The Art of Accomplishment “I Learned Forgiveness by Refusing to Forgive” with Tara Howley and Alexa Kistler
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Feb 27, 2026 
Tara Howley, coach who guides emotional processing and relational healing, reframes forgiveness as radical self-care. She explores why coerced forgiveness fails. Short, clear steps are discussed: feeling emotions, staying curious, and setting boundaries. Conversations cover self-forgiveness, somatic signs of opening the heart, and how boundaries let forgiveness be real without reopening harm.
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Forgiveness Is Self Care
- Forgiveness is an act of self-care rather than something owed to others.
- Tara Howley reframes forgiveness as reopening your heart for your own wellbeing, not to look good or placate others.
Use A Three Step Forgiveness Process
- Do follow a three-step forgiveness process: feel the emotions, get curious, then set boundaries.
- Tara explains emotional processing first, intellectual curiosity second, and gut-based boundaries last to reopen the heart.
Boundaries Enable Real Forgiveness
- Boundaries make forgiveness possible by protecting against repeat harm while letting the heart let go of blame.
- Tara notes blame feels protective but creates toxic long-term physiological effects, so boundaries replace resentment.