Sex and Psychology Podcast

When it comes to buying and selling sex, people most commonly think of men as the buyers and women as the sellers. However, while men are indeed far more likely than women to report having paid for sex, recent media reports suggest that the number of women buying sex may be on the rise. So, let’s talk about it. I am joined by Hallie Lieberman, a sex historian and journalist who has written extensively about sex work. She is also author of the book Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy, which we discussed back in episode 21 of this show. Some of the topics we discuss include: Who are the women who pay for sex sex? What are the most common reasons women pay for sex? Why do so many women feel that paying for sex is safer than having casual sex? Who are the men who sell sex to women? What are the main reasons men become gigolos? Where do gigolos usually work, and what kinds of services do they sell? To learn more about Hallie, follow her on the socials @hallielieberman and be sure to pick up a copy of her book, Buzz. For further information on the research discussed in this episode, see here. Thank you to our sponsors! Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2243-lehmiller Advance your training in human sexuality at the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes! Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Imagine you are a sex therapist and one of your patients discloses a sexual interest that either makes you personally uncomfortable or is something you are totally unfamiliar with. This often happens when kinky people seek out sex therapy, and it sometimes results in clients not getting the help they really need. So let’s talk about navigating sex therapy with kinky clients. We’re going to discuss what therapists need to know, as well as how patients can identify kink-affirming providers. I am joined once again by Stefani Goerlich, award-winning author of The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients and its sequel, titled Kink-Affirming Practice: Culturally Competent Therapy from The Leather Chair. Some of the topics we discuss include: How much training do sex therapists usually get in the area of kink and BDSM anyway? How do you deal with a problem like sexual shame? How do you navigate power dynamics in the therapy office with kinky clients? What should you do when a client expresses a sexual interest that makes you uncomfortable? What should you do when a client’s sexual interests pose a very high risk of harm to the self or others? How do you encourage safety without shaming them? Where’s the best place to find a kink-affirming therapist? Find kink-aware professionals through the NCSF directory or the AASECT directory. Thank you to our sponsors! Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2242-lehmiller The Scarlet Society is here to help you explore what it is that brings you pleasure and cultivate the relationships you deserve. It’s your new home for trusted resources aimed at helping women navigate sex and love after age 40. Visit scarletsociety.com to learn more and liberate your sexuality. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Attachment theory was originally based on the assumption that everyone is or wants to be monogamous; however, many people are polyamorous or otherwise engaged in consensual nonmonogamy. So how does attachment work when you have more than one partner? Can you have secure attachments with several partners at the same time? Let’s talk about it! I am joined once again by Jessica Fern, a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy. She is also the author of the all-new Polysecure Workbook. Some of the topics we discuss include: Is monogamy really a prerequisite for developing secure attachment? Do you have to be securely attached in order to be happy? How can opening up a relationship change our attachment patterns, for better or for worse? Why it’s important to be securely attached to yourself. How to build more secure attachments. What to do when you and your partner(s) have different attachment styles. How you can tell when you’ve reached the saturation point for attachment-based relationships in your own life. To learn more about Jessica, visit jessicafern.com and be sure to check out Polysecure and the new Polysecure Workbook. Thank you to our sponsors! Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2241-lehmiller The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Most of us have had a kinky fantasy at some point in our lives, and many of us have actual experience with kink in the bedroom as well. In fact, nationally representative US surveys find that at least one-third of adults have engaged in some kind of BDSM. However, despite how common kink and BDSM are, myths and misconceptions abound. So let’s talk about kink! I am joined by Stefani Goerlich, award-winning author of The Leather Couch: Clinical Practice with Kinky Clients. Stefani recently published a sequel to this book called Kink-Affirming Practice: Culturally Competent Therapy from The Leather Chair. Some of the topics we discuss include: What does the term “kink” actually mean? Why obsessing over the origins of kink can be problematic. What’s the connection between kink and sex? Is BDSM always sexual? What to do when your sexual fantasies and desires conflict with your political values. The kink spectrum: from dark and brooding to fun, playful, and silly. What counts as fetishization, and when does it cross a line? Common things people get wrong about kink and BDSM. Thanks to the Scarlet Society (scarletsociety.com) and Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! The Scarlet Society is here to help you explore what it is that brings you pleasure and cultivate the relationships you deserve. It’s your new home for trusted resources aimed at helping women navigate sex and love after age 40. Visit scarletsociety.com to learn more and liberate your sexuality. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The process of opening up a relationship can bring with it a number of benefits, but also a number of challenges. So what does it actually look like when a couple goes down the path of opening up? Let’s talk about it! My guest today is a leading expert on consensual non-monogamy and we’re going to explore what her own personal relationship journey looked like, as well as lessons she’s learned from several years of working as a therapist in this area. I am joined by Jessica Fern, a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy. She is also the author of the all-new Polysecure Workbook. Some of the topics we discuss include: How can opening up a relationship change things for the better? What are the most common challenges or obstacles that occur when opening up? How do you know if monogamy or consensual non-monogamy is right for you? What are some examples of “vessels” or relationship containers you can use to explore non-monogamy? What kinds of things should you take into consideration if you’re thinking about opening up a relationship? To learn more about Jessica, visit jessicafern.com and be sure to check out Polysecure and the new Polysecure Workbook. Thank you to our sponsors! Level-up your intimate life with Beducated, the Netflix of better sex! They have a whole library of online courses to teach you what you need to know. Enjoy a free trial today and get 40% off their yearly pass by using my last name – LEHMILLER – as the coupon code. Sign up now at: http://beducate.me/pd2240-lehmiller The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Contrary to popular belief, genital stimulation isn’t absolutely necessary when it comes to orgasm. Many people have experiences with “non-genital orgasms,” which are orgasms that result from something other than stimulation of the penis or vulva. This can include a lot of different things, from nipple and ear stimulation to getting a tattoo or piercing to exercise and taking a bumpy car ride. So what do we know about all of these non-genital orgasms? Let’s talk about it! I am joined by Dr. Barry Komisaruk, a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at Rutgers University-Newark. Barry has published more than 180 research articles and has co-authored and edited five books, including The Science of Orgasm. Some of the topics we discuss include: The fascinating connection between pleasure and pain. It turns out that losing the ability to experience pain also results in a loss in the ability to experience pleasure. What women who can think themselves to orgasm are thinking about. Whether non-genital orgasms look the same physiologically as genital orgasms. Why stimulation of the nipples or ears alone can sometimes trigger orgasm. Why some people have reported experiencing orgasm during childbirth or defecation. This is a fascinating episode you won’t want to miss. Check it out! Thanks to the Scarlet Society (scarletsociety.com) and Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! The Scarlet Society is here to help you explore what it is that brings you pleasure and cultivate the relationships you deserve. It’s your new home for trusted resources aimed at helping women navigate sex and love after age 40. Visit scarletsociety.com to learn more and liberate your sexuality. Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Every relationship we have could benefit from defining some boundaries, whether we’re talking about relationships with our employers, friends, or sexual partners. However, most of us aren’t very good at establishing them because setting boundaries feels like saying “no,” and no can be a really difficult word to say for a lot of reasons. So let’s talk about boundaries. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss everything you need to know, including when to discuss them, how to communicate boundaries effectively, as well as how to move on when boundary violations occur. I am joined by Dr. Alison Ash, a trauma-informed intimacy coach and educator, Stanford University Lecturer, author, and founder of TurnON.love. Some of the topics we discuss include: Why setting boundaries is so hard. How to figure out your own boundaries, because sometimes we don’t know what they are yet. The fluidity of boundaries over time. When and how to reveal your boundaries in a relationship. Tips for starting a productive conversation about boundaries. How to listen better when a partner expresses their boundaries. How to recover and repair a relationship when boundaries get crossed. To learn more about Dr. Aly, visit TurnON.love and follow @TurnON.love on Instagram. For information on Dr. Aly’s upcoming Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills Mastercourse starting in January 2023, visit TurnON.love/intimacy Thanks to the Scarlet Society (scarletsociety.com) and Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) for sponsoring this episode! The Scarlet Society is here to help you explore what it is that brings you pleasure and cultivate the relationships you deserve. It’s your new home for trusted resources aimed at helping women navigate sex and love after age 40. Visit scarletsociety.com to learn more and liberate your sexuality. Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Some people want to have sexual and romantic relationships but are unable to do so. They are involuntarily celibate. For some, this perceived inability to form and maintain sexual and romantic relationships becomes a defining feature of the self—a social identity known as “incel.” In the popular media, incels tend to be characterized as misogynists and male supremecists who are prone to violence. However, the truth about incels is more complex, and it turns out that the incels aren’t exactly who we think they are. So let’s take a look inside the minds of incels. I am joined by William Costello, a PhD student at the University of Texas at Austin, where he is a member of Dr. David Buss’s Evolutionary Psychology lab. He holds a Masters in Psychology, Culture, and Evolution from Brunel University London and his dissertation investigated the psychology of incels. Some of the topics we discuss include: Why incels have always been around, and how modern incels are different. Why changes in the mating market are creating more incels. What do people who identify as incel look like? Do they match up with the stereotypes (i.e., young, White, conservative)? Why popular dating advice given to incels isn’t helpful. What the mental health of incels looks like. Are incels inherently prone to violence? To learn more about William, follow him on Twitter @CostelloWilliam Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Flirting and seduction can be tricky business. For example, when you want to let someone else know you’re interested, what do you even say? And how can you tell when someone is just being polite and friendly vs. actually flirting with you? Let’s talk about it! Today’s episode will tell you what you need to know about leveling-up your flirting game (in a non-sleazy way!), how read other people’s flirting cues, how to deal with rejection, and more. I am joined by Dr. Alison Ash, a trauma-informed intimacy coach and educator, Stanford University Lecturer, author, and founder of TurnON.love. Some of the topics we discuss include: Tips for ethical flirting. The fine line between expressing attraction and desire for someone vs. manipulation. How you can tell whether another person is really into you and isn’t just being nice–and how this is different when you’re flirting online vs. in person. How to build up your confidence so that you’re not second-guessing yourself when you flirt. How to de-escalate when someone flirts with you and you’re not into it. How to cope with rejection in the dating marketplace. To learn more about Dr. Aly, visit TurnON.love and follow @TurnON.love on Instagram. For information on Dr. Aly’s upcoming Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills Mastercourse starting in January 2023, visit TurnON.love/intimacy Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase.  Visit modernsextherapyinstitutes.com to explore programs and certifications in sex therapy and education. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

In 1947, Dr. Alfred Kinsey established the Institute for Sex Research to protect and preserve his pioneering research on human sexuality. Later renamed the Kinsey Institute, the organization founded by Dr. Kinsey has continued his legacy for 75 years. While many other sex research institutes founded by pioneers in the field have shut down, Kinsey has survived by adapting to the ever-shifting sexual landscape and its researchers continue to break new ground in the field. In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss the past, present, and future of the Kinsey Institute. I am joined by Dr. Justin Garcia, the current director of the Kinsey Institute. Dr. Garcia is an evolutionary biologist and sex researcher whose work focuses on the evolutionary and biocultural foundations of romantic and sexual relationships across the life course. He is also a professor of gender studies at Indiana University and the scientific advisor to Match.com. Some of the topics we discuss include: How did the Institute originally came into existence, and how has its purpose and mission evolved over time? What are some of the biggest scientific contributions made by the Kinsey Institute that have changed the way people think about sex? What is the role of the Institute in preserving sexual and erotic art and history? (Fun fact: the Kinsey Institute is home to the world’s largest collection of erotic art and artifacts outside of the Vatican!) What are some of the biggest challenges the Institute has faced over the last 75 years, and what are the modern challenges? What does the future hold for the Kinsey Institute? To learn more about the Kinsey Institute, visit kinseyinstitute.org and follow @kinseyinstitute on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about Dr. Garcia, follow @drjustingarcia on Twitter. Thanks to the Cozy Earth (cozyearth.com) for sponsoring this episode! Discover bedtime bliss with Cozy Earth’s bamboo sheet set and loungewear. Their temperature regulating and moisture wicking fabric will keep you cool and comfortable all night long–any time of year. Visit cozyearth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use my exclusive discount code: SEXANDPSYCHOLOGY *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.