Fear and avoidance - listener question

I have a question about fear and avoidance. I heard you say to ask what the fear is and do it anyway and this will transform something. 

I have panic attacks as soon as I have a session (I am a therapist, or I was, because I stopped doing it). I just couldn’t tolerate this feeling anymore. I inquired into it (I feared I will die or dissolve), I felt the body sensations ( a lot, because this is where I come from as a body and movement therapist), later, when I came across the 3P I tried to see it as just thought (didn’t work), I did all sorts of traume therapy and looked at this as a client, but nothing ever helped, it got even worde and worse.  I did go on with working as a therapist anyway over years and despite feeling always better after the session (maybe just because it was over), it never improved, I was terrified before each appointment. At one point I just couldn’t stand the severe symptoms anymore and decided to stop. This was a big relief.

I thought this was maybe just the way life told me to not do this anymore. I teach apprentice therapists now in different skills like psychopathology and movement analysis, and although it’s fun and I don’t have panic attacks before teaching I feel like it’s a bit meaningless and not really using all I know and sometimes I find myself envying people who work as therapists or coaches, although I don't want to go back there. 

I’m totally confused about what life wants to show me here. Maybe you see something.