BACH UNCUT - Swamps, tats and the great bachie bush doof (Part two)

So how many episodes of the Bachelor do you think we’re re-capping this week? 2..14...28? Well if you guessed 3, you’d be correct! Wednesday was a big thick juicy double ep that kicked off with Holly getting a second single date. They waded through freezing knee-deep water in a national park, which is as good as single dates have been going lately. The group date saw all the girls having lunch with Jimmy’s mum, Susan. The only issue.. She likes her bachelorettes served well done. Poor old Steph copped the full brunt and if her bags aren’t packed… they should be! Things go from bad to worse for Steph and at the cocktail party, half the girls tell Jimmy she’s gotta go. Except wait for this big twist that Tahnee dropped… JAY WANTS TO BE RUNNER UP AND CASH IN ON HER NEW FOUND FAME! 

Not sure if we’re now technically on ep 11 or still 10.. Who the hell bloody knows what’s going on or what day it is. Osher decides to throw a bush doof in the backyard of the Bach mansion, which is complete with teepee tents, glow sticks and DJ decks. As soon as they get there, Jimmy pulls Jay aside to make sure she’s not gunning to be a Matty J 2.0, which she staunchly denies. When they return Jay bee-lines it for Tahnne and things kick off. They both end up in tears saying the other one is lying - it’s incredibly awkward but equal parts entertaining. Jimmy decides that Jay is too good at kissing so he says goodbye to Tahnee. 

The next single date is with Carlie and they’re tattooing each other.. Except it’s not real tattoos because Osher spent all the budget on the bush doof so they’re using sharpies he bought from the local servo. Sadly they opt for compases instead of southern cross tattoos (we can’t help but wish Sierah was on this date). The group date is an water obstacle course that’s being billed as a Bachelor Love Triathlon. Jay is the clear favourite to win, which is great because she needs to repair her reputation but she throws the game and let’s Ash win. WHAT ARE YOU DOING JAY!!!! Jimmy gets the extra time with Ash and he looks like a kid who got given an avocado for Christmas. At the cocktail party Brooke returns and she’s as horny as a teenager at Schoolies. After jumping Jimmy she proudly declares that she’s getting all the remaining single dates and if anyone gets in her way, she’s going to put them in a headlock. This prompts Laura to decide she’s had enough and calls for the first free limo back to Sydney.

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