Ep 168 – Breaking Free from People-Pleasing Patterns

Aug 12, 2024

A candid look at people-pleasing: how it shows up, why it’s hardwired, and what it costs you. Short, practical strategies are shared for spotting your yes-patterns, valuing limited time and energy, and setting kinder boundaries. There’s also a push to prioritize your own needs and model healthier behaviour for others.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Needing Validation Is A People Pleasing Signal

People-pleasing often shows up as needing external validation to feel competent at work.
Carla Miller describes handing power to others by fishing for compliments or asking feedback to feel 'good enough'.

INSIGHT

Championing Others But Not Yourself

You can passionately advocate for others yet feel uncomfortable advocating for your own needs at work.
Carla highlights this mismatch as a red flag and links it to difficulty owning authority, giving constructive feedback, and setting expectations.

INSIGHT

People Pleasing Is Hardwired From Childhood

People-pleasing is hardwired by our evolutionary need to belong and early childhood learning to keep caretakers happy.
Carla explains smiling back at parents taught us that pleasing others secures care and safety, creating lifelong patterns.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

Think you might be a people pleaser? Perhaps you’ve got poor boundaries with others, really want to be liked or need a lot of external validation to feel that you’re good enough to be in your role?

In this solo episode I’m going to share some of the signs that you’re a people pleaser, what it’s costing you and 4 practical strategies you can use to break free from your people pleasing patterns and start prioritising your own needs.

This is the second in a series of 3 podcasts this summer around mindset and setting boundaries and if you’ve not already listened to episode 166 on overcommitting.

One of the most powerful things you can do is learn how to say no which is why I’ve created my free How To Say No challenge which will take you from saying yes and regretting it to feeling comfortable saying no in just 5 days. Head over to carlamillertraining.com/sayno to access that.

My name’s Carla Miller, leadership coach, author, trainer and founder of Women Leading, the community that helps women lead without overwhelm. I’m on a mission to empower women leaders in the workplace and make leading less lonely. 

And this is the Influence & Impact podcast for women leaders, helping you confidently navigate the ups and downs of leadership and feel less alone on your journey as a leader. In fortnightly episodes I share practical tools and insights from myself and my brilliant guests that will help you succeed in your career.

FREE RESOURCE - How To Say No Challenge:

If you struggle to say ‘no’ then this free 5 day challenge is for you. You get a short email containing a short video each day, taking you through the 5 steps of my How To Say No framework. We’ll get you happily saying no in just 5 days.

Access it at carlamillwertraining.com/sayno

Influence & Impact:

Join the September cohort of Influence & Impact to learn how to tackle self-doubt, increase your impact and become brilliant at influencing. It’s a small cohort working closely with me and includes 6 workshops and 2 peer coaching sessions.

Find out more at https://carlamiller.co.uk/influence

Women Leading:

You can now join over 40 women in Women Leading for just £49 a month and learn to lead without overwhelm. It includes peer support calls, group coaching calls, regular menopause events and a live leadership or wellbeing workshop each month on topics including…

Managing an Overwhelmed Team

How and When to Coach Your Team

Reducing Drama in your Team

Giving Feedback Without Feeling Awkward

Find up more and sign up at https://www.carlamillertraining.com/womenleading

Mentioned in this episode:

https://carlamiller.co.uk/newsletter/