The Gray Area with Sean Illing How to forgive yourself
22 snips
Apr 10, 2026 
Myisha Cherry, a philosopher at UC Riverside who studies anger, empathy, and forgiveness, explores why forgiving yourself is so much harder than forgiving others. She gets into guilt versus shame, the moral residue of small failures, regret as rumination or motivation, and how self-forgiveness demands facing harm without excuses.
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Why Public Talk About Forgiveness Goes Wrong
- Myisha Cherry studied forgiveness partly because public culture treats it as mandatory, especially after racist violence, and loads victims with pressure to offer it.
- She says people projected too much hope onto the Charleston church shooting victims’ courtroom forgiveness and repeatedly asked Black victims’ families to forgive.
Why Self Forgiveness Becomes Necessary
- Cherry argues self-forgiveness uses the same basic practices as forgiving others, but the target is yourself and the stakes are higher because you must live with your own mind.
- She says you may not need to forgive other people, but eventually you must forgive yourself to flourish, though not too quickly.
How Wronging Others Also Wounds The Self
- Cherry says you can have standing to forgive yourself because harming others often also damages your own life, commitments, and moral projects.
- Her example is cheating on a partner, which hurts them but also destroys a relationship that was good for you.
