The Wise Effort Show The Science of Wise and Fierce Relationships with Diana Hill and Gabby Reece
Do you keep getting stuck in the same fights or feeling rejected in your relationship? In this episode of The Wise Effort Show, Dr. Diana Hill shares an evidence-based talk on the science of “wise and fierce” relationships, then follows with a conversation with athlete and entrepreneur Gabby Reece about what helps partnerships last.
Diana draws on relationship research and her clinical experience to explain why conflict isn’t the main problem—repair is—and on what predicts relationship satisfaction: commitment, appreciation, responsiveness, and sexual satisfaction. She also discusses research on sexual frequency and how motivation matters more than frequency (“getting it on” vs. “getting it over with”).
Diana offers a practical exercise to help listeners “put down the broom” of rigid stories: write your story about your partner and their story about you, identify the “negative truth,” then (1) create disconfirming evidence by noticing what contradicts your story about them, and (2) do something that proves their story about you wrong. In the conversation, Gabby describes how respect, emotional honesty, daily connection rituals, and sustaining momentum—along with supporting each partner’s individual passions—strengthen her decades-long marriage to Laird, and they discuss reframing intimacy bids and avoiding complacency.
Listen and share this episode with someone you want to strengthen a relationship with.
Listen and learn:
- Why repair after disharmony matters more than avoiding conflict
- The key relationship ingredients identified across 43 studies: commitment, appreciation, responsiveness, and sexual satisfaction
- What the research suggests about sex frequency and why “getting it on” vs. “getting it over with” changes satisfaction
Related Resources
Get enhanced show notes for this episode
- Order my book, Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most, and receive special bonus gifts.
- Want to become more psychologically flexible? Take Diana's "Foundations of ACT" course.
Diana's Events
Connecting With Diana
- Subscribe for free on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
- Leave a 5-star review on Apple so people like you can find the show.
- Sign up for the free Wise Effort Newsletter.
- Become a Wise Effort member to support the show.
- Follow Diana on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Diana’s website.
Thanks to the team, Craig and Ashley Hiatt, and Benjamin Gould of Bell & Branch for your beautiful music.