Become New with John Ortberg 28. The Six Types of Condemnation
Mar 5, 2026
A look at six common ways people condemn others, from blunt aggression to quiet silence. Listens explore perfectionism, sarcasm and mocking, conditional acceptance like the “Pan Am smile,” and martyrdom as a hidden form of judgment. The conversation invites naming your default style and imagining a gentle interruption to those patterns.
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Aggressive Condemnation Destroyed A Car
- John Ortberg recounts a man in Bellevue who angrily destroyed and shot his car after it got stuck in snow as an example of aggressive condemnation.
- Ortberg links this aggressive style to asserting dominance and gaining fear-based compliance rather than genuine change or closeness.
Silent Judgment At A French Lunch
- Paul Tournier's lunch in France illustrates the silence style when his quiet reaction to his wife's request made her feel judged.
- Ortberg explains silent avoidance or 'noisy silence' can be covertly condemning and painfully damaging in relationships.
Perfectionism Feels Like Constant Disappointment
- Perfectionism operates as condemnation by holding unrealistically high standards that communicate constant disappointment.
- Ortberg distinguishes perfection (wholeness) from perfectionism (fear-driven performance) and notes people often feel God's stance as disappointment.
