The Simplicity Parenting Podcast with Kim John Payne #100: Boys Need Time and Form to Sort Out a Problem
Jul 29, 2020
Discussion about why boys often need extra time to process emotions and cause-effect. A practical 'circle back' strategy is shared: brief disapproval, space, then revisit. Tips include opening with a concrete affirmation, offering food or chores to calm, and having short, time-limited follow-up conversations during side-by-side activities.
AI Snips
Chapters
Transcript
Episode notes
Use The Circle Back Strategy
- When a boy does something wrong, affirm a recent practical action first and then state your disapproval clearly.
- Tell him you will "circle back" later to discuss what was bugging him and then pause the conversation now.
Boys Need Time To Process
- Boys often need extra time to process social and emotional cause and effect, so immediate questioning can shut them down.
- Kim John Payne links this to brain science and recommends giving them breathing room before problem-solving.
Give Space With A Practical Task
- Ask the boy what concrete action he will take to give himself space and suggest a practical activity.
- Encourage doing physical tasks like riding a bike or playing with Legos to help adrenaline and cortisol subside.