The secret life of a hostage negotiator

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Jan 20, 2026

Vince Hurley, a former NSW police officer and hostage negotiator turned criminology academic, shares captivating insights from his nearly three decades of policing. He reveals the stark contrast between Hollywood portrayals and real hostage negotiation, emphasizing the importance of genuine human connection. Vince discusses the frequent encounters with domestic violence, advocating for a shift in terminology to 'violence against women and girls.' He also recounts thrilling on-the-job experiences, like persuading a suicidal backpacker to safety and navigating the complexities of negotiating with individuals in psychosis.

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ANECDOTE

Venting To Build A Bridge

Vince describes negotiating with Jimmy after a brutal assault where he let the man vent for 20 minutes to emotionally exhaust him.
After listening and asking the right question, the man surrendered to police and Vince later met him calmly.

ADVICE

Call It Violence Against Women

Replace the phrase "domestic violence" with "violence against women and girls" to cut through perceptions of privacy and stigma.
Use clear language with teens to show this violence is public, criminal and not a private matter.

INSIGHT

Compassion Is The Negotiator's Power

Compassion and empathy are core negotiator tools because negotiation is about the other person's experience, not the negotiator's ego.
Effective negotiators must genuinely listen and avoid seeking glory.

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Hostage negotiation isn't at all like what you see in Hollywood blockbusters. There is no lying, no promise-making, not even any names. Vince Hurley has only one task—trying to make a deep, human connection with a complete stranger.

Content Warning: this episode of Conversations contains strong language and descriptions of violent crime.

Vince Hurley is a criminologist at Macquarie University and a passionate advocate for ending violence against women. He brings nearly three decades of policing experience to the job.

For 29 years, Vince was an operational police officer in the outer suburbs of Sydney, investigating domestic homicides, assaults, home invasions and drug trafficking.

In that time, Vince was shot at, stabbed in the hand, and pushed off a building.

But his most challenging work was the shifts he pulled as a hostage negotiator.

Vince worked for 12 hours at a time, trying to literally talk people off the ledge, or to stop them from committing some sort of disastrous violent act.

Hostage negotiation isn't at all like what you see in the cinema.

There is no lying, no promises, not even any names.

All Vince has to go on is trying to make a human connection with someone without knowing anything about them.

This episode of Conversations was produced by Meggie Morris. Executive Producer is Nicola Harrison.

It explores policing, police work, violent crimes, police culture, violence against women, domestic violence, femicide, Lindt siege, hostage negotiation, suicidal ideation, terrorism, murder, retiring, academic, universities, Macquarie University, late career change, Western Sydney, educating teen boys, hidden violence, child abuse, cops, police officer.

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