46: Should You Stay or Go? When to End a Relationship with Corinna

Today's caller, Corinna, is deciding whether or not to stay in her marriage. Many of us often struggle with whether to stay or go in a relationship. Sometimes the answer is clear, but often it is not. First, there is the love and the history of a relationship including shared assets, children and pets. Second, there is the uncertainty that goes along with making the decision. Ending any type of relationship is not easy and making the choice to do it is hard. We often look for reasons to blame the other person. We collect evidence against them so our decision to leave is easier. We want to be happy and we think leaving the relationship is the answer. But, just leaving on the energy of blame and rebellion is not enough and does not give the opportunity to learn the lessons the relationship is there to teach us. If we end something out of fear annoyance or blame, we will have to learn the same lesson over again, with someone else. I've heard people use the advice that the best way to get over someone is to get over someone else. That's terrible advice. You only end up using the person you are getting over and once all the hormones wear off, you will be left with the same unresolved stuff you didn't deal with in the previous relationship. You may then think you keep picking the wrong person, but in reality, the common denominator in the relationship is you. Don't do a reactionary breakup. Don't leave because you refuse to take an honest look at your side of the street. Stop resisting the learning and stop blaming the other person. When we feel blocked about making a choice, it's often because we are not ready to make it. I invite you to join me for my retreat in magical Bali which includes meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the opportunity to meet soul friends. There are only 2 reservations left. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information on how to join any of my events or business programs. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you currently in a relationship and questioning whether to stay or go? Is there a big decision you are struggling with that you want clarity on? Are there similar patterns that come up in all of your relationships? Have you done self-work that makes you an incredible partner to yourself and consequently to another? Is there something in your life you are missing or not feeling and you are blaming your partner for it? Corinna's Question: Corinna is having issues in her marriage. She feels she is isolating herself and is uncertain about her decision to stay married. Corinna's Key Insights and Aha's: She already knows what her decision is She limits herself but blames her husband She's gotten lost in her roles of wife and mother She is scared but relieved to start knowing herself There's a lot she hasn't been facing How to get over it and on with it: She should read the book Codependent No More Find a counselor or coach to look at how she can show up differently Give herself permission to not make the decision right now Invest time and energy into her own discovery Turn down the volume of the opinions of others Look at her husband through eyes of observation instead of judgment Assignments and Takeaways: If you are struggling with a decision, put it on hold. Make the choice not to choose. Stop talking about your struggles with other people. Focus on listening to your own inner knowing. If you are in a relationship, look at your partner through eyes of observation instead of judgement. Sponsor: Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book @chrishassler on Snapchat @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com