How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

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Jan 23, 2026

Explore the surprising role of jealousy as a messenger that highlights unmet desires. Learn to label and notice feelings of jealousy to uncover what truly triggers them. Discover three thought-provoking questions to dive into the emotions behind your comparisons. Transition from seeking external validation to nurturing internal assurance, and embrace an abundance mindset. With actionable steps to build confidence and align with your values, this discussion empowers you to harness jealousy for personal growth.

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INSIGHT

Jealousy Is A Signal Not A Sin

Jealousy is a messenger that points to what matters to you rather than a moral failing.
Naming it lets you learn from it instead of defending against vulnerability.

ADVICE

Pause, Name It, Ask Three Questions

Pause and name the emotion when you notice comparison, e.g., "This is jealousy."
Ask three questions: what am I really jealous of, what do they have, and how would I feel with it.

ANECDOTE

A Roomfull Of Charm Revealed A Deeper Want

Emma describes seeing a stylish, charming person who easily lights up a room and thinking, "I wish I could be a natural extrovert."
That comparison revealed she actually wanted confidence and safety, not extroversion itself.

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Want to learn how to stop comparing yourself to others? Jealousy is often seen as negative, but you can learn to deal with jealousy through curiosity and values work.

Learn the skills to Regulate your Emotions, join the membership: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/membership

Jealousy and envy are emotions we all feel, especially when we get stuck in comparison—seeing someone confident or attractive and instantly wondering what’s wrong with us. But jealousy isn’t a flaw; it’s a messenger. In this Therapy in a Nutshell episode, Emma McAdam breaks down how to stop comparing yourself to others so you can actually understand what your jealousy is trying to tell you.

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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger Institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.