The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

IFS and Shame with Mike Elkin

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Apr 2, 2020

Lead trainer for the IFS Institute, Mike Elkin, discusses topics like shame, moral meaning, addiction, pain, panic attacks, couples therapy, and healing through Internal Family Systems therapy in an engaging and insightful conversation.

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ANECDOTE

Back Pain and Emotional Distress

Mike Elkin shares his experience with chronic back pain and how it drastically improved after a decision to stop placating a difficult person.
This highlights the link between emotional distress and physical pain.

INSIGHT

The Power of Moral Meaning

Moral meaning drives people to seek validation and avoid shame.
This need to feel like a "good person" fuels many conflicts and behaviors.

ADVICE

Prioritizing Romantic Relationships

Prioritize the quality of your romantic relationship, as it significantly impacts overall well-being.
Individual therapy can be detrimental to couples, as it often reinforces "innocent victim" narratives.

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Mike Elkin is sorta famous. Well, I think he is.

Mike is a lead trainer for the IFS Institute and, before meeting him and then working with him as a program assistant, I had heard him quoted time and again from other students and his fellow trainers.

So, I was thrilled to meet him and more thrilled how we hit it off. I adore him as I think you'll be able to tell. Mike is all over the place, as you'll be able to tell, which is good for us because we get to cover many topics and get lots of 'Mike-isms.'

Here are few:

Shame: my badness witnessed

Moral Meaning: my need to be a good person

Alcoholic belief system (whether you or family ever actually drink): A good person is a person without flaws or limitations

Addiction: We need relief from shame (especially if our family had an alcoholic belief system) and get attached to whatever gives us that relief. This 'parts' strategy' gets imitated over and over again as a way to help us feel relief.

Protectors don't protect. They energize and attract whatever they are trying to protect against.

Receptors: follow the activated part and heal it so there is no longer a receptor for it.

Couples fight about one thing: who is the better person. Each one has their 'innocent victim story.'

Migraines/physical pain/back pain: Talk to the part who generates the pain.

Panic attacks: almost all panic attacks are phobic reactions to unaware triggers. Mike has a 'phobia protocol' he uses that is a mixture of his history with hypnosis and IFS.

Despair: parts feel relief when they stop the try-fail-shame-give up cycle. They can see Hope as a threat, Despair as a resource.

Lastly, You will also hear how Dick and Mike met and how Mike finally was won over to IFS.

And, I assure you, if we are able to leave our houses this summer, I will be using his house to park so I can go to the beach.

Enjoy!

And, take care of all your sweet parts,

Tammy

To learn more about the Level two course, Anxiety, Depression and Shame: https://courses.selfleadership.org/item/internal-family-systems-ifs-anxiety-depression-shame-47315

Mike's book: https://www.amazon.com/Families-Under-Influence-Changing-Alcoholic/dp/0393306704