The Catholic Coaching Podcast 14. Your Manual vs God's Manual
Oct 9, 2020
They unpack hidden 'manuals'—the secret rules we expect others to follow—and how those rules crush intimacy. They explore how our interpretations, not actions, drive emotions and cause conflict. They highlight common vices behind manuals and practical ways to notice 'shoulds', pray, and realign expectations with a higher wisdom.
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Everyone Has Secret Relationship Manuals
- Everyone carries secret 'manuals'—unspoken rules about how others should behave that trigger emotional reactions when violated.
- Erin defines manuals as expectations you haven't communicated, often revealed by saying 'should' about someone else.
How A Homecoming Time Became A Hidden Rule
- Erin shared a personal manual: Matt must come home at a set time, which made her interpret his lateness as disrespect.
- Matt explained work unpredictability and that his lateness wasn't intended to disrespect her.
Dropping A Manual Frees Both People
- Dropping a manual can transform the relationship dynamic by removing manipulation and resentment.
- When Erin stopped using anger as leverage, Matt felt free to reciprocate loving actions rather than perform out of guilt.