Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction Early Recovery Slogans and Mantras
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and CSAT Jon Taylor consider the implications of two-person psychology and how cheating and betrayal never affect just one person. Jon shares common early recovery mantras as they apply to the two-person psychology filter, then answers listener questions about lying, sobriety, and disclosure.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:30] Mantras for early recovery in the two-person psychology filter.
[3:06] "Focus on your side of the street."
[6:01] Living with uncertainty in your relationship - "He will relapse if he's going to relapse."
[9:15] Whatever you put in front of recovery, you will lose.
[14:08] Does your partner need to tell you everything?
[20:09] "All addicts are…" The danger of broad sweeping statements.
[24:15] "Sobriety will solve all relationship problems."
[29:32] How can I overcome my fear of full disclosure?
[34:55] Should I move out because my partner is uncertain about my recovery?
[39:15] "Don't go to the hareware store looking for bread."
[42:45] My husband altered his disclosure after his lie detector results came in. How can I ever trust him?
[45:57] How much of the past should we spend our time discussing?
[49:12] Are lies of omission typical of addicts?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
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"You don't quite get the whole picture of healing, change and recovery if you're not thinking in terms of two-person systems."
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"What happens on one side of the street affects the other side too."
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"He will relapse if he's going to relapse."
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"Each partner should be able to explain in simple terms why or why not something should be discussed."
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"Living with intention can only be achieved by two people working on a relationship and constructing it in a co-equal way."
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"Sobriety is a prerequisite to building a healthy relationship, but it is not the mechanism that a healthy relationship is built with."
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"It doesn't have to feel good every step of the way to get a good outcome."
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"You can't have serious safety and security in a relationship if you don't take it seriously."