Something Positive for Positive People

In episode 33 of SPFPP, I sit down with Dr. Matthew Bruckel, Founder, President, and CEO of Total Access Urgent Care in St. Louis, Missouri, to clear up common misconceptions about herpes. We break down the differences—and more importantly, the similarities—between HSV-1 and HSV-2. While HSV-1 is commonly associated with cold sores and HSV-2 with genital herpes, the reality is that both types are transmitted the same way, through skin-to-skin contact, and respond equally to antiviral treatments. We dive into how the stigma of herpes isn't about the type, but rather the location, and why it’s crucial to rethink the way we talk about herpes in relation to sexual health. I reached out to some social groups for some good questions to ask a doctor about herpes. Something Positive for Positive People is evolving into more than a safe place for people living with herpes to share their experience and more than a place for newly diagnosed people to find hope through the insights of others. People like Dr. Bruckel, are helping turn this podcast into a useful sex health tool for any and everyone seeking understanding of STIs in general. I'm looking to have more medical professionals on the show to help present facts along with the experiences of individuals living with STIs. Some of our topics discussed are: - What is herpes - The similarities between HSV-1 and HSV-2 - Who has herpes and how common is it - Is there a cure or vaccine for herpes - Why don't we test for herpes in the standard tests - How being diagnosed without symptoms can play out For more information on stis in general, please visit the Center for Disease Control's website: https://www.cdc.gov/  To find the nearest Total Access Urgent Care in St. Louis, visit: https://www.totalaccessurgentcare.com/  Dr. Matthew Bruckel founded Total Access with the goal of changing the landscape of health care in St. Louis. The insights gained during Dr. Bruckel's decade-long service as an Emergency Physician fuel his desire to optimize every patient's experience; he begins by hiring the best staff and providing a cost-effective alternative to the traditional health care system. Dr. Bruckel proudly serves as the President, Founder, and Chief Executive Officer of Total Access Urgent Care. In this role, Dr. Bruckel is responsible for recruiting and hiring top-notch Physicians, strategic market growth, and improving every patient's experience at the best Urgent Care organization in the St. Louis area. Dr. Bruckel's vast Emergency Department experience, coupled with an Emergency Medicine Board Certification and his ER residency-trained background, provides a "lead by example" image for the entire Total Access Urgent Care team of physicians. Dr. Bruckel's commitment to exceptional care correlates to an outcomes-driven practice model and quantifiably high patient satisfaction. Dr. Bruckel is a Fellow of both the American College of Emergency Physicians (ACEP) and the American Academy of Emergency Medicine (AAEM), and is also a member of the Urgent Care Association of America (UCAOA). Utilizing these experiences, Dr. Bruckel actively incorporates Evidence-Based Practice as a central component of Total Access Urgent Care's Mission. Academically, Dr. Bruckel earned a B.S. in Biochemical Sciences (Summa Cum Laude) from Auburn University in 1993, Doctor of Medicine from Washington University School of Medicine in 1997, and served as Chief Resident at the University of Maryland / Shock Trauma Medical Center in Baltimore, MD. Additionally, Dr. Bruckel proudly served overseas and in combat zones as an Emergency Physician and Lieutenant Commander in the Medical Corps of the United States Navy. I'm on social media @CourtneyBrame. Please continue to rate and review the podcast on your podcast player. Stay Positive!

In honor of STI awareness month, we're releasing every episode as they are recorded. This episode features my friend Brynn, one of the first friends I disclosed to that I have herpes. Her deer in the headlights facial expression was misinterpreted for being surprised at my disclosure. After finally revising that day recently after deciding to record this episode together, it was in fact because of the moment of WHEN I decided to disclose to her. This disclosure was done out of a few different feelings, one being annoyed that she always gave me shit for having such a passive dating life, and then to just end my own mental misery that came from the strain of having to dismiss the encouragement to start dating again. This meant lying to myself and making excuses at least every Wednesday for happy hour margs and tacos and then Saturday nights for about 2 years. I am fortunate to be surrounded by such great people in my life, but I wouldn't have known how great they were until having to test that. The best way to test the strength of a connection or open the door for it to take place, is to really allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone. They will either support you or reject the idea of providing support to you. In that case, you know where they stand and then you have to decide where you stand. After my disclosure to Brynn, our friendship grew and I earned the confidence to tell more of my friends, then everyone who knows I do this podcast. This is a great example of just how close support is for us during a challenging time, we just have to use it. On top of her sharing her experience of thinking she had contracted herpes, Brynn has Type-1 diabetes which I think is an important element to consider here as to how supportive she was to me when I shared something I was secretly so emotional about at the time. We talk about how easy it is to be seen as handicapped because you just have to do some things a little different than most people, and not everyone will be okay with that. Which is fine because that goes to show you how they respond to you when things get challenging. I'm on social media @CourtneyBrame Please continue to like/rate/share/review this podcast. On a weekly basis I hear from people who find this podcast who put themselves out there to connect with others for support, dating and mutual interest groups who otherwise may not have found this show. Those reviews do way more good than you can imagine. Thank you for all your support! Stay Positive!

