal-oriented activity—and instead, just relax and have fun. Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

We’re often our own worst enemies when it comes to having the sex we really want. Shame, secrecy, self-doubt, fear of failure—all of these things have a way of interfering with our ability to pursue pleasure. In order to have great sex, we need to change our entire sexual mindset. So that’s what this episode is all about: how to feel hot, but unbothered. I am joined by Yana Tallon-Hicks, a relationship therapist and sexuality educator. She is author of the new book, Hot and Unbothered: How to Think About, Talk About, and Have the Sex You Really Want. Some of the topics we discuss include: How to cope with “sexual imposter syndrome.” How to overcome fear of sexual failure. How to build up your sexual self-confidence. How to learn what it is that you really want from sex. How to “hear no like a pro” (i.e., what to do when you and your partner aren’t on the same page about sex). What to do when your sex drive gets out of synch with that of your partner. Check it out! To learn more about Yana, visit yanatallonhicks.com and follow @the_vspot on Instagram. Also, be sure to check out her new book, Hot and Unbothered. Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There are a ton of sources for sex advice out there, which is great. But too many of them suffer from the same problem: they take a one-size-fits-all approach when, in reality, different things are going to work for different people. We each have a unique sexual self, which means that if you don’t have a certain level of self-understanding, it can be difficult to know which advice to take–and which advice to leave. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today: how to uncover your core erotic themes and increase sexual self-understanding. My guest is sex and relationship therapist Cyndi Darnell, author of the new book, Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido and Rediscovering Desire. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: Why generic sex advice often doesn’t work. How to pinpoint your own motivations for having sex. How your sexual fantasies can help you to uncover your core erotic themes. How to share sexual fantasies with a partner. Why it’s important to step outside of our sexual comfort zone sometimes. How to deal with mismatched libido in a relationship. To learn more about Cyndi, visit her website at cyndidarnell.com, follow her on the socials @cyndi_darnell and be sure to get a copy of her new book Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.