You Are Not a Sh*tty Person | Carla Naumburg

26 snips

Mar 6, 2023

Carla Naumburg, a clinical social worker and author, brings humor and insight to the conversation about self-compassion and its importance. She tackles the concept of 'shitty human syndrome,' addressing common feelings of inadequacy and the societal pressures amplified by social media. Carla emphasizes that we're often kinder to others than ourselves and introduces practical tools for cultivating self-kindness. She also highlights the transformative benefits of self-compassion, particularly for parents navigating the challenges of raising children in a demanding world.

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ANECDOTE

Broken Arm Anecdote

Carla Naumburg contrasts her compassionate response to her daughter's broken arm with her potential self-criticism.
She highlights treating oneself with the same kindness offered to loved ones.

ADVICE

Practical Self-Compassion

Focus on how self-compassion improves your behavior.
Connect the practice to tangible changes.

ANECDOTE

First, Second, and Third Arrows

Carla Naumburg explains the Buddhist concept of the "first, second, and third arrows."
First arrows are unavoidable hardships; second, self-criticism; third, denial/distraction.

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There's so much compelling research behind the notion of self compassion. Even though many of us think we need an internal cattle prod in order to retain our edge, research shows that people who have a supportive inner attitude — who have their own back — are more resilient and effective. Not to mention happier. And nicer.

And yet, it is easy for skeptics to be turned off by some of the language and practices of self compassion. So today we brought in a guest who puts it in plain English, and is very funny.

Carla Naumburg PhD is a clinical social worker, author, and mother. She has a lot to say about self compassion, and she does so in a way that skeptics will find appealing.

One other note about Carla. A lot of her books are directed at parents, especially parents who are self critical. But this episode is aimed at everybody. We do talk a little bit about parenting at the end, but it's not the main focus. Just so you have it, her books have titles such as: How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids and You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent. It's common for parents to think they suck. It's also common for humans to think we suck. That we are somehow terrible people. Sit back, relax, and let Carla disabuse you of that notion.

In this episode we talk about:

What Carla calls "shitty human syndrome"
Asking ourselves, what do I need right now?
How, for skeptics, the data on the effectiveness of compassion practices is a powerful incentive.
The third arrow of denial and distraction
The very human problem of not knowing how to deal with our feelings.
Using "noticing, connection, curiosity, and kindness" as ways to get super clear about the practice of self-compassion
Curiosity as the antidote to judgment
How loving-kindness ties into the ability to treat ourselves with self-compassion.
Kinder self-talk
Practicing self-care by setting boundaries
Single tasking as a strategy for decreasing stress
And, using acronyms like SNAFU and KISS as a simple way to quickly access complicated thoughts

Content Warning: This episode contains explicit language. There is a clean version over on the TPH app and website.

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/carla-naumburg-570