EP 251: I Lied to My Treatment Team ~ Why A Relapse or Fall Doesn't Equal Failure + How to Get Back Up in Recovery

Girlfriend, if you've fallen in your recovery - if you've had a setback, slipped back into old behaviors, or feel like you're not where you "should" be - this episode is for you.

This morning, Lindsey was walking her 7-year-old son Blake to school when he fell hard while skipping in Crocs. Through his tears, he looked up and said, "I guess I shouldn't skip so fast to school." And in that moment, Lindsey realized something profound: Sometimes the fall is required. Not because we want to hurt, but because without the fall, we wouldn't learn any other way.

In this vulnerable episode, Lindsey shares her own painful fall in recovery - when she was lying to her treatment team, telling everyone she was "doing the things" while secretly still restricting out of fear. Her results weren't matching her actions, and she felt defeated. But that fall? It became her turning point.

Drawing from her figure skating background (landing her first double loop took countless falls), Lindsey reveals why falls aren't failures - they're required education. She addresses the shame that comes with relapsing, gives you permission to be right where you are, and shows you how to get back up without beating yourself up.

If you've been too afraid to risk falling or too ashamed to get back up, this episode will change everything.

In This Episode, You'll Hear:

Blake's Fall: The Morning Walk to School

• How her 7-year-old fell hard while skipping in Crocs
• The mama moment of dusting him off and helping him up
• His profound realization: "I guess I shouldn't skip so fast"
• Why she knew he needed that fall to learn
• The parallel to recovery that changed her perspective

Lindsey's Recovery Fall: The Painful Truth

• When she was lying to her treatment team about doing "the things"
• The internal defeat of results not matching actions
• One side wanting weight gain, the other side feeling betrayed and terrified
• Beating herself up for not being "further along"
• The turning point: getting real and honest with herself
• Why that fall propelled her forward more than smooth sailing ever could

The Figure Skating Metaphor: Landing the Double Loop

• Falling over and over trying to land her first double loop jump
• How each fall taught her something new (angle, timing, fear, adjustment)
• Why it became her favorite jump BECAUSE of the falls, not in spite of them
• The parallel: recovery is learning a jump you've never done before

The Shame of Falling in Recovery

• Why Blake was embarrassed when he fell (other kids watching, teacher saw)
• The truth: shame isn't about the fall, it's what you make it mean about you
• Your fall doesn't mean you're a failure, weak, or not worth the effort
• It just means you're learning
• Why Lindsey eventually saw her falls as necessary
• How falls are setups for breakthroughs, not just setbacks

You Are Right Where You Need to Be

• Not where you want to be, but where you need to be
• You can't skip ahead or bypass the lesson
• The truth: you can't change what you won't acknowledge
• You can't heal what you won't feel
• You can't grow without falling
• The fall isn't the end of your story - it's the beginning of your breakthrough

Key Takeaways:

✨ Sometimes the fall is required - without it, we wouldn't learn any other way

✨ Falls aren't failures, they're required education - each one teaches you something

✨ Shame isn't about the fall - it's about what you're making the fall mean about you

✨ You are right where you need to be - not where you want to be, but exactly where you need to be to learn and grow

✨ You can't change what you won't acknowledge - getting honest is the first step to getting back up

✨ The fall is setup for your breakthrough - not a setback, but preparation for progress

✨ Recovery is learning a jump you've never done before - of course you're going to fall multiple times

✨ Staying stuck is its own kind of fall - it's just slower, more painful, and doesn't teach you anything

✨ You don't have to get up alone - reach out for help, let someone stoop down to your level

Powerful Quotes from This Episode:

• "Sometimes the fall is required. Not because I want you to hurt, but because without the fall, we wouldn't learn any other way"
• "I guess I shouldn't skip so fast to school" - Blake, age 7
• "I was telling everyone I was doing the things, but in reality I wasn't because I was scared"
• "The results weren't matching my actions and I felt so defeated internally"
• "One side of me wanted weight gain because I knew I needed it. The other side felt betrayed and terrified"
• "That fall was my turning point. Once I got real and honest with myself, I could finally do something about it"
• "I fell SO many times trying to land that double loop. It became my favorite jump not in spite of the falls, but BECAUSE of them"
• "The falls weren't failures. The falls were required education"
• "The shame isn't about the fall. The shame is about what you're making the fall mean about you"
• "Your fall doesn't mean you're a failure. It just means you're learning"
• "I eventually saw my falls as necessary. I don't think I would have made the progress I made without falling multiple times"
• "The falls weren't setbacks. They were setups for my breakthrough"
• "You are right where you need to be. Not where you want to be, but where you need to be"
• "You can't change what you won't acknowledge. You can't heal what you won't feel. You can't grow without falling"
• "The fall isn't the end of your story. It's the beginning of your breakthrough"
• "Recovery isn't about never falling. Recovery is about learning to get back up"
• "Staying stuck is its own kind of fall. It's just slower, more painful, and doesn't teach you anything"

How to Get Back Up After You Fall:

Step 1: Stop Beating Yourself Up Stop making the fall mean something about your worth. The fall is data. It's information. It's feedback. It's not a judgment on who you are.