Our guest for this episode is Emily Depasse, 25 year old Yogi, lifter, model, blogger, paralegal and MSW/MEd Human Sexuality graduate student living with genital hsv-2. Upon diagnosis 2 1/2 years prior to this recording, Emily wondered who would love her as many of us do at some point upon our diagnosis. Her will to persevere was depleting, she felt alone and did what many of us do in this emotional state, turn to a distraction. In her case it was alcohol and supportive, yet unhealthy relationships with friends in order to cope. As with any other episode, there are some things that'll resonate better with some than others. Bullet points below on the greatest takeaways. - H Test: Blood test comes back negative, second test from affected area is positive - Disclosing to friends as a means of support: You never forget that first disclosure - Challenging beliefs about a person who has herpes and identifying it to ourselves - Stigma mis-truths: Never says how common herpes is until you have it - Disclosing on those forms for various services - Being dumped on Snapchat (what a jerk) - Support from someone who understands over someone who's 'qualified' I also find it incredible that Emily is able to do all of these things despite the popular belief that once you contract herpes, your life is over. Facing some judgment from strangers is the least of one's concerns when you have things going on in your life you're committed to! I am grateful to Emily for creating space to share with us her unique experience and offering herself as an educational resource available for additional support. If you want to reach Emily, check out any of the means below: Blog: www.emilydepasse.com  Twitter and Instagram: @SexELDucation FB Blog page: https://www.facebook.com/eldsoul/ Smithsonian Article that says almost everyone has herpes citation: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/can-we-gene-edit-herpes-away-180968551/ Thank you for listening! If you haven't already, please leave us a review on whatever podcast app you're listening to us from letting us know what you like about this episode or the podcast in general. It could be as simple as the guest's voice or as complex as herpes is itself haha, I gotta stop. I'm on social media @CourtneyBrame. Stay Positive!

This episode features 49 year old Rich Mancuso who participated in a clinical trial to relieve his severe herpes symptoms. His book, 'Asking for a Friend', tells the story of surviving herpes and receiving a functional cure* from a vaccine.  Rich shares his experience contracting HSV-2 in his early 20's and how it was possibly mistaken for a yeast infection by a dissmissive doctor, then after some irritation on the butt cheek, it was confirmed to in fact be HSV-2 by a sarcastic doctor.  In this episode, I wanted to give Rich a safe space to share his story  as well as promote his book without giving too much away. This episode runs long as we anticipated, but there are a lot of nuggets in here that are useful to not only the herpes community, but also to the non-herpes community. We discuss stress and its relation to herpes outbreaks, a different perception of suicide having more to do with loss of control than selfishness and shame and how it prevents us from testing new forms of treatment here in the US. There are many reviews on the book, Rich addresses some of those in this episode, mainly the absence of advocacy for sexual assault survivors which we touch on near the end of this episode towards the one hour mark. *Trigger warning as there is mention of the word rape here. One massive takeaway here is a butchered lighthouse analogy I never get exactly the same way twice when I bring it up. People who are 'out' about their condition allow themselves to be approached by those wandering in the dark who feel lost. The more of those people out there, the more people living in silence/shame are able to come out of that place and be a resource to those surrounding them and shed their light on their world to make more lighthouses. If every person with herpes was a resource to their circle, there would be so much less shame behind it and the stigma would crumble. I understand right now that may not work for everyone for various reasons, but it helps SOMEONE to know they have someone to come to when they are diagnosed, or when they meet someone who is. In my case, I've found that helping other people has helped me way more than I think it has the people I helped. . . . . Yeah that sentence looks weird, but I know what I was trying to say.  For more info on Rich and his book, visit: www.askingforafriend.us Twitter: @RationalVaxxer and Facebook he's just Rich Mancuso. Thanks to Pig and Pickle St. Louis for supporting the podcast. They're located at 5513 Pershing Ave. here in St. Louis. Check them out online at www.pigandpickleeatery.com and follow them on instagram @pigandpicklestl. I'm on Instagram @CourtneyBrame. Please keep those reviews coming. The podcast is growing and we're being useful to those outside the community by being a safe place for them to access resources when they're ready. Thanks for listening! Stay Positive!

