A Slight Change of Plans Why We Avoid Conversations That Would Make Us Happier
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May 12, 2026 
Nick Epley, social psychologist and University of Chicago professor who studies how we misread others, explains why many small conversations are avoided. He recounts field experiments on commuters, explores why pessimistic social predictions persist, and offers practical ways to notice and seize easy chances to connect. Short strategies and surprising findings about vulnerability and social practice are discussed.
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We Misjudge How Pleasurable Brief Social Interactions Are
- Commuters who were asked to talk to the person next to them reported a more pleasant commute than those who kept to themselves.
- Predictive samples thought solitude would be best, revealing a systematic negative misprediction about social interactions.
Reciprocity Narrows Social Outcomes More Than We Realize
- People underestimate reciprocity in social interaction and imagine extreme negative outcomes instead of constrained, likely positive responses.
- That unrealistic range of imagined outcomes drives avoidance despite reciprocity typically eliciting positive returns.
We Judge Ourselves On Competence While Others Judge Warmth
- We evaluate ourselves on conversational competency while others evaluate us on warmth, producing harsher self-judgments and the likability gap.
- That mismatch makes people avoid initiating conversations because they fear appearing incompetent.