Step 2: Get Honest Really honest. With yourself first, then with your treatment team, support system, and your people. Say: "I fell. Here's where I am. Here's what I need."

Step 3: Reach Out for Help Just like Lindsey stooped down to Blake's level to dust him off - you don't have to get up alone. In fact, you shouldn't. Let someone help you back up.

Step 4: Take the Lesson Forward Blake learned not to skip so fast. What are YOU learning from this fall? What does this fall need to teach you that you couldn't have learned any other way?

Step 5: Keep Moving Forward Maybe a little slower. Maybe a little more carefully. Maybe with more honesty this time. But keep going. Because recovery isn't about never falling - it's about learning to get back up.

Questions to Reflect On:

About Your Falls:

• Where have you fallen recently in your recovery?
• What is that fall trying to teach you?
• Are you making the fall mean something about your worth?
• Have you gotten honest about where you really are?

About Growth:

• What fall might you need to RISK in order to grow?
• What must you go through in order to evolve?
• Are you staying stuck because you're too afraid to risk falling?
• What lesson can't you learn any other way except through falling?

Specific Scenarios:

• Maybe you've restricted when you said you wouldn't - what is that teaching you about your fear?
• Maybe you've isolated when you said you'd reach out - what is that teaching you about shame?
• Maybe you've lied to your treatment team - what is that teaching you about control?

The Risk Question:

• Do you need to risk eating a fear food and falling into discomfort?
• Do you need to risk being honest and falling into vulnerability?
• Do you need to risk resting and falling into fear of losing control?

Who This Episode Is For:

This episode is essential listening if you:

• Have fallen or relapsed in your ED recovery recently
• Are lying to your treatment team about what you're really doing
• Feel ashamed about "falling again" in your recovery
• Beat yourself up for not being "further along"
• Think you're a failure because you keep slipping back
• Are too afraid to risk falling, so you stay stuck
• Feel defeated because your results don't match your stated actions
• Need permission to be imperfect in recovery
• Want to understand why falls are necessary, not shameful
• Are ready to get honest and finally change
• Have kids and relate to the parenting/learning moments
• Are a mom who sees your own journey in your child's lessons

Important Truths About Falls in Recovery:

Falls Are Not Failures: They're required education. Each fall teaches you something you couldn't learn any other way.

The Length of Your Struggle Doesn't Matter: Whether this is your first fall or your hundredth, you can still get back up and keep going.

Results Not Matching Actions Is a Sign: It means you're not being fully honest - with yourself or others. That realization IS the breakthrough.

You Can't Skip the Lesson: Just like Blake couldn't skip learning to slow down without falling, you can't bypass the lessons recovery requires.

Honesty Is the Turning Point: Once you get real about where you are, you can finally do something about it.

Blake's Lesson Applied to Your Recovery:

Blake was skipping too fast → You might be rushing recovery, trying to do it perfectly

Lindsey kept warning him to be careful → Your body, treatment team, loved ones have been giving you signals

He fell hard and got hurt → You've had a setback, relapse, or painful realization

He reached out for help → You don't have to get up alone - reach out

Lindsey stooped to his level → The right support meets you where you are, doesn't shame you

She dusted him off → You can clean yourself up and start fresh

He learned the lesson → "I shouldn't skip so fast" = awareness leads to change

He got back up and kept going to school → You get back up and keep moving toward recovery

The Figure Skating Lesson:

Just like Lindsey fell countless times before landing her first double loop jump - and it became her favorite jump BECAUSE of all the falls - your recovery falls are teaching you:

• What angle is wrong (what approach isn't working)
• What timing is off (maybe you're not ready for this step yet)
• What fear you're holding onto (what's really keeping you stuck)
• What adjustment you need to make (how to do it differently next time)

And eventually, when you land it, recovery will become your favorite part of your story. Not in spite of the falls, but because of them.

Permission Slip:

You have permission to:

• Fall and not be a failure
• Be right where you are, even if it's on the ground
• Get honest about lying or hiding
• Reach out for help getting back up
• Learn slowly, one fall at a time
• Be imperfect in your recovery journey
• Risk falling in order to grow
• Stop beating yourself up
• Start fresh today, right now

Ready to Get Back Up?

If you need support getting back up after a fall, Lindsey has spots open for one-on-one recovery coaching. She'll meet you exactly where you are - no judgment, no shame - and help you find your footing again.

Visit www.herbestself.co to book your complimentary consultation.

Let's turn your fall into your breakthrough.

Connect with Lindsey

• Website: www.herbestself.co 
• Private Facebook Community: Her Best Self Society www.herbestselfsociety.com 
• 1:1 Client Applications: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms

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About the Host

Lindsey Nichol is a former competitive figure skater turned God-led entrepreneur, boy mom, and digital CEO. She understands how core beliefs formed in childhood can create and maintain eating disorder patterns, and she's passionate about helping women identify and transform these beliefs to find lasting freedom.

If this episode helped you feel hopeful again and remember your worth isn't found in your body or on your plate, please share it with someone who needs to hear this message. Your support helps more women break the chains of limiting beliefs.

*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.