The Liz Moody Podcast Porn Is Just A Symptom—The REAL Relationship & Dating Crisis (And Where We Go From Here)
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Sep 17, 2025 
Dr. Alok Kanojia, a Harvard-trained psychiatrist and founder of Healthy Gamer, dives into the modern dating crisis, linking it to the rise of porn addiction. He discusses its unexpected impact on relationships and erectile dysfunction in younger men. The conversation emphasizes emotional regulation and practical strategies like 'urge surfing' to combat addiction. Alok highlights the importance of personal agency, resilience, and connection in today's disjointed dating landscape. This insightful dialogue merges neuroscience and psychology, offering solutions for navigating relationships in a digital age.
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Attachment, Not Desire, Produces Suffering
- Suffering comes more from attachment to desires than from pain or lack itself.
- Detachment (vairagya) reduces suffering by lowering the emotional hold of unmet wants.
Distress Tolerance Is A Core Vulnerability
- Distress tolerance is a transdiagnostic factor whose erosion raises addiction and anxiety risk.
- Modern convenience and constant stimulation are deconditioning our capacity to tolerate discomfort.
Strengthen Tolerance By Choosing Discomfort
- Build tolerance by intentionally choosing small, uncomfortable practices (cold showers, menu choices).
- Gradually expose yourself to varied discomforts to strengthen your capacity across domains.