*TRIGGER WARNING for sexual abuse survivors - Here's part 2: Lauren is a sexual abuse survivor. In this episode, she shares how her view of sex was shaped by her for her at a young age. Lauren and I discussed this off air and she's at a place where she is comfortable revisiting the event. We spoke more in detail off the podcast and mutually decided to remove/leave out certain details of the abuse.  We discuss kink's role in Lauren's sex life as a means to take back the control that was taken from her by her abuser. "You're safer with ME than you are with someone who doesn't have it". (Referring to herpes) This is a powerful belief for someone so new to their diagnosis! Own the power in KNOWING your sexual health status! You are more mindful of your health while you do have an sti than someone who DOESN'T KNOW if they have one. I've talked to people who say they don't have an sti although they don't get tested often. The people I talk to who DO have an sti get tested regularly. Interesting dynamic here because you'd think it would be the other way around. Thing is, it usually isn't a problem until it's a problem. Sex education and communication is so important! This episode highlights the importance of how our sexual education early on translates into our behavior with anyone we have a sexual attraction to. It is uncomfortable to have that conversation but it's one that needs to be had. Someone will plant that seed of what sex is and should be, why not let it be a healthy message? At least if it's watered by sexual experiences over time, porn and stories from other people, that deep rooted seed planted with a healthy perspective helps our youth over time develop into something loving that continues that messaging. Thing is, we have to just be willing to have the conversation.  We recorded this episode January 22, 2018 just 2 months after Lauren's diagnosis. The reason these episodes took so long was just for editing as this is sensative content. We wanted to be sure to remove certain details of Lauren's story and I suck at editing. I'm on Instagram, Twitter and Instagram @CourtneyBrame. Please continue to comment, like, rate, review, subscribe to the podcast. We're helping a lot of people with these stories. Please thank the guests in your review if you find value in their story(ies). I let them know and hey are very appreciative. Stay Positive!

We recorded this episode January 22, 2018 just 2 months after Lauren's diagnosis. The reason these episodes took so long was just for editing as this is sensitive content. We wanted to be sure to remove certain details of Lauren's story and I suck at editing. We talk about Lauren's first penetrative sexual experience. Lauren met up with a man she barely knew and had every intention of using a condom, but did not use one. The explanation for this can be found in part 2 of this episode where we discuss past sex-related interactions and education from childhood.  Lauren found support quickly and has adopted a very positive perspective on her diagnosis. Her story is one that makes us rethink the idea the stigma has that herpes is an std you get from sleeping with a lot of people. We have someone who after her first time, had the misfortune of contracting HSV. Take that you stupid stigma. I'm on Instagram, Twitter and Instagram @CourtneyBrame. Please continue to comment, like, rate, review, subscribe to the podcast. We're helping a lot of people with these stories. Please thank the guests in your review if you find value in their story(ies). I let them know and hey are very appreciative. Stay Positive!

This episode features 26 year old Fleur from Australia who works in marketing. Fleur is a woman who contracted HSV-2 from a partner who chose to disclose AFTER she began to show symptoms. Fleur took 2 years off from sex to find herself. She saw a sex therapist who gave her sound advice on disclosing we'll call mirroring (more details below). Fleur took this advice and fell for a man who opened her up to polyamory which means 'many loves'. A few major takeaways here that I found to be important are: - Open to poly despite herpes; we often fear spreading the virus despite who we tell being accepting to the risks. Fleur rose above that fear and took a chance. She took control of what she could which was first accepting HSV for herself, understanding what it meant for her and what it means for her potential partner. She shared her diagnosis and the stats, allowing him to take that information to his partners. They all accept FLEUR over the risk of herpes. It's important to note that Fleur accepted herself before expecting someone to accept her. You have to take responsibility for what you can control. The other person is going to either accept you with the risk, or not be willing to accept the risk. Which takes us down to . . .  - Open to herpes despite poly; Fleur's current partner, while engaging in sexual activity with multiple partners, accepts Fleur along with the risk of contracting herpes. This man is either a smooth salesman or really has some open-minded partners. While we often strugge to share the risk of contracting HSV with one person, imagine sharing that possibility with multiple partners who have to share that with multiple partners. While there's less at stake making this easier for him, we can learn from this experience to take the pressure off ourselves when disclosing. It's important to recognize . . .  - The value of open, honest communication; This authenticity in Fleur's communication was mirrored here. Her confidence, her knowledge, her honesty is what was relayed to her metamours in that disclosure. How Fleur felt, is how he perceived Fleur felt and it was so genuine, so honest, so true, that when he took that to his partners introducing the risk of contracting herpes from a newly invited person into their circle. They took it well due to . . . .  - Mirroring; So I Googled this and there's already a word for what we talked about in a different context. What we mean by mirroring is how we feel is projected onto the recipient of our message. When we're shaking, avoiding eye contact, stuttering, crying, cracking our voices, that isn't received well. That is some draining stuff right there. We want to be around people who are energizing, motivating, assure us that it's safe to be ourselves around them. We ultimately want the freedom to be ourselves and connect with like-minded people. The reward for freedom is the risk of rejection. At this point, we've broken the 5k downloads mark and I'm so thankful for everyone continuing to share the podcast with others as well as leaving us ratings and reviews for the podcast. The more reviews, the more exposure. The more exposure, the easier it is for those who think they're alone to connect with us and gain access to the resources they need to help them through their diagnosis so please keep it up you all. I can be found on Instagram @CourtneyBrame Stay Positive!

On her way to a trip where she planned to end her life, Reese fortunately had that plan interrupted by her involvement with a car accident that made her rethink her decision. Coming so close to death, Reese decided that wasn't for her since she was given a second chance. She dug into her faith and began to work on herself. One major takeaway here is to trust your intuition! When you see a red flag, it's better to explore it than ignore it. Reese talks about overlooking a 'pimple' she noticed on her partner. This episode was a reminder of why this podcast was started. When we are diagnosed, we genuinely can get to a place where we believe our lives are over. Our lives aren't over upon diagnosis because an std doesn't make that choice for us. We do. We live in a world where having an std is physically the most manageable it's ever been. The physical pain isn't going to kill you but the mental/emotional pain can deplete your desire to live. When I started this podcast it was to prove to people that herpes doesn't have as much of an effect on your life as you'd think. For anyone contemplating suicide, please reach out to someone close for support. Those thoughts are not your own, those thoughts come from the stigma, isolation, boredom, shame, embarrasment, all negative emotions that you didn't choose to experience. Take that control and allow yourself to accept yourself. Seek support, find people who energize you. Get out of that state of loneliness. Omelettes can only be made when you break the eggs. Think of herpes as that impact that cracks the egg open for you allowing all your wonderful yolkiness to veg out into a nice warm skillet. Then top yourself with some spinach, mushrooms . . . okay it's almost 10am and I think Im going to go break some eggs myself now haha.  Please leave a review thanking Reese for her story and bravery. She plans to share this podcast with a few people close to her so please encourage her and let her know she has your support. I speak on behalf of all our guests when I say you have ours as well. At this point, we've broken the 5k downloads mark and I'm so thankful for everyone continuing to share the podcast with others as well as leaving us ratings and reviews for the podcast. The more reviews, the more exposure. The more exposure, the easier it is for those who think they're alone to connect with us and gain access to the resources they need to help them through their diagnosis so please keep it up you all. I can be found on Instagram @CourtneyBrame Stay Positive!

