No Filter “I Love My Husband. I Also Love My Boyfriend.” How an Open Marriage Really Works
Dec 7, 2025
Deepa Paul, a writer and author of "Ask Me How It Works," discusses her decade in an open marriage with her husband, Marcus. Growing up in a conservative culture, Deepa explores how relocating to Amsterdam awakened her desires. She candidly addresses jealousy, balancing relationships, and parenting within a non-traditional framework. Deepa also shares her journey from covert affairs to open communication and the importance of setting boundaries. As she embraces her multifaceted love life, she reflects on the evolving dynamics and emotional logistics of her relationships.
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Use Nonviolent Communication To Negotiate
- They used nonviolent communication to identify needs and listen without judgment during the crisis after Deepa's secrecy.
- The method helped them treat both partners' needs as valid and reach creative compromises.
Set Practical Boundaries First
- Start non-monogamy with clear safety and boundary agreements like safe sex, regular STI tests, and no sleepovers.
- Agree frequency limits and forbidden categories (e.g., no friends or coworkers) to keep things safe and manageable.
Design Rules To Protect What Matters
- Deepa frames relationship boundaries as protecting the marriage's most valued parts rather than arbitrary rules.
- She urges starting from what you cherish about your partnership when designing agreements.