This episode doesn't have a guest. I write every so often to sort through thoughts and emotions so I know how to deal with them as they come up again in the future. This episode, I thought about Cake. . . metaphorically. "You can't have your cake and eat it too." is my least favorite proverb hands down. Why have cake you can't eat!? Well, because limits were placed on your mind by society telling you that statement makes sense the way it's phrased. More accurately one would say,  "When one share's their cake, they become surrounded by bakers" or something along those lines.  When I told people I had herpes, they didn't care. When I kept it to myself, I manifested my mindset about herpes in the world around me. It felt like everyone wanted to know my secret and use it against me. I began analyzing my values, one of which is freedom. I can't live free with the restrictions of the stigma created by a group of people outside the group of people the stigma applies to. I had to un-learn that and construct new beliefs based on my experiences. My view began to change and I noticed the reactions I got began to change.  I had a scarce mindset. "I think I will only be 'accepted' by ______ which is a limiting belief we project onto the world based on our beliefs about who we are NOW THAT WE HAVE THE VIRUS, not who we are. This reveals itself via rejection, people attacking or being mean to us or making herpes jokes. I'm moving into the abundance mindset. I constantly have to remind myself of that. It gets a little quicker each time I do it, but I notice more of the positive. More people share with me that they have something personal going on, want to be on the podcast to share their story, want to come train with me, want to literally give me cake. Ask yourself what kind of person you'd be if everyone around you knew you had herpes and you didn't have to hide it. Act like that for a day and see how much more you like yourself and the world appears to be as giving as it's meant to be. Let me know what you think of this episode. Like I said, I want to do more of these if there's value and it helps make the podcast more useful. I'm on social media @CourtneyBrame Stay positive!

Alexandra hosts the podcast, Life With Herpes, and recently featured me as a guest on her 83rd episode: https://lifewithherpes.com/podcast/083-something-positive-for-people-who-are-positive-with-courtney-brame/ She's an amazing human being and it was an honor to not only be on her podcast, but to also have her bless Something Positive for Positive People with her energy as well. It's amazing to find so many resources out there from people open about their condition encouraging us to break the stigma behind herpes. Alexandra and I could've spoken for hours about her experience but managed to condense the convo to just over an hour.The conversation touched on us having this idea of who has herpes and then struggling to reshape that image of ourselves. We discuss how Alexandra contracted HSV-2 fourteen years after getting type 1 from a first date kiss! We talk about the lack of education and communication, neglecting the fact that hsv-1 can potentially be spread via kissing, foreplay, masturbation and according to The Medical Center of the University of Maryland, it can be spread by sharing drinks or utensils within up to 10 seconds. (Link to resource): http://umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/condition/herpes-simplex-virus You should listen to this episode if you need the courage to really embrace yourself as more than the stigma placed upon you for having herpes. There's only one way to break free of that and it's to understand who YOU are despite having herpes. Alexandra is a phenomenal example of this, having broken free, becoming an educator and an active voice in the herpes community letting everyone know that herpes isn't that big of a deal. She has a meaningful career, she has hobbies, she travels, is married, has the kind of sex life she wants. Connect with this woman, engage this woman and capitalize on her experience being out there on the Life With Herpes podcast. Alexandra is offering a complimentary 30 minute coaching session for Something Positive for Positive People listeners. Sign up and ask her about pomegranate. Just go to: https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fapp.acuityscheduling.com%2Fschedule.php%3Fowner%3D13691061%26appointmentType%3D5894645&h=ATOjIhcSTXqROqmj5ArLWVVuHHKnvmDQTY-VYTjIYaYekzKu72W-c-x2_SSV_2ldPaLjCr_tSy1XGJve8p33eg_2Uziu4y1MQpIf6y8u3d7GOdg&s=1 For more resources available to those living with herpes, Alexandra can be found on Instagram @Lifewithherpes and @alexandraharbushka, Facebook @Alexandra Harbushka, Twitter @aharbushka. Her website is www.lifewithherpes.com At this point, we've broken the 5k downloads mark and I'm so thankful for everyone continuing to share the podcast with others as well as leaving us ratings and reviews for the podcast. The more reviews, the more exposure. The more exposure, the easier it is for those who think they're alone to connect with us and gain access to the resources they need to help them through their diagnosis so please keep it up you all. I can be found on Instagram @CourtneyBrame Stay Positive!